Category: Parenting Skills

What it Looks Like to ‘See’ Another and Why It Matters

This week, I had an experience that brought to mind the importance of letting our kids know, daily, that we see them and that they matter. It brought back many memories of families I have worked with, parents I have mentored, and the huge impact I’ve seen when moms and dads learn to ‘see’ their kids during the mundane moments of every day.

A universal human need is to matter, especially to those we love. We can all satisfy this need for others, especially in our families, in simple ways. When our children or others we cross paths with feel seen, it builds confidence and strengthens a sense of self-worth. It brings moments of joy. But what does it mean to see someone? I experienced this kind of ‘seeing’ this week.

MY EXPERIENCE

Don takes radiation treatments, and so for almost six weeks, we will be at the hospital every weekday morning. When we arrive, we pull into the valet parking lane, I get Don’s walker out, help my mom, and then we make our way into the hospital while someone parks our car. When we’re finished, we get our keys, and a sweet valet volunteer takes them and heads out to retrieve our car.

The night before this experience, we had our first frost. The next morning, leaves were falling like rain from all the trees. When we returned for our car, the valet lane was filled with leaves, and a young man was blowing them out of the road onto the lawn. However, there were so many cars that he had to keep stopping and waiting. They parked our car in the lane that is usually reserved for those who are loaded and ready to leave. Again, he had to stop. He didn’t seem frustrated, which amazed me. When we got to our car, I turned towards him, smiled, and said, “I’m sorry you have to wait for us.” He returned my smile and responded with, “That’s Ok. Not a problem.” Then I busied myself getting Mom and the walker into the car. As I prepared to enter our vehicle, I heard this young man holler, “You have a good day!” What? I turned, smiled, and told him to do the same. He had kept us in his sight for a few extra minutes so he could wish us well as we drove off. I can tell you, I felt seen.

This experience touched me so much that I did a U-turn and went back. I parked and walked to where he was. I told him that I appreciated his taking notice. I told him I was a writer and wanted to share this experience with my readers because when we ‘see’ each other, it matters. He was willing to let me take a picture of us. He was all smiles and told me I was special. I could tell from his face that he felt special, too.

Can you see the simplicity of this moment and its value? This is what can and needs to happen in families multiple times a day.

How can that be done?

It requires that we take time as we move through our day to ‘see’ our children. If possible, say goodbye at the door when they leave. Smile and say, “Glad you’re home,” when they return. Touch an arm and smile as you pass in the hall. No words needed. Pat the back of a child doing the dishes or folding laundry, then go on your way. Give a word of encouragement and a smile to someone doing their homework. Look in a bedroom door of someone cleaning their room and smile encouragement or say, “You’re doing a good job.” If your child is sitting on the couch watching TV, sit by them, pat a knee, and smile. Then get up and go. Rub a back while sitting at church or while waiting at an appointment. The list goes on. This works even with teens.

IT’S A PRACTICE

Each of these interactions takes less than a minute and can be done all day long if we understand their value. It isn’t just about being nice. It isn’t about being a parent. It’s about letting another person know that they’re seen and that they matter.

This is a practice. The more you do it, the better you get and the more seen your kids feel.

Nurturing Leadership Skills in Children: Parent-Led Approaches

Today, I’m sharing an article written by my friend, Laura Pearson. I’ve watched my daughter, Jodie, do much of what Laura has shared in this well-written article, so I can appreciate the value of the counsel. I know this information will be helpful to both you and your children. Enjoy. : )

Leadership isn’t reserved for boardrooms or political arenas—it’s a skill set that can begin forming in the sandbox, the classroom, and the kitchen table. Parents hold a unique position to influence this growth, helping their children learn how to inspire others, take responsibility, and navigate challenges with confidence. By embedding leadership opportunities into everyday life, you can set your child on a path toward self-assured, compassionate decision-making. Below are a handful of approaches that blend warmth, guidance, and practical skill-building.

Encourage Initiative and Exploration

Kids often need permission to take the first step toward independence. That could be proposing a new family game night, organizing their school supplies in a way that works for them, or even trying a recipe without help. Letting kids make decisions safely builds their sense of agency while allowing you to provide a safety net. The goal isn’t to shield them from every challenge, but to create opportunities where their choices have visible outcomes—good or bad—so they can learn to weigh options, predict consequences, and adapt. These low-risk leadership opportunities help them grow more confident.

Demonstrating Leadership Through Continued Education

One of the most impactful ways to teach leadership is to demonstrate that growth is a continuous process. Enrolling in various nursing bachelor’s degree options not only opens doors for your own career but also sends a clear message to children about the importance of dedication and self-improvement. Balancing coursework with family and professional responsibilities models perseverance, strategic planning, and the ability to prioritize effectively. It shows that leaders are willing to challenge themselves, adapt, and commit to long-term goals. When kids watch a parent work hard to achieve something meaningful, they learn that leadership is as much about action as it is about aspiration.

Embrace imperfection and accountability

Many children equate leadership with being flawless. In reality, good leaders are willing to acknowledge mistakes and learn from them. If your child forgets to bring their homework home or mishandles a group project, resist the urge to rescue them immediately. Instead, focus on talking openly about mistakes with empathy—yours and theirs. Sharing a time you made an error, how you fixed it, and what you learned reinforces the idea that accountability is a strength, not a weakness. This approach normalizes imperfection, helping them see that growth often happens in the recovery process.

Foster Resilience Through Real Ventures

Nothing builds resilience quite like pursuing a challenging goal in the real world. Encourage your child to test their skills outside of home and school, whether through a bake sale, a neighborhood dog-walking service, or a charity fundraiser. When you support young entrepreneurs’ real ventures, you help them develop persistence, creativity, and the ability to troubleshoot under pressure. Even small projects can teach budgeting, customer service, and time management—all vital leadership skills.

Build Communication, Teamwork, and Critical Thinking

Leadership isn’t just about making decisions; it’s also about working well with others and thinking clearly under pressure. Sports teams, school clubs, and volunteer projects all offer ways in which teamwork strengthens communication skills. These experiences train them to lead by collaboration, fostering an environment where everyone feels heard and valued.

