Category: Spirituality

Growing and Increasing in Wisdom One Thing at a Time

I am so glad to be back. I have missed you all. I loved the break, but I missed sharing my thoughts and ideas. : ) Here is something that happened to me during my vacation from writing.

My Vacation Experience

In 2022 I read a book titled Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives by Wayne Muller. I posted a review of it on Facebook on June 6, 2022. Before sharing my experience, I want to tell you about the book. It wasn’t written by a person from my spiritual persuasion. He presented the Sabbath and all its parts from the perspective of many religions, some not even Christian. It was fascinating how many spiritual cultures recognize the need for space, thought, and rest. So don’t be afraid to read the book even if you are not religious or don’t profess any relationship to God. Read it with the perspective that you are going to learn something new about rest, slowing down, and making space. It wasn’t written to convert but to enlighten.

I didn’t need to read another book about the Sabbath. My spiritual culture teaches a lot about the Sabbath, and I have grown up knowing or thinking I knew about rest. However, this book taught the principles of the Sabbath in a way that was insightful and somewhat new to me. His take on rest was far different than I had ever thought of. I loved it when he said that if you sweep the floor, it will need to be swept again the next day, so not sweeping it for a day is OK. I know that, but do you have things you feel compelled to do? I do.

Here is what I loved about this book – it wasn’t just about a day of worship. It was about how to manage a busy life. It was about renewal, gratitude, and rest. It was different and very helpful in changing my perspective.

Now for the honest part. After reading the book, I created a worksheet on how I could use all the beautiful concepts I learned. I picked one thing which I implemented and still do every day. Each night when I take my self-care shower, which I have been doing since I was sixteen, I light a candle. I pray for someone. Then I talk to God about my day. I have been doing this for almost a year, and it has been SO HELPFUL. It ends my day on a high note, no matter how the day has gone. But the list, with all the other great ideas, was stashed on my desk and forgotten.

Recently, while cleaning my desk, I ran across my notes from the book, the list. I was astounded because the ideas were so good! I couldn’t believe that I had only intentionally implemented one thing. But then I, like you, get busy, and things fall by the wayside even when I don’t want them to.

Here is my plan and I don’t know why I didn’t do it before. On the walls of my room, I have a plethora of fabulous quotes and instructions to myself that I look at often. By my bed are things I want to accomplish and some longer pieces of knowledge that I never want to forget. Some mornings and evenings I sit on the side of my bed and review this wonderful, faith-building, soul-lifting information. This page of notes should have had a home there, and now it does.

My list contains such helpful information that I decided to share my list with you just as I wrote it out after reading the book. Maybe it will encourage you to read Sabbath for yourself. Possibly you will implement some of these great ideas. Either way, I hope what moved me will be of value to you.

The List

REST

• Light a candle and pray- let the hurry of the world fall away.
• Pick one technology to not use on Sunday. Use the computer or phone only for Sunday
study.
• At your Sunday meal, take time to pray, plan, eat slowly, and enjoy.
• Take three mindful breaths whenever you move from one activity to another.
• Each day pray for the people around you.
• Choose a time to be still- don’t speak.

RHYTHM

•Take a slow 30-minute walk, an amble. Linger at flowers, rocks, etc., and enjoy the
air and beauty. This is not about exercising.
•Meditate with your breathing, find the rhythm of your breath.
•Spend some time in silence, outdoors, when possible. Slow down.
•Pray in your heart multiple times a day – it is a portable Sabbath.

TIME

•Set aside time to play with Don.
•Say my affirmations, what I value, and the precepts that guide my life.
•Stand at the altar in our temple and pray with others.
•Seek out those you love when you lose your way.
•Be a Sabbath for another who is struggling.

HAPPINESS

•Focus on gratefulness.
•On the Sabbath morning, lie in bed and look at my vision wall.
•Do something simple and playful daily – walk, put flowers on the table, color, do a
puzzle, sing.
•Walk barefoot, slowly, on this holy ground. (Meaning our home)

WISDOM

•Trust God to help you in crisis.
•Watch for the help you receive. See it.
•Find time to sit, walk, meditate, pray, read, etc. in nature, the temple, at home, or
church.
•Let go of something. Choose one thing each week. Lessen your stuff.
•Shower with a candle, music, and perfume. (Remember, as a caretaker I only have 15 min. for
a shower. : ) You busy moms can do this.)

CONSECRATION

•Before Sunday, choose a quiet place. Pray. Say what you need to say out loud.
•On Sunday, don’t seek, let what is be enough, and then pray in gratitude.
•Give something you love away to someone else who will love it.

ON SUNDAY

•Journal first thing in the morning, then pray and dress.
•Write letters of love.
•Connect with people.

TO END THE DAY

•At dinner, share the best part of the day and what you look forward to on the coming day or in the coming week. Burn a scented candle at dinner.

The sections came from the book. What to do came from me.

I pondered how I could make what the author taught in each section, work for me. For example, he suggested an altar, light a candle, and pray. In my spiritual culture, we do not use alters in our church buildings or our homes. But as I thought, I came up with the idea of lighting a candle during my nightly shower and praying for others and myself. It has worked wonderfully, no matter how out of the ordinary it may seem.

As I reread my list, I was surprised at how many things I have put in place unintentionally. I only implemented one thing with intention, the addition of a candle and prayer to my shower time, but so many others have become part of my days.
•Each day, I pray for the people around me.
•I say my affirmations daily.
•I pray with others in our temple.
•I am frequently a Sabbath for others who are struggling.
•I write in my gratitude journal daily.
•I walk barefoot in my home daily. Now I need to slow the pace. : )
•I trust God implicitly.
•I am watchful and grateful for the help that I see come.
•I shower with a perfumed candle. I sing after I pray while still in the shower.
•I write letters of love on Sunday.
•I have been connecting with people more than ever before. I set up calls ahead of time with
friends every few months and communicate via video, so connection really happens. I have to
plan ahead and schedule this connection because it isn’t part of my natural energy. : )

I Have A Plan

This list is impressive to me, but as you can see there is more that needs to become part of what I do, part of me so that it happens as naturally as the list above. That can’t happen in a day or a week. So, I have a plan.

I am going to pick one thing that I am not doing yet and do it daily or on Sunday, as the case may be, for one month. By then, it should be part of my system, and I won’t need to think about it. It will just happen because it is part of what I do, like my nightly shower. : ) Then I will pick another thing. At this pace, it will take me a few years to make everything part of my life, but I am OK with that. I have learned that the time it takes to grow and increase in wisdom isn’t important. Growing and increasing in wisdom is.

I hope that all of you will pick one thing. Maybe it will be to read the book and make your own list. It may be to adopt my list or part of it and begin implementing what matters to you. Just begin.

If You’re Wise You Seek What You Need

Years ago, I spoke in a church meeting. I had a thoughtful presentation ready. As I sat on the stand waiting my turn, I had a clear thought, “Mention that you were sexually abused as a child.” I was horrified and replied in my mind to that still, small voice, “I don’t want to.” The thought came again, and I replied, “When you tell people stuff like this, they look at you differently, they treat you differently.” Again, a third time I had the same thought. I sat there resisting. I had no intention of sharing that bit of information even though it would fit in with the topic I had chosen to speak on.

When I stood to speak, I reached the place where the information would fit perfectly and be applicable. I did as the voice had suggested. I worried for the rest of the meeting. These were people that I saw weekly and whom I spent time with. How would this impact those relationships?

