This last December I was able to spend three days by myself in the home of a friend. She was away and gave me the key. Can you imagine how fabulous that was for me? No one to worry about, or care for. No pills to manage or porta potty to empty. I was happy, but I didn’t do what everyone else might do. I had what I called ‘My Vacation List.’ I had to laugh because there were 22 things on the list I wanted to get done. It didn’t include watching movies, taking long baths, or going out to eat, although I did all three. : ) No, it was things such as writing 5 Facebook posts, writing a book review, cleaning up the photos on the phone, taking a tour of my MDM class, and deciding what classes to take at the Family History Library. Doesn’t sound much like a vacation, does it? But it was!!! These are the kinds of activities that recharge me. I LOVE getting on top of all the nitty things I never get to. : ) Order is restful and satisfying to me.
That reminded me of a time in 2011 when I stepped away from my business for four days after Thanksgiving. Back then I was deeply into speaking, mentoring, and teaching classes. The things on my ‘2023 Vacation List’ were part of my business life back then. It would not have felt like a rest. However, again, I didn’t do what many of you would do.
In 2011, before full-time caregiving, I loved my work, but it was fraught with hard things. Running a business entails many tasks I was just learning to do. Technology was often baffling. I had an article to write and mentees to work with. Then there were presentations to prepare and give. I had to navigate airports and hotels by myself. I needed to reboot!
So, what do you think I did for the four days after Thanksgiving? I cleaned like a crazy fool. I rearranged both my kitchen closets. I mopped and moved furniture and scrubbed and… I know this doesn’t sound like much of a vacation to many of you. But I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to do something so normal, that I was totally familiar with and very good at. Cleaning and organizing recharge me BIG TIME. I love doing this stuff and back in 2011, I wasn’t getting enough of it. There was too much business and many presentations and classes to give.
At the time I thought I might be the only woman in the world who would opt for cleaning to reboot or recharge. Then I read an email from a mentor of mine, Leslie Householder. She said, “In my rebellious moments, I derived tremendous pleasure out of cleaning a toilet, or reorganizing a cupboard.”
Later, I read this in The Pioneer Woman – “Looking at the calendar, I keep trying to schedule a break. I want to go shopping with my mother. I want to have lunch with a new friend in Houston. I want to get back to walking in the morning. I want to teach my children how to clean a toilet…” I had to laugh. : )
Many of you who are still in the trenches with a house full of kids, piles of laundry, dishes to do, and owies to kiss may be thinking that no way would cleaning toilets or organizing a closet refuel you.
That’s the point, it is important to know what recharges your tank. Is it a late-night hot bath, a good read, taking a walk, calling a friend, getting out of the house for an hour, a date, someone else cooking dinner, or cleaning a toilet and organizing a closet?
Find Ways to Take Regular, Short Breaks
During one of my parenting workshops, a mom said she didn’t know what would recharge her. I could relate! I had been stuck in that same place; things that used to work weren’t working anymore. So, I did what I usually do when stumped for an answer. I prayed. The answer that I got surprised me. It went something like this, “Take more breaks. Play music while you work. When it is getting to you, take a 10-minute walk.” Simple isn’t it and this from a trustworthy source. At the time it was just what I needed but wouldn’t have thought of myself.
Most of us cannot take a four-day break on any kind of regular basis. In fact, most of us don’t know how we can take even a 10-minute break. However, it is important to find simple ways to recharge.
One day, in my business building years, I had been at the computer for many hours writing and learning how to manage the technology. I hadn’t taken any breaks except to hit the bathroom. My neck was beginning to hurt. I had angry feelings building up. I felt stressed! The bad thing was that my husband was due home in about an hour and you can imagine the possible end to this story except, I took God’s advice. I stopped! I took a ten-minute walk. When I got home, I turned on music and drank some water. Then I went back to work. It was amazing to me how much better I felt and how much I was able to accomplish. I was also aware that I had derailed some angry, frustrated feelings that would have leaked onto my unsuspecting husband! They didn’t and we had a pleasant evening.
If we take the time to know what recharges us and then take regular, short breaks we will feel less stress and less frustration; we will be happier, our children will be happier, and life will feel better.
You need to know what recharges you, regardless of what others do and this will change from time to time. When you know what works find ways to incorporate it into your days, ten minutes at a time if that is all you can get. This exercise in listening to and caring for yourself will pay dividends in your feelings of happiness and contentment. Your energy level will rise, and your stress level will decrease. You will manage your emotions better. When you take care of yourself in ways that work best for you, you will take better care of your family and your relationships.
Postscript – My daughter informed me that a shower at night can’t be considered self-care, it is a necessity. She read this in a book. Hmmm, I have been using this tool very effectively for well over sixty years. For some, recharging or caring for self must be out of the daily walk we are usually engaged in – days away by yourself or with your spouse, shopping with a friend, lunch at a restaurant, a movie… I cannot accept this definition, just so you know. I have lived a long seventy-four years. I was a stay-at-home mom with seven children. I had children living in my home for thirty-nine years. Now I live in a four-generation home and care for my mother who has dementia, my husband who has many health issues, and I help my daughter who is a single mother of four, one with severe CP.
I try to get away once or twice a year if I can. I have lunch with a friend every 3 months. But what I need most are ways to recharge in the chaos of daily life. I know that order and physical work are what do that for me, no matter how crazy it may sound. My nightly shower with a candle and prayer is a staple. These things work for me!
I have become very good at finding ways to recharge and care for myself in the thick of things. It has been a necessity. If you can get away regularly, great. The point I am making in this article is that you must discover what replenishes you daily, whether cleaning a closet, taking a walk, or hitting the store. Then when it stops working, and it probably will, go back to the drawing board. What wouldn’t have worked for me in 2011 was just what I needed in 2024.
