Category: Personal Growth

Why I Decided to Commit to Meditation When I Said I Couldn’t

On October 15th of this year, I posted an article called Are You Self-Aware? What Does That Even Look Like? In the article, I listed ideas for becoming more aware of our own emotional state. Then I listed things I was committing to do for myself. At the end of the article, there was this P. S. “Mediation came up often on the lists. I have meditated in the past but right now, I can’t commit to it.”

I Have Decided to Commit!

I have decided to commit because of an experiment I have been doing. I want to share my results with you because they have been helpful! Let’s go back a ways. About ten years ago I was living in Kearns, Utah, sharing a home with my daughter Jodie and her family, just as now. However, she wasn’t working full time and although we helped with Maggie it wasn’t as much. My mom hadn’t come to live with us yet. However, I was working full-time, along with traveling, speaking, teaching, and working on my book. But I seemed to have more time. Ah, perspective! LOL

I read the book ‘8 Minute Meditation: Quiet Your Mind. Change Your Life’ by Victor Davich. I practiced the meditations and settled on one. It is as simple as saying to yourself with each breath, “Breathe in, breathe out.” BUT meditation proved to be a challenge for me. I am by nature a mover, a worker. I want to get things done. I am a finisher. None of this settles well with sitting quietly. However, I began using this practice daily. I would sit on a chair in my kitchen and breathe in and out for 8 minutes. Man, some days it was HARD! However, I became good at it. I began doing this breathing work at the kitchen sink when I was upset or in the car for the same reason. It helped my mind and body slow down and I was able to make better choices and have more thoughtful responses.

Then I began using it when I went to bed. I use this practice to this day. I can go to sleep in under 15 minutes no matter how the day has gone or what worries I have. If I wake up in the night, I can meditate myself back to sleep in a few minutes.  As you can see, meditation proved to be very useful to me. But as we do with many things that work for us, I let it slip out of my life, except for going to sleep.

So, at this juncture, why couldn’t I commit to meditating for reasons other than going to sleep? I didn’t believe I could keep the commitment! As a full-time caregiver, I jump out of bed in the morning, and I am off to the races. I move at 100 miles an hour all day long. Then I take my 15-minute self-care shower and drop into bed. I meditate myself to sleep and then the next morning I repeat. I know it sounds terrible, but it fits my personality. However, I know it is not the healthiest way to live. It doesn’t help me manage stress.

Here is one of the affirmation/commitments that I repeat each morningGod and Christ value me just as I am. To them, I have great worth. I feel their love every day! They are teaching me about rest and rejuvenation…so I can serve better.

You see, I know how important it is to slow down, to be still, to make space for oneself. One of my favorite verses of scripture found in the Christian Bible is Psalms 46:10 – Be still and know that I am God.

But knowing and doing are two separate things. After I shared my article with all of you, I couldn’t get meditation off my mind. I thought about it every day. I wanted to commit but I wasn’t sure I could. Eventually, I decided to revisit what it felt like. I recall the morning, a few weeks ago, when I got up, dressed, and then sat on the couch. I have an app on my phone from my early meditation days, Insight Timer.  I opened it up, went to my library created so long ago, and chose a 5-minute meditation. I remember opening my eyes at the 3-minute mark because, well, I needed to get going. LOL However, the day moved along more smoothly. Just as busy, but there was something different.

After a couple of days of revisiting how meditation felt, I had one of those 5:30 mornings when I needed to get Maggie up. I didn’t meditate. It was easy to fall off the wagon. See, I knew I couldn’t commit. BUT I also couldn’t stop thinking about it. A week later, as I headed to bed, I opened the app. I found a 60-minute meditation in my library and played it as I fell asleep. I woke far less during the night and felt more rested in the morning! I asked my husband if the music bothered him, and he said it didn’t. I have been going to sleep with meditation music every night since. It is making a HUGE difference in how well I manage busy days.

The last few weeks have been tough. Canning season didn’t end in October but slid right into November. Many days I was up at 6:30 and worked till 11. My normal bedtime is between 9-9:30. This was a rough schedule for me because I still have mornings when I need to care for Maggie at 5:30 and because I am canning, I must get going by 6:30 anyway. However, because I am using meditation music along with my meditation breathing to fall asleep, I have been far more rested, and I have been able to manage this schedule better. By the way, I am now FINISHED for the year! Well, almost. I do have a bucket of pickles in brine. LOL

Here are some things I have done to make meditation work for me:

I moved my meditation app to the home page of my phone, so it is easy to find.
I committed to my bedtime meditation music 7 days a week.
I committed to my morning 5-minute meditation at least 3 days a week. If that is all I can
do it is OK.
If I am interrupted, I pick up where I left off. Let me give you a few examples:

The first morning I did the 5-minute meditation Ben came down and asked me a question. I paused my music, responded, and then carried on. A few seconds later Jodie came down and put in laundry. I shut out the sounds and carried on. This can happen many mornings and I have decided not to let it bother me. That way I remain peaceful and get my meditation in, no matter what. : ) It is a choice. 

A few days later Jack came and asked if I could drive him to school. I calmly turned off my music and took him. I had gotten 3 minutes in, and I let it be enough.

This Monday morning when the free-standing heater went on, I noticed the sound of blowing air was very loud. I looked at the time and I had 3 minutes left. I let the feeling of irritation go. I decided to mesh the heater sound with the music, and I finished my meditation. I remained calm. It again, was a choice.

I focus on the value meditation brings and not on the challenges of getting it done.
I accept the responsibility of creating space for myself. I don’t blame others or circumstances.

I rush to the next thing. It’s my nature, and it’s how my life is structured. Meditation helps me create space in my life. Remember that old story I have mentioned in the past, that there is no space in my life for me? I know I am in control of that story and my response to it. It has been a challenge for the last couple of years to keep it in check. Meditation helps me create 5 minutes for myself, and if I remain calm despite the occasional interruptions, it silences that old story and I manage my busy days better. After all, it’s my responsibility to create space despite all that I am responsible for managing in a day. The same thing applies to my night meditation.

The Value of Meditation for Me

To summarize, what has the value of even small amounts of meditation been to me?

Prior to today’s meditation, I was saying my morning prayer. It was all I had in my head to do before I would plunge into the day. During that sacred moment, I realized I was rushing. I said to God, “I am rushing! I am sorry. I need more calmness as I move into the day.” Meditation immediately came into my mind. God is so good! I finished my prayer.