Allow Choice and Agency Without Fear of Failure

One of the hardest but most valuable lessons for young leaders is that failure isn’t final—it’s feedback. Whether picking a science fair topic or organizing a small group activity, let them own the process. Letting children learn from failure builds resilience and encourages them to take thoughtful risks. Your role is to guide reflection afterward, helping them identify what worked, what didn’t, and what they’d try differently.

Nurturing leadership in children doesn’t require grand gestures or specialized programs. It’s about weaving responsibility, agency, and empathy into the fabric of everyday life. By modeling strong values, encouraging initiative, embracing mistakes, supporting real-world challenges, fostering teamwork, and allowing room for failure, you equip your child with skills they’ll carry into every stage of life.

Leadership, after all, begins at home—one choice, one conversation, and one opportunity at a time.

Discover transformative insights and practical tips for busy parents at Mary Ann Johnson Coach, where meaningful conversations and learning experiences await!

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Learning Play – The Circus

Four of the finest clowns
in our fair city!

The Circus is in town!! Back in the 50s, that news brought a shiver to my spine and a smile to my face. I loved going to the circus. It was held outside in a large tent every year. There were elephants, trapeze artists, and lions being tamed. Everything smelled of sawdust, cotton candy, peanuts, and candied apples. It was an exciting event!

As I grew older, the circus changed. Long gone was the tent, replaced by huge arenas in large buildings. They seemed to come around less often. Children didn’t know as much about them, and they weren’t a yearly, long-awaited event that the whole town looked forward to.

I didn’t think any grandchildren I lived near had ever been to a circus. WOW! At the library, I found a couple of books and decided we would study circuses and then have one of our own.

What happens at a circus?

Who comes, who performs, do you eat anything, what in the world is a clown? These were questions we were going to answer in grandma school.

When I arrived at my grandchildren’s home (before we began sharing the same living space), Mary, who was 2, reached me first. That was usually the case because she loves immersive learning. She wanted to know what was in my orange basket! She delighted in pulling everything out. She found large glasses, boas, bow ties, and makeup. She was excited about all of it, but the boas. Mary was afraid of the feathers. (Years later, we got chickens, and she was the one who could catch them. Her fear of feathers was gone.)

Keep your materials simple

We began the day by looking at pictures of clowns and talking about who they are and what they do. They are funny, do tricks, and like to make people laugh. We decided to be clowns for the day. Out came the white face paint and lipstick. The white face paint was Halloween makeup I bought many years ago. It worked well enough. For red, we used what grandma had, lipstick. As I say, keep it simple. Then we tried on all the glasses, boas, ties, and other costume items. Jack fell in love with a hat and a bow tie. He asked me if he could have them. I said he could surely borrow them. “I don’t like borrow” he said, “I want to have them!” LOL

I hadn’t found many books about the circus at our small library, so I ordered some from other libraries. I never got them picked up before our circus day. That’s how it is in real life, sometimes we are on it and sometimes we aren’t! We managed with what we had, and I made a circus book. I found a terrific site of circus pictures, printed them off, and put them into a binder. (Jack, Mary, and Maggie used it until it fell apart.) It also made a great circus coloring book.

We looked at the pictures and discussed what was happening in each one, and if we would like to do that trick.

What We Did in Our Circus

1. Did you know that in some circus acts, they have dogs that dress up and do tricks? Well, Maggie, Jack, and Mary have a dog. We dressed him up to see if he could do a trick. He did! He peed on the floor from fright. We let him go and went on with our circus without him. It’s a good thing we still had clowns, us. : )
2. We decided to walk a tightrope. We used a rake handle for our tightrope. (The rake head helped the stick not roll.) The children loved walking the tight rope and did a good job. They were real performers.
3. We also decided to learn to juggle; throw one ball up, try to catch it, and run after it. Up, try to catch it, run after it. Then we tried two balls. We weren’t good, but it was fun.
4. We talked about what you eat at the circus, and then we ate popcorn and cotton candy. The cotton candy was a hit because none of the kids had ever had any. Mom had those hyped up kids for the rest of the day. Thank you, Grandma! : )

We ended our day sitting quietly and reading about a little bunny who went to the circus and billed his mom as the Meanest Mother on Earth! It was a funny book and a very fun day.

Later, the family watched Toby Tyler: Or Ten Weeks with a Circus. (I loved it as a kid, and their family did too!)

If you have mixed ages, including older children, then check out the non-fiction books. They could make a circus out of paper, draw a circus, or do some serious face painting. They could make a circus scene in a shoe box. Your older kids might like putting a family circus together with more acrobatic acts, bike riding, etc.

Books, Books, Books

Short picture books about the Circus for kids:

Secret Circus by Johanna Wright
Sidewalk Circus by Paul Fleischman
Circus 1-2-3 by Megan Halsey
Sing a Song of Circus by Ward Schumaker
Peter Spier’s Circus by Peter Spier
The Twelve Circus Rings by Chwast Seymour
The Midnight Circus by Peter Collington

Picture books with longer stories about the circus:

Clown of God by Tomie DePaola- This is where we got our idea for our clown makeup. A very touching book, my grandchildren loved.
The Day the Circus Came to Town by Melody Carlson – A story about making your own decisions and not being influenced by friends.
Little Rabbit and the Meanest Mother on Earth by Kate Klise – Find out what happens when you don’t clean your playroom!
Circus Ship by Chris Van Dusen
To The Big Top by Jill Esbaum
Dimity Dumpty: The Story of Humpty’s Little sister by Bob Graham
Tree Ring Circus by Adam Rex
Last Night I Dreamed a Circus by Maya Gottfried
Madeline and the Gypsies by Ludwig Bemelmans
If I Ran the Circus by Dr Seuss

Circus Easy Readers:

