Category: Love Learning

Why Not Have Some Fun Learning? It is Possible. Part 2

Two weeks ago, I shared a few examples of how useful and fun seeing and responding to your children’s Sparks can be. I explained sparks and how they can help you and your kids connect.

Last week I illustrated how you can Spark your kids and give them interesting and fun opportunities for learning. This week is more of the same. : )

I have written about sparks, kids, and the connection between the two for almost fifteen years. I’ve watched for and used sparks with my grands all that time.

When I switched from the homeschool community to the broader parenting community, I didn’t share this information as often. However, I LOVE using sparks and in the coming weeks, I will share more because the better you are at seeing your kids sparks and sparking them, the more fun, learning, and connection you will have in your home. It’s important to remember that what we think of as play can be, and is, learning for children and sometimes teens. : )

Last week I talked about doing a treasure hunt of my home and shared two activities we did from what I found in my kitchen. Today’s ideas are also from that kitchen list.

The first item on the kitchen list was cornstarch. I’ve used this medium with children for over 45 years. My kids, who are adults, LOVE this activity when we get together. We all pretend it’s for their kids, but we know the truth. LOL Unfortunately, when my children were small, I didn’t understand that learning could accompany fun. I didn’t know why cornstarch behaves the way it does, and the internet didn’t exist. Gaining information was more challenging. Now, the good Spark-seeing person I have become does internet sleuthing and you can too.

Corn Starch Quicksand, a Non-Newtonian Fluid. : )

Mix a box of cornstarch with water. When you mix cornstarch and water you want it to have the consistency of honey. One box of cornstarch takes approximately 1 to 2 cups of water. You will have to work a bit to get the consistency right.

When mixed you can teach your kids a few things. Have them sink their hands into the bowl of “cornstarch quicksand” and notice its unusual consistency. Compare what it feels like to move your hand around slowly and quickly. You can’t move your hand very fast! The faster you move your hand, the more solid the cornstarch becomes.

Sink your entire hand into the goo and try to grab the fluid and pull it up. That’s the sensation of sinking in quicksand! Skim your finger on top of the cornstarch mixture. What do you notice? Grab a fist full and squeeze. What happens? Release the pressure on the concoction in your hand. Now what happens? Roll the fluid between your palms to make a ball.

The cornstarch and water mixture acts like both a solid and a liquid. This concoction is an example of a suspension – a mixture of two substances, one of which is finely divided and dispersed in the other. In the case of the cornstarch quicksand, it’s a solid, cornstarch,  dispersed in a liquid, water.

Viscosity is how easily a liquid will flow. Water and honey are both liquids, but they flow differently. Sir Isaac Newton said that viscosity is a function of temperature. If you heat honey, it flows better than when it’s cold. The cornstarch and water mixture is an example of a non-Newtonian fluid because the viscosity changes when force is applied, not when heat is applied. Don’t you feel smart now? LOL

How To Use This Project With Your Family

Let’s say you have children ages, 2, 5, 9, and 15. Put a box of cornstarch unopened in a bowl. Put an index card with a link for information in the bowl. Place a children’s book about Sir Isaac Newton next to the bowl. Add a book on quicksand or swamps. Have a bag of small plastic animals, including those that live in swampy areas. Provide the recipe for how to make “cornstarch quicksand”.

When your family gathers for the activity, someone may ask “Mom what is this”? The best answer is “Cornstarch, check it out”. Then wait! Let them look at the recipe. Some will grab the books. Explain that they are going to make some cornstarch quicksand. Direct them when they need help. Let them experiment with it. Don’t stress over the outcome. Have fun.

When you are done making a delightful mess with the cornstarch, they may look at the books, ask you to read them, or not be interested till the next day, when they find them on the coffee table. Share your thoughts right then or have a dinner conversation later. You have been a student yourself and so when they ask you why or how it does what it does you can share what you have learned, or you can take them on a journey and help them discover the answers.