As we adjourned the meeting, a woman stopped me at the door. She had tears in her eyes. She said, “Thank you for sharing what you did. I have been struggling and have felt so broken because of my experience. But I know you, and you live a good life. You seem healthy and whole. I realized today that if you can heal, I can heal.” I was grateful I had listened to that still, small voice.

Today’s article is like that experience. In fact, it has lain partially written in a file for over a month. I wondered if I would ever share the contents. When I opened my article file this week, I saw the title, opened it, and began writing. I worried for a few days as I wrote and rewrote. However, if this helps even one mom parent better, with more presence and confidence, then that is all I need.

My Story

I lived much of my life thinking if it was to be, it was up to me. That is, in part, because I was the oldest of nine, my dad was an over-the-road salesman and was gone a lot, and my mom was emotionally distant because of her childhood sexual abuse.

That is one of the reasons I married my husband. He felt like a safe place, I could trust him, and I knew in my heart he would be there for me. After only a few dates, I told him about a health condition I had, a kid thing, easily treated. My cousins all suffered the same condition but none of our parents ever took notice, even though they knew about it – pinworms.

At eighteen, I was still suffering. I hadn’t been allowed to make many decisions for myself, and if I did, found myself in trouble. In my final year of high school, I bought my first deodorant. Up until then, we had one deodorant for the whole family. I got a lecture from my dad about my extravagance. Consequently, it never occurred to me to take the initiative and find out how to get rid of pinworms.

Imagine telling your new boyfriend that. Don truly was my safe place. He immediately drove me to the pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist who sold us a small box of purple pills and in a couple of weeks, I was worm free.

The other complication to healing my worm problem was boundaries and the fear of being in trouble. When you aren’t allowed to make decisions, you grow up lacking boundaries. I began working on boundaries when my neighbor, a registered nurse, brought me a pamphlet on anger management. I was shocked and began looking at my life, my responses, and the past. I prayed about my situation, and resources began to appear – books, articles, a friend who had conquered some of my issues, classes, and some counseling.

Imagine raising seven kids if you felt you were on your own and no one was going to help you, and you lacked boundaries and were always afraid of being in trouble, but that is where I began my parenting life. During the next fifty years, I learned that people cared and that I could ask for help.

After a great deal of work, I developed boundaries. I stopped being afraid of getting in trouble. I’ll never forget the day I heard the wail of a police car behind me. Normally, this would have sent my heart racing and my forehead sweating. However, on this day I pulled over without any rush of emotion. As I realized what was happening, a huge smile spread over my face. That policeman was probably confused by the overly happy woman he had just stopped. It was one of the most exhilarating moments of my life. I realized I was not afraid. My boundaries are darn good at this point, and they get better all the time.

During these years of personal healing and acquiring better skills, I was tempted to feel like a failure, a broken person, unworthy. However, I had numerous experiences with that still, small voice that assured me I was enough, I would get better, and all would be well. Looking back, I am grateful for prayer and a power greater than myself that helped me resist whipping myself, calling myself names, etc. even when deeper layers of the same lessons had to be learned, and the skills practiced.

One of the most challenging things as a parent, actually for any adult, is realizing you need help and then being willing to honestly seek the resources you need without condemning yourself or being afraid of not looking perfect to others.

What I Need Now

At seventy-two, I realize I need help and improved skills in this new place I find myself.
I am a full-time caregiver. I care for my mom who has dementia. My husband has many health challenges and needs help. I assist my daughter with her sixteen-year-old who has severe cerebral palsy.

It’s like parenting in some ways but in others it is different. It’s hard watching someone die and that is what I have been doing for years. However, my husband has turned a corner, and we have hope. I think he will be here a while longer. Now, instead of watching him die, I am watching him learn to make personal commitments and practice the skill of consistency.

It is hard watching someone you love deteriorate. However, my mom is also doing better despite her dementia.

Even with these weight-lifting events, it is still stressful. Did you know that 30% of caregivers die before those they are caring for? Some studies show the deaths are higher. Illness that doesn’t lead to death is rampant – depression and auto-immune diseases are high on the list.

Because of this, I have had to do what I have done in the past – look at my life, be honest, and determine what help and skills I need now. I have had to stop ignoring the fact that I don’t have everything I need, I don’t know everything necessary, and I am not always doing what I know.

I sleep and eat very well and get plenty of water. But I struggle with resentment and occasionally anger. I feel frustrated often. I know I am not managing my stress as well as I need to even though I have been mentoring other moms on that very thing for well over a decade. I realize that I need help managing my story and doing what I know how to do to stay emotionally and physically well. Taking control of your words, thoughts, and the resulting stories are vital to a healthy life.

In November, I will do a short stint of counseling to get these things in order. I didn’t want to accept that I needed help. I sure didn’t want to tell all of you because I am supposed to have it all together, right? Even after I made the decision, I drug my feet. I had second thoughts. I’m ok. I’m doing all that needs to be done. I can manage. I know how to do this.

Fortunately, I had a short conversation with a woman I admire at church. I was brave, and the topic came up. I told her I had decided not to move forward in that direction. She replied that every few years she does a short stint of counseling. My friend told me, “It makes my life work better.”

I took heart, got real, managed my boundaries, and made the call. I’m glad I did. I will have a less stressful winter season. : )

Needing mentoring, counseling, a break, help with anger management, or any number of other resources doesn’t mean you are a failure, broken, a bad mom, no matter how often in your life new stuff comes up. It means you are ready for support and new lessons. It means you are prepared to grow.

So, take heart and go for it! Be your own best friend. Talk to yourself kindly. Be willing to be honest and open, and accept the resources that come. Practice what you learn. You will be a better, more present parent for it.

If you’re wise, you seek what you need.

You Never Know Your Impact for Good

You don’t always know the impact for good you have on your kids and others, even when you aren’t perfect. Just a couple of weeks ago this was brought home to me. I went to my sister’s home and her daughter was there with her son Jordan.

Jordan is nineteen. I hadn’t seen him for a few years. But when he was four and five, he came to my home to be babysat now and then. Deidra, his mom, reminded me of this. I had totally forgotten that I cared for Jordan. She also reminded me of something else.

A Safe Place

When Jordan came to my home, he fell in love with a chime I had. It had a lovely bell on the end. He would stick it in the back pocket of his shorts and prance around to hear it ring. I gave it to him as a gift. Jordan was standing there as his mom related this story to me. He smiled. What his mom said next blew me away. “You still have that chime in your room, don’t you Jordan.” He nodded yes.

WHAT! It has been fifteen years. Then Deidra said, “When he knew he had to go to a babysitter he would say, “I only want to go to that Mary place.”

As I think back, I can’t recall why he would have found our home so inviting. I had one daughter left at home, but she was in her teens. Our apartment was bright and clean. I was working from home and very busy but my guess is that Jordan felt safe in our home. Isn’t that wonderful? And this isn’t the first time a youth has reminded me of what my home and I meant to them.

Even in Dark Moments, You Can Be a Light

As you know we had some children use drugs. It was a hard time. But in the last few decades, I have received messages from some of my children’s friends. They talk about how wonderful it was that I was there, that there was food, that our house was a safe place. My oldest son, who hadn’t liked us for a while, said in his late forties, “Mom, you will never know how many people you touched,” or words to that effect.

Truth is, I never knew that our home was a haven. I felt that because of how things had worked out, Don and I were failures. I have written about our struggles over those thoughts. But there it is, even in that darkness, in our obvious imperfection, we were a light. Our home was a light.