Circus Fun by Margaret Hillert
Hurry Up! by Carol Murray
Sawdust and Spangles: The Amazing Life of W.C. Coup by Ralph Covert
World’s Greatest Elephant by Ralph Helfer
Sara Joins the Circus by Thera Callahan
Millicent the Magnificent by Alice Bach – Millicent is a charming story that will help children appreciate the wonders of classical music.
C is for Clown by Stan Berenstain
Circus of the Wolves by Jack Bushnell

Circus Non-fiction books:

Juggler by Caroline Arnold
Parades by Eugene Baker
Face Painting by Clare Beaton
Jumbo by Rhoda Blumberg
Let’s Be Circus Animals by Kathy Christensen
Let’s Be Circus Stars by Kathy Christensen
How to Draw the Circus by Pamela Johnson
Circus Time: How to Put on Your Own Show by Connie Klayer
Horses in the Circus Ring by Lynn Saville
What Happens at the Circus by Arthur Shay
Clowning Around: Jokes About the Circus by Rick Walton
Paper Circus: How to Create Your Own Circus by Robin West
The Great and Only Barnum by Candace Fleming – Perfectly captures the spirit of an era, the spirit of the circus, and the spirit of P. T. Barnum himself.

For older children

Circus Junior Fiction:

Travelers By Night by Vivien Alcock
Great American Elephant Chase by Gillian Cross
The Secret Elephant of Harlan Kooter by Dean Harvey
Jelly’s Circus by Dean Hughes
The Runaway Clown by Lois Johnson
Toby Tyler: or Ten Weeks With a Circus by James Otis
Tybee Trimble’s Hard Times by Lila Perl
Incredible Jumbo: A Novel by Barbara Smucker
Miss Know It All and the Three-Ring Circus by Carol Beach York

Our immersive learning was fun, and a few years later, they got to a real circus, and were prepared. When we help children by immersing them in the learning, they have a ball, and it stays with them. You can’t and won’t do this all the time, but what if you did something like this once a month for a family activity? Aside from having a ton of fun, you will build great memories and help children love learning.

It’s worth the effort and time.

Simple Systems Are the Solution

I have learned from lived experience that simple systems are usually the solution to difficult problems in time and life management. This was not an easy lesson to learn, and I occasionally still ignore this truth, but when I do, I suffer.

A few years ago, I was praying because I needed help with time management to do the necessary chores, serve others, and care for my family. I also needed space to serve and care for myself. This is an ongoing prayer I repeat regularly because time & life can be a beast to manage. LOL

My System for Getting Up

During this season of prayer and pondering, I had a task on my daily list that I needed to accomplish by a certain time, and it was clear in my mind. As I went to sleep, I reminded myself I had this task to do first thing in the morning. When I woke up, the project came immediately to mind, and I got right up. It was a favor for my sister, Cindy. She needed an item in short supply that year that she hadn’t been able to find in her area. I needed to be at the store at 7 am to see if I could find it for her. I was on time, and my quest was successful.

The next day, I woke up just before my alarm went off, as I had the day before. I had the same list for the day but hadn’t picked something to get up for. I lay in bed for a few minutes, and the alarm went off. I thought, “My body is amazing. It knows just what to do. It always wakes up a few minutes before the alarm.” Then I dropped back to sleep. I didn’t wake up again until 7:30 and was bugged because my body had done its job waking me up, and I hadn’t done my part and gotten up.

As I said my morning prayer, it came to my mind that I manage better upon waking when I have chosen a specific thing to get up for. It gives me a reason to get up, other than just managing another busy day. They’re all busy!! Since then, I have filled out my daily worksheet and picked one item to focus on when I rise. That has worked wonders in assisting me, even when I would rather sleep longer. I know this experience was an answer to my prayers. It gave me the knowledge I needed about myself and a system to solve the issue. I love how God answers prayers. : )

A few months into this experiment, I didn’t get to bed until 10 p.m., which is late for me in the winter. I try to be in bed by 9:30 because winter and the lack of sun make life more challenging. So, good sleep matters.

I had chosen a specific project I needed to have done before 9 am, and it would take a couple of hours. This was what I would get up for. However, I didn’t hear my alarm. Fortunately, Don did and put his hand on my shoulder, waking me up. Before he could say a word, I remembered what I needed to do, and I was out of bed and going in seconds.

It reminds me of when I was writing my book, and it wasn’t going well. As I prayed about the futility of the project, I had the thought to get up at 4 and write until I had to get ready for work at 7. What a terrible idea!! But because I had a specific task, I made it work six days a week for over six months! It wasn’t easy, but the planned task made it doable, and I finished and published my book.

I have gotten very good at using this system to assist me in getting up when I would rather sleep. It isn’t perfect. I have days when I forget to tell myself why I am getting up the next morning. Then chances are, I won’t. There are also days when I choose to ignore why I’m getting up. I always regret it! LOL Then there are days that I tell myself we are sleeping in, and it is OK.

Examples of Other Simple Systems

Example 1 – I wasn’t getting my scriptures read, my prayers said, my affirmation/commitments read, or writing in my gratitude journal some days. This matters to me, so I needed to figure it out. If I left the bathroom in the morning without doing these things, I would become distracted and wouldn’t get them done. As I prayed and pondered the situation, I began having interesting ideas.

I put my scriptures, gratitude journal, and affirmation/commitments in a basket in the bathroom. I hung my clothes for the next day on a hook so I wouldn’t need to go back to the bedroom. After dressing, brushing my teeth, and combing my hair, I would read a few verses, pray, read my affirmations, and write in my gratitude journal.

While experimenting with this routine, I ran into another problem. My glasses would be on the kitchen table, and if I went to get them, then distractions happened. Now I put my glasses on my desk at night, which is in the bedroom. Walking past the desk in the morning, I grab the glasses. It’s working like a charm; it’s another piece of a very simple system.

If I wanted to use my phone to read, rather than a hard copy, it would be an easy adjustment. I plug my phone in at my desk in the bedroom. When I get my glasses, I could also grab the phone.

Hanging my clothes in the bathroom, having my scriptures in a basket, and having my glasses on the desk in the bedroom is a simple system.