Have a conversation. Let it go where it goes without a preplanned agenda. They may want to take the cornstarch to the sandbox and make a swamp with plants and animals. Let them. (Add a few drops of food color for more fun)

While the older kids are making quicksand and experimenting with it, pour some liquid cornstarch on the table and let your 2-year-old and 5-year-old play. Because of the viscosity issue, you can add a spoon, plastic knife, fork, etc. because they can be used to harden the mixture.

For another family activity use pudding or a cookie recipe. As before, play, and don’t forget to lick your fingers. Talk about why the pudding doesn’t act like the cornstarch. It is, after all a more Newtonian fluid.

Another time make cornstarch play dough or use pre-made play dough depending on the ages and interests of your children. See the recipes below. On the website you will find recipes. 

Clean-up Is Easy

Cornstarch dries and can be vacuumed up like any powder and if some is left take a damp cloth to it. The cornstarch and water will separate so don’t pour it in your sink, as it can cause a clog. If saved for later play, put it into a zip lock bag. That’s also how to dispose of it. When using pudding and some of the other ideas prepare for some mess. As you know, sparks are usually the thing that is bugging you or making a mess. LOL There are many ways to use cornstarch over a few days, weeks, or months.

More Cornstarch Uses For Interest and Fun.

1. You can let children sprinkle cornstarch all over the carpets. For easy sprinkling pour
the cornstarch into an old parmesan cheese container or a large spice shaker. Let it sit
for thirty minutes while you read a story to them and then let them help vacuum it up.
They will have fun and you will have fresh-smelling carpets.
2. If you have a dog your kids will love this. Use the same shakers. Let the kids sprinkle
Fido and then brush it out for a fresh-smelling pooch.
3. Mix it with water for glue.
4. Make finger paint by boiling ¼ c. cornstarch in 2 cups of water. Add a few drops of food
color. Cool.
5. Make face paint by mixing 2 parts cornstarch with one part vegetable shortening and then
add some food color. Get a book on face painting from the library. You could also add a
book on the History of Clowns with great pictures. Maybe you can find someone in your area
who is a part-time clown or juggler and invite them to your home to share with your
children. When my son was eleven, he took clowning lessons from a neighbor and did
little shows at nursing homes. He learned to juggle and had a ball.

Can you see how much fun your children will have learning about a new substance, all from utilizing a spark that you light a fire under? So, treasure hunt your house. You may find a spark worth lighting for exceptional family fun.

RECIPES

Cornstarch Playdough
2 c. white flour
1 c. salt
½ c. cornstarch
1 Tb. Alum
1 Tb. Oil
2 c. colored water

Put all dry ingredients in a large pan and stir together well. Add all liquid ingredients and stir well. Place on low heat stirring constantly until it looks like clay. You will be able to tell. Take it out of the pan and knead. Keep the playdough in a closed container. Alum is a must-have ingredient. Buy it in any grocery store in the spice aisle. It is a drying agent and keeps the dough from becoming sticky. This will keep a long time if kept in an air-tight container. You can use baby oil, cooking oil, or glycerin. Eventually, the cooking oil will go rancid but usually, the clay has been played into oblivion long before that. Baby oil will scent the clay.

Edible Playdough
1 ¼ c. dry powdered milk
1 c. peanut butter
1 c. cornstarch
1 ¼ c. powdered sugar

Mix dry milk and peanut butter. Add sugar and cornstarch. Knead till smooth.
Store in an airtight container until all gone, and that shouldn’t take too many days!

Mexican Wedding Cookies
1 ½ c. cornstarch
1 ½ c. powdered sugar
3 c. flour
3 sticks of butter, softened
½ to 1 c. finely chopped walnuts or pecans

Mix ingredients. I use my hands as that works best. This is right up your child’s alley! The dough will appear to be dry and crumbly sometimes. Just remember the cool aspects of cornstarch. Take some in your hand, squeeze, and press it until you have a ball about the size of a walnut. Place it on a cookie sheet and bake at 400 degrees for 10-12 minutes. Roll warm cookies in powdered sugar. Let them cool just enough so they don’t fall apart. These are very tender cookies when they are hot. This is one of my favorite cookies!