Last year I got an email from a young woman that I had taught in a church class when she was 16 and 17. She told me that my lessons had had a huge impact on her life. REALLY! She slept through the class! I felt I was doing a terrible job and asked the leaders to get a new teacher. I knew I was giving it all I had but, well, she and others appeared to be so bored.

AND THERE IT IS!

When we do our best, even when it is terribly imperfect, we can be an influence for good. You never know the impact you have on the lives of the children and young people in your life. So, hang on, mom and dad. Don’t throw in the towel. Stop beating yourself up and fearing the worst. Just keep doing your imperfect best and you will get better. In the meantime, you will impact your children and others for good.

You will! I have lived this, and I know!

Do You Have An Indicator for Your Life?

Recently, I was sitting at my desk in the corner of my bedroom. My husband was sitting on the bed watching me. Then he said, “Looking at you in your corner is an indication of your life.”

That was an interesting comment. I asked, “In what way?” He said, “It shows your willingness to change and grow. Most people don’t have a corner like that.”

That short conversation was thought-provoking. The fact is I have been challenged this summer in many ways. Caregiving two adults, full-time, has its ups and downs. Living in a four-generation home and caring for four kids, one with severe cerebral palsy has its perks and pits. You all know what I mean because as moms, you are caregiving a bunch of people, both adults, and kids. : )

At seventy-two I need hormone replacement, and this year, from February until now, they have been incorrect. I have been on a roller coaster of emotion, tears, anger, and brain fog that would down a jet! You all know what that is like. Some of you are pregnant. Now, that does stuff to your hormones. Some of you suffer from depression. Some of you are pre or post-menopausal. Need I say more?

I have thought on and off this summer, “I hope I live to see the fall.” Yes, it has been that hard some days and, in fact, some weeks. You are probably commiserating with me because, I dare say, you have been here in one way or another.

So how have I managed this year? By paying attention to that corner Don mentioned and a couple of other places in my home. What I have in these spaces keeps me upright when my world isn’t as settled as I want it to be.

My Office Corner

My office corner is one of those places. Let’s look at what is on the walls. I have a beautiful painting of me shedding baggage. It was a dream I had decades ago, and a cousin painted it for me. I am a seeker, a learner, and a changer, just like Don said. I always have been. This dream came at a hard time in my life and was given as a gift to remind me that I could heal, grow, change, and impact others for good.

I have thoughts and quotes that I read when I enter my office corner that are uplifting and challenging.

Here are a few:

My Happiness Commandments
• Be a Pollyanna
• Clean the ditch-remove garbage thinking
Let go of suffering

We all need to believe that what we desire in righteousness can someday, someway, somehow be ours. Jeffery R Holland

What is the great cause of Christ? It is to believe in Him, Love as He loved, and do as He did.

God’s prosperity is the power to press forward despite the problems of life.

Intelligence isn’t in you; it exists around you, and you are to connect with it. Answers don’t have to be in your mind. You don’t have to be able to recall everything you read. You just trust that you are an intelligence and answers, and information will flow to you. When you begin pondering something and start talking about it, information flows in.

You can’t wait until life stops being hard to be happy. Aldrin Manimtim

I will not leave you comfortless. I will come to you. John 14:18

I have so much to do today, I’ll need to spend another hour on my knees. Martin Luther

What I wrote to remind me of my current mission, to help me have clarity when days are hardMy CLARITY – It won’t be what you would usually think. I live in a four-generation household filled with active children and those who are ill. I am also a published author, teacher, and coach. I post something enjoyable or meaningful daily on Facebook for the parents I write for. I write and publish an article each week, which always elicits comments of hope from my readers. My published book is fabulous. The time will come when I will promote it, speak, and teach on the content again. I have more amazing books in files on my computer that will wait patiently for me to write them. But for now – I am caring for my mother, my ill husband, and helping my daughter care for her 16-year-old with cerebral palsy. This is my path, my mission for now, and my time to serve and patiently wait. It is enough for me.

There are more quotes, but this will give you an idea of where I want my focus to be each day, how I want to think, and who I want to be.

I have my ‘Who I Am’ poster. Two decades ago, I wasn’t sure who I was. So, I picked a picture of a girl, nothing like me at the time. She was happy, bright, and smiling. Then I free-wrote inside her body what came into my mind. For over a year, I would stand in front of this ‘me’ and recite all the wonderful ways of being that are mine. It was life-changing!

I have a chart I made from reading my core spiritual cannon. I love it! It reminds me of who God is, what He is like, and His promises to me. I am proud of that chart. It took some real thought and work. I enjoy reminding myself about my relationship with God and Christ.

Books 

There is a stack of books on the desk, those I most want to read soon. In my bathroom, by my bed, and on the corner of my table are three I am currently reading. I LOVE reading but I have very little reading time, so I have become creative. I read only a few paragraphs at a time, and I still read many books a year. I have written a lot about this.

 

My Vision Wall

On the wall, by the side of my bed, I have my goals and dreams. They used to be things like a home, car, or vacation. Now, for the most part, they are how I want to be. But there are still a few things. I want to make a CD. I am determined to get that done this year. I want to give away 20 pounds of weight and free up energy. (How we phrase a thing matters LOL) I want to be debt-free. These are a few of the dreams I have posted on my wall. They are the last thing I see each night as I turn out the light.

My Morning Routine Basket

I have a basket by my dining table. In it are my gratitude journal, my daily affirmations folder, and my core spiritual cannon. I write 3 things I am grateful for every day, I read in my spiritual cannon, and I recite my affirmations. Do I get it done every day? I wish I could say yes but, on a day when I have to get Maggie, my granddaughter up, feed and dress her, brush her teeth and hair, and give her meds, I might not. But I work to get to it even if it is just before bed. If I don’t get to it, I do it the next day.

What these indicators accomplish

Does having these spaces of positive thought, goals, and dreams around me stop the bad days? NO! This morning was VERY hard. I cried for a few minutes, and I am NOT a crier! I wondered If I would be able to say anything of value in the article I had yet to write.

But here is what these indicators of my life accomplish – they remind me of who I am and the life I am building. They remind me that I matter, that I am strong, that I am not alone, and that I can do great things.

I am not perfect. I have bad days. I occasionally leave important things till the last minute. I get angry and must apologize. I become weary. I am just a mother and grandmother doing my best, but my husband was right, you can tell about my life and me by looking at the thoughts and practices with which I have surrounded myself.

Do the work

Today, I want you to look for the indicators in your home of who you are and how you are growing. If you have them celebrate and then keep using them. If you don’t have spaces that remind you who you are and who you want to be, create some. If you see a quote that moves you, write it out and tape it over your sink or on the bathroom mirror. Begin to surround yourself with how and what you want to be. Let God and the universe know your intention to become more.

If I spoke about a practice that intrigues you, write to me, and I will share how it is done so you can incorporate the practice into your life. If you have a question, ask it. I didn’t heal my wounds and grow to where I am in a vacuum, and you can’t either.

Take the time to create a space that is an indicator of who you are

and the life you are building!

A Mother’s Day Replay!

On Mother’s Day in 2012 my daughters hijacked my blog and gave me a HUGE Mother’s Day surprise. I was reviewing that old blog recently and reread their messages to me. I was again moved to tears at their kind words and generosity of spirit. I never was a perfect person, let alone a perfect parent. But my daughter’s words reminded me of what I weekly work to remind you – our kids aren’t looking for perfect. They want us, with all our flaws and all our love. When we stay the course, do the best we can, and keep learning, IT WILL BE ENOUGH!

Happy Mother’s Day to you all.