Example 2 – Filling out my daily worksheet the night before is another successful system. I dress and have my bathroom routine, but I also need to know what is planned for the day. What appointments do I have? Any special chores? Any service I need to manage? Stuff for Jodie, my grands, my mom, or Don?

Filling out my worksheet before bed helps me order the coming day. That doesn’t mean everything will get done, but it helps me recenter when disruptions happen. It keeps the flow going.

Example 3 – A year ago, I got a CPAP machine. After an evaluation, I discovered I stopped breathing many times a night. This is detrimental to brain function and not a good way to get the needed rest to manage a home and family.

An app. tracks how many hours a night the machine is used. At my follow-up appointment, I was on the border of qualifying to have insurance continue paying for my machine. I was only using it 70% of the time. Talking with my doctor, I realized the problem. I wake up a few times at night. I don’t have trouble going back to sleep, as I have trained my body. I often fall asleep so quickly that I don’t get the mask on. I needed a simple system.

I decided that when I awoke and took off the mask, I would place it in the middle of my pillow instead of at the back of the pillow. Super simple, and it has worked wonders. I’ll bet I have upped my score to over 85%. That is good for insurance purposes but even better for good sleep and a healthy brain.

Seriously, systems work. They help solve problems like mine: how to make myself get up, how to manage time better, how to fit in the things that normally get buried under home and family management, how to keep going when disruptions happen, and how to have a healthier brain.

I want you to see that simple systems can be very effective. I also want you to understand what a system looks like. I didn’t for many years. I thought they were complicated ways of managing big stuff. Systems in corporations, businesses, or medicine can be complex, and most of us view the term ‘system’ in this light. I want to expand your view of what a system is. It is nothing more than figuring out a consistent way to get something accomplished – dishes, laundry, meals on the table, getting kids up on a school morning, making time for yourself, getting to bed on time, getting your personal study done, etc. They all require a planned and not a default system. When you create a plan and consistently use it, you will have systems that work.

It will be life-changing!

If We Have Been Foolish, We Can Then Be Wise. It Is A Choice.

Parenting is a place to learn to grow as a person. Seriously. : ) Even now, when I’m caregiving, rather than parenting, I experience examples of this type of growth. It always takes me off guard because I would like to think that in almost 75 years, I had gotten this growth thing handled. Silly, because learning and personal growth are a lifetime endeavor.

This is one reason that berating ourselves when we do something foolish is not helpful. If we, instead, focus on what we just experienced, learn from it, and make a change, the experience becomes valuable. We also must realize that we may experience the same type of situation over again as we refine ourselves. It can feel discouraging if we let it, or it can feel illuminating. It’s a choice we get to make.

Today I am being vulnerable and sharing one of these growth moments.

I hope it brings a smile to your face and puts you in a thoughtful position about how you teach and communicate with your children.

My mother will be 95 in a few months and has advanced dementia. I have been caring for her for six years and you would think I have it down by now. But, as with parenting, we keep reexperiencing and refining our methods of response and teaching.

Recently, I got upset with my mom for emptying her porta-potty outside on the lawn, in the dark. She didn’t take it to the bathroom because someone was in there. I don’t like her emptying it day or night because she can’t carry it and use her cane. She also must navigate two stairs and the possibility of spillage is ever present. I empty it several times a day and she is usually totally unaware of it. But occasionally, she goes into housekeeping mode. She rearranges photos and nick-knacks in her room and wants to clean the porta-potty. This was one of those days.

As I expressed my unhappiness with her emptying the potty outside, she reminded me that she had lived on a farm. I replied, “Well, this isn’t a farm.” I told Mom she needed to ask for help when doing things like this. This was not a useful comment because for my mother every two minutes life begins again. Seriously, her tracked memory retention is 2 minutes. This was not a conversation she was going to remember. When I told her she needed to ask for help she said, “How do I ask?” I replied, “Say something like, ‘I want to empty the potty. Can I take it outside?’ I will tell you to put it in the toilet. Then we would go up the stairs together and take care of it.”

A useless conversation to be having with someone with dementia and I knew it but didn’t stop myself. As I thought about it later, I knew a better response would have been to let it go. She has never done it before and will probably never do it again. As for emptying the potty in the bathroom, occasionally she will because she can’t recall that she shouldn’t. I carried on with this conversation because I wasn’t being thoughtful about how to manage the situation. I was succumbing to my irritation. You all know what I’m talking about because you have done the same.

A few minutes later Mom came into my bedroom/office where I was working. She said she was ready to go to bed and asked me what she should do. This was a first. She has never needed help at bedtime before and she rarely lets anyone know she is heading to bed. I told her to remove her slacks, and that she usually sleeps in her shirt but does have PJ’s if she wanted them. She said she would take off the slacks and wear the shirt.

As I resumed working, I couldn’t get this odd conversation out of my mind. I assumed it was because I had told her to ask for help. By this point, she would have no recollection of that conversation, but I have learned that feelings remain. So, I went into her room and said, “Mom, you don’t need to ask about getting ready for bed. You’ve been doing fine by yourself for a long time.” Mom looked at me and replied, “It’s like I just woke up and don’t know where I am or what I am supposed to do.” It wasn’t about the porta-potty conversation but the hole that dementia leaves in a person’s life.

Although I knew my mom couldn’t recall the conversation, I wanted her to feel happy and not how being in trouble leaves you feeling. We did a lot of hugging and smiling. I told a joke and got her laughing. I wanted her to feel better. It worked. The joking and smiling helped her sleep well. Dementia is a challenge for those with the disease and those who care for them. Every day is a class in patience, controlling our response, and love.

We Sometimes Error

We sometimes have lame conversations with our kids because they didn’t do something in the way we would do it or in the adult way. Even though we know kids don’t think like adults we can’t seem to stop going on about whatever they did wrong. I did this in my parenting life. Later I would recall the exchange and wonder, “What I was thinking?”

Kids have lots to learn. We need to respond in ways that fit their age and the situation. Sometimes it’s better to let it go if it doesn’t really matter, and we’re just irritated because it wasn’t done in our way. We need to teach at their level and not keep reminding them that they didn’t consider the outcome or consequence, as an adult would.