One thing we don’t do enough is play as a family.
As you learn to utilize Sparks they will help you create family fun.

Why Not Have Some Fun While Learning? It is Possible.

Last week I shared a few examples of how useful and fun seeing and responding to your children’s Sparks can be.

Let’s quickly review what a Spark is.

What Is a Spark

A Spark is anything that a child says or does that lets you know they’re interested in something right now.

But to engage our kids and help them learn new things we don’t need to wait for their Sparks. When it comes to learning, we can spark them and then watch a fire of interest take hold. It’s a fine way to engage as a family and to show our children that learning can be fun.

As a reminder, we see Sparks best when we’re Present with our kids. Being Present is hard to do when we’re stuck in family management or technology.

In 2020, during COVID-19, school resumed in August for two days a week. Some online school happened but this left a lot of unstructured time. It was difficult for parents and children. I wrote an article about The Spark Station, a tool I had taught to homeschool families years before. The article illustrated how getting kids interested in learning something new would work for any parent, regardless of how their children were educated. At the time, the Spark Station was a closet shelf or container with interesting items inside.

After that article, time passed and the Spark Station grew to include the whole house, not just a closet shelf. I showed parents how to treasure hunt their homes because our homes are filled with items that interest children. With a bit of thought and new eyes, as you tour each room in your home, you will see what you haven’t seen before. That knowledge prepares you for cool family nights and a child’s boring Saturday afternoon.

With only what you find in your home, you can give your children experiences that teach them that learning doesn’t need to be boring but can happen in fun and exciting ways, anywhere. This is useful for children to experience and internalize so they won’t become stagnant in their desire to learn as they become busy adults.

When I did a treasure hunt of my home, I found exciting items in my kitchen. I used them with my grands and we had a ball connecting and learning together.

From My Kitchen List

As I opened every cupboard and closet, I noticed items I had seen used in interesting ways and I wrote them on my list. The fourth item was assorted macaroni, peas, dried beans, and lentils. I had helped my children create wonderful collages and works of art back in the day. The collage photo at the top of this article was created by my youngest daughter Kate when she was a pre-teen. Yes, she was that old. She spent a lot of time on it. This piece hangs in my kitchen today and is over twenty years old. It often surprises me what a preteen or teen will engage in when it’s part of a family event. A few years ago, we did this activity at our family reunion. You would have been surprised to see how many children, youth, and adults became involved.

A collage could include newspaper clippings, ribbon, bits of colored paper, portions of other artwork, photographs, a piece of moss, and other found objects, glued to a piece of paper or canvas. Here is how the learning part works: While everyone is engaged you share information like this – You know, a collage is a work of formal art, made by assembling different things to create something new. You could then show some works of art by famous people on your computer or phone. Here are some artists that have done collages; Pablo Picasso, Georges Braque, Juan Gris, Henri Matisse, and Cecil Touchon.

When I googled “children’s collages” a magnificent array of great work by children came up. It would be worth printing some in color to show your children what wonderful things they could make.

Remember the admonition to let children “do”. We are often invested in how it looks when finished so we help our kids too much. We want the pictures on the walls so that they are aesthetically pleasing. Your child may not care about that. Maybe they want it at their eye level or in an odd place. If it is in their room, why not let that go? Are you interested in being in “House Beautiful” or allowing your children to think, decide, and experience, in other words, learn?

More Items On My Kitchen List

The second and third items on my kitchen list were soda and vinegar. Most of you have probably seen or heard of making a volcano by mixing soda and vinegar. One family I know made a wonderful bubbling swamp. They had a great time but when the kids asked why it did what it did no one was prepared to answer. Parents need to be students too. You can find information on just about anything on the internet.

If part of our purpose in family activities is to engender learning while having fun, then we need to be able to answer questions or lead our kids to find the answers for themselves. If we’re in a project and there aren’t any questions, we can engage in conversation. Ask questions – Do you know what I discovered…Can you believe…How do you think that happened…What do you think would happen if…and so forth. That’s why we need to stay present; that is what makes a family activity a learning activity.

