Category: Present Parenting

Do You Have a ‘Family Thing’?

Every mother struggles to bring all that she has to the family table. We all want to teach our children to be kind, to have manners, to be honest, to do their chores, to share, and on and on. We also want to teach skills that can help them as adults. We desire to encourage them to develop talents for the joy of it. It can feel daunting.

But there is something else that many of us struggle with; we want to have meaningful ‘family learning’, where our families connect and where the connection we create is passed down. That can often seem even more challenging because of the time and effort it can take. This is not something that we can give to our children by our example or our way of being.

I am talking about what we do as a family that is uniquely our own, that is passed on because we did them together and they became part of us. Today we are going to tackle this sticky wicket and see how it can be done, even if you have felt that you are failing at this or if you don’t even get what I’m talking about. : )

THE MAGALEI FAMILY THING

I want to introduce you to my friend Quincy Magalei, a homeschooling mom. We met via the internet. Years ago, Quincey discovered my blog and then bought my book, Becoming a Present Parent. She signed up to receive my newsletter and followed me through the years, reading what I wrote.

Quincy has seven children. Last year she and her husband took over the care of two newborns with severe special needs. They require a vast amount of time and need willing hands and hearts to care for them. That is when I heard from Quincy in person. She knew it was going to be more than she could manage alone and felt she should set a few things in place so the chances of success would be greater.

Quincy knew she and her husband would be very short on sleep and time. The babies were needy and on oxygen. There were going to be lots of doctors’ appointments and therapy. How to do this and still homeschool? Quincy reached out to me for friendship, ideas, and a safe place to talk.

This last December, in one of our conversations, Quincy mentioned a concert that she and her children were giving in Heber City, Utah. That would be an eighty-minute drive from my home, into the mountains, and at night. : ) But there was no snow, which was unusual, so I decided to attend.

The concert was held at the Wasatch County Senior Center, which also houses the library. A perfect place. There was a good crowd on that night because of the lack of snow. : ) The concert was amazing. There was audience participation, amazing vocals, musical numbers, and good-hearted joking around. Quincy played the piano, as did some of the children. Her husband played guitar and ukulele. The children played guitars and violins. Her twelve-year-old son, Ezra, did some beatboxing and he was good! He began learning this skill at age nine. Asher, one of the 6-year-old twins sang with the Bigs because he loves singing. Ehli has a natural talent but is not yet as engaged. However, he participates because this is a family thing, it’s what they do!

I enjoyed myself thoroughly, as did my mom. I will attend other concerts they give because it was worth the drive. It was wonderful to observe a family doing their thing together. It was moving to see them connecting. It was hopeful to see what a father and mother can do together when they want to share something with their kids, despite the odds against it.

After the concert, I asked Quincy how in the world did her children learn to sing like this, play instruments, and perform together. I really wanted to know. I didn’t think I had done anything like this with my family. Why not? I could sing. My husband played an instrument. Did we fail?

She said the whole idea was born years ago because she wanted to give her children a chance to learn music and then provide a place for them to perform. But how? It was intimidating and would require time and effort. Then she saw another family singing together and was astonished. She had no idea that was even possible, all the littles to bigs, performing together. This pricked her heart and gave her hope and 20 years later her family is doing the same. It wasn’t easy. They were homeschooling seven children. Her husband worked. But the desire to do something as a family was strong, they loved music, and it helped them overcome the barriers.

When they lived in Oregon they performed in the homes of widowers/widows and for older couples they knew from church. When they moved to Utah, they continued the tradition. Then they were asked to sing at the senior center. Quincey began setting up concerts. They honed their gifts, talents, and skills as a family, over time. I want to tell you they are GOOD and sang one song that was so challenging I couldn’t believe they were doing it!

Quincy said that this concert, where all her family was together, was the highlight of her life and worth the time and effort. She told me she was proud of what they had accomplished as a family. I loved these words from her – “It demonstrates the synergy of working with God and trusting yourself; then watching the results while being sustained by grace in every moment.”

Despite the uphill battle and the addition of two special needs babies as they began working on last year’s concert, she said her efforts were magnified in a way she had hoped and prayed for. As she said, “God makes us more than we are alone and fills our hearts and souls in the process.”

But what about me and the fact that I didn’t teach my children to sing or play instruments when Don and I could have? I was a self-taught professional cake decorator too. I made fabulous wedding cakes which were my specialty. But I never taught my kids. Two of my daughters went on to teach themselves and I am proud of them. I was also a terrific seamstress, but I only taught my last two children to sew. Hmmm, did I fail my family? This is a question I have heard other women ask themselves when they see what other families have accomplished. This is a question we each need to examine.

OUR FAMILY THING

Every Sunday for many years, after church, I would take my children to the care center to visit the elderly. They would read to the people, tell jokes, and visit. I took them to the homes of older people and visited. We served in this way as a family often. Today, none of my children are put off by where people are at, special needs, elderly, ill, homeless. They can talk to anyone, and they do. They have hearts that are tuned to those in need.

That is why my son, Seth, is one of my granddaughter Maggie’s, favorite people. Maggie has severe cerebral palsy. She can’t walk or speak. But Seth knows how to talk to someone who can’t talk back. He isn’t the least put off by her situation. He knows that every person wants to laugh and be seen. In fact, every member of our family, even those who have come in by marriage, knows how to spend time with Maggie.

My daughter Jenny, despite a brain injury, has a master’s degree in communication science and disorders. She works with the elderly helping those with communication impairments, swallow deficits, and cognition. She has told me that her experiences at home moved her in this direction after her accident.

My daughter Jodie regularly takes her children to help the homeless. They pass out cocoa and cookies. They smile. They shake hands. They listen.

All my children serve the underprivileged, the needy, the elderly, and the ill. It was a family thing, and I didn’t even realize it at the time. It was the connecting family activity that left home with our children and is being passed down.

OTHER FAMILIES AND THEIR THINGS

Let me tell you about another mom that I just met a couple of months ago, Emily. She cuts my hair in her home studio. At one appointment the Magalei family came up in our conversation and Emily lamented that she wished she had time to do something like that for her kids. She is a very good seamstress and felt like a bit of a failure because she hasn’t made time to teach this skill to her children. : ) Then our conversation moved on.

I discovered that this family hikes. She said that even her three-year-old is a great hiker. They have hiked in many places. They do it whenever they want to be together as a family. They all love it. She and her husband have taught their kids how to enjoy the outdoors and be safe. I told her that this is a legacy as powerful as what Quincy has given her children or what I gave to mine. It just happens on different stages. Quincy’s family is on a stage in a community center. Emilie’s is on the side of a mountain, and for my family, it is in the halls of the ill and afflicted.