A decade has passed, and they have grown so much. Their lives have been challenging and beautiful. I put current pictures in the article, so you could see them as they are now. : )

May 13, 2012

We’ve hijacked our mother’s blog for a surprise Mother’s Day Tribute. We wanted to share with all of you, her dear readers, and friends, how honored we are to be her daughters and what she means to us. We are grateful for your joining us to celebrate our mother and yours.

Kate Houston
I remember one of my favorite things when I was living at home was sitting in our “library” with you talking about our love for books. You taught me to hunger for knowledge.

When I was young you showed me how to make a meal out of almost nothing, how to grow a beautiful garden, and how to REALLY clean. You taught me how to be a homemaker.

The summer I wanted to study abroad in Europe, and we had no money, you spent the whole summer baking cakes and selling water bottles with me. You taught me how to work for what I want and be creative doing it.

When I wanted to be a varsity cheerleader my senior year of high school, even though I had NEVER cheered before, you were right there on the day of tryouts to make sure I stuck it out until the end. You taught me how to dream and dream big.

Growing up you loved to teach us how to make sugar eggs, gingerbread houses, and frosting flowers for cakes. You taught me the importance of cultivating my talents.

When you were in your 40s, you had seven children and an incredibly busy life, and yet you finished your master’s degree. You taught me the value of education.

When times were tough and family life was especially hard, I’d walk past your open bedroom door and ALWAYS see you on your knees. You taught me how to have a relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Mom, it’s easy for us to look back on our time as a mother and wonder if anything we did gave our children what they needed to be successful in their life. Sometimes we look back and feel discouraged because as far as we can see, what we did wasn’t enough. But it’s the little things, the daily things you taught me that made all the difference. Because you were the person that you were, I am the person that I am today. Through your service to others, you taught me how to serve. Through your example of forgiving and being patient, you taught me how to forgive and be patient. Because you grew and blossomed, like the flowers out back in our garden, you taught me how to grow and blossom.

Now I’m getting ready to take my first steps into motherhood and because of you, I am not afraid. You have already walked the paths down this unfamiliar road and through the wisdom you have gained, you will teach me what it truly means to be a mother. Thank you, mom.

Marie Henry
There are so many things that I have learned from you but there are two things in particular that have forever changed me and how things have gone in my life. The first one was prayer. I remember always walking in on you praying. I knew Heavenly Father was your friend and that you trusted him.

When I decided to come back to the church, I knew what to do. I knew I could talk to Him about everything. That it was okay if I was angry, even at Him, as long as I talked to him about it. That even if I sat there and said nothing at least I was in the right place. I knew I had to build up trusting Him but I trusted you, so I knew I would get there and that it would be okay. The second thing was to never ever give up, that change is possible and that it is very real. That you need not give up hope. There is a way to return to happiness, and it is through Jesus Christ.

The past 13 years have been quite the journey for me and my family. There were times I didn’t think things would ever turn around or feel differently, but then I would pray and get through the day. I knew from watching you that no matter what you don’t ever, ever give up. You continue to fight even if the answer takes years to come.

Now, look where I am at. I finally love being a mother. I feel content and peaceful with myself and how things are going in my life, and I have the greatest man as my husband. There are many things I get to pass on to my children but the two things I continue to tell them about are to always pray, no matter how you feel, and to never ever give up, that Heavenly Father is there for us and no matter what you fight to stay on his side.

I know that one day you were praying, in the kitchen, I believe, and you said to Heavenly Father that we would have all been better off if he had just sent us to someone else. He said to you, that may be true, but he sent us to you. Well, I am proud that he did. I am very grateful to have you as my mother.

Our lives here on earth are meant to have trials in them. I left your home knowing how to make it through and come out the other side being a better me and closer to the Lord. Having fewer trials really doesn’t matter. That I know how to make it back home to Heavenly Father is what I came here to learn and learn it I did. I am grateful for the family I have and PROUD I get to say you are my mother. I love you.

Jenny Johnson
I really love my mother. And it is one of those interesting loves; the bigger the love gets, the bigger my heart gets, and the more it makes me love the entire world. Amazing!

I remember being a child and mom would take all her 7 children with her to the nursing home on Sundays just to visit the patients who weren’t getting usual visitors. It was the family’s volunteer work.

That is how I now kind of define my life. I prioritize (highly) having volunteer work in my life that serves the geriatric population. Also, I just finished the endeavor of earning my master’s degree. I will now start working as a professional in the skilled nursing home to serve the geriatric population with different modes of therapy. I feel so happy and grateful because I know that working in this environment and serving this population is really going to feed my life, daily! She has taught me that despite possibly never bearing children, there is a viable way for me to mother this world! I serve…and it makes me happy. It is how I run my life. This is the legacy my mother has left in my life. An ocean of thanks to you, my sweet mother.

A handful of years ago, when I was in a severe car accident and wasn’t walking, my mother flew to California and took care of me for 4 months. I mean REALLY was taking care of me, as if her 30-year-old daughter was 3 again. Feeding me, cleaning me, helping me move from point A to point B, etc. That was such a wonderful blessing given to each of our lives because what came out of that intimate tragedy was that my mother became one of my dearest friends. I feel so supported, loved, and valued and that, again, strengthens and augments my desire to serve and support this entire world, and it makes me love this world even more. A canyon of thanks to you, my sweet mother and friend.

What my wonderful, beautiful, vibrant mother is teaching me now about being a woman is that personal evolution never stops, and it is never too late to become 10 times more than you have ever been. Beauty, wisdom, self-love, personal manifestation, grand service – these are things I am learning from her and really beginning to value because she is performing these things and becoming these things and mastering these things and it is all so amazing to watch! She is painting such a colorful masterpiece across the canvas of her life. She is leaving such a mark, and I feel so honored and blessed to be a part of it. I love you mom, to the moon and back! A universe of thanks to you for everything.

Jodie Palmer
I turned 40 years old a few weeks ago. It’s sort of a surreal experience for me because it’s the only age that I distinctly remember my mother being. She gave birth to her last child at 40, and so have I. I am now where my mother once was, a place I remember her being.

A fascinating thing has happened now that I’m standing in the shoes, I remember my mother wearing. She has suddenly transformed into something more than my mother. I’m connecting with her as a woman.

It’s been hard to try to put this transformation into words or describe what it means to finally see my mother as a woman. I hate to admit it, but my mother has never been a “real” woman to me. She’s been . . . my Mother. Something different than, “a woman.”

Throughout my life, I’ve been walking these antipodal paths of both discovering who I am as a woman, and consciously putting myself together into who I want to be. But the change that has happened for me is that I am beginning to see my mother in the context of who I am as a woman—this complicated mixture of contradictions and messiness, grace and beauty, vices and flaws, backbone and tenacity, soft and tender places, guarded and hidden places, confusion and wisdom, fullness and emptiness and so much more all wrapped up in one heart.

I find myself feeling so tender towards her, not in a reminiscent way, as is usual for Mother’s Day, but in this current, primal, female, connected, Red Tent sort of way.

As I was attempting to write this tribute to her, I came up with my usual celebrations of memories, the ones that have informed my whole worldview and way of being with the world. Like the time she packed us all into the car to return something that had recently been purchased because we needed the money. On the way out of the parking lot, there was a man holding a sign asking for help. She rolled down the window and gave the man part of the change we had just received. She shared and gave, even when it hurt.

Or the time when she washed the body of a woman who had died and had no one in her life to give her that one last loving honor. She is a rememberer of the forgotten.

There are so many other memories that have served as the elements taken up as food by the beautiful garden of my life.