As I began the meditation, I felt like a sprinter at the starting gate. I noticed my breathing was shallow and fast. I was leaning forward as if any second the gun was going to go off, and I would sprint into the day. There was a tenseness in my shoulders.

By choice, I began breathing deeply and slowly. I leaned back and rested on the chair. I let my hands go limp in my lap. I felt the tenseness ooze away. I deliberately did what I needed to do to relax into the meditation. After a short time, I peeked at the clock thinking, “I probably have three minutes left.” My nature was asserting itself! There was only 2 min and 23 seconds left. I felt a smile coming on. I smiled for the rest of the 2 minutes. It felt good to be still and understand myself.

When the time elapsed, I was calmer. My mind and body had slowed down. The need to rush into my day was no longer there. I looked calmly at my list and thought, “Where shall I begin?” I made time for my morning routine – I read a few verses of scripture. I said my affirmation/commitments, got my water ready and wrote in my gratitude journal. I was able to make time for these important things. Then I took my walk.

Now I am deeply into the day. I am doing my writing for this post. (I usually spread it out over a week but, well, you know, canning.) Then I will construct the newsletter and do the podcast. After that, I want to clean my home for the Sabbath because I couldn’t do that last week. You know, canning. LOL Then the budget and … No matter how the day ends it’s moving along smoothly, calmly. I feel ordered and in control of myself, even if I can’t control the interruptions and shed the responsibilities. Meditation, just the little I do, has made a difference.

I AM COMMITTED!

P.S. There are many wonderful, guided meditations and in the past, I have used them. However, for now, I am only using meditation music. It is enough.

Here is a PDF of the book 8 Minute Meditation: Quiet Your Mind. Change Your Life by Victor Davich.

Are You Self Aware? What Does That Even Look Like?

Last spring, I was listening to a talk at church and the speaker gave a statistic that I found intriguing and a bit surprising. He said that most people think they are self-aware but that when tested only about 15% are. That is a low number of people who really know where they are emotionally, at any given time.

You are probably not surprised that this information would catch my eye. After all, I did a little counseling for myself this year because I knew there were issues with my self-awareness which made it difficult to manage triggers and stress.

What does being self-aware look like?

John Duffy, a clinical psychologist and author, expressed it this way – “In effect, self-awareness is the recognition of one’s own emotional state at any given point in time…To the degree that we can manage our emotional states, we are better able to manage…other elements of our lives as well.”

Amy McManus, a marriage and family therapist, describes self-awareness this way – “Self-awareness is the ability to look at your own words and actions from a perspective outside of yourself; to see yourself as others see you.”

Can you see how helpful it would be to be able to see yourself as others see you and then choose how to respond rather than being triggered or feeling less than? Can you see how empowering it is to be aware of your current emotional state so that you could take steps to manage how you feel?

This information was helpful for me last spring when I could see that I was on the edge of a cliff. My emotional state was in disarray after almost five years of full-time caregiving, and I needed help so that I could continue to manage.

As a mom, co-worker, wife, neighbor, etc. we would all do better if we could recognize our current emotional state, accept it, not feel like a loser if it is in disarray, and then do something to get back on track.

This is what I did last spring, got help, so I could work on getting my emotional state back into a place where I could manage myself and continue to care for those I love.

We tend to think we’re self-aware when we’re not. Remember those statistics – only 15% of the population is self-aware most of the time. Katie Krimer, a licensed clinical social worker, said that many people “feel that they know and understand themselves much better than they actually do. They may even have avoided building self-awareness because it involves looking at oneself as honestly as possible, and this can often invoke feelings of shame that can be difficult to handle.”

In my opinion and experience, to become more self-aware we need first, to give up shame because there are times you are not in a good place. This frees us to seek whatever help we need, to put ourselves back in order. If we are ashamed that we aren’t ‘perfect’ then we will shut down, hide from ourselves, and not seek help. As you can tell from the statistics, that is the choice many make whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Self-awareness is a skill important for a more fulfilling life

Self-awareness is important for a fulfilling life, one is freer from triggers, and feelings of shame, and able to respond more often rather than react.

Here is another bit of wisdom from John Duffy – “If you can manage your own emotions, you are more than likely able to exert an impact on the emotional vibe of a family, a work situation, or a social encounter. All of that is to say, self-awareness can be incredibly useful in driving a more aware, fulfilled life.”

The cool thing about a skill and self-awareness is a skill, is that it can be learned and mastered. It isn’t a natural talent so anyone can be better at self-awareness.

Last year when I was on a Mother’s Day retreat my daughter, Jodie, stopped by. She was helping me, so that I would be free to stay by myself for a few days, doing what I wanted. We didn’t plan it, but when she got to where I was staying, I spent an hour talking with her about the state of my emotions, and where I really was. It wasn’t comfortable because I am the mom, a writer, a mentor, and I should have all my ducks in a row, right? But it was helpful.

We strategized a few things that would help me physically manage better at home, as well as emotionally. In order for this conversation to occur I had to be willing to accept that I am not perfect, I do have ‘stuff’, and that it is OK. It doesn’t diminish my worth or my ability to help and serve others. In fact, that conversation allowed me to serve better, going forward. All those months ago, it was worth being vulnerable so that I could receive help to see what I needed to do. As has been said, self-awareness is a skill for a more fulfilling life.

So how can we cultivate greater and more consistent self-awareness?

I read several articles on this topic because, like most of you, I wasn’t sure how to cultivate self-awareness. I know that I can be self-aware, but I also know there are times I avoid it.

As I read there was a plethora of thoughts on how to cultivate self-awareness. I have chosen, for myself, only those that I am currently willing and/or able to do. As you do your own research you will see many other ideas and then you can choose what will work for you right now. I am sharing the link to one article I read and one talk I listened to, to get you started.

Here Is What I Committed To

1. Seek feedback from those you trust. That is what I was doing with my daughter on my Mother’s Day retreat. It is what I did when I chose to do some work with a professional counselor last spring.

2. Practice gratitude. This is a long-term practice for me. I have filled several gratitude journals. I write three things daily. My goal has been to not repeat myself. That is a challenge. : ) I will continue this practice.

This week I began a new gratitude journal after two years of writing. I still strive to write down new things. I am not above writing down eggs, watermelon, my mom can still dress herself, or cereal for an easy breakfast. LOL

This one practice has been helpful on many levels, not just with self-awareness. I recommend it highly!