Another mother I know has a son who was obsessed with rocks. It became their family thing. They went to digs and planed vacations around where rocks could be found. They collected, sorted, and displayed them. They spent time in mineral and geology museums. They had constant family conversations on the subject. This is what they did as a family.

Another family I know skies together. They spend whatever time they can every winter skiing. And when possible, do it on the water in the summer. This is their family thing.

I didn’t realize what our family thing was at the time. It would have been helpful to me to have figured that out. I would have been more confident in the job I was doing. It was helpful to my hairdresser, Emily, when she realized that they did have something that was a family thing.

So, I am asking you. What do you do to connect as a family? It is there if you look at where you spend your time together. Is it something that bonds and connects you as a family? If not, then what would accomplish that? As you can see it doesn’t need to be 20 years of teaching your kids to sing and play on stage. So don’t be intimidated. That was Quincy’s dream. Mine was more modest, but in the end, just as meaningful.

What matters is that we have something we do regularly as a family that we all enjoy, that bonds us and helps us connect. Bowling. Skating. Sewing. Baking. Hiking. Reading together. Fishing. Hunting. Serving at nursing homes. Science. What is your family thing? Begin observing your family and your regular activities. What do you do to connect?

When you can see it, you will be comforted, that yes, you have a family thing, and it matters. You’re doing good!

Harness the Power of Focus

I have a friend that I admire very much, Alysia Humphries. What got me thinking about her this last couple of weeks was that tonight (Saturday) I am going to a special event for caregivers. She and a handful of other women are giving some nurturing to caregivers. I fit into that group and so Alysia asked me to come. I am going to have some foot zoning done and Alysia is giving me some light therapy. Restful!

That got me thinking about Alysia and a letter she sent to me after an event I participated in over a dozen years ago to help mothers learn to be present. Today Alysia kids are twelve years older, but being a present parent doesn’t change even when your kids are adults. I thought you would enjoy her letter and the tips that she came up with for herself to manage better. Enjoy Alysia’s experience and I will enjoy my light therapy. : )

The Power of Focus or Being Present by Alysia Humphries

“Recently at our Mama Mastermind, I got to learn from an amazing Mom and Grandma, Mary Ann Johnson, about the power of Being Present ie. the power of focus. She gave us a challenge that has been, well, challenging for me. It is a simple one, and I really needed it, but it has been harder so far than I expected. Here’s what it is. You’ll laugh, it sounds so easy.

‘Commit to Be Present with one person each day for 3 minutes. Totally focused on them, no multitasking, thinking about other things, no other agenda, no looking into the future, just looking into their eyes, listening to them, and letting them know you value what they feel, say, and who they are by the way you are with them. 3 minutes.

Anyone can do that for 3 minutes, right?

‘Well, it turns out it’s not so easy for me. I have gotten really good at doing 3 or 4 things at once, which has served me well in some ways, but it often means I am missing things that matter the most, opportunities to connect and teach and understand my kids better, and powerful moments together. Nursing a baby, while typing an email, while half listening to a child’s request, or trying to mediate a quarrel from the kitchen while washing the dishes and thinking about what I am making for dinner all at the same time, have become a normal way of life for me. And it doesn’t only zap my energy, it zaps my power to touch my children and be touched by them. Yes, I really needed this exercise. I want to learn to harness the power of focusing!

‘It’s only been a day and a half, and here’s what I have noticed so far.

1. Old habits are hard to break, so I really have to concentrate on being Present! I guess there is a reason why Mary Ann started with such a short period of time. Baby steps.

2. It really helps to physically remove myself from my distractions. If I am reading something and I want to be present when my child wants to tell me all about their latest Lego creation, I need to physically remove myself from what I was reading, get up and go see what they are talking about, or go sit down with them on my lap and turn my whole self toward them. Otherwise, it is too easy to sneak a peek at what I was looking at before and get distracted again.

3. Three minutes really can pay big dividends! I have had better conversations with my kids in the past few days than I have had in a long time, and I learned a lot about them! Sometimes it only takes one minute, to have a moment that is meaningful together, that satisfies a need and makes them feel loved, and they go skipping away happily like I just gave them the world. It really doesn’t take a lot of time; I just have to be willing and not put it off. There is power in focusing!

4. I enjoy my kids more when I am present with them. Making time with them my purpose rather than a distraction means I get more satisfaction out of spending time with them. And they do, too.

5. I DO have time to be present! I don’t have to rush around getting tons of things done at once. And it’s something I can’t afford to miss! It’s funny (and sad) how it’s the things that you can’t get back, like making memories with your kids, that seem like the easiest thing to put off in favor of things that will always be there, like dishes and phone calls and errands. That exact moment might not ever come back no matter how much you try to recreate it when it fits in the schedule. Taking 3 minutes to stop, turn, and take in your child completely means capturing something irreplaceable. I need to remember that when I’m tempted to put the kids off.

‘I’m very grateful for this exercise and I think it will carry over to other areas of life as well, being present with my husband, being present with God when I am talking to Him, and being more open to the people around me and the beauty that is everywhere.

‘Being Present helps us be more Joyful. It helps us see more. It helps us be more effective in the things we do. It might seem like slowing down means accomplishing less, but I think by being present I will actually accomplish more of the things that matter the most.”

Empowering Action:

Take the 3-minute challenge. Give each child 3 minutes of your focused presence this week and see what a difference it makes.

Some things NEVER change! Kids or adults, just 3-minutes this week, for each one! Let me know how it goes.

HELP! I Need Activities for Small Children

I enjoyed the time I taught and mentored mothers and fathers. I was able to share stories, experiences, and resources. I met many parents who wanted to create strong family cultures and tight relationships with their children. The years that I did this work were sincerely fulfilling.

I recall getting an email from a very harried mom with a three-year-old. I laugh about it still because I can relate!

“YIKES!! My three-year-old wants me to help him with everything!! I need some activities and games for small children!”

Not long after, I got an email from a mom who was homeschooling. She loved working with her eight-year-old, but she had two littles who made it difficult to give her older son the attention she wanted to. She needed some diversions for those little ones. She planned for all of them to be in the same room, but she needed her littles to be able to play happily without her help for short periods.

Small children want their mom or dad to be with them. It’s all about “being present” and frankly, their little hands need more help figuring things out so they can keep going. So, what’s a mother to do when she needs to help an older child or wants to keep a little one entertained while she does dishes, folds laundry, or works from home? And then there are times a mother wants to do some learning or reading of her own. We are so good at multitasking that if we can keep the littles happy at our feet, we can do some of our own work and study.