I helped some of my grands make a volcano and I had to do some homework, so I knew what caused the reaction. I was able to give them interesting bits of information. Not only was the project fun, but they also liked knowing the whys.

If this activity Sparks one of your children, there are other ways that you can see this chemical reaction happen. You can help them chase their new spark. 

1. Vinegar & Baking Soda Foam Fight
2. Build a Volcano 
3. Propelling a Rocket
4. Make a Bubble Bomb 

In the volcano project, as an example, we could increase learning by having a book on Pompeii handy, maybe some pictures and articles on the Mount St. Helens eruption, or the eruption in Iceland in 2010.

If you have older children, they might be interested in seeing a Periodic Table. Help them write out what the chemical reaction would look like using the table. I couldn’t remember what the Periodic Table was called so I typed “chemistry chart” in the search bar and voila! Let me also say that I never took chemistry, but that didn’t stop me from introducing my grands to it. I can learn what I need via the Internet!

Do you see how a few simple items and a bit of thought and time can give your children opportunities for wonder, fun, and learning?

This photo is of my grands making their volcano on the patio. Their ages ranged from four to around nine. However, I also helped a grand over twelve do something similar for a school project and another for a science fair event. Age isn’t the indicator of whether children or youth will engage. It’s more about who is joining them, the level of Presence of the adults involved, and fun in the learning.

Use your family time or a boring Saturday afternoon to help your children experience the joy of learning by responding to or creating a Spark.

It will pay dividends in their adult lives.

Listening and Responding to Children and Their Sparks

My hairdresser, Emily, works out of her home. Most of the kids are in school but she has one little guy who is four and still at home during the day. We have fun conversations.

The last time I was there he brought me two green balloons which he held close together in his hands. He asked me if I knew what they were. I said, “Sure, they’re green balloons.” He laughed and replied, “No they are butt cheeks.” His mom was a bit mortified, but I grinned and told her about a friend of mine and her experience with the whole poop, snot, blood, and butt cheeks thing.

Hana had heard me speak about Sparks and remembered that when we recognize them, we teach, bond, and are Present with our kids, rather than frustrated, embarrassed, or angry at whatever they are doing. Here is the fun email I received from Hana years ago when her boys were still small.

Hi MaryAnn, I just picked up my five books at the library last night. One of the books I picked up is about the human body and burps (lol! yes, two boys in my family) and I was following a spark! Their obsession with bodily functions is hilarious and they are wondering why these things happen! What fun! (funny! is more like it!) Anyways, I will keep you posted! Thanks so much for your wisdom…really and truly. Luvs, Hana

As time went on Hana shared with me what recognizing this spark accomplished in her home with her sons.

  • She returned to the library and checked out all the interesting books she found on urine, blood, gas, snot, etc.
  • For a month, her boys were deeply interested and pored over the books with her and with each other.
  • They talked with her and her husband. They wanted to know how their bodies worked.
  • They had interesting dinner conversations. LOL
  • They drew bodies and tracked bodily functions in them. How does a burp go from the top of you to the bottom of you?

When our kids are burping, most of us say, “Stop that, it’s rude,” because we are in a box, so to speak. We can only see the need to teach manners and help our kids not be rude. But once we begin to see differently, we say to ourselves, “Oh my gosh, this is a terrific opportunity.” Isn’t that what you’re looking for as a parent, an opportunity to have joy with your children and to connect with them in fun and interesting ways?

When I told Emily about Hana and her boys she said, “Man, that’s what I need.” LOL I am sure it will help her deal with the green butt cheeks. Gotta love kids!

I have written, spoken, and taught this concept of Sparks to hundreds of parents. Today, I want to review two other enlightening and very different Spark experiences that my friend Leah had with her children. Before going there, let me answer the question, what is a spark?

A Spark is anything a child says or does that lets you know they’re interested in something right now. Often they are the things that bug us or make a mess. : )

EXPERIENCE 1

Leah had dug some dirt in her yard to plant flowers. Before she could get that done the family took a short trip. When they got home, her kids discovered the dirt. They began to play in this spot daily and called it the water game.