3. Examine your triggers. Recently, I was on a wonderful podcast called Beyond the Cookie Cutter.  In that podcast, I talked about a moment when I was triggered by something my husband did. Mary Black, the host asked me to explain how I worked through the situation to determine what the trigger was so I could get my emotions back in order. You may find my experience of use as you figure out how to do this yourself. 

4. Let your walls down. This goes along with number 1. You do this best with those you trust. As I shared in the podcast, my husband can trigger me. But of all the people in the world, I trust him most. So, we have talked about it. He knows I am continuing my work to heal my triggers, which aren’t about him at all. He is being patient. : )

5. Look in the mirror-literally. I have been looking in the mirror at myself for years. I have aged considerably in the past five years, since becoming a full-time caregiver. However, aged or not, I like looking at myself in the mirror, even on days I am mad at myself because of a choice, a behavior, or a lack of self-management, etc. With much practice, I have learned my value and I love myself. This is a skill I have mastered! P.S. This is probably one of the reasons I am free to be vulnerable with those I trust and with you, my readers. My love for me isn’t dependent on how I look or any state of perfection.

When I look in the mirror it has been to tell myself how good I am as a person and to give myself some love. As was said in the NBC News article – to learn to track attention and emotions and gain new insights into how thoughts are affecting in real time — this sort of mimics face-to-face conversations that involve deep listening and being fully present with another person.” I plan to be deeply present with myself for a few moments on a regular basis and to continue to look in the mirror and tell myself how much I am loved!

So, look in the mirror and love the woman you see looking back with all her imperfections, disappointments, sadness, etc. Know that she is of worth and that you are moving her forward.
I have shared with you what I am currently willing to do to be more self-aware. However, there are many other possibilities. Check out the other ideas for yourself and choose what you can commit to.

Becoming self-aware is life changing and it is a skill we can master!

P.S. Mediation came up often on the lists. I have meditated in the past but right now, I can’t commit to it. However, it was powerful for me a decade ago and there is a wonderful TED talk on meditation and self-awareness. You may be ready to commit to this. If so listen HERE.  I was so taken by this talk that I may reconsider and commit myself. : ) It was beautiful, simple, and doable. Pondering my options. : ) Here is a good article to get you started on your own search for greater self-awareness.  What is Self-awareness? And how can you cultivate it?

Putting People Ahead of Projects. Can It Be Done?

Here are two stories that will become one.

I am a finisher. This will be important for you to remember as you read this article. Being a finisher is a blessing in my life and the lives of those I live with and serve. But it has its drawbacks. I can get caught up in projects and leave people behind.

Story One

I needed a mammogram. Ugh, I would like to be done with that forever, but whether I like it or not, I needed one. On the appointed day, I showed up and was pleasantly surprised by the technician. She was awesome! Vicki and I had a fabulous conversation about interesting and important things while we took care of this slightly unpleasant task.

I could tell that in some ways, we were alike. She is also a finisher. Our conversation got around to the topic of being patient with people when they got in the way of the work at hand. This was a problem for her at home and work. Boy, could I relate. Projects or work can supersede the very people we are serving. We laughed about it.

Then the conversation took a serious turn. Vicki was down on herself because she was new to the ‘I need to be more responsive to people’ party. She said, “I’m never going to get this.” I have felt this way myself. I told her, “You will get this and have a change of heart if you keep working on it, if it is a true desire of your heart. I know because I have been doing this work of changing for a long time.”

Story Two

The next day I was at my neighbor’s home picking mulberries. I had gotten up very early to do the job because I oversaw getting Maggie up, dressed, and into her wheelchair that morning. I had almost finished one section of the lower branches of the huge tree. I had a clear thought come into my mind, “Remember, Jodie is working, and you need to get Maggie up and dressed.” I have a good handle on time, and I had already felt that it was close to the time that Maggie would need me. But I kept picking. I told myself, “It’s just going to take a minute. I’ll be quick.” Sound familiar? Maggie can do nothing for herself, and she was dependent on me, and so was her working mom, but I wanted to finish.

I heard a ping on my phone, but I ignored it and kept picking. Five minutes later I was so pressed by the feeling that I had to go that I checked my phone. Jodie had gotten a message from Maggie saying she was awake. Fortunately, Maggie’s iPad was propped on the bed in front of her just in case she woke up and needed to let someone know. Jodie was texting to tell me Maggie was awake and to give me a few instructions for getting her dressed and out of bed. Maggie had just had surgery so I needed some coaching as it wouldn’t be a routine morning. Another reason that putting Maggie ahead of the mulberry picking was important!

I can’t believe it, but I began picking again. I mean, I was almost done with this section. I wanted to finish. Then I could pick up where I left off later. But again, I was pressed to STOP, and this time I did.

As I walked home, I felt slightly irritated. When I was in Maggie’s bedroom it all changed. She and I have fun conversations and laugh when I am caring for her. We use our system of questions and answers to communicate. I like working with her. She is funny and so cheerful. As I was ‘talking’ with her and getting her dressed I was overcome with a sense of gratitude. I felt grateful that she was my granddaughter and that I could serve and love her, talk with her, and laugh with her. I felt in a real way, the value and importance of what I was doing. It eclipsed any satisfaction I would have felt had I completed that section of the mulberry tree.

Learning to STOP what we are doing in favor of something that is truly more important, usually having to do with our spouse or children, is a process. I worked on this for many years as I parented and I am still working on it as I grandparent. I am certainly better than I was in the beginning, but I have had to learn to give myself space and time to keep practicing. Changing one’s way of being, whatever that may look like for you, takes intention, effort, consistency, and time. I have had to learn to forgive myself when I must be reminded that something else matters more than my current project.

A change of heart, a new way of being, can take years to achieve and then it isn’t usually a done deal. We must be reminded occasionally of what we know and our new way of responding. Perfect rarely happens. Changing our way of being is not the same as ticking something off a list, like making your bed every morning. It is deeper and it matters more.

As you work on STOPPING when your child needs you, it will impact your relationships hugely. It can make all the difference as they move from childhood to adulthood. It can and will cement relationships, and your children will be able to trust you. They will come to you when they are in need because you will have sent a clear message that they matter and that you value them over all the projects you must do in a day.