However, if we occasionally forget to be the adult, there is a remedy, just as there was with my mom. Apologize if needed. Let them talk if they need to. Smile a lot. Give hugs because touch is healing. Leave as friends.

Parenting is not an exact science

Most of us are working with fewer skills than needed and less knowledge and understanding than we would like. But this doesn’t mean that we can’t undo mistakes when we make them. Sometimes they are large mistakes, and the temptation is to feel we have ruined the relationship.

If you feel this now and then as you parent, I invite you to read I HIT MY DAUGHTER. WHAT! I hit my teenage daughter with my fist. I was positive I couldn’t restore that relationship. However, I did, and I share what that looked like in the article. Seriously, sometimes I think I am too transparent but when it comes to other mothers who are learning, I can’t seem to help myself. LOL

I was a good mother. I’m a good daughter. In fact, I’m an amazing person, but I do dumb stuff now and then like the foolish conversation I had with my mom. But I have learned from a lifetime of caring for my family and now my mother, husband, and granddaughter, that when we error, we can also restore.

When you know this truth, you do not fall apart and wallow in grief and fear. You say a prayer, gird up your loins, and do what you can to repair the damage. It usually works.

Be brave as you parent. It isn’t only kids and teens who do foolish things. Sometimes it is us, but we, as adults can then do what is wise.

How to Determine a Successful Activity? Story 2

Let’s pick up where we left off last week. I shared a cookie-baking experience I had with some neighbor children, who were my buddies. Today, I share the second baking experience, one I had with two of my grandchildren. Watch for the connections as we explore how to determine a successful activity.

Story 2

The second cookie bake occurred some months after the first one. Maggie was four, and Jack was two. One day I called Jack and asked him what he was interested in. We were not living in the same home but close enough to meet weekly. He replied without hesitation, “Making cookies.” The Spark!

I put some thought into how we could do this. After all, it hadn’t been long since Story 1, and Maggie had severe cerebral palsy. How could I make this a fun learning experience without breaking my patience bank? LOL

I turned the written recipe into a picture recipe. I learned from my Story 1 experience that when you can’t read, a recipe is hard to manage. I wasn’t all that techy, but with a Word doc. and some pictures, I figured it out. It only took about 15 minutes. : )

Because they were 2 and 4, I didn’t differentiate measurements, just how many cups or spoons we needed to use. If there was more than one teaspoon, I would show two spoons in the recipe. Another thing I had learned from the Story 1 experience. If I had been working with older children, we would have discussed different cup measurements and found the cup or spoon that matched the fraction in the recipe. I have done this with my older grands for years. They don’t get bored, and cookie baking has become a tradition, a true bonding experience.

I had all the ingredients on the table when they came over to bake. Another thing I learned from Story 1, no time to fight while I got organized. LOL Since these two were calmer than the first and larger group, we were able to talk about what each ingredient did. Salt, for example, isn’t used to make cookies saltier; it enhances the taste. Hmmm, new word! Sugar makes cookies sweet. Flour and eggs are the structural ingredients in baking; they give cookies substance. Two more new words. Baking soda is for fluffiness, and you can clean your dog with it too! This fluffiness is called leaven, another new word. This was a new word day and they loved it.

We looked through the picture recipe and talked about what we needed to do. At the bottom, it told us to set the oven to 375 degrees. Jack helped me find the number 375 on the oven. Each of us took a turn measuring an ingredient. After each addition, we stirred. It takes a lot of stirring for children to get it all mixed, so stirring after each addition is very helpful. Besides, stirring was the most fun part for them. : )

The recipe said to roll the dough into balls. Maggie couldn’t use her hands well enough to do this, even with help, and Jack was totally disinterested. They took a break in the living room while I rolled the balls. However, they loved rolling them in sugar and putting them on the pan.

We learned to read the recipe and figure out what went into cookies, as well as lots of counting as we determined how many spoons and cups, we needed. They heard new words. The children liked being able to figure out which ingredient was next. It was more fun than having Grandma say, “OK, now we need flour.”

This activity took lots of time. Because Maggie had no control of her arms and hands, there was a mess as I helped her measure and stir. I live with these grands now. They are 16 and 18. The bond we made back then is helping us navigate them being teens. The time was well spent, and the mess was worth it!

Each cookie-baking experience was different but notice that the outcome was the same. The children learned a few things and had a great time. They were pleased with the outcome because I remained pleased, even though it took lots of time, there was a mess, and things didn’t always go as planned. When we pay attention to what is sparking our kids or we use something we’re interested in to spark them, the outcome can be a fun-filled learning activity.

When we let our adult expectations go and remember that structure, consistency, and presence trump everything else, we will have powerful activities, even if they don’t go as planned. Those neighbor kids are still connected with me, and it’s been over thirteen years since we lived in the same town. My grands, who now live in the same home as I do, come to me for help with all kinds of things because they trust me, know I care, and I love them. So, take the time to structure family activities, be consistent, and be present. Then use Sparks, yours, or theirs.

You will see a strong connection grow that will last.

Solidify Family Relationships with Structure, Consistency, and Presence

Thirteen years ago, I had a wonderful evening with my eight-year-old friend, Hailey. It was successful because time had been set apart for the activity, it happened consistently so Hailey could count on it, and I was present. When we want to solidify relationships in our family these three ingredients make all the difference. I was 61 when I had this experience. Hailey was eight.

Here is the story.

In 2011, every Monday, for nine months, three young girls came to my home and spent the evening. Their mother was a busy nursing student, and I was helping her out. I read the girls a couple of chapters from a classic, while they did quiet activities on the floor, surrounded by a pile of pillows. Then we had a snack, whatever I had on hand, nothing fancy, and I read them the scriptures. We shared the same faith. That’s pretty much it, no bells, and whistles. It was a quiet and unhurried evening enjoying each other’s company. You wouldn’t think three children under twelve would find this enticing, but they did. They looked forward to it.