But, today I want to honor my mother differently than I have ever been able to before. I want to honor her as a woman. I want to honor her complicated, contradictory, messy, deeply beautiful, wise, lovely self. All of it is beautiful to me, and so needed by me, as a woman. All of her is so needed by the world. And the world is better for it—the little worlds of her children and grandchildren, the little worlds of her client families, the little worlds of her neighbors, and the strangers that cross her path. All these little worlds collide together in one big bang of goodness and beauty for all the rest of us.

That’s the beauty of women, we are wombs and birthers of beauty and goodness in the world through the complicated mixture of who we are. We are good for the world . . . And the Lord God looked and said, “It is good.”

I am honored to be a woman born and grown from this woman. I am honored to have her blood and her bone, her spirit, and her heart living in me.

I am grateful for these new eyes that have allowed me to not only see her differently but see my daughters differently. I newly see, and feel, that we are sisters, we are friends.

Again, Happy Mother’s Day to you all.

Where are Your Dream Goals?

Recently, I had an experience that revealed an old dream of mine that had come to pass.

I had just come through a time when I felt like a failure in several areas. As a result, I contemplated my life, how I was living it, and wondered about my impact on the world.

I knew that caring for my mom and husband mattered. I knew that helping my daughter with Maggie, my special needs granddaughter mattered. I knew that my weekly writing mattered because I got mail.

However, it’s easy to fall into a funk and doubt yourself. It happens. The key is to get out as quickly as you can. I went to God in prayer and talked to him about it. He knows me best, after all.

Not long after that prayer, I was caring for my mom. I had bathed her and helped her pick out clothes to wear. I was clipping her toenails and fingernails. Into my mind came a picture of my seventh-grade self. I was at a nursing school on a field trip. I was learning how to make hospital corners on a bed. I was in this place with other girls my age because I wanted to be a nurse, and we were part of a nursing club. That’s how much I wanted to be a nurse.

When I went to college, I thought it would be better if I became a Special Education teacher like my dad, so I let the idea of nursing go. I quit school one semester before graduation because I had my first baby. When Jodie was three and a second baby had been born, I went to work and helped my husband graduate. Then, life happened; five more kids, a couple of moves, no more school, no teaching degree, no nursing degree.

When my seventh-grade self came into my mind, I clearly saw that my desire to become a nurse was here, in my life, at age seventy-two. I was caring for three people. I managed meds and feeding tubes. I changed diapers on an almost adult and dressed, fed, and bathed those who could not do it independently. In addition, I handled doctor’s appointments and therapies.

This realization was so shocking that I went back to God and asked Him to show me what other dreams I had accomplished in my life but hadn’t acknowledged.

Seven more dreams came clearly into my thoughts.

– Have a large and successful family
– Be a Special Education teacher
– Speak from stage, teach, and mentor
– Become a writer and publish a book
– Live with my husband for 50 years, sleep in the same bed, and be deeply in love
– Have the trip of a lifetime with Don
– Live a Tasha Tudor life

Five of these dreams were formed before I was fifteen years old. The rest were clearly in my mind by the time I was thirty. Back then, I thought of them as dreams, but now, years later, I know that they were goals because I never completely let go of them. I didn’t have them on a vision board or written down. I hadn’t attended any classes on controlling your thoughts or visualizing. All I knew was these things mattered to me. How to manifest what you want in life would come to me later, in my sixties, but by then, because I held on to these dreams, they had almost all come to pass, and by the time I was seventy, they had all come to pass.

Some of these dreams seemed impossible. Others began to feel as if I shouldn’t want them so much. I mean, I had a family and a life without them. But I couldn’t shake them.

As briefly as I can, let me share each goal and its fulfillment. This will be important later.

1. Have a large and successful family – When I was a girl, I decided that I would have a big family. I wanted my kids to be successful in life. We had seven children, and then we entered 13 troubled years. Some of our kids used drugs, one had a child out of wedlock, one was gay, and there were other issues. I felt like a failure. Don felt like a failure.

However, I realized a few years ago that we accomplished this goal. We have seven very whole adults. Of course, no one is free from baggage, but they are kind, loyal, integrous, honest, hardworking, love nature, are loyal friends. They are good, good people.

2. Be a Special Education teacher – When I went to college, I decided to become a special education teacher. However, I quit school one semester before graduation when I had my first baby and then put my husband through school. I thought I would go back and catch that final semester, but we moved, and it didn’t happen. This was before the days of online schooling.

After my seventh child was born, in my forties, I returned to college. However, because special education had advanced so much in the ensuing years, I realized I would have to redo too much. I opted for an education degree instead.

Guess what happened. In my fifties, I had a granddaughter born with severe cerebral palsy. I often need to care for her, so I learned to manage her meds and feeding tube. I dress her, brush her teeth and hair, and feed her. But I have done more than care for her physical needs. I helped her write in a journal for over ten years by becoming well versed in how to question her and get answers even though she couldn’t speak. I helped her learn the alphabet. I held her hand and helped her write because she couldn’t hold a pencil independently. We have filled many journals. I have conversations with her. I have helped her with schoolwork. I was her full-time aide in school one year. I occasionally was her online aid during Covid.

I may not have a degree in special education, but I have had the privilege of living and working in that field. I have accomplished this goal.

3. Speak from stage, teach, and mentor – I wanted to speak from stage as early as five years old. I LOVED it! I was NEVER afraid to get in front of an audience and took every opportunity that came my way – church, debate, speaking competitions in junior high and high school, singing a solo in front of my seventh-grade class. Later the desire to teach and mentor became strong. Then as mentioned, life and family happened. But that led to some fantastic opportunities to work on this goal.

I taught myself to decorate cakes beginning in ninth grade. I learned how to make gingerbread houses and then villages in that process. Next, I began teaching my children’s school classes how to build a gingerbread house out of graham crackers and milk cartons. I did this every year for over twenty years. Then I began teaching some community education classes on cake decorating and gingerbread creations. Eventually, I stood in front of high school classes and adults teaching this craft in many small towns and cities.

I had four daughters and became a Girl Scout leader in Billings, MT. I also chaired multiple day and overnight camps, coordinating week-long camps for over 100 girls at a time. In addition, I trained over fifty leaders on how to teach and work with children during my tenure.

Can you believe that I was still wondering how I was going to speak, teach, and mentor others at this point in my life? Then I moved to Utah and became involved in the homeschool community. Because I had homeschooled two of my seven children, I began to teach and mentor. I created and led many in-person events. I pursued this love for over twelve years. I traveled all over the United States, teaching what I had learned in thirty-nine years of parenting seven children in my home.

I hadn’t thought about it, but I accomplished this lifelong goal as I lived my life and raised my family.

4. Become a writer and publish a book – When I was about 7, my Grandma Gardner gave me a blank book to write in. At about this same time, I discovered a whole row of Oz books in the Afton, WY. library. I read ALL the OZ books. Did you know there are 14 of them? I knew then that I was a writer. I knew I would write a book someday.

But the truth is, as life happened, I worried that I wouldn’t write a book. I was busy parenting, and what did I have to say that anyone would be interested in? Well, it seems there was a lot, in fact, parenting and connecting with kids! In 2010 I started a blog. By 2016 I had written well over 500 articles. These articles and some of my research became the basis for my book, Becoming a Present Parent: Connecting with your children in five minutes or less, published by Cedar Fort Publishing in 2017. Imagine that!

I have become an accomplished writer. I am a writer in the best sense of the word because I impact others for good.