I would rather not have confessed to this crazy mulberry experience with you. It would be cool if I could tell you that I always put people over projects. But helping you understand what change takes, how important allowing yourself to make mistakes is, accepting your imperfections, and keeping going compels me to be honest, and vulnerable. : )

We all have ways of being in our family and with others that need to be adjusted. We all do! So, take heart, decide how you want to be, and then go for it even if you are still working on it decades later. Reaching the end isn’t what matters. It is your children watching your journey that in the end will make all the difference.

It has made a difference for my children.

Want to Laugh More, Remain Calmer, and Be Happier?

If you had asked me twenty-five years ago if I had a sense of humor, I would have replied that fun and funny are not on top of my list. I don’t get jokes. I don’t see the humorous first. Getting stuff done is my thing. Being on time matters. Maintaining order is number one. I liked things and people to be a certain way. Because of this, I was easily frustrated or annoyed by situations and people, including my husband and kids.

However, a decade and a half ago, when I began speaking and teaching, I was in for a shock. I made people laugh. I am no comedian, but I said things in a way that was humorous to an audience. People assured me of this all the time. : ) I would never have guessed that there was another side to me.

The Beginning of Change

One day many years ago I was preparing to attend an event with my 11-year-old daughter, Kate. The dress was Sunday best. We were running late and being late was not an option for me! So, the stress was on to get there on time!

As we walked out to the car, I stepped off the curb into a pool of water up to my ankle. I was instantly mad!!! My foot was wet, my shoe was full of water and there wasn’t time to change. My thoughts were filled with anger and frustration. I turned those thoughts into angry, frustrated words.

As I drove down the road I complained about the water in the gutter and the inconsideration of some people who let their sprinklers run all over the place. I fussed about the foolishness of having the event at this time of day and not later, and on and on……. You can hear it, can’t you?

When we were about 6 blocks from home, for some reason I visualized myself stepping off the curb and into that gutter. I saw my shoe fill up with water and the shocked look on my face. It was such a funny picture that I began to laugh.

My poor daughter who had sat silently through the so recent tirade just stared. Then she began to laugh. When I got control of myself, I said, “That was so funny!” In her sweet voice, she replied, “Mom, I wish you had known it was funny when it happened.” That wise statement from my youngest daughter sent me on an adventure of change. I wanted to see the funny side of life more often. I wanted to be frustrated and annoyed less. I wanted to stop complaining when things weren’t as I thought they should be.

I decided all those years ago to get a grip on frustration and anger, but my resources and my knowledge were lacking, so for quite a while I made very slow progress. But I did make progress.

Twenty-One Years Later

Mary and Jack, both under five, were taking a bath. They were in the tub alone for less than 5 minutes while their dad took their clothes to the laundry. When he came back into the bathroom everything in the room which wasn’t nailed down was in the tub: scale, towels, dirty diapers, toothbrushes, soap, shampoo bottles, everything.

As Doug began fishing all the stuff out of the tub while trying to control his temper this is what he heard, “Hey dad you’re ruining my island.” How’s that for learning? How’s that for funny? I laughed and laughed. Even Doug had to laugh.

This Summer

In our garden, we have left a large patch of dirt. This is where Ben and his friends play. They are all 10 and 11. They dig huge holes and fill them with water. They make tons of mud. They bury stuff. They have a ball.

Recently the boys purloined a few eggs from the hen house and decided to put them into small holes in the ground and cover them. They wanted the covers to be light and not crush the eggs so that they could retrieve them later. Guess what they found to use?

Well, right next to this unplanted area are raised garden beds with my rhubarb and a huge pumpkin. The leaves were perfect. So, the boys picked a bunch and sniped off a few shoots. Hmmmm They turned some of the rhubarb into trees standing over the leaf-covered cavities holding the eggs. One side of the rhubarb was picked bare. Good thing it is a huge plant, as is the pumpkin. LOL

When I went out and saw their ‘work’ I did not get mad. I wasn’t frustrated. I didn’t laugh but I couldn’t help smiling at the craziness of kids. Later, Ben and I had a talk about playing but asking for Grandma’s help if leaves or other living items were needed.

This ability to remain calm and see more disasters as funny hasn’t been easy to master. I will truthfully tell you that it is a battle I still fight every day and that little 11-year-old, Kate, well she is 34. Ten years ago, I recommitted to this calmer, sillier, more fun side of myself. I had learned a great deal in the ensuing decade and a half. I was willing and able to do more to be happier; to control my responses; to manage my thoughts and stories better.

It takes work and practice to change your way of thinking and being. I still have my wet shoe days, but they are fewer than when I began this process of change all those years ago. I am not discouraged because I have taken so long to get where I am, which isn’t as far as I need to go. I am not discouraged, because I am so much better than when Kate was 11. I have made progress and I will continue to make progress.

What is required to make this type of inner change, a personality shift, if you will?

  •  Deciding you will change
  •  Knowing ‘how’ you want to be
  • Working on it consistently
  • Learning what you don’t yet understand
  • Not beating yourself up when you behave in the old way, just starting again
  • Staying the course until you get there, never becoming so discouraged that you give up

I know that if you can laugh rather than yell, feel frustrated, or cry when kids do stuff that bugs you, causes messes, or seems frankly, naughty, life will feel and look better. Learning to laugh will relieve more stress than taking a long vacation.

This work is worth the years and effort it takes because

you will like your life better. I promise!!

Duality Matters in Parenting!

Here is how the conversation with my daughter Kate on pride vs. pridefulness ended. If you are out of the loop, refer to the Sept. 10th and Sept. 17th articles at https://www.maryannjohnsoncoach.com.

Duality in Life and Parenting

I told Kate, “I’m proud of myself that I figured this out as I became an adult. Thank you for telling me. I never would have thought of such a thing. I always felt like such a fearful person. That is what your siblings saw. But by the time I was forty, I had worked out a lot of garbage. So, this is like a confirmation that the work I did was valuable. It wasn’t easy. There were no classes, no internet, no place to go for help except to friends. I had to figure it out by being honest with myself, and by pondering and praying a lot. It took me years. I am amazed that I figured it out. That I healed and grew. Thank you. I love you.”

I was sorry that my older children had grown up with a frightened, fearful woman, who did not value herself. I told Kate that. She replied, “You know Mom, just because it took you time to learn and grow doesn’t negate the great mom you were and this important message you gave me.”

Then Kate mentioned the word duality. It was new to me. I know dual means two, but I hadn’t heard much about duality. Here she was telling me that in parenting it matters.