Sometimes their mom would forget because she had an online test or something like that. Her girls would scold her because they counted on coming over. On the night I am sharing, Vicky had a final and had forgotten to tell me or her girls. It wouldn’t have been a problem but Hailey, who lived downstairs and was in school with one of Vicky’s girls, had begun joining us. She had come twice. I thought both times that she would get bored and not come anymore, but she kept coming.

On this Monday night Hailey was at my door at 6:30 – “Are you having it tonight?” “Yes, we are. I talked to the girls yesterday and we are on. I will send one of them to get you at about 7:30”.

At 7:35 Hailey was at my door again. “Did they come?” “Gosh, it is time. I don’t know where they are. Let’s give them a call and see.” As I said, Vicky was taking a final and forgot. I looked at Haley and her disappointed face. I had been shampooing my carpets all day preparing for a parenting event in my home on Saturday. I wasn’t sorry to have the night off. I had a lot to do! Then I looked again at Hailey’s disappointed face.

“Well Hailey, they aren’t coming so let’s have an evening ourselves.” She enthusiastically nodded her head. We sat at the table and made paper Christmas chains. I thought as soon as we ran out of strips she would head home. While we worked, we talked about school, her friends, and the upcoming Christmas holiday. Actually, I listened and Hailey talked. : ) Then she said, “Well, aren’t you going to read?”

I read and we talked about the story, what was happening, and what we thought about it. Then she asked if we were going to read the scriptures. She knew right where we had left off. We ate Jordan almonds I had in the cupboard. I kept thinking she would get bored any time and want to go home. After all, I was 61 and the other girls weren’t there. She never did!

Let me reiterate the point of sharing this long-ago story.

Children, in fact, families, need structured together time, that happens consistently, where the adults are present.

Children like and need structure. And by the way, so do teens, even if they complain! They want to be able to count on family time. They want it to be consistent. They want you, your presence. That drew Hailey to my door, the structure of something she could look forward to, the consistency of having it happen, and me, listening, hearing, and responding. It was an evening I am glad I didn’t miss.

Create structured time for your family and then be consistent. Give your children something to count on. Maybe you can have a family activity night once a week or every other week. Possibly it’s a Sunday drive you take together. It might be your weekly family council. What about a game of football in the backyard on Saturday mornings? Maybe it’s skating or biking and occurs once a month. Possibly you go to the movie every other month. What and how often isn’t what matters. What matters is that it’s structured, happens consistently, and you are there, both body and spirit.

Don’t let school, work, or carpet cleaning come between you and getting to know and enjoy your children. Make a plan that can be counted on, then be present and solidify your most important relationships.

When your children are grown you will be glad you made the effort!

An Enlightening Response to ‘Are You Afraid to Read Hard Books?’

On March 3, 2024, I published an article titled Are You Afraid to Read Hard Books? While preparing today’s article I reread it and thought, “How did you write this.” Go ahead and laugh. It happens all the time. But when you feel passionate about something, thoughts and words come. It is an amazing thing.

This is one reason I encourage people to journal. I have reread things in my journal that blew my mind. Not only because they may have been well written, but the things that have happened in my life have been astonishing, when looked at later. But I digress. LOL

After that article was published, I got a wonderful email from one of my readers, who is also a dear friend. We have counseled together in the past and I appreciate her so much.

I get emails regularly telling me how good an article was or how helpful it was to the reader. This email contained some of that. What struck me though was another thing that happens now and then. Someone takes what I have written, and they build upon it! This is massively motivating for me.

I asked Joy if I could share her thoughts with you because what she has done with family reading is magnificent. I think that some of you will want to follow suit, in some fashion.

I have written several articles on the value of family reading. I read to my children, but I lacked consistency back then. Nevertheless, one of my adult daughters said one of her fondest memories was of me reading to our family.

What I love about Joy’s take on family reading, it encourages everyone to read, not just listen.

Here is her email:

Mary Ann, thanks for emphasizing the importance and power of communicating with others about what you’re reading. We discuss this all the time in Leadership Education circles–the importance of discussion and good mentoring for great literature, like the kind you were talking about. This is demonstrated in your examples of how discussing those books with other people changed your experience.

Another great way to gain more from what we read is to process it through writing. (You demonstrate this principle very well too!) As you mentioned, we can write notes and underline in our books, but we can also journal and write essays or blog posts that we can share with others. It’s another way of processing and internalizing the principles and lessons we learn in the books we read. This tool applies to reading scriptures as well. When we process and record our thoughts, questions, and insights through writing, we learn more and internalize and remember it better!

Audrey Rindlisbacher has a great podcast about the power of book clubs, or discussion groups, like the one Benjamin Franklin organized. I shared it with my grown children, and it inspired many of them to join me in starting an online family book club where we discuss a book about once a month. Our first book was the Screwtape Letters, and our discussion was great and I’m excited to see how well we can keep it up. I can’t think of many things better than discussing great books with my family! Joy Petty

It never occurred to me to have a family book club. I mean, that is an outstanding idea. At first, I thought, “Oh man, our family would never do that.” Then I chastised myself for jumping to that conclusion and reached out to my children to see if there was any interest. I probably won’t have many responses before this article is published, but we will see.

Maybe you, like me, dismiss the whole idea. But don’t. If you have teens or grown children, ask them if they would like to read a book individually or as a family and discuss it. At the very least begin reading together, even if you do the reading.

Depending on the ages of your children, you can read to them or each person in your family can take a turn reading. At the end of each session ask for input. I didn’t do that, and I know now that it would have made the reading I did with my children even more powerful.

If you have older teens and adult children why not explore the option of a family book club? Who knows, it may be a big hit. Even if it only lasts through one or two books, and that could happen, the whole experience will bond you even more as a family.

And by the way, when you read and study yourself, you will be a powerful example for your family. It will have an impact. If not now, then in the future.

Now for the postscript:

After I asked Joy if I could share this email and she consented, we talked some more. I replied to Joy and shared my concerns about a book club and why I read to my husband and Mom rather than us all reading.