At that time, I put the question to my readers and was amazed at the wonderful answers they gave. If you have littles and need them to learn or play on their own for bites of time, give some of these ideas a try. Most of them came from moms who have mixed ages in their homes, some school at home, and some work from home. They are tried and true. : )

Activities and Games for Small Children

Building blocks activity – my kids LOVED magnetic blocks and my grands still do. Any type of blocks will work.
Lego’s. “Throw a sheet on the floor and dump the whole caboodle in the middle. They can swim in them if they want to so long as they keep them on the sheet. When it’s time to clean up, fold the four corners together and dump the lot back into the container.”
A marble shoot game…”Use tubes that create a tall tower. They drop the marble at the top and watch it go through the tubes down to the bottom.” (Make sure your child has reached the age where they won’t put the marbles in their mouths. : ) You could have an older child create one for the littles. Here is one created by a mom in minutes. If you don’t mind a bit of noise this is fun. You would have to make it lower on a wall and wouldn’t need as many parts.
Play-Doh activity – Provide an old rolling pin and have them play on the floor with a variety of cookie cutters.
Geo-trax. There are so many different versions of this. If you have one, use it.
Try a shoe box for each day of the week. “In each box, there are a variety of toys to play with that day. When you are done, close the box…next day is a new box with new things to discover. (It could be anything…not just toys, but nesting Tupperware, spoons, rocks…anything new can be exciting.)”
A pile of stacking cups and a pile of math manipulatives “(1×1 inch tiles in the same colors as the stacking cups) make a great learning activity for young children. This worked for my two-year-old as long as she could sit in the middle of the kitchen table with them. She did it every single day the whole school year pouring, sorting, and making piles of those little tiles.”
Mr. Potato Head game.
Lacing cards.
Large beads to string.
Painting! “Before you run screaming, let me tell you they can paint quite happily with water. If you give your little ones some colored construction paper, a big paintbrush, and a small cup of water, they can “paint” to their hearts’ content. If they spill anything, it’s just water. Put them on the table with a vinyl cover and put a towel over that.”
Pegboard and big plastic pegs.
Buy a package of paper cups and let your children play with them. They can nest them, stack them, build with them, etc. If they get mashed, no loss. In fact, if you’re like me, you might want to take a few at the end of playtime, place them upside down along the floor, and then jump on them. Kids LOVE this. It is the reward for playing quietly for a while, alone.
Nesting cups.
An indoor sandbox? “When my children were small, we had one of those turtle sandboxes, with the cover, in the house. We put some plain white rice in it, and some appropriate toys: scoops, shovels, containers, etc. They LOVED it! If you don’t want an entire sandbox, you can fill a smaller container with rice, and let them play in that. Place it on a sheet for easier clean up.”
“If you have time to make some materials, you can make fun matching games from posters. Dollar stores often have education posters. Buy two posters, cut up one of them, attach Velcro to the back of the pieces, attach the other part of the Velcro to corresponding areas on the intact poster, and voilà! You have a lovely matching activity for them. Do this with colors, shapes, numbers, letters, or anything that lends itself to matching. Hang the posters on the wall. This is a great learning activity for young children.”
Board books. You can find books that have textures, which are nice for the little ones. You don’t have to buy them new.
A small folding dryer rack, some washcloths, and a few clothespins.
A little spray bottle of water, a sponge, and a table they can “clean.”
Plastic rubbing plates, plain paper, and crayons.
Plastic food is always a hit, especially if you also have plastic plates upon which to serve it.
Stuffed animals and some blankets or baby clothes.
A magnetic dry-erase board and a fun set of magnets.
“If you have room- a train table with bins underneath is great because they can do so much on top of it, and everything stores beneath it.”
Audiobooks – When they were small some of my grands loved this activity.
Simple art supplies: crayons, paper, pencils, clay, etc.
“Deliberately leave things undone–kids at that age love to help with the right encouragement. Whenever you notice that attention fading, send your little one to go ‘do something’. Leave your shoes in a silly place for example. If approached with the right cheerfulness, a 4-year-old will certainly hunt for 30 min. or more for Mother’s sweater, not just because she’s cold but because it is so funny to discover silly mom left it in the soup pot again!”
Make a game of chores: “Folding laundry is one–sure you may have to re-fold it, but it does work. Feeding pets, setting the dinner table (does it matter if you won’t eat for a few hours?), cleaning baseboards (because no one really cares what they look like), making lunch or a snack–a 4-year-old is quite a gracious host if given the responsibility. They can do all kinds of things with fruit and veggies and dip and even make sandwiches.”
“Montessori websites have great suggestions for toys, games, and learning activities for young children. The best book on making your own Montessori materials is Teaching Montessori in the Home: The Pre-School Years by Elizabeth Hainstock.”
Find a workbook for preschoolers.
Cutting, pasting, and tracing.
Mini trampoline.
Plastic balls in a big pot. You can go cheap and fill up a kiddie pool with them if there is space.
Make a fort with sheets or blankets.
You may not believe it, but some little children love to sort socks.
Big cardboard boxes will keep any young child busy for hours. I used this and they played for hours. They really liked decorating them with crayons.

How do you keep your “littles” occupied and happy? Got a GREAT idea.

Share in the comments.

I No Longer Have a Bucket List or Is Parenting the End of My Dreams!

Do you have cherished dreams? Is there a goal you want as much as breathing? Do you worry that because you chose to be a parent they may never come to pass?

I can relate. I raised seven children. I was busy and overwhelmed lots of the time. I had goals and dreams and there were times I felt they could come to pass. Then, just when I felt I was moving towards them, I would be called home physically or emotionally and the dream would be on hold again.

Today, I want to encourage you and give you heart, so will hold on to your dreams while you do this most important calling, raising your family. I have often said, “You can’t know until you get there.” I have gotten to a new place and in time, I believe you will get there too.

As a child and youth, I had a marvelous bucket list of things I wanted to see, do, and become in my life. Some were BIG dreams. Others were dreams that weren’t as out front, but dreams, nonetheless.

I Want to Be a Speaker!

When I was five years old, I wanted to be a speaker. I know that’s young, but I had spoken a couple of times in my church’s children’s group, and I LOVED it. I was not afraid of getting up in front of people. It was thrilling to share something that I knew to be true, even when I was five.