What is duality? Well, two things can be true at once even if they are contradictory. You could be fearful at 40 and still exhibit confidence that you didn’t even realize. This can be helpful in relationships with others and with us.

Some Examples

In my 40s’ I thought – I either have it all together or I don’t. I either show confidence in everything or nothing.” I felt this was true. But the truth was this – I had fears and insecurities in many areas of my life but great confidence in others.

Sharing the message of duality is important in parenting because it can help us keep our story about how we are doing on a more positive plane, and it goes a long way to assisting us in speaking kinder and more truthfully to ourselves.

Instead of, “I am such a terrible mom. I just can’t keep my cool.” we might say, “I struggle to keep my cool, but I am working on it, and I am great at nighttime talks. It will even out If I just keep working on it.”

Instead of, “I am so lame. I still have so much to work on,” we could tell ourselves “I have so much to work on, but my kids can depend on me being at their events. They can trust me.”

The Onion Principle

In 2022 I sought counseling for myself for the first time in my life. Not mentoring, I have done a ton of that but honest-to-goodness counseling. I am 73. I should have it all worked out right? But the reality is that we are like an onion. You work on a layer at a time. That is why duality exists. You took off a layer but there may be another layer to work on.

If there are two sides to a coin, metaphorically speaking, there’s a duality. Peace and war, love and hate, up and down, and black and white are dualities. Duality is experienced every day.

You will succeed in some ways and fail in others. You will have one thing worked out and be a hot mess somewhere else. It’s OK. You can be both. We shouldn’t focus only on where we are not yet strong. It is wise to acknowledge both our strengths and weaknesses. As we do, we send a powerful message to our children that they can do the same. This will hold them in good stead as they become adults and work out their baggage. Good parenting isn’t about being perfect, knowing it all, and having all our junk cleaned up. It is instead, doing the best we can, growing and changing, and sending the message to our children that they also have strengths and weaknesses, and it’s OK. It is about allowing ourselves and them to feel pride in hard work and accomplishment even if there are things that are not yet in order.

So, as I have said many times – Be kind to yourself. Trust yourself. Hang in there and keep growing despite your missteps. It will be enough.

As a Mother, You Won’t Know the Value You Bring Until Later

This part of the conversation blew me away!

Remember that conversation with my daughter Kate that I shared last week? Here is the part that blew me away!

As we talked, Kate said something that left me dumbfounded. In fact, it was the reason for her call. She said, “I wanted to thank you because I have never received negative messages about your accomplishments. You are comfortable expressing pride in what you have learned, and the characteristics, qualities, and talents you have developed. You are comfortable sharing with other people in a non, you know, braggy way. I want you to know that I really appreciate that about you because now, as an adult woman, I am not threatened by other women expressing confidence and pride in themselves. I do not equate that with pridefulness.”

“That matters and I wanted to let you know. Now, I am a mother of a little girl, and I can pass that positive outlook of confidence and pride on to her, rather than the messaging of – talk bad about yourself because that is more acceptable.”

“Not all women are comfortable with their own goodness and accomplishments. We don’t always support one another. Because of the example I saw from you while growing up, I have been able to share this with my daughter and help teach her that it’s OK to be proud of your accomplishments.ngest ”

Here is how Kate ended our lengthy conversation on pride vs. pridefulness. “I love you very much, and I appreciate you not being one of those messengers in my life of ‘stay small, stay insecure, talk bad about yourself because that is more acceptable.’ I know the opposite is unacceptable.” I replied, “Wow. I didn’t know I did that!”

The Message I LOVE to Share!

This is one of the messages I enjoy sharing with moms the most – In parenting, you can’t know the value you bring until much later. As your kids grow and have kids, you find out what they took away from home that will blow you away. For me, this was one of those things, and over the last twenty years, there have been others.

I had to work hard to be confident. I came from a place where that wasn’t nurtured in me. I had been sexually abused and emotionally abused. I wasn’t allowed to decide on anything big or small, even as a senior in high school. The ability and example Kate credited me with, well, I had to work on it for a significant portion of my parenting days. I didn’t have this knowledge when I began, but all of my children saw its development over time. It eventually came and I was able to share it with my youngest daughter, even if it was unconsciously.

Parenting is a tough job. We do not come prepared in all the ways that will be needed. But if we are open to learning, changing, and growing, we will ultimately be a blessing to our children. The passage of time will show you the value of what you have done, as imperfect as it is.

So, hold the course, speak kindly to yourself when you mess up, and work to learn and grow. It will be enough!

How We Talk About Ourselves Sends a Powerful Message to Our Children

A few months ago, I had a conversation with one of my daughters on the issue of pride vs pridefulness. It was amazing and insightful. I can’t do justice to the topic in one article so I will cover it in the following three articles.

Here are the messages I will share over the next three weeks:
1. How we talk about ourselves sends a powerful message to our children
2. No matter how imperfect we are, we are giving things to our kids that we won’t know the value of until much later
3. Duality is real, especially in parenting. Two things can be true at once, even if they are contradictory.

I am breaking this one conversation into three shorter articles because the concepts are important, and I want to make sure you hear them and don’t get bogged down with a lengthy read.

How we talk about ourselves sends a powerful message to our children.

Let’s begin by defining pride and pridefulness. I used Webster’s 1828 dictionary, which is my favorite.  Pride – Generous elation of heart; a noble self-esteem springing from a consciousness of worth. Pridefulness – Having an excessively high opinion of oneself. Thinking too highly of oneself; conceited, arrogant, or overconfident.

Our conversation began with Kate sharing an amazing accomplishment she had experienced. She backed up a trailer all by herself and she was dang proud. It was a very tight space and she had never done that before. She had to course-correct a lot, but she got it done. Can I say how impressed and proud I was? I don’t back up anything! Period. I just don’t, so this was very impressive to me. I could understand why Kate felt pride in what she had done.

The following day Kate was taking her daughter to swim, and she saw the trailer. She felt pride wash over her. So, she shared it with Tessa. “Hey, do you see that trailer? I did that. I backed that trailer up and I was really scared but I did it anyway. And I am proud of myself.”

After she shared her feelings with her daughter, she made sure to send the message that it’s OK to feel confident in yourself. It’s OK to feel pride in what you do because pride is not the same as pridefulness.

Kate’s Sixth-Grade Experience

This led Kate and I to a conversation about the difference between pride in ourselves and pridefulness. I think that our conversation hits at one of the challenges moms and women face – can I think proudly of myself and my accomplishments without being prideful? Can I teach my daughters that it’s OK to feel confidence and pride in themselves?