5. Live with my husband for 50 years, share the same bed, and be deeply in love – When I married Don, I decided that we were going to be married at least 50 years and that we would share the same bed, no matter what and that our love would be real and boundless.

I came to this decision as I watched two sets of grandparents. First, my Cazier grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding while I was a young mother. Then grandma got Alzheimer’s, and grandpa cared for her until she died, even though she didn’t always know who he was. He LOVED my grandma!

Don’s Landis grandparents didn’t sleep together or share the same room. There were health issues and other things. I determined that I would always share Don’s bed, no matter what! We are now in our 51st year, and we are still in the same bed. I have had to make concessions so that could happen because of his health, but inside there was this unspoken goal, and it made the choices manageable.

In our marriage, when life got hard, I would have the word divorce come into my mind, and I am sure it came to Don’s. But this quiet, heart-felt goal helped us hold on, and in the end, it all came out right, despite the trouble we weathered as a family. I knew that Don and I had reached a unique level of love for one another when we took our lifetime trip.

6. Have the trip of a lifetime with Don – We had never gone anywhere far from home in all the years we had been together. Unfortunately, our honeymoon wasn’t very successful. LOL I thought about where we could go to have a fabulous trip. Don’s health made travel and walking difficult. I settled on Hawaii not because I had wanted to go there my whole life. In fact, I had other places I really wanted to go, like Maine. : ) But Hawaii seemed like a place you would go for the trip of a lifetime. It was exotic but still in America with good health facilities.

I held onto that goal for over ten years while Don’s health declined, the medical expenses grew, and retirement loomed. Then last year, I got a call from my sister, who was heading to Hawaii with her husband. She invited Don and me to come. Everything would be paid for except our airline tickets, food, and souvenirs. I couldn’t believe it. But in the end, I knew we couldn’t make this lifetime trip. When we saw my sister’s videos, we knew we had made the right call.

I thought that goal was over. But for our fiftieth wedding anniversary, our children bought us a night in a fabulous cabin in Springdale, Utah, where many of them had lived and worked. Don and I scheduled two more nights in a small house in Hurricane, Utah, just down the road from Springdale. Hmmm, not very far from home.

I want you to know that this was the TRIP OF A LIFETIME! I got everything I had ever wanted. We might as well have been on the honeymoon we wished we had had. We had so much fun. We were alone for the first time in decades. We sat in the garden and swung, listened to music and a book on tape. We ate out and met people who knew and loved our kids.

We talked a lot, kissed, hugged, and sat in the sun. We learned things about each other that we hadn’t discovered in fifty years together. Our sense of love, concern, and caring for each other was palpable. I realized it wasn’t the place that mattered, it was the content, and it was PERFECT.

Last week, I read an article by Marni Pherson Kuhns on the Leslie Householder Rare Faith site. I know both women. I have spoken on the same stages they have. I have sat in classes with them and in classes taught by them. They have mentored me. Leslie’s book writing class got me thinking again about that old goal of publishing a book.

Here is how Marni began her article:

“Have you ever written down a goal, forgotten it, and then found that piece of paper later and discovered that you accomplished the goal you wrote down? If so, you have reaped the rewards of living in harmony with the Law of Perpetual Transmutation. The Law of Perpetual Transmutation states that everything is either moving in or out of form.”

Marni’s words mirror the message I am sharing with you today, and I hope you are listening! I have experienced this law in my own life. I didn’t write these goals down for the most part because I was a child when they were born. But I occasionally brought them out of my heart and looked at them, and I wanted them. And they came to pass. Not always in the way I anticipated, but the results were exactly what I wanted.

I am sure that you get lost in life just like I do. I am sure that parenting takes a great deal of your mental bandwidth. You probably have dream goals that you love and want, that you have hidden in your heart because there doesn’t’ seem to be a way to get them.

I am here to tell you that you can have them. If your dreams matter to you, if you talk to God about them, if you pull them out of your heart into the sunlight now and then, they will grow. We don’t have to abandon our role as mothers or homemakers to realize the dream goals in our hearts.

My family is whole, healthy, and successful despite some severe challenges. I never went to nursing school, but I am a nurse. I don’t have a special education degree, but I have opportunities to work in special education every day, right in my home.

I found a way to teach and speak right where I was, helping with things that helped my kids, in my hometown. And then later, I flew all over the country speaking from stage and teaching. I was patient and served where I was, and it led to something bigger.

I never took any writing classes in college, but I am a writer. I write an article every week, and I get mail! In addition, I have a published book. This came to fruition in my sixties and seventies.

We had trauma in our family. We sometimes wondered if we could weather the storm. Life was sometimes very hard. BUT we made it despite all that and the ill health that followed. We have been together almost 51 years, and we are deeply in love.

At seventy-one, I had the trip of a lifetime. It was a miracle and a gift.

If you hold on to your dream goals and have faith in yourself and them, they will come to pass. You may be older or not. They may not look as you envisioned them but get them, you will. You will experience what Leslie and Marni call the Law of Perpetual Transmutation.

So, take heart, busy mama. Love your family. Be present with them. Look for opportunities right where you are, and then be patient. Hold on to your dream goals. Love them.

All things come to those who wait with faith and courage.

P.S. You will notice I didn’t talk about my desire to live a Tasha Tudor life. That is for next week. You won’t want to miss it.

Blessed are Your Eyes for they See – My Brothers Death

Today I want to tell you about my brother Boe Dean, his life, struggles, and the hard lesson I learned on the day he died, January 22, 2021.

My brother was an alcoholic. He was able to hold it together for a long time. He was a master finish carpenter. He was fabulous with people and ran teams of workers. They liked him.

He and I shared a love of words. He read the dictionary and encyclopedia. He wasn’t into tech. I shared books with him, and he shared them with me. We both loved the book A Man Called Ove. We joked about our ‘Ove moments.’ I will miss that terribly!

Boe Dean was genuinely grateful for anything you did for him. My sister, Evette, lived in Logan and helped him get around town for food and other needs the last three years of his life. She checked on him weekly and always wondered how she would manage when she found him dead. We thought we knew how it would end.

Recently, as Evette was leaving, he said, “Thank you.” Evette replied, “You’re welcome.” Then Boe said, “No, really. Thank you for everything you do.” The last few years of his life were hard, lonely, filled with illness, and I think, sorrow. But there was no bitterness in him, no rancor towards anyone. He remained cheerful and serving.

He had taught himself how to carve, and I have a beautiful face of an old man on my wall. He knew how to work wood and made beautiful chess sets. He was excellent at chess. One day he described an invention to me. It was extraordinary. He was brilliant in the way his mind worked. He and I shared a love of painting. We weren’t gifted in any way, but we talked about our paintings. I have one he made for me.

Boe Dean was generous and had no greed in his soul. One day, someone taking him for a homeless man, which was understandable, gave him ten dollars. He told them he didn’t need it, but they wouldn’t take it back. He walked down the street until he found someone who did need it and gave it to them.

But despite all his gifts and talents, because of alcohol, he lost his family and his dreams.

Over the years, I have prayed a lot about my brother. I have received many impressions on ways to support him. For many years I have mailed him a letter every Sunday. I have driven to Logan with gifts that I felt I should take – an old red blanket that he loved, a homemade coloring book he cherished and mentioned repeatedly, things that spoke of family traditions on special holidays.

After mom came to live with us and Boe was alone, I would take her back to see him. It was tricky because we had to find a time when he was himself and could talk to her. Covid brought a halt to some of these efforts. But mom and I saw him in December. There was no way to know it would be the last time.

Here is my message for you today.