When I was deeply into parenting in Montana, I attended a women’s conference with my sisters in Utah, at Brigham Young University. As I sat listening to the keynote speaker, I had a thought which took me off guard. “You will speak like this someday.” I replied in my mind, “That’s never going to happen.” After all, I had seven kids, and some were struggling. I had already had to quit speaking for schools and community organizations to manage the chaos at home.

In 2009 I began sharing family connection information with parents. For the next ten years, I traveled the United States speaking and teaching. When I began, I was fifty-nine years old, and our youngest child was 19 and just leaving home.

I Want to Write and Publish a Book!

When I was eight, I discovered the Oz books. Did you know there are fourteen, full-length Oz books? While visiting my grandma and grandpa Cazier, I discovered them in the library. I spent hours sitting quietly on the library floor reading.

It was then I decided I wanted to write a book. I began that summer. I got a notebook and hand-wrote the first few pages of my own novel. My grandma Gardner was a teacher and when our family visited her home in Logan, Utah, she would throw open her ‘paper’ cupboard and we could pick anything we wanted. I always chose a fresh, clean notebook and a new pencil and would begin another story.

In 2016 I did write a book. It took six days a week, at 4 am, for six months. It was published by Cedar Fort Publishing in 2017. It wasn’t what I thought I would write. It wasn’t a novel, but it was a story about my experience parenting, what I had learned, and excellent counsel to help others avoid some of the mistakes Don and I had made. I was sixty-seven.

I Want to Make a Recording

My mother could have sung in an opera. She had an exquisite voice and even tried out for the Lawrence Welk Show. I heard her singing while she hung laundry for her family of eleven. She sang as she cooked and cleaned. I loved her voice. I knew I didn’t have a voice like my mom’s, but I wanted to sing.

I took every opportunity that came my way. I sang in front of the whole school in 7th and 8th grades. I was brave because I LOVED singing.

When my mother was 74 her voice began to change. I asked my sister to take her to a studio and have a CD made. Evette got it done. I was 54 years old, and it was then I decided that I would make a recording of my singing someday.

It was just a wish until twelve years ago when I put a picture of a CD on my wall with my face in the center. There it hung for years. At one point, in 2022, as my efforts to find a studio and a pianist began to fall apart, I felt it would NEVER happen.

My voice, like my mother’s was changing. I was out of time, but I decided to give it one more year! I so wanted to see it happen. Last year, on Dec. 31, 2023, I finished the recording and had my own channel. That felt heady. : ) I was forty days shy of my seventy-fourth birthday.

In March of 2022, I wrote an article naming many other buckets list dreams I had knowingly and unknowingly accomplished. It was delightful to realize that because I had held on to my dreams they had come to pass, more than I consciously knew. Some came to fruition in completely different ways than I had envisioned.

In the first week of January, this year, I revisited my 3-5 year goals. I felt my bucket list was done. I had some financial goals, but they weren’t true, ‘all my life’ bucket list things. I was still working on two ways of being that matter a great deal to me, but I will be working on charity and making time, my friend for the rest of my life. LOL My bucket seemed empty.

I was happy to focus on those few financial goals because they will matter in the coming years. However, I felt a tad disappointed that I didn’t have anything exciting to work for.

One evening, not long after I wrote the article about this year’s goals, I was pondering as I sat at my desk. I often pray to God while doing mundane stuff. I don’t kneel, I just begin conversing.

This was one of those times and I was thanking Him for helping me accomplish the recording, a thing in 2022 I felt couldn’t be done. I mentioned that I had done everything I had wanted to do except to continue to work on a more charitable nature and have time be my friend.

During that prayerful conversation, I had a thought and as happened at the Women’s Conference, it brought me up short. I began to laugh. Here is it. “Well, Mary you haven’t become a dancer yet. You still can’t play the piano. And didn’t you want to learn to speak Spanish? What about painting?”

I laughed because these all have been dearly-held dreams, they just never made it to the front of the list! Because of the intervening years, they had taken a back seat in my consciousness.

I Want to Play the Piano!

I took a few piano lessons while raising my children, but I never got far because one of the kids would want lessons and our income in Montana was small.

In my late sixties, I bought a keyboard so I could take piano lessons. But I was deeply into speaking, teaching, and business building at that time. I let the dream go and when we joined our home with Jodie’s, the keyboard didn’t come with us.

I Want to Dance!

I wanted to be a dancer my whole life! I still have a few books about dancers in my library that I have had since I was under ten. In my younger days, I was able to take a few ballet lessons. But with nine kids in my family, they were short-lived.

When we moved to our current home six years ago, I searched for a jazz dance teacher who took older students. I didn’t find one, so I stopped thinking about it. After all, I was caregiving three people and when would I do it anyway?

I want to Paint Beautiful Landscapes

I thought often about being a painter. I knew in my heart I could do it if I could just take lessons. At one point I took a community class, but my children kept touching the canvas and then wiping the evidence on the wall. I let it go.

In the later years of parenting, I took a short trip and sat at the side of a lake and painted the lupine. Later, while caring for my daughter who was in a car accident, I took her to a painting class and did a piece that hangs on my wall today.

I Want to Speak Spanish Fluently!

Speaking Spanish is like my recording. I have wanted to speak Spanish for decades, but I felt the time was past. To learn another language, you must be able to remember things, and my detail memory is compromised. But I know that I wouldn’t have been reminded about my love for Spanish if there wasn’t a way. It makes me smile thinking about it.

I still have those financial goals, but now I have put some long-held dreams back in the bucket. I need to put them on my vision board and then I need to ponder how they could come to pass despite age or difficulty. Just this last year I saw a dream that didn’t seem possible at my age come to pass. : )

Here is My Message

Parenting doesn’t need to end your dreams. There will be time and opportunity. Focus on your family. If small steps can be taken, take them. Practice when you can and then patiently wait. Space for you will open. It will.

I was over fifty before many of my fondest hopes came into being. Like many of you, I felt I had exchanged my dreams for a family. But as you can see it was only a story and not a true one.

And when I thought I had done all there was to do, all I had ever dreamed about, I was reminded that I still have dreams. I am still here and I can accomplish more, if I choose.

I gave parenting my all, as imperfect as it was. I took my role as a mother very seriously. I gave up opportunities. I, like you felt that most, if not all, of my dreams would never come to pass because time was moving so quickly.

I had goals that came to pass while I was mothering. But most of my bucket list dreams came to fruition after my children were grown.

Never give up on your hopes and dreams. You may not know how to bring them to pass, or when it can be done, but hold them close and trust that you will see miracles happen.

I know this is true because I got there!