They made mud, built cities, created a mine, dug for artifacts, and had a blast all summer. Eventually, there was a four-foot hole in their front yard. You and I might have had a fit and put a stop to all the messy foolishness, but Leah had learned a lot about Presence and Sparks. She went with the flow.

At dinner, they would talk about the water game and all they had done and learned during the day. Mom, Dad, and neighbors would come out and ask what was happening, and the children and their friends were happy to share.

Leah’s family had amazing Present moments together in a situation that could have created serious contention. Instead, the parents saw a Spark and used it to have mini-conversations and a lot of fun with their kids. They valued the relationship over a perfect front yard.

Here’s what Leah had to say:

“I’m so grateful for the shift in my thought process or I would have missed out on an incredibly magical summer (and fall). Now I have a hole so deep they can stand in it to their chests. The crater in my yard will last a few months whereas the memories will last forever.”

STORY 2

Leah had another advantageous Spark moment with her oldest son. He was eight at the time. Miles was in love with rocks and left them all over the house. They were in the dryer, on the floor, in his pockets, everywhere. It was very annoying and frustrating and had become a point of contention between mother and son.

One day Leah realized this was a Spark and an opportunity to get Present with Miles. She asked him, “Miles will you tell me all about your rocks?” He did for the next hour. Leah, like you, had a million other things to do, but she cleared her mind and actively listened.

Later, she helped Miles design a simple system for displaying his precious rocks. The result was that Miles, Leah, and the whole family had many activities and conversations in the following year, all based on Miles’s love of rocks. It was fun and afforded his parents many opportunities to be Present and enjoy their children.

As you can see knowing what interests your kids now, what is sparking them, is powerful!

Here is quick review of how to see and respond to your children’s Sparks.

HOW TO SEE SPARKS

A. Be Present. Do you want to know the number one way to see and hear your child’s Sparks? BE PRESENT. When we’re Present in all the mundane moments of a family’s day, we will see and hear what we’ve missed up until now.

It’s hard to see a Spark if your head is filled with another agenda or you’re totally engrossed in your technology. It’s hard to see if you’re trying to avoid becoming involved or prevent a mess.

You can’t see if you’re so busy working that the Spark appears to be an irritation or problem.

B. Ask good questions. You can jump-start your ability to see your children’s Sparks by asking yourself questions:

  • What activity do you have to make them stop doing to get them to eat or go to sleep?
  • What activity are they doing when they seem most engaged and alive?
  • When they choose what to do on a free afternoon, what activity do they choose?
  • What did they love to do when they were three years old? Five years old?
  • What are they currently doing that bugs you?
  • What do they do that’s making a mess?
  • What do they collect?

C. Have mini-conversations.

  • Share your Sparks and they may share theirs
  • Say “You’re very good at this…”
  • Say “You seem interested in this…”
  • Say “This appears to make you happy/excited…”
  • Ask “Have you ever thought of….”
  • Say “I had a great day today…”
  • At dinner ask, “What was the best part of your day?” and have each person share

Notice what comes up over and over again in their answers and their conversations. Pay attention to what interests your children even if it doesn’t interest you. When you do it bonds your family, strengthens your relationships, assists in great conversations and family activities, and helps your kids learn.

So, pay attention. What is sparking your child right now?

An Enlightening Response to ‘Are You Afraid to Read Hard Books?’

On March 3, 2024, I published an article titled Are You Afraid to Read Hard Books?  While preparing today’s article I reread it and thought, “How did you write this.” Go ahead and laugh. It happens all the time. But when you feel passionate about something, thoughts and words come. It is an amazing thing.

This is one reason I encourage people to journal. I have reread things in my journal that blew my mind. Not only because they may have been well written, but the things that have happened in my life have been astonishing, when looked at later. But I digress. LOL

After that article was published, I got a wonderful email from one of my readers, who is also a dear friend. We have counseled together in the past and I appreciate her so much.