“This was so awesome. Can I share it in a newsletter? Great thoughts and I love that you have begun a family book club. I wish that were possible in my family. Lots of kids who do not read, mostly boys and my husband. I read to him, but it can’t be too deep, or he sleeps. LOL Anyway, I would love to share your thoughts.”

Joy replied with this, and it was so heartening. I suspect that is one reason I contacted my family to see what they think. : )

“I have several kids who don’t (or won’t) read either :-). We’re encouraging them to listen to the audiobook so they can participate. The book club is totally voluntary, and fewer than half of my 10 kids participated in our first discussion, but that’s okay. It’s a start, right? :-)”

Joy is correct, it is a start. Even if it doesn’t last for months or years, it will bless her family. If we make the effort to read in our family, in some fashion, it will bless our families too. I have seen this happen in my choppy, inconsistent past in my family.

I know it is true. : )

Why Take a Technology Break and Is It Even Possible?

In our world, we’re so used to having technology always with us that it’s challenging to be without it for even a short time. Technology, as wonderful as it is, can be a two-edged sword.

I have written several articles on using, abusing, and letting go of technology. I have experimented with this myself. A recent email I received has me thinking about it again.

Before I share the email, I want to share some of my experiences with technology, managing it, and not being managed by it. This has required that I commit to taking technology breaks.

When I suggest technology breaks, I realize the difficulty I am asking. The younger you are, the more difficult it seems, because you grew up with it. It came to me later in life. Nevertheless, it hasn’t been easy to learn to manage technology and take breaks. But because of my own experience and witnessing that of others, I know that when people take technology breaks, they feel more in control and rested. They remain more attentive to their children. They are less prone to angry responses. Parenting, running a business, or caregiving for others all require focus and presence. We need to pay attention and technology can distract us from what matters most.

I dislike getting behind, so daily I check and clean my email. I quickly go through my Instagram and Facebook messages when I make my daily post. I don’t scroll unless I am waiting in a doctor’s office, I don’t have the time. But I, like all of you, must manage myself very carefully. It’s easy to get caught up in scrolling, game-playing, texting, etc. Taking an occasional break from my phone, the computer, television, etc. helps me not give up too much time to technology, especially social media.

Another thing that can be hard when taking technology breaks is the feeling that you’ll miss something or be out of the loop. This isn’t as hard for me now as when I was teaching and speaking before my caregiving days. Whew, it was tough. What if someone wanted me to come and speak? What if a mentee reached out? What if a question was asked about an article I had published? I didn’t want to miss anything. But I made myself do the hard thing and took breaks.

Some years ago, after beginning the caregiving phase of my life, I put technology away on Sunday, except for studying the scriptures, journaling, writing letters, and checking in with family and friends. No budgeting, writing articles or posts, no posting, no Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. No googling for information that would help with doctors’ appointments, etc.

Caregiving is challenging, and frankly, I needed rest, and technology for all its promises doesn’t give you that. It is only a distraction that stops you from nurturing yourself and others in ways that matter. I chose Sunday because it was a day where there wouldn’t be constant interruptions, appointments, driving kids to school, shopping, and so forth. I would be home most of the time without appointments and commitments. It seemed to be a fairly easy day to lay my technology down.

Honestly, I confess I have fallen off that wagon a bit. I still don’t post, write articles, or google for information on this one day, but I have worked on my budget. I have determined to return to my original decision and only participate in technology that helps me keep the Sabbath as a rest and service day. On Sundays when I break my commitment it isn’t as restful and peaceful.

When you have been on both sides of a fence you can make informed decisions because you know what it feels like on either side. I know that my Sundays are more restful, peaceful, and enjoyable when I keep my commitment and put my technology away.

I mentored a family that took a month off from all technology, even the parents, once a year. Courtney told me, “It isn’t the kids who struggle the most, it’s the parents. They really do have to commit.” She said the hard part for her was at lunch. She usually had lunch when the big kids were at school and her little one was napping. She liked to read Facebook, watch a show, catch up on the news, whatever, as she ate lunch. It was a challenge to read or call a friend instead.

It was also challenging for her and her husband when everyone was in bed. They usually vegged out in front of the TV, just the two of them but it’s their screen-free month. She told me they have learned to play games together or read to each other. It’s become fun.

The one adult caveat she shared was, that they occasionally check email, pay bills online, or prepare church lessons. Just no screens (phone, computer, TV) for entertainment purposes.

I was mentoring a mom challenged to stay on top of her home and spend time with her children. As we talked it became clear that technology – phone, social media, gaming, computer, television – was an issue. I invited her to track her tech use for one week.

On our next call, she was appalled at the results. She hadn’t realized how much time she spent on her phone or saying to her children, “Wait a minute.” because she was in the middle of a game.

It wasn’t easy but she began working on parameters for herself and her family. Over time it made a BIG difference in her ability to manage all a mother must juggle.

As I said earlier, I am revisiting this topic because of an email I received from my sister. She lost her phone and was phoneless for a week. Imagine. No surfing. No talking to anyone. No ring tones. No disruptions with notification pings. Oh man, how would you do in that situation? Would this make you afraid? LOL

I will let her email speak for itself.

“Still off the grid. Good morning, MaryAnn. My Phone should be ready for pickup, today. It has been a glorious week of no unnecessary obligations, and definite adjustments, both emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially.

Being ‘forced off the grid,’ opened a plethora of unrealized options for the use of my Time:

Enjoying early, early Mornings
Rethinking Priorities

Addressing Relationships of all types:

Myself
Food
Money
Jesus
Daryl (her husband)
Scripture Study
Research
Journaling
Quiet
Nature

It has been delicious but required adjusting my Mindset.”

A technology break can be as simple as putting all phones on mute during dinner. It can be as challenging as taking off a day a week or a month a year. Wherever you are, pick a place and begin. Do a test run and see how it feels.

When you are brave enough to set limits for your tech use, however much or little you commit to, I am sure you will find what I have learned, what my mentee found, what Courtney experienced, and what my sister discovered. There are benefits to taking control of when and how you use technology.