Say Yes More Often Than No

I bought Mom a beautiful fake flower in a glass bowl. My mother loves flowers, but we can’t have any living plants in her room because she pours water on them continually. There are some problems with that.

1. Plants die if the roots are submerged in water. We have lost a few.
2. Eventually, they begin to smell.
3. She uses the water she is supposed to drink, and then it’s impossible to track her water consumption. Water is a vital part of what I manage because one of the first things to go with dementia is a sense of thirst, and dehydration is a real issue.

The day I bought this lovely plant, I entered her room to find the pot filled with water! I felt irritated and explained to Mom that it wasn’t a living plant, it didn’t need water, water might ruin it, etc. Then I cleaned out the pot and the mess on the dresser. I refilled her water glass.

When I returned, she had again filled the vase with water. This is what dementia is, and it isn’t her fault, but I was tired and felt angry to have another mess. I knew she couldn’t recall our previous conversation, and if I said it all to her again, she wouldn’t remember. However, if she kept putting water in the vase, I would have to remove the plant from her room. I mean, it was a fake plant and didn’t need water. Right!

Later, standing at the sink washing dishes, I had this thought, “What does it matter?” I was astonished and stood thinking about it. What did it matter? If water were in the vase, it would just be there. The stems were plastic, and the vase was glass, so water shouldn’t hurt. I didn’t want water in the vase, it was out of order. But what did it really matter?

I returned to my mom’s room and said, “You know Mom, if there is water in this vase, it doesn’t hurt anything. It doesn’t matter. Why don’t you put some water in the vase, and then you won’t worry about it.” She poured water in the vase, and it made her happy. After all, to her, it was a living plant. She sat back in her rocking chair, and I said, “I’m sorry, Mom. I can get grouchy.” She smiled and replied, “That’s OK.” Then we hugged. Eventually, the water evaporated, and she never refilled it. It was only on her mind that first day. Not a problem at all.

As I thought about this experience, several things came to my mind.
•There isn’t just one right or OK way to do a thing.
•Flexibility when working with others smooths our daily interactions.

When something seems wrong, bizarre, or dangerous, we need to stop and consider if that is a story, we are telling ourselves or if the facts indicate it’s true. If it’s true, then we need to act. However, if it’s just not how we would do it or if it seems out of order to us, then we should step back and see how it could be made manageable.

When we do this, it can impact our relationships in a big way. It is freeing to us and validating to others when they are allowed to make decisions for themselves even if they are different from what we might do. My boys and their bedrooms are a good example.

Managing a Boys Dirty Room!

I am a very tidy person, and I like order. When I was younger, I felt this was right and the only way to be. That caused me some problems because order and tidiness aren’t important to everyone. Take my three boys for example. Their rooms, in my opinion, were pigsty’s. The floors, dresser tops, closets, bed, and every space in their rooms were littered with stuff.

Of course, I spent lots of time yelling about their messy rooms. I had consequences if the rooms were out of order. It never made a dent. Even on days when I wouldn’t let them leave till their rooms were clean, by that night, they would be in disarray and cluttered again.

I finally got tired of yelling and how it made me feel, how it was hurting my relationship with my boys. I knew there had to be another way to handle it, so I prayed and pondered the situation. I came up with a plan that worked perfectly for many years.

I sat the boys down and told them how their messy rooms made me feel. I told them that I knew they didn’t feel the same way, so here was how we were going to handle our differences.

If I couldn’t see the mess, I would leave them alone. That meant they had to keep their doors closed with nothing spilling into the hallway. Maybe they would clean them occasionally, but that was up to them.

The caveat was this, every six months the room had to be deep cleaned. I would tell them when the cleaning week was. They could clean the room, or I would. They could decide what stayed and what went if they cleaned their room. However, if I cleaned their room that decision was up to me.

My sons Barry and Seth never cleaned their rooms, and I was more than happy to go in every six months and dung them out. Cleaning is my thing and I like it. They didn’t care if I junked stuff. It was perfect.

My son Andrew didn’t want me in his stuff so every six months he would deep clean his room and I stayed out. That also worked perfectly.

I know this wouldn’t appeal to everyone, but for us, it was a great way to handle the issue. No more yelling, no more Saturdays with upset boys sitting in their rooms feeling angry. And every six months I got to do my thing. As I said, for us it was perfect. Don’s Christmas ornaments are another good example.

Don’s Christmas Ornaments

Don loves decorations at Christmas. I used to go all out. Our home looked like a Better Homes and Gardens picture. But I’m older now, and I don’t care about most of the trappings of Christmas. Much of what I do these days is for Don. I would buy a big poinsettia and call it good. LOL

Last Christmas, as has happened for many years, Don didn’t want to take down the tree. He would leave it up till April if he could and did do that one year. : ) I, of course, wanted the tree down and all the paraphernalia put away. You know, back in order. But he was firm in his desire to be able to see his favorite decorations longer. What could I do?

Again, I prayed and pondered the situation. One morning I saw this picture in my mind; all of Don’s favorite ornaments hung on the wall behind his desk. And that is where they hang year-round, to this day. It isn’t what I would do because it is cluttered to me. However, I can live with it, and he is as happy as a clam because it’s how he would do things.

My daughter Jodie, has a wonderful saying that she lives by. I have seen her use it consistently in her home, and I know the results. I am often amazed at her yeses, and I have learned a lot about flexibility watching her with her children. Her belief in this saying has paid off many times. I work to remember this more often and it helps me focus on people, not things, and my way of how it should be done.

What if we said yes as often as we could and not only when we had to?

The Two-edged Sword of Innovation

I like Kerry Patterson. He is a great writer and from my era, so I relate to everything he writes. Back in September 2012, Kerry wrote an article about unplugging from the workplace, the difficulty and the benefits. I saw amazing parallels for a family. In the ensuing eleven years, I have seen what Kerry shared become even more challenging.

Kerry talked about the nuclear tests that America engaged in 1951, and all the craziness that went along with that. Students were sent flying to the floor to cover the backs of their necks in case of a nuclear attack from the Soviet Union. They saw American soldiers in newsreels, dressed in green fatigues, toting rifles, and holding their helmets tight to their heads, walking resolutely into a cloud of nuclear dust as the latest blast rolled across the desert. It was all craziness because in 1951 we all knew about radiation, the danger, and yet the tests went on. Kerry then asked the question “What similarly insane things are we doing today?” What modern inventions have we wholly embraced, which appear to have made our lives better, but are slowly killing us? In short, what “nuclear walk” are we taking today?