I get emails regularly telling me how good an article was or how helpful it was to the reader. This email contained some of that. What struck me though was another thing that happens now and then. Someone takes what I have written, and they build upon it! This is massively motivating for me.

I asked Joy if I could share her thoughts with you because what she has done with family reading is magnificent. I think that some of you will want to follow suit, in some fashion.

I have written several articles on the value of family reading. I read to my children, but I lacked consistency back then. Nevertheless, one of my adult daughters said one of her fondest memories was of me reading to our family.

What I love about Joy’s take on family reading, it encourages everyone to read, not just listen.

Here is her email:

Mary Ann, thanks for emphasizing the importance and power of communicating with others about what you’re reading. We discuss this all the time in Leadership Education circles–the importance of discussion and good mentoring for great literature, like the kind you were talking about. This is demonstrated in your examples of how discussing those books with other people changed your experience.

Another great way to gain more from what we read is to process it through writing. (You demonstrate this principle very well too!) As you mentioned, we can write notes and underline in our books, but we can also journal and write essays or blog posts that we can share with others. It’s another way of processing and internalizing the principles and lessons we learn in the books we read. This tool applies to reading scriptures as well. When we process and record our thoughts, questions, and insights through writing, we learn more and internalize and remember it better!

Audrey Rindlisbacher has a great podcast about the power of book clubs,  or discussion groups, like the one Benjamin Franklin organized. I shared it with my grown children, and it inspired many of them to join me in starting an online family book club where we discuss a book about once a month. Our first book was the Screwtape Letters, and our discussion was great and I’m excited to see how well we can keep it up. I can’t think of many things better than discussing great books with my family! Joy Petty

It never occurred to me to have a family book club. I mean, that is an outstanding idea. At first, I thought, “Oh man, our family would never do that.” Then I chastised myself for jumping to that conclusion and reached out to my children to see if there was any interest. I probably won’t have many responses before this article is published, but we will see.

Maybe you, like me, dismiss the whole idea. But don’t. If you have teens or grown children, ask them if they would like to read a book individually or as a family and discuss it. At the very least begin reading together, even if you do the reading.

Depending on the ages of your children, you can read to them or each person in your family can take a turn reading. At the end of each session ask for input. I didn’t do that, and I know now that it would have made the reading I did with my children even more powerful.

If you have older teens and adult children why not explore the option of a family book club? Who knows, it may be a big hit. Even if it only lasts through one or two books, and that could happen, the whole experience will bond you even more as a family.

And by the way, when you read and study yourself, you will be a powerful example for your family. It will have an impact. If not now, then in the future.

Now for the postscript:

After I asked Joy if I could share this email and she consented, we talked some more. I replied to Joy and shared my concerns about a book club and why I read to my husband and Mom rather than us all reading.

“This was so awesome. Can I share it in a newsletter? Great thoughts and I love that you have begun a family book club. I wish that were possible in my family. Lots of kids who do not read, mostly boys and my husband. I read to him, but it can’t be too deep, or he sleeps. LOL Anyway, I would love to share your thoughts.”

Joy replied with this, and it was so heartening. I suspect that is one reason I contacted my family to see what they think. : )

“I have several kids who don’t (or won’t) read either :-). We’re encouraging them to listen to the audiobook so they can participate. The book club is totally voluntary, and fewer than half of my 10 kids participated in our first discussion, but that’s okay. It’s a start, right? :-)”

Joy is correct, it is a start. Even if it doesn’t last for months or years, it will bless her family. If we make the effort to read in our family, in some fashion, it will bless our families too. I have seen this happen in my choppy, inconsistent past in my family.

I know it is true. : )

Switiching From Windows 10 to Windows 11. My Take Away!

I Don’t Like Change.

This has caused me some consternation as I have moved along life’s highway. Do you realize how much has changed since I was born in 1950!! It wasn’t such a big issue until I became an adult and technology exploded.

I can still recall our first computer. I was in my forties. It practically filled the small desk we had. I helped a friend with a project and sometimes I would sit in my chair so stumped I wanted to cry.