Kate shared an experience she had in sixth grade where she learned to be self-deprecating. She was trying out for volleyball. Another girl hit the ball over the net. Kate said she was amazing; her serve was so powerful. Kate and the other girls were impressed with that beautiful serve. Some of the girls began asking her, “How did you do that? You were so amazing. It was so incredible.” The young girl replied, “Oh thank you so much. I worked all summer long. I practiced a lot.” As she walked away, the girls who had asked the question and had given her so much praise were like, “Oh my gosh. She is so full of herself. Ugh.”

A second girl whose serve was just as good as the first girl was also complimented by the other players. Her response was, “Oh no, no, you guys. I suck so bad. I am really terrible.” Then the group of girls with Kate were even more effusive in their compliments. “No, you were so good. Really. Like you are amazing.” When she walked away the group of girls had nothing negative to say.

Kate remembers observing this interchange as a sixth grader and thinking to herself, “That’s how you do it. Now I understand.” Here is what she learned – If you are confident people won’t like you. However, if you are insecure and say bad stuff about yourself then people accept you.

We can feel pride in our accomplishments without being prideful. Let’s send positive messages on this issue to our children so they are allowed to feel good about the things they master. We do this best by example. If we’re OK taking honest credit for what we accomplish then our children will learn that doing so is OK. Sharing my daughter’s sixth-grade experience with your kids can get an honest conversation going.

How we feel about ourselves, how we talk about ourselves, sends a powerful message to our children.

 

Growing and Increasing in Wisdom One Thing at a Time

I am so glad to be back. I have missed you all. I loved the break, but I missed sharing my thoughts and ideas. : ) Here is something that happened to me during my vacation from writing.

My Vacation Experience

In 2022 I read a book titled Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives by Wayne Muller. I posted a review of it on Facebook on June 6, 2022. Before sharing my experience, I want to tell you about the book. It wasn’t written by a person from my spiritual persuasion. He presented the Sabbath and all its parts from the perspective of many religions, some not even Christian. It was fascinating how many spiritual cultures recognize the need for space, thought, and rest. So don’t be afraid to read the book even if you are not religious or don’t profess any relationship to God. Read it with the perspective that you are going to learn something new about rest, slowing down, and making space. It wasn’t written to convert but to enlighten.

I didn’t need to read another book about the Sabbath. My spiritual culture teaches a lot about the Sabbath, and I have grown up knowing or thinking I knew about rest. However, this book taught the principles of the Sabbath in a way that was insightful and somewhat new to me. His take on rest was far different than I had ever thought of. I loved it when he said that if you sweep the floor, it will need to be swept again the next day, so not sweeping it for a day is OK. I know that, but do you have things you feel compelled to do? I do.

Here is what I loved about this book – it wasn’t just about a day of worship. It was about how to manage a busy life. It was about renewal, gratitude, and rest. It was different and very helpful in changing my perspective.

Now for the honest part. After reading the book, I created a worksheet on how I could use all the beautiful concepts I learned. I picked one thing which I implemented and still do every day. Each night when I take my self-care shower, which I have been doing since I was sixteen, I light a candle. I pray for someone. Then I talk to God about my day. I have been doing this for almost a year, and it has been SO HELPFUL. It ends my day on a high note, no matter how the day has gone. But the list, with all the other great ideas, was stashed on my desk and forgotten.

Recently, while cleaning my desk, I ran across my notes from the book, the list. I was astounded because the ideas were so good! I couldn’t believe that I had only intentionally implemented one thing. But then I, like you, get busy, and things fall by the wayside even when I don’t want them to.

Here is my plan and I don’t know why I didn’t do it before. On the walls of my room, I have a plethora of fabulous quotes and instructions to myself that I look at often. By my bed are things I want to accomplish and some longer pieces of knowledge that I never want to forget. Some mornings and evenings I sit on the side of my bed and review this wonderful, faith-building, soul-lifting information. This page of notes should have had a home there, and now it does.

My list contains such helpful information that I decided to share my list with you just as I wrote it out after reading the book. Maybe it will encourage you to read Sabbath for yourself. Possibly you will implement some of these great ideas. Either way, I hope what moved me will be of value to you.

The List

REST

• Light a candle and pray- let the hurry of the world fall away.
• Pick one technology to not use on Sunday. Use the computer or phone only for Sunday
study.
• At your Sunday meal, take time to pray, plan, eat slowly, and enjoy.
• Take three mindful breaths whenever you move from one activity to another.
• Each day pray for the people around you.
• Choose a time to be still- don’t speak.

RHYTHM

•Take a slow 30-minute walk, an amble. Linger at flowers, rocks, etc., and enjoy the
air and beauty. This is not about exercising.
•Meditate with your breathing, find the rhythm of your breath.
•Spend some time in silence, outdoors, when possible. Slow down.
•Pray in your heart multiple times a day – it is a portable Sabbath.

TIME

•Set aside time to play with Don.
•Say my affirmations, what I value, and the precepts that guide my life.
•Stand at the altar in our temple and pray with others.
•Seek out those you love when you lose your way.
•Be a Sabbath for another who is struggling.

HAPPINESS

•Focus on gratefulness.
•On the Sabbath morning, lie in bed and look at my vision wall.
•Do something simple and playful daily – walk, put flowers on the table, color, do a
puzzle, sing.
•Walk barefoot, slowly, on this holy ground. (Meaning our home)

WISDOM

•Trust God to help you in crisis.
•Watch for the help you receive. See it.
•Find time to sit, walk, meditate, pray, read, etc. in nature, the temple, at home, or
church.
•Let go of something. Choose one thing each week. Lessen your stuff.
•Shower with a candle, music, and perfume. (Remember, as a caretaker I only have 15 min. for
a shower. : ) You busy moms can do this.)

CONSECRATION

•Before Sunday, choose a quiet place. Pray. Say what you need to say out loud.
•On Sunday, don’t seek, let what is be enough, and then pray in gratitude.
•Give something you love away to someone else who will love it.

ON SUNDAY

•Journal first thing in the morning, then pray and dress.
•Write letters of love.
•Connect with people.

TO END THE DAY

•At dinner, share the best part of the day and what you look forward to on the coming day or in the coming week. Burn a scented candle at dinner.

The sections came from the book. What to do came from me.