Kerry and I agree on one crazy thing that is happening – our inability to unplug! Let me give you an example that I witnessed back in 2012 and still see happening today. When I first moved to Utah, I lived on the second floor of a two-story apartment building. Below us lived a wonderful family with two daughters. In front of their apartment was a large hedge that hid their patio from view. As I came up the walk one day, I saw Lisa and Patrick’s heads above the hedge. I saw no children. I called out to them, “Hey are you guys having a date?” They both looked up and answered “yes”. As I rounded the hedge to the stairway, I saw that they were playing separate games on their individual cell phones but…they were on a date.

I have mentored moms who had a hard time gathering their families together. Reading as a family was out. Watching a movie together was a struggle. Meals together were rare. They struggled to find time to be present and listen to their children. When I had these moms track how they used their time they were amazed at how much of it they spent answering emails, checking Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, and dealing with other social networking sites, as well as online games they played. There were texts to respond to, videos from friends, and a plethora of things to Google. There were podcasts and audiobooks to listen to. None of these activities were bad but the time used led to a sense of dissatisfaction in their performance as mothers. They couldn’t seem to keep up. This applied to the dads I worked with as well. They not only had the social networking issues their wives had, but they also brought work home with them on laptops and cell phones. These good parents then wondered why they couldn’t connect more regularly with their children or avoid becoming angry and frustrated with them.

After our tracking exercise, I would ask “What would happen if you unplugged occasionally? What if you turned the cell phones off just during dinner? What if you didn’t check your email or Facebook until the afternoon? Would disconnecting for even an hour make your life better?” They answered yes, but I could hear the worry in their voices. They didn’t want to be out of the loop and miss something. And frankly, for some, being thus engaged felt better than doing all the jobs that parents face every day. But what would happen if we unplugged for even an hour a day? Would it make a difference in our feelings of satisfaction, in our health, in our ability to focus on the connection we want in our family? The answer is a resounding YES.

Here is a fact that Kerry shared:

Every time you stop your current task to take a text, etc., or deal with an interruption, and then return, you place the original task from short- to long-term memory, put the new job into short-term memory, and then reverse the entire process to get back on task. Completing this conceptual lifting dozens of times a day creates stress, which can lead to distress and all its attendant health problems.

Frequent interruptions can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction. Instead of working continuously for periods of an hour or more on a task that’s challenging and solvable, we purposely interrupt our flow, add stress, and make our job as a parent far less doable or enjoyable. Take listening to a fretting child or trying to soothe an ill youngster for example.

When we use our time to stay digitally connected, we often extend our day beyond healthy limits. Instead of going to bed at 10, we go at midnight because we want to finish those chores that we didn’t get done earlier. This leads to a lack of energy and eventual grouchiness and dissatisfaction with our children and life.

I worked with a mom who played three online games daily and was a prolific Facebook reader and writer. Often her Facebook messages said things like “I just can’t keep up” or “I am too busy, and my kids are so messy!” She had too many tech interruptions and let too much time pass in these activities which left her always feeling rushed and out of sorts. This didn’t help her parent well.

With the release of each innovation, there’s much to think about. As we invent and embrace new devices, we may not know the toll they’re taking on our mental, emotional, and physical health. What can we do?

Take control of how you spend your time.
Take control of your outside interruptions.
Make the use of technology part of your family dialogue.

When will you, your spouse, or the kids be on the computer? How much TV will any of you watch? What family times call for silencing cell phones? How many Wii or other electronic games will you play?

As Kerry suggests, “Talk openly about the two-edged sword of innovation”. Decide how and when you want to be connected and where and when you want to be interrupted. Make it a choice, not the natural extension of embracing what appears to be a helpful tool. And remember, it’s not an all-or-nothing proposition. You’re not required to take a vow of digital celibacy. You don’t have to chuck your devices and neither do your kids; you just need to control them, so they don’t control you.

Have a plan and then work your plan.

I know a mom who realized that checking her computer first thing in the morning was messing up her day. She decided to turn the computer OFF each evening and then NOT turn it on again until after 12 P.M. This one thing made a world of difference. She felt more productive in the A.M. and was able to help her kids get going on their day. When you make decisions about technology you make more time for your family.

Managing technology with children especially youth, can be daunting. There are dozens of books out there on the subject because it is tough. But what if you decided to turn off all phones during one meal each day? What if computers and phones were silenced just one evening a week for one hour while you held a family council on what was coming up that week? Or what if once a month you had a family movie night and phones were not allowed? Challenging I know, but even one small thing that opens space for family conversation is valuable and will make a difference.

What is one small thing you are willing and ready to talk to your family about? What is one small change you will make?

Decide as a family and then do it!

Putting People Ahead of Projects. Can It Be Done?

Here are two stories that will become one.

I am a finisher. This will be important for you to remember as you read this article. Being a finisher is a blessing in my life and the lives of those I live with and serve. But it has its drawbacks. I can get caught up in projects and leave people behind.

Story One

I needed a mammogram. Ugh, I would like to be done with that forever, but whether I like it or not, I needed one. On the appointed day, I showed up and was pleasantly surprised by the technician. She was awesome! Vicki and I had a fabulous conversation about interesting and important things while we took care of this slightly unpleasant task.

I could tell that in some ways, we were alike. She is also a finisher. Our conversation got around to the topic of being patient with people when they got in the way of the work at hand. This was a problem for her at home and work. Boy, could I relate. Projects or work can supersede the very people we are serving. We laughed about it.

Then the conversation took a serious turn. Vicki was down on herself because she was new to the ‘I need to be more responsive to people’ party. She said, “I’m never going to get this.” I have felt this way myself. I told her, “You will get this and have a change of heart if you keep working on it, if it is a true desire of your heart. I know because I have been doing this work of changing for a long time.”

Story Two

The next day I was at my neighbor’s home picking mulberries. I had gotten up very early to do the job because I oversaw getting Maggie up, dressed, and into her wheelchair that morning. I had almost finished one section of the lower branches of the huge tree. I had a clear thought come into my mind, “Remember, Jodie is working, and you need to get Maggie up and dressed.” I have a good handle on time, and I had already felt that it was close to the time that Maggie would need me. But I kept picking. I told myself, “It’s just going to take a minute. I’ll be quick.” Sound familiar? Maggie can do nothing for herself, and she was dependent on me, and so was her working mom, but I wanted to finish.

I heard a ping on my phone, but I ignored it and kept picking. Five minutes later I was so pressed by the feeling that I had to go that I checked my phone. Jodie had gotten a message from Maggie saying she was awake. Fortunately, Maggie’s iPad was propped on the bed in front of her just in case she woke up and needed to let someone know. Jodie was texting to tell me Maggie was awake and to give me a few instructions for getting her dressed and out of bed. Maggie had just had surgery so I needed some coaching as it wouldn’t be a routine morning. Another reason that putting Maggie ahead of the mulberry picking was important!