On our Zoom call, one of my sisters said, “I just saw Boe as a drunk and wanted him to change.” I must admit that it was hard for me to see anything else at times. I had had the thought to put his photo on my bedroom wall and envision him healthy, well, and giving back to the world. I hung the photo and thought I knew what that meant. It meant to pray that he would change. It meant to encourage him to give up drinking and get it together. It meant to remind him of all he could bring to the world.

It’s interesting to me that the night before my brother’s passing, I read an article to my husband and mom that contained this story – “A few years ago my older sister passed away. She had a challenging life. She Her husband abandoned their marriage and left her with four young children to raise. On the evening of her passing…I gave her a blessing to peacefully return home.

‘At that moment, I realized I had too often defined my sister’s life in terms of her trials and As I , I received a severe rebuke from the Spirit. I was made acutely aware of her goodness and allowed to see her as God saw her—not as someone who struggled with and life but as someone who had to deal with difficult issues I did not have.

‘During that final evening with my sister, I believe God was asking me, “Can’t you see that everyone around you is a sacred being?”

As I read those words, Boe came clearly into my mind. When I went into my room that night, I looked at his picture with different eyes. But complete understanding didn’t come until the morning after his death.

As much as I loved my brother, I thought of him as an alcoholic. God wasn’t as blind as I. He had spoken to my mind and was saying, “See him as I see him. He is more than you can see with your eyes.’

Again from the article – “…John 4:4 reads, ‘And he must needs go through Samaria.’

…Jesus did not need to go to Samaria. The Jews of His day despised the Samaritans and traveled a road around Samaria. But Jesus chose to go there to declare before all the world for the first time that He was the promised Messiah. For this message, He chose not only an outcast group but also a woman—and not just any woman but a woman living in sin—someone considered at that time to be the least of the least. I believe Jesus did this so that each of us may always understand that His love is greater than our fears, our wounds, our addictions, our doubts, our temptations, our sins, our broken families, our depression and anxieties, our chronic illness, our poverty, our abuse, our despair, and our loneliness. He wants all to know there is nothing and no one He is unable to heal and deliver to enduring joy.

His grace is sufficient. He alone descended below all things. The message of the woman at the well is that He knows our life situations.”

I was supposed to look on my brother’s face every day and ‘see him’, not his alcoholism but him, my brother, a man who was good.

Since his passing, it has amazed me how many people knew Boe Dean and liked him and have come forward to tell us. His neighbors commented on how nice he was and what a wonderful smile he had and his long white beard. : ) Although he kept to himself, they said he was always ready to lend a helping hand if anyone needed it.

The gas man who checked the lines after the fire said that he and everyone in the small town of Benson, where Boe lived with our parents as a boy, were grieved because they loved our family.

We have received calls from his school friends and others who would meet him on the street. They cared about him. They loved his stories and great jokes. They remembered all how he had reached out over the years just as his neighbors had experienced.

No one knew about his struggles or the demons in his soul. They only knew his smile and generous Spirit.

I have spent the last ten years talking to parents about the gift of being able to ‘see’ their children and not just their mistakes, messes, and misbehaviors. It was time for me to have a new level of understanding of this critical principle.

Matthew 13:16: “But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear.”

May we all hear and see those around us with greater charity, less judgment, and deeper love.

The article sited – Taking upon Ourselves the Name of Jesus Christ By Elder Robert C. Gay October 2018

Do You Grant Others Space to Breathe and Regroup?

Everyone can become overwhelmed.

At some time in our life, we will do less than our best. The ability to love and serve without judgment or recrimination is one thing that stands out to me about the ministry of Jesus Christ. He spent time with those who were overwhelmed, who were managing less than their best.

One of the things that I have been privileged to do over a thirty-year span is to help older people and families with their homes. Sometimes I clean inside, sometimes outside. I have tiled and painted. It is just one way that I have been able to serve.

As I have offered this service to people, I have noticed something interesting. After I have been helping for a few weeks, they might rearrange a closet or a cupboard. There might be a pile ready for Goodwill. Maybe a packet of seeds shows up that they plan to plant. A family member will rearrange the living room.

After a few years of noticing this phenomenon, I wondered what it was all about. Then I was reminded of an experience that I had a few decades earlier. It has been over 45 years now, and it is something I keep in my mind because it helps me to serve the way the Savior did – no judgment, no recrimination, just love, and care.

A Life-Changing Experience

My husband decided he needed to go back to school and finish his degree. We had two children, one a newborn. We moved to Greely, CO., where I had spent the last year of high school and where my parents lived for a few years longer. It was far away from family and friends.

Don went to school full time and worked full time. He went to school all day, came home late afternoon, ate, and then slept until he had to go to work at 11 pm. In the morning, he would get home at about 7 am and sleep until he had to be in class at 9 am. It was grueling. He studied between classes and on Saturday.

I watched other people’s children, as well as my own. I kept them quiet in the morning when Don needed to sleep, and I kept them calmed in the late afternoon when he needed to sleep. I made meals, kept the house, did the laundry, took care of the yard, and taught a Sunday school class for 5-year olds. I rarely got away from home. I rarely saw other adults because we had just moved, knew no one, and on Sunday, I taught a children’s class.

I began to yell a lot. I felt angry at Don. I frequently found myself at church without a prepared lesson. My house was suffering, and the laundry was piling up. I was suffering from post-partum depression. I was overwhelmed.

One day I was done. I sat on a chair, and I knew that I could not do anything for anyone. I was a failure as a wife, mother, as a person. Tears coursed down my face. Then the doorbell rang. Sister George, a woman from my church, was standing on the porch.

She had been a friend of my mother’s when my family lived here. She had loved my mother, and, as I was to learn by her behavior, she loved me. She said, “Hi, Mary Ann. I’m here to borrow the kids. I want to take them home for the afternoon. Would that be OK?” No judgment. No recriminations about the poor job I was doing in my life.

I was stunned. I had two of my own, one an infant, and I was caring for three others. As they drove off in Sister George’s van, I felt relief. I sat on the porch and stared at the sky. I breathed the air. This one day was a turning point in my life. Sister George had saved my life by giving me space to breathe and regroup.

Space to Breathe and Regroup

That was the answer to what I saw happen to the people I helped; I gave them space to breathe and regroup.

When I visit my daughter’s homes, I clean something, the kitchen fan, the toilet, empty overflowing garbage cans, or wash a pile of laundry. I don’t do it because they are incompetent but to give them space to breathe and regroup.

In my core cannon, there is this question, “Are we not all beggars?” I ask myself, “Do we not all beg for relief somewhere in our lives – self-doubt, children who stray, spouses who leave, school left unfinished, too little income, the trauma of abuse or neglect, old and hidden emotional wounds, fears, failure. The list is long and as varied as the people who live on the earth.

Occasionally we all need space to breathe and regroup. When I am mentoring, I am ministering as Jesus did. No judgment. No recriminations. I allow room to breathe and regroup.

When we suspend judgment, override our desire to recriminate because someone should be doing better; when we extend service because we genuinely love and care about others, we serve as Jesus Christ served. He never judged those who were overwhelmed or failing in some way. He just reached out a hand to help.

It reminds me of the second verse of a song that I sing to remind myself to serve and love the way Jesus and other great teachers of truth have loved and served.

I Have Work Enough to Do

I must speak the loving word,
Ere the sun goes down.
I must let my voice be heard,
Ere the sun goes down:
Ev’ry cry of pity heeding,
For the injured interceding,
To the light, the lost ones leading,
Ere the sun goes down.

Let someone else know that they deserve space to breathe and regroup.