 

Now I am seventy-four and technology has taken wings. One thing that bugs me more than I can say is when I finally learn how to use a program or platform it changes. I know they do this for marketing and to stay relevant, but it throws me for a loop every time.

 

Even when using technology I’m reasonably familiar with, I occasionally have to stop and do some research. I google how to do this or that. Then I work to follow the directions which are often in Greek. I am not kidding here; it seems like Greek. Often I can work it out and feel a sense of relief and pride that I didn’t give up and can move forward with my project.

 

Sometimes I need to find someone who knows how to do what I don’t know how to do. Rarely, do I go to a store and get help. More often, I reach out to someone in my circle of friends or acquaintances that I know is good with tech. Almost always they can show me what I am missing and guide me to success. I’m always grateful.

 

Occasionally, no matter how diligently I try to follow directions or figure something out by myself I need to stop and pray because no matter how I have tried it isn’t clear to me. “God, what am I not seeing because I have clicked every button there is and it still isn’t working,” or something to that effect. Guess what. Almost always I have a thought to do this or that which resolves the problem. Sometimes I don’t know what I did and couldn’t repeat the process. LOL I need this help from outside of myself and it is a relief to know I am not on my own all the time.

 

A few weeks ago, I was forced to switch from Windows 10 to Windows 11. I know, you can’t believe I was still using Windows 10. I wasn’t willing to change because I didn’t want to have to figure out a new system. I was content with what I knew. But Windows 10 wasn’t going to be supported after a certain date. I had to move! I wasn’t happy about it. Weren’t things going just fine as they were? The whole idea freaked me out.

 

After the change, I did have problems. Some pages looked different. Menus were not the same. A couple of things required that I get my daughter involved and once a grandson. : ) But after a week I noticed how well I had adjusted and it felt as comfortable as the old 10 did. There were perks I didn’t know I was missing. I’m glad I made that scary change. Sometimes we have to be forced into that place. : )

 

This is how it is in parenting and life. We have to learn new ways as we go along, and it can feel hard and scary. But if we don’t panic or refuse to grow, we can do it. It is better to choose to make progress than to be forced into progress. : )

 

You can’t work with an eight-year-old as you did when they were two. It takes a new set of skills to talk to and direct an eleven-year-old than it does a sixteen-year-old. How you manage chores often stops working and you need to experiment with something new. Awesome relationships may suddenly be strained, and you aren’t sure what happened, when did the train go off the rails? We lose jobs and must find new ones. Maybe our current skill set needs a reboot. Possibly one of our children has taken a different path than we have designed for our family. Now what?

 

Sometimes our past surfaces and we find ourselves triggered, but we don’t know what triggered us or what to do about it. Has a child turned their back on you or the family? Are they suddenly distant? As our children grow, we might find we are unable to maintain our position with them. How do you work that out? Maybe a family member begins to show signs of anxiety or mental health issues. What, I am not prepared for that!

 

Life and parenting are not a straight and smooth road. I have walked both for decades always thinking it would get easier. It hasn’t. I returned to school when I was in my forties, with a seventh baby. My husband changed his profession a couple of times. I’m always called on to make personal changes, improve my way of being, and take responsibility for my responses. I must keep reevaluating relationships as my children grow and become parents and now, grandparents. No, the road never became straight or smooth, but by using what I learned as I went along, I didn’t just manage but thrived.

 

You can do the same. It will require work, purpose, and intention.

 

Here are a few things that have helped me along the way.

 

1. When you recognize that something isn’t working know it will require change and possibly information/resources you don’t yet have. Don’t panic. 

2.  You will need to take responsibility for your part of whatever the issue is and lay blame aside.    Blame is usually an indicator that our perspective is off, or our story is incorrect. 

3. When something has been working in your life or family and suddenly isn’t working, STOP. Be willing to look carefully at what has changed and experiment with something new. Ask yourself good questions and give yourself honest answers. It can feel aggravating, but nothing stays the same, things change. This will happen even if what was working was wonderful. Let your aggravation go and move forward.