I can’t believe it, but I began picking again. I mean, I was almost done with this section. I wanted to finish. Then I could pick up where I left off later. But again, I was pressed to STOP, and this time I did.

As I walked home, I felt slightly irritated. When I was in Maggie’s bedroom it all changed. She and I have fun conversations and laugh when I am caring for her. We use our system of questions and answers to communicate. I like working with her. She is funny and so cheerful. As I was ‘talking’ with her and getting her dressed I was overcome with a sense of gratitude. I felt grateful that she was my granddaughter and that I could serve and love her, talk with her, and laugh with her. I felt in a real way, the value and importance of what I was doing. It eclipsed any satisfaction I would have felt had I completed that section of the mulberry tree.

Learning to STOP what we are doing in favor of something that is truly more important, usually having to do with our spouse or children, is a process. I worked on this for many years as I parented and I am still working on it as I grandparent. I am certainly better than I was in the beginning, but I have had to learn to give myself space and time to keep practicing. Changing one’s way of being, whatever that may look like for you, takes intention, effort, consistency, and time. I have had to learn to forgive myself when I must be reminded that something else matters more than my current project.

A change of heart, a new way of being, can take years to achieve and then it isn’t usually a done deal. We must be reminded occasionally of what we know and our new way of responding. Perfect rarely happens. Changing our way of being is not the same as ticking something off a list, like making your bed every morning. It is deeper and it matters more.

As you work on STOPPING when your child needs you, it will impact your relationships hugely. It can make all the difference as they move from childhood to adulthood. It can and will cement relationships, and your children will be able to trust you. They will come to you when they are in need because you will have sent a clear message that they matter and that you value them over all the projects you must do in a day.

I would rather not have confessed to this crazy mulberry experience with you. It would be cool if I could tell you that I always put people over projects. But helping you understand what change takes, how important allowing yourself to make mistakes is, accepting your imperfections, and keeping going compels me to be honest, and vulnerable. : )

We all have ways of being in our family and with others that need to be adjusted. We all do! So, take heart, decide how you want to be, and then go for it even if you are still working on it decades later. Reaching the end isn’t what matters. It is your children watching your journey that in the end will make all the difference.

It has made a difference for my children.

Necklaces on the Mirror or Charity 101

I like things my way.

It’s true. It has taken intention for me to learn to be flexible and generous with others’ differences. It hasn’t been an easy ride, but I really wanted to make this change so, I prayed about it. Be careful what you pray for.

Over ten years ago, I began praying for charity. As I studied, I learned that charity isn’t what we do it is how we are – a way of being made up of many traits. Hmmm Here are two that cause me trouble – long-suffering and not easily offended. They relate to flexibility and generosity with others’ weaknesses or the differences in how they manage life from how we manage life.

Yikes. How was God going to help me go from being inflexible and frequently annoyed and frustrated with others’ imperfections and differences to long-suffering and not easily offended? Well, He did what He does, He sent me to school, so to speak, Charity 101. He put me into a four-generation home. Trust me, it requires long-suffering, generosity, flexibility, and not being offended to make this work.

An Example of Long-suffering and Not Easily Offended

I had an experience last week that is a perfect example of how important flexibility or charity is in a family. As I look back on my parenting, it is glaringly clear that my lack of charity i.e., long-suffering, not easily offended, and being flexible or generous with other’s differences, caused us trouble. Oh well, we can only get there when we can get there. It is good that Christ makes up the difference in our weaknesses until they become strengths. : )

I am a very ordered person. I have a morning routine and a night routine. I am well practiced in making commitments to myself and others and then keeping them no matter what. I have practiced these skills for a long time. I like things to be where they belong! In my personal world, there are systems and order.

One morning, when I entered the bathroom that all nine of us share, while my daughter’s bathroom is being remodeled to make it more handicap accessible, I noticed that Mary’s necklaces were hung on the mirror. When we built our part of the home, I chose an out-of-the-ordinary mirror for my bathroom. It has birds and vines on it. It is supposed to be a decorative hall mirror but I like it and so it is in my bathroom. I enjoy those birds when I am brushing my teeth. : )

However, it is NOT a jewelry holder! As I sat and looked at the necklaces, I felt annoyance creeping in, but then, by choice, I stamped it out! After all, it didn’t look terrible, wasn’t in my way, and was causing no problems. I left the bathroom in one emotional piece.

Later that day, I told Don that Mary was hanging her necklaces on the mirror. He replied that he hung the necklaces there because he didn’t want them getting knotted up. The kids, both Jack and Mary, bring me their chains to be unknotted. I am good at getting the knots out. LOL

When I saw Mary, I told her what her grandpa had done. She smiled but didn’t say anything. That night when I went into the bathroom to shower, there on the mirror were three necklaces. I sat down and stared at them. I realized that even though I had never hung jewelry on the tiny birds, it looked quite nice. I also realized that when the remodel is done and my bathroom becomes my bathroom again it will look a little plainer without them. : )

This is what happens in a family when we choose to be flexible, long-suffering, and not easily offended when someone does something differently than we would. We can maintain peace within ourselves and with them. We may even find, in time, that we have grown fond of their way.

Have Greater Peace in Your Family

Recently in a conversation with my sisters on this topic, one of them said, “I caused my kids a lot of discomfort because I was so ridged in my ways.”

Then recently, a friend, in a class remarked that she realized she was making everyone miserable by forcing them to tow her line, and it was making her miserable too. She has decided to step back, in other words, become more flexible, generous, long-suffering, and less easily offended.

I love how God works. He requires us to do what we can to grow. I don’t always enjoy the process, but the results can be magical and a gift. Becoming more charitable i.e. long-suffering and not easily offended, is simple, but simple definitely doesn’t mean easy. This change requires intention and practice. But if I can make progress, and I have, then so can you.

Let’s work on flexibility, long-suffering, and not being offended (annoyed and frustrated) when things aren’t exactly as we hoped, planned, or thought they should be. It will bring greater peace to our hearts and to our families.

For me, this is a work in progress. It may be for you too, but when we can let go of frustration and annoyance and embrace flexibility, our family will be blessed, and so will we.

How Do I Find Peace as a Parent

In the fall of 2012, I had an experience at a friend’s home that caused me to pause and think about how I felt as I mothered my family, and I shared those feelings with my friend. I believed every word that I said to her. Every word!