I pondered how I could make what the author taught in each section, work for me. For example, he suggested an altar, light a candle, and pray. In my spiritual culture, we do not use alters in our church buildings or our homes. But as I thought, I came up with the idea of lighting a candle during my nightly shower and praying for others and myself. It has worked wonderfully, no matter how out of the ordinary it may seem.

As I reread my list, I was surprised at how many things I have put in place unintentionally. I only implemented one thing with intention, the addition of a candle and prayer to my shower time, but so many others have become part of my days.
•Each day, I pray for the people around me.
•I say my affirmations daily.
•I pray with others in our temple.
•I am frequently a Sabbath for others who are struggling.
•I write in my gratitude journal daily.
•I walk barefoot in my home daily. Now I need to slow the pace. : )
•I trust God implicitly.
•I am watchful and grateful for the help that I see come.
•I shower with a perfumed candle. I sing after I pray while still in the shower.
•I write letters of love on Sunday.
•I have been connecting with people more than ever before. I set up calls ahead of time with
friends every few months and communicate via video, so connection really happens. I have to
plan ahead and schedule this connection because it isn’t part of my natural energy. : )

I Have A Plan

This list is impressive to me, but as you can see there is more that needs to become part of what I do, part of me so that it happens as naturally as the list above. That can’t happen in a day or a week. So, I have a plan.

I am going to pick one thing that I am not doing yet and do it daily or on Sunday, as the case may be, for one month. By then, it should be part of my system, and I won’t need to think about it. It will just happen because it is part of what I do, like my nightly shower. : ) Then I will pick another thing. At this pace, it will take me a few years to make everything part of my life, but I am OK with that. I have learned that the time it takes to grow and increase in wisdom isn’t important. Growing and increasing in wisdom is.

I hope that all of you will pick one thing. Maybe it will be to read the book and make your own list. It may be to adopt my list or part of it and begin implementing what matters to you. Just begin.

Deadheading

The Earth Can

Teach Us

It’s summer and so you know you are in for some parables about gardens and flowers. : ) The earth, if we are paying attention, can teach us so much symbolically, and metaphorically. Here is a lesson I was reminded of this week in my garden.

When I was a girl, we had a set of very old books in our home. They were called The John Martin Big Books. They were published in 1934, three years after my mother was born. I loved these books of very old stories. Many, if not all, taught a lesson. One such story was about two girls. Each had a flower garden. One girl shared her flowers with her friends and neighbors. She picked them for those walking by who admired them. The other girl wouldn’t pick her flowers. After all, they were hers. She loved them and she was doing all the work.

Guess who had the most long-blooming garden. Yes, the girl who shared her flowers. Later in life, I learned why this is so. If flowers are allowed to go to seed, the plant stops blooming because it has accomplished its mission. If, however, the blooms are picked, and seeds cannot form, the plant will do all it can to bloom long enough to create the seeds it was meant to produce.

Learning to Deadhead

My mother taught me to deadhead flowers, sort of like that story in my John Martin Big Book. You didn’t need to pluck each blossom and give it away, but when a bloom was finished and began to droop, you clipped off the head so that it couldn’t produce seeds.

My husband doesn’t garden but he loves gardens. We always go to the nursery together because he likes to help me pick out what is going to be planted. This year he wanted to buy a hanging basket of violas. I know how violas work and I knew that come mid-July they would stop looking beautiful and need to be replaced. But he liked them, so we bought them. I determined that from the time we bought them until they were spent, I would keep them deadheaded to help them last as long as possible.

I start on one side and I’m sure I get all the spent blooms. Then I move to the other side and every time I will see one I missed. Sometimes more than one. What happens? Why can’t I see them all from the side they are growing on? It’s because sometimes I need a different perspective. When I move to the opposite side, I can see the backside of the flowers which allows me to see blooms I couldn’t see from the front side.

The day I deadheaded my Columbines, a big flower, it was easy to see the seed pods. I wasn’t tired and had plenty of energy. The light was just right so I could see these large flowers and seed pods very well. I did a really good job on them. When I came back a couple of hours later and sat in one of the outdoor chairs, I’ll be darned if I didn’t find five seed heads that I had missed, even though I had done an excellent job the first time around.

Deadheading is a metaphor for life and family.

It’s never going to be perfect no matter how hard you try. When we can accept that, then we are free to enjoy the good job we are doing, despite the imperfections.

When we are trying to clean out our schedules, make something work in our family, improve a relationship, or work on anything that’s important it’s a lot like deadheading. You think you have cut out everything you need or can cut out. You think you have developed the perfect system to resolve a problem in your family. You are sure you have added or taken away something that will improve your relationships. You feel that you have explored all the options. Then you get a new perspective from a friend, a book, an article, a chance encounter with someone, and you see something that you have missed. You become able to jettison something in your schedule you didn’t think you could let go of, adjust a family system so it works better, or see something in the relationship that you can approach slightly differently to get a better outcome.

Good deadheading requires multiple perspectives as does running a successful life. I love deadheading because it is a quiet way of spending some alone time. So, I am focused. I’m not listening to a podcast or in any other way distracted. I move my fingers through the flowers, and I look very carefully for blooms that are spent. I’m experienced at this.

However, when I go to the other side or return to a flower bed later in the day, I know that despite my best efforts I will find spent blooms that I missed. It happens every single time. I can chalk it up as a failure to see, or that somehow, I am not paying enough attention, or I’m distracted, or that I just don’t care enough. I could allow myself to feel frustration at myself, the plant, the world, and how it works in general. I could beat myself up. I could stop enjoying this quiet, alone activity because it is never perfect. Never!

When I move to the other side of my hanging violas or walk around to the back side of my Columbines and see spent blooms or seed pods I missed I could ask myself, am I seeing these missed flowers or seeds because I finally stopped being a failure? Am I finally doing a decent job? Am I paying more attention? Am I less distracted? But I don’t allow myself to hold these feelings because all that happened was that I got a new perspective. I could see what I couldn’t see before.

As parents, when we miss something in a relationship or have a family system that we thought was perfect and it stops working, or our budget is a wreck, or we aren’t losing enough weight, or…the list goes on eternally, we can choose to berate ourselves or we can know that we are doing the best we can with what we have and go searching for what we may be missing.