4. Even when things are still working, you may need a reboot, so it continues to work well. If it feels like something is off, it probably is. Seek information and adjust.

5. Be open to whatever resources/information are required. I cannot tell you how many classes and books I have taken/read in the last forty years. It took me ten years to realize that I needed to grow and change how I viewed the world, children, and relationships, but once I jumped that hurdle, I ran down the track. I have used what I learned. I have grown as a person. I have become better. I have adjusted my way of being. It has all mattered!

 

I reached out to women and a few men when I needed guidance. I picked people who were where I felt I needed to be, whether how they managed chores or a relationship, how they worked through disappointment or grief, or how they upgraded their skills or managed their money.

 

Be willing to accept mentoring or counseling if needed. Last year I had to work on something in my relationship with Don. We had been married 52 years! I visited with a counselor three times. She helped me consider questions I hadn’t thought to ask myself. It made all the difference.

 

As you know I am a praying woman. This is not my last resort. I begin and end with it and use it often in the middle. Frankly, this has been the most reliable and useful tool in my ‘life’ toolbox, and I recommend it to you when you don’t know where else to turn or what else to do. It has never failed me.

 

If you are looking for help/resources, you will find them.

 

Making changes can be challenging just like using new technology, but if you trust yourself and avoid panic or blame, if you ask honest questions and give honest answers, stay the course, and seek reliable resources and information, you will get the help you need. You will be able to travel this road of life and parenting with greater success even if you are imperfect, and you are.

 

Remember that it took me ten years after I began living as an adult and parent to realize I needed to grow and change. Despite my slow start and the years it took to change, I did. My family suffered bumps and bruises, while I grew and became better. However, my children took my less-than-stellar example and have moved forward. They are growing and becoming better and have done it faster than I did. We are still here.

 

So, embrace change. Be willing to accept that you need to learn and grow. Manage the frustration that comes with change. Seek the help you need.

 

Don’t stay stuck in Windows 10 when you could have the perks of Windows 11! And don’t remain stuck in life or parenting. Be unafraid and willing to do the work to move forward.

SPARKS – The Big Fail!

Years ago, I spent a great deal of time with my grands that live in Utah. We lived one block away. This was before we consolidated our two families into a three-generation home. My daughter, Jodie, was homeschooling. At that time, I was teaching and mentoring mothers who homeschooled. Then I made a transition. I realized that many of the excellent things I was teaching applied to a whole spectrum of parenting, not just those who homeschooled.

Over the ensuing years, I have shared many of the lessons I taught to those long ago homeschool moms and have demonstrated how they apply to every family.

One of those lessons was the idea of Sparks. I wrote my first article on this cool subject in April of 2010. Wow, that was a long time ago. I love the idea of Sparks and have written many articles on the subject since then. In that early article, Sparks Bring Learning to Life. I explained what a Spark is and how it can help you, as a parent, help your child love the idea of learning. This is certainly valuable if you homeschool, but equally valuable if your children attend public or private school. Life is about learning, and the best-lived lives happen when we continue to learn. It is helpful when we show our children how fun learning can be and that is done best when we respond to their Sparks, the things they are already interested in.

In my book Becoming a Present Parent  I wrote that the value of seeing your child’s Sparks is that it’s a wonderful way to get Present with your child. It’s powerful not only in helping them love learning but also in creating tighter relationships. So, what is a Spark? Simply put, a Spark is anything that a child says or does that lets you know they’re interested in something right now. The article mentioned above will teach you how to recognize a Spark and then how to use it to create fun, family-learning moments, and to solidify your parent-child relationship.

Over the next few months, I want to share some examples of how I, and other parents, were able to use Sparks to connect with our kids. They are fun ideas that you can incorporate with your children, even if they haven’t shown up as a Spark, because you can also ignite Sparks. Light a spark and watch it burn!

Besides, it’s nice to have a quiver of ideas in your back pocket, especially with summer right around the corner and the sometimes boring days it brings. Learning slows down and tech takes over