I Needed Closure

I had a remarkable thing happen this summer.

Two years ago was my 50th high school reunion. I didn’t go. Our family was moving into a new home. The reunion was in Greeley, Colorado, a whole different state. I only went to Greeley West High School for my senior year, and I never really connected. I had friends and was involved on the school radio, worked on the yearbook, did a couple of plays, etc. I was involved but hovered in the background. Just my face in the yearbook.

I was voted “most typical girl”. I was anything but typical. I was religious, which most of my friends admired but weren’t. I was not fond of dating, and the girls in my group were homecoming queens and cheerleaders. I didn’t drink or smoke or cruse. I read a lot. My friends thought I was a bit of a geek. I didn’t feel popular in the typical sense of the word, but I was popular. I knew everyone, and they knew me. I was well-liked.

Nevertheless, I didn’t feel connected to the school or the people. That Fall, I went off to college, and true to my family’s style, they moved to Wyoming a year later. I never saw any of those school friends again. It was before computers and social media, so the tie was severed.

This summer, I received an email with the link to a video made to celebrate our 50th reunion, two years late. They had some technical difficulties during the class reunion and had to begin again from scratch. I was interested in watching to remind myself what it was like fifty years ago and to see how my friends had aged. Most of the video was of newspaper clippings, music, and events that defined 1968. There were no clips from the actual reunion. Then, close to the end, I began to see photographs of the young people I went to school with. I recognized them all: the cheerleaders, the prom queen, football players, my friends. The photos came from the newspaper and yearbook. But I hadn’t been featured in photographs of groups or activities in the school newspaper and had very few pictures in the yearbook.

As I watched, a feeling of nostalgia come over me. Not for the time itself. I wasn’t fond of the ’60s. Not for the people because we hadn’t been lasting friends. Just school mates. But I felt a desperate need to see myself as part of that time and those people. I needed a closure I hadn’t even been aware of. I knew the chance was next to nothing, but I needed to see myself there, to feel a connection to my youth and my Senior year.

I said a prayer in my heart. “Please, Heavenly Father, I need to see myself. Let me be in a picture in this video.” I knew it was silly. This video had been made over a two-year period. How could saying a prayer now make a bit of difference?

Then it happened. Probably the only other photo of me besides my yearbook photo flashed on the screen. I had forgotten this photo even existed. It was on my graduation day. There I was in the center of a picture of the graduating class. I had to replay it a few times to convince myself that it was me. I hadn’t seen that photo in over fifty years.

How does something like this happen? How does God know in advance what we are going to desperately need in the future? I don’t know, but I know he does. I know he loves me, and he knew I needed closure to that time in my life.

Writing these months later still brings tears to my eyes. I know that no matter our difficulty or genuine need, the resources, people, and help will show up if we ask for it. I have experienced this over and over in my life. I was a mom making lots of mistakes. I faced hardships and trials I was ill-prepared to handle. But, over time, as I asked and searched, and stayed the course, what I needed came. I learned, changed, and grew. You can too.

Miracles are wonderful! God is good!!

I’d love to hear your miracles. 

How To Know What is Most Needful

Does anyone care about your struggle?

I believe in a power outside of myself which can and does help me manage some very difficult days. Regardless of your specific spiritual practices, if you believe that you’re guided and aided, then this article will be useful to you. I’ll be using the term Christ and Lord, but you can substitute whatever works for you.

In every moment, of every day, Christ knows what is most needful. He waits for any opening into our hearts and thoughts so that we too can know what is most needful. Often, we shut Him out by being too busy, overwhelmed, and overloaded with stuff to manage and do. But Christ never leaves us. He is beside us, waiting patiently for us to hear Him.

Christ loves us infinitely. He wants to guide us as we move through our days. He wants to help us with the laundry, our frustration with our child, our disappointment with a spouse, our endless to-do list, what to make for dinner, who to hug and when, being on the right road and getting to our destination safely, and a hundred other things.

Does this surprise you. Many believe that Christ is aloof, unaware, uncaring or even angry at the mess we often find ourselves in. Many believe that unless we have it all together God cannot help us. I know this is untrue!

Will we be helped if we’re in a mess?

We don’t have to wait to invite God into our home until we can kneel in prayer, until we have time to study the scriptures, until our home is clean and orderly, or our hearts are unburdened. You may be struggling to pray. You may talk to God all day but never make it to your knees. You may not be getting to your scriptures/core book daily. Possibly you aren’t managing your home well. Maybe your heart is a mess. You might even be angry at God.

Waiting to invite the Lord into your life until you get your mess cleaned up is like waiting to go to the ER when you’ve stopped the bleeding. Christ doesn’t love some future version of you. He loves you in your mess. Christ is here to help you with your mess. I know this is true! Seven decades of working on my mess have proven it to be true!

How to know what is most needful!

If you’re in a mess and overwhelmed, if you’re struggling to pray and study the scriptures/your core book, if you’re struggling with your relationship with Christ/Deity, there are things you can do to invite Him into your life anyway.

First – Be Aware – Know that even in your mess you’re loved. Hold on to the belief that if you’re doing your best, as poor as that may be, Christ wants to help you manage your day. When you’re aware of his love and presence you’ll hear Christ speaking to you.

  • Tighten the lid
  • Don’t delete that yet
  • You need gas
  • Jack needs a hug
  • Don’t say that
  • The roast is burning
  • Your mom is sad

The more that you hold Christ’s love and concern for you in your mind the more often you’ll hear the still small voice.

Satan/The Negative will spend most of the day pointing out your flaws so that you’ll feel less and less worthy. This can take you to the place where you begin to doubt your value to Christ, that He is with you, and you begin to block Him out. Resist! Stay aware of Christ’s infinite love and deep concern for everything in your day.

Second – Respond immediately – When you have a small thought and it’s good, do it. Tighten that lid. Don’t delete your file. Stop and buy gas. Hug that child. Don’t make that remark. Check the roast. Tell your mom you love her. When you respond immediately, you’re inviting the Lord to be with you. You welcome him into your life.

Third – Simplify – When we simplify our lives, we manage them better. We can spend more time mentally, emotionally, and physically where it matters and less in activities, that in the long run, are not going to matter. We open time to think. When we simplify our lives, we tune into Christ.

Anyone can clean a closet but how do you bring the Lord into it? When we remain aware that Christ loves us and cares, when we respond immediately, then we can know when to clean the closet, which closet to clean and when to just let it go.

I want you to visualize something. Close your eyes. Now imagine you have threads of energy attached to your shoulders and these threads connect to every item you have in your possession. Every item—every dish, cup, and pan; pictures in the photo album, DVDs, the hammer; every nail, sock, book, magazine, sweater, car, guitar pick, toy, book, and even your computer files. It’s one energy thread per item. Now, what if you also attached a thread to every item on your calendar – every shopping trip, doctor’s appointment, soccer practice, piano lesson, event or activity, church, service, and each thing on our never-ending to-do list. This is a heavy load to drag around. No wonder you go to bed weary and wake up tired! It’s challenging to find space in life for the Lord when you’re overwhelmed and weary.

As we simplify and get rid of excess stuff, and trim down our calendars, we create mental, physical, and emotional space in our lives for the Lord. That’s because there’s less that must be managed, cleaned, picked up and taken care of.

As we make space for the Lord, we’ll be wiser, we’ll do what is most needful more often, and we’ll feel more successful in our efforts.

Inviting the Lord into our lives each day is the most needful thing.

Your shares are appreciated by me and others who need to hear this. Thank you!