Being a praying person, when I find myself at a loss as to why I am not better in some way, I begin by asking God for clarity, resources, strength, and grace. Just this week I reacted to my mom in a very unkind and childish way. I cried and told her I was sorry. Then I went to God and told him I was sorry. I asked what would cause me to respond in such a way. I sought clarity and thoughts came to my mind. I have continued to think and have received more thoughts. I am in the process of deadheading, giving away old stories and spent ways of being.

If I refrain from beating myself up for not doing something as well as I wanted to and instead seek information and resources to help me do better, then I will be given a new perspective. I will grow and in time, I will respond differently. I have lived this repeatedly and I know it’s true!

As I said, deadheading is a metaphor for life. We will fail. We will be unkind. We will miss things of importance. We will mess up in our family. It will happen. All that means is that you need a new perspective, information you do not now have. So, love yourself and your efforts. Speak kindly to yourself and extend grace as you learn and grow. Ask for help and then keep deadheading.

Your life’s garden will bloom far better and be more beautiful if you do.

A Little Here and a Little There, with Consistency, Conquers!

Four years ago, I wrote an article detailing how I cleared a field by myself in a nine-month period with a hoe and a rake. It was arduous, sort of like growing a baby. : ) The purpose of the article, was to demonstrate that we can accomplish very challenging things if we understand the principle of taking small steps with consistency. I also shared what I learned in those nine months.

My life seems filled with opportunities to prove to myself, repeatedly, that consistency in small things really can accomplish BIG things, things we thought we couldn’t do.

Last year, I thought I should help some neighbors with their yard. Really! Don’t I have enough to do? But it was a clear thought, so I decided to give it a go. My friends have serious health challenges, and they need help. So, I began.

Not long after I began weeding the flower beds, a member of my church congregation walked by. He shared that over the years, groups had come from the church to help, and he and his wife had helped. Then he said, “It will look the same in a month.” But I knew that I had made a commitment and that I had a plan to help me get this work done and keep it done. I smiled and replied, “Not this year.”

I knew I could clear these flower beds and put the yard in order because two years before I had cleared the field. This wasn’t going to be nearly as hard. I also knew that because I understand the principle that small things done consistently really can make a difference, I would be able to do the job. This applies to clearing a field by hand, keeping a neighbor or your own yard in order, keeping your home in order, relationships, growing a baby, anything.

This Year Feels Intimidating!

I want to do some cleaning and organizing projects this year, but it feels intimidating. I want to do my regular spring cleaning, you know, cleaning out cupboards, under beds, oven, refrigerator, drawers, and bookshelves. I have made a list of all the projects. Then there are the outside projects. I want to sort my stuff and minimize it. I need to reorder the garage and clean out my shed. I have a garden and flower beds.

Add to this the fact, that I am helping my daughter and her family and caring for Don and my mom. I also write a post every day and publish one article a week. Yeah, it is a lot of stuff, and with that stuff, I need to find time for myself to think, read, and rest. You can see why it might feel intimidating. But I want to do these things. They will make me happy. Yup, work and organizing makes me happy. LOL

Last year I experimented with small steps and consistency when it came to all the projects I needed and wanted to do. Of course, when you begin a large project, it can take extra time. The field, in the beginning, took 3-4 hours a day, six days a week. But once it was in order, the time went down significantly. I give it 30 min a day in the early spring, but by mid-June, I am down to 15 minutes every other day. My neighbor’s yard takes 30 minutes a day until mid-June, then it is 15 minutes every other day. In fact, just this week, I decided to go once a week, work on the garden, and then visit for half an hour. Just once a week. That is still consistent and will be enough. Can you see how consistency can pare a thing down over time and make it manageable?

Spring cleaning last year was a challenge. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do the whole kitchen in a day. This is how I used to manage. I had the energy and put other important things, like kids and events, on hold. I don’t do that anymore. I know that if I break a job into smaller bites and am willing to consistently give time to those small bites, then whatever it is will get done without sacrificing family or self.

This is something I have had to learn the hard way. I am a finisher by nature, and I want to finish. No small bites for me. Just get it done! BUT I know from experience that finishing works better, in a busy life, if we break the thing into small steps and then give consistent effort. Do I still struggle to live this? Absolutely! After all, I am a finisher, and that hasn’t changed, but I have grown wiser. This wisdom helps me get just as much done, over time, without sacrificing important things like self and family.

How It Looks Now

Back to last year’s spring cleaning. Let’s look at the kitchen. I would assign myself 1-3 cupboards in the kitchen, depending on the day. Another day would be the oven or two shelves in the fridge, etc. It took me two months to finish the kitchen. As I said, in the old days I would have knocked it all out in one eight-to-ten-hour day.

Then I moved on to the bookshelves, the bathroom, the bedrooms, etc. Over the summer, I got it all done. I can’t call it spring cleaning anymore. Hmmm, a better term would be Maintaining Order Over the Long Haul. LOL

Here is what this week looked like as I began my Maintain Order regime:
Monday – Clean one bottom cupboard the on west wall in the kitchen.
Tuesday – Clean the turnstile and lime away the shower.
Wednesday – One kitchen drawer and one bedroom drawer.

You get the drift. Does this feel irritatingly bothersome and slow? I get it. But along with these simple steps, I fix three meals, manage another person’s meds, bathe another person twice a week, help with Maggie and my other grands when Jodie is working, do laundry, sweep, and vacuum, water the garden, deadhead the flowers, get the mail, buy groceries…you get it because this is what a moms life looks like. So, when we have a big project, we must find a way to fit it in and still do all the other things that are required.

It’s Not Just About Spring Cleaning

Spring cleaning isn’t the only thing I am talking about. What if your relationship with one of your kids is strained? What are the small daily steps you can take while still doing all the other things moms do?

What about a mini conversation as you drive them to track practice? Your child may only mumble a few words, but over the summer, it will count. Maybe you decide to give a random touch three times a day. What about sitting at a meal together regularly despite everyone’s busy-ness?

There is work to do to keep relationships in order, be a PTA president, teach a class at church, maintain a friendship, or any of the other ‘things’ that come along while still maintaining home and family relationships. To add something we want to do, like spring cleaning or training for a marathon, LOL and not inadvertently subtracting the things that matter most, such as relationships and self-care, it is vital to understand:
•Breaking big projects, of whatever kind, into small bites or steps helps them get done without sacrificing anything important.
•Consistency in doing the steps or bites we have determined will and does make ALL the difference.

When we break important projects into small steps and then commit to being consistent, we can accomplish miracles.