Being an example to your kids of how to manage technology and not be managed by it sets them up for the future when they need a break.

Take control of your technology use. Take breaks. Give yourself a rest.

You and your family will be glad you did.

Sometimes You Get Blind!

Early this spring Jodie was taking a short trip. She hauled the suitcase out of the garage so she could pack. Later, she asked me if I had seen it. No, I hadn’t but I went upstairs to help her look. We searched everywhere and then lo and behold we saw it! It was leaning up against the wall by the front door, in direct sight. It wasn’t hidden by anything. We weren’t looking for the obvious, I guess.

Later, I dropped a package of bread I was getting out of the freezer. I finished getting what I needed and then looked for the bread. It wasn’t on top of the chest freezer or the workbench, which is next to the stand-up freezer. I looked high and low. It couldn’t be high, but I couldn’t find it and was trying to cover all the bases. I went out to the freezer a few hours later to get something and there was the loaf of bread. It had been behind me the whole time! Sometimes you get blind!

I’ve talked about this in the past, concerning weeding, a simple thing that can cause so much personal frustration. There you are, on your hands and knees or walking down a row with the hoe. You are positive you got every weed. But as you walk back to where you began you see a stray weed here and there. What! How does that happen? Sometimes you get blind!

This type of blindness happens when we’re working on relationships, teaching our children, managing our home, figuring out how to use time more wisely, getting better systems in place so life flows more smoothly, using money wisely, healing ourselves, etc.

Experience has taught me that no matter how invested we are, we can’t always see what is right in front of us. Sometimes we are blind. There are reasons for this: preconceived ideas, weariness, our bucket is empty, feeling that the issue is too big, maybe we aren’t smart enough, we lack helpful resources, and others.

I have also learned that if we stay calm, and don’t get upset with ourselves because we can’t always see the solution, we will have a better outcome as we troubleshoot. The temptation is to be frustrated or angry with ourselves or others.

A more effective way to approach whatever is causing an issue is to make it a matter of careful thought and prayer, and then seek needed information for greater understanding. When we choose to remain calm, give ourselves grace, and move forward one step at a time, we can usually begin to see what we couldn’t see before. But blessed are your eyes, for they see…Matthew 13: 16

When we have a challenge with a child, a relationship, our home management, ourselves, etc., and are looking for a solution there are things we can do to see more clearly, to get more focus and greater light. Begin by being aware of what keeps you blind, making it difficult to see solutions.

Here are 8 tips for greater daily awareness to see more clearly.

1. Be in a good place yourself. How does a busy parent do that? Here are ways I keep myself in a good place so that when faced with a challenge I can think more clearly and find solutions.

a. Set an intention for the day – What helps me to be in a better place when I wake up each morning is to have a plan, an intention, for why I am getting up. How will I begin the day? Do you have a morning routine? I do and it helps.
b. Eat right – Don’t eat the crust of your child’s sandwich because you are on the run. Sit down. Put your food on a plate. Rest as you chew. This is something I have had to force myself to do but it pays dividends. Think carefully about what you want to fuel your body with. I know from experience that when we take control of how, when, and what we eat, we manage better.
c. Sleep – I have had so much experience with this one thing! When I took control of how and when I slept, my world changed forever. If sleep is a problem, please read how I learned to take control. It will change your life.
d. Practice self-care – I have had people tell me that a shower is a necessity not self-care, but I know it can be self-care This has kept me going for over five decades. Find what works for you, that can be done daily, right where you are.
e. Seek what you need – We don’t know everything. We can’t, so there will be issues we’re not prepared to resolve. However, if you take the time to look for resources: people, classes, books, etc. you can find what will give you the first step you need. Then you look for the second step. Seek what you need, a step at a time, and don’t fret that you don’t know how to fix everything now.

2. Take responsibility for your part. Seth, my son in his fifties, and I had a falling out the other day. Ugh. I thought about it and determined to discover my part in the problem. I mean it was easy to see where he goofed. : ) After some thought it was clear. Then I pondered how best to move forward. We cleared the air a short time later. I apologized for my part, and we carried on.

Blame is always a problem and should be avoided at all costs. It prevents clear vision, eyes that see!

3. Define the issue. Get clear on what you are trying to do, improve, or fix. Keep asking “Why?” until you get to the root. Then you will be better able to make a plan to move forward.

4. Brainstorm potential solutions. I pray and ponder. What comes readily to mind? Where could you begin? What are other possibilities? Don’t make the sucker’s choice and pick what seems the only solution but feels wrong. There is always a third, fourth, or fifth possibility. I have put this to the test! Here is a video I made about avoiding the sucker’s choice and finding workable solutions.

5. Have empathy for others and yourself. Here is the definition of empathy – ‘the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.’ Empathy is the capacity to take another perspective, but more than that, it is truly caring about the person and how they feel. When you show empathy, your feelings soften and solutions come more readily.

6. Have a plan to move forward. What is the first step? In my situation with my son Seth, the first step was to go inside myself and find my part. Because he is a private person, my second step was to find a way to say I was sorry. The third step was to pray and ask for the best possible moment. It was provided when I went outside and he was working by my shed. I calmly walked up, put my hand on his shoulder, and said, “I’m sorry.” He smiled and replied, “Me too.” That was it. It was done.

7. Evaluate as you go. Not everything is as simple as resolving the situation with my son. Some things take time. As you move forward it is helpful to ask yourself questions. Is the direction working? Do I need to rethink and begin again? Am I making progress, even a small amount? If I need to change course what is another option?

8. Allow time. It takes what it takes. When I first began learning to resolve my anger issues it took ten years. I had to allow that time and not become discouraged with myself. It wasn’t always easy, but because I persevered, I made it! Now I find myself in a similar situation. As a caregiver, with lots of stress, my tone needs work. Ugh. Seven years and I am still working on it. Am I making any progress? A little and I hold out hope for even greater progress.

We all get blind. Life is filled with situations we do not know how to resolve but we can learn, grow, gain understanding, and find success, as we care for ourselves and others enough to do the work.