Guess what? I listened to the video I made about that exchange, and I was shocked! Why? Because I needed my own advice!

You see, I learned to stop being at war with parenting, finally! But as a full-time caregiver, I have to be honest, I am often at war again. I hadn’t realized this until I listened to myself on that old video. I am currently revamping how I feel when I get up in the morning and what I know the day will be like. I am revamping how I feel about going to the extra effort to cook for my husband’s health. I am reviewing how I feel about the effort it takes to get my mom to drink two large glasses of water every day. I am rewriting my story about caring on and off for four live-in grands, one with CP. : )

You learn from trial and error, from a good book, class, or a friend. You implement what you have learned, and it makes a difference in your life. But here is the rub, often we must relearn old lessons.

I hope you get something valuable from what I knew and lived in 2012. I hope you will implement what you can in 2023, as I am going to do. Parent on!

How Do I Find Peace as a Parent?

“Doesn’t this just bug you? You just can’t win!” That was what a friend said to me one day when I was helping her clean her house. It was summer, and the house was full of children. I was mopping the kitchen floor as small feet ran nimbly across, hoping I didn’t see.

I have thought a lot about that question and how I feel about it. The answer, for me, is this, “I am not at war with my children. I am here to serve.”

How do I find peace as a parent – I work on the stories I tell myself.

The power of a story is amazing. The stories we tell ourselves about our lives are the most powerful. Our stories generate feelings and expectations and can bring us joy, sorrow, or anger. We can write a story of war or service and peace. How terrible to get up every morning and go to war! But to get up and serve?

Enjoy this video on the difference between waging war and giving service.

You can watch it HERE.

Just Do It!

Back in 2013, when Jodie and her family moved into our three-bedroom apartment while looking for a new home, I was reminded of many things I had forgotten since my children had grown up and moved away. It takes flexibility to manage a family. Things don’t always go the way you plan, and moving forward when things aren’t just what you want, well, that is the road to feeling good as a family. Here is a peek back to that ‘learning’ time. By the way, Jodie was homeschooling Maggie and Jack and bringing Mary on board. It was a big load!

What does ‘Just Do It’ look like?

There are some real advantages to having a family of six move in with you, especially if they have four children, six and under. I have gotten a bird’s eye view reminder of what it is REALLY like to parent, and home educate. I have been thinking back to my own days of doing both these things, and this has brought back memories, some good and some bad.

Today was a particularly interesting and REAL day. I had to share. It was an example of what “just do it” means in a family.

I heard the children at about 6:30, but I didn’t get up until after 7:00. It was quiet in the living room with Jodie busily working on her computer while the children watched a movie around her. That is how Jodie gets her own devotional and study time accomplished from 6:30 to 8:00. The movie is essential. We all know that watching a movie isn’t the best way to occupy children, but you do what you can, right?

Breakfast happens in shifts as each child awakes. It takes about an hour to feed Maggie, the six-year-old with CP, so Jodie often does that while she reads her scriptures or plans the day. If all goes well, and today it did, everyone is happy, it feels peaceful, and all are fed by 8:00 or so.

I might mention that on some days, one or more children have two breakfasts because by the time the first wakes till the last awakens, or Jodie has time to get food to each one, several hours can go by. By then, early risers are ready for breakfast number two. In fact, I had forgotten how often you must stop and get food for someone in this age group! No matter how your morning goes, as you move towards learning time, you keep going.

On mornings when it all doesn’t go as smoothly as today, it might be 10:00 before everyone is fed and dressed. Those are the noisy and sometimes exhausting mornings. You just keep smiling, hugging, and remembering that this too, will pass. It doesn’t matter if school begins later if it happens.

‘Just do it’ keeps everything moving when it’s not perfect!

Next, it’s getting ready for the day, taking off pajamas and getting dressed, changing diapers. This is less peaceful and usually goes less smoothly; you know how it is. One child doesn’t like what you have given them to wear, another doesn’t want their diaper changed, a third won’t hold still long enough to get dressed, and all the while Maggie, is asking for her iPad with a loud “Where are you” squeal.

Then we move to the family devotional. Quiet reverence is not the standard here. There is family singing with one voice, Jodie’s. Then a lot of “sit down, fold your arms, can you listen please” and sighing…on mom’s part. As I watch and occasionally participate, I sometimes think that I would bag it and move on. Jodie is a stalwart for sure. She is a master of ‘just do it.’

By about 10:15 today all was finally accomplished. Jodie had showered and dressed. (How she got a shower I am not quite sure!) Next, it was family work. Family work is never called chores. It isn’t a chore to do your part in your family. Chores are saved for consequences when you forget to do as asked in a pleasant way, which on some days can be often! : )

Family chores are one way that Jodie helps the children gain confidence and pride in their abilities. Jack was supposed to fold clothes. I saw Jodie pull folded dishcloths out of the drawer, unfold them, and give them to Jack to fold. (He didn’t see her unfold them.) This happened because there wasn’t any clean laundry to fold. It wasn’t that there wasn’t any laundry; it was just all still dirty. Often laundry takes a back seat to what really matters. : )

Mary was assigned to empty wastebaskets while Benny carried his little broom around copying the Bigs in his life. Maggie swept and vacuumed, and she loves helping. It will always be a special treat to her because it is never mundane.

After family work, it was school. Today, they read the classic they are working on, “Raggedy Ann and Andy”. Then they played ball. Maggie needs help with this activity. Jack is a great big brother and did his part. Then we made hedgehogs.

A few days earlier, I was telling the kids about hedgehogs. We looked at pictures and videos online and they were so taken with them. Today, out of the blue, Jack asked to make a hedgehog!

His mom didn’t put him off so that she could find a pattern and get the stuff needed. She just threw some odds and ends together. She used what she had because the interest was now. In a day or two it would probably be gone. Sparks, or what interest a child, can have a short shelf life. The younger the child the shorter the shelf life. : )

I was so busy helping that I didn’t get a photo of the table before the project began. I would have loved for you to see it. It was a disaster. Most of what we used for dinner was still there from the night before. I am sorry to have to confess that, but there it is. Some nights we move on to something else right after the meal and often, well, we are tired. : ) Jodie did what any great mom would do. She pushed it out of the way and carried on.

Here, in a borrowed home, in cramped quarters, that was all of it, all there was to “school” and taking care of ‘family time.’ There are thoughts in both our minds, mine, and Jodie’s, about what a successful home education and family-together day should look like. This is what it looks like for now.

Instead of requiring everything to be ‘just right’ before you move forward, decide instead to ‘just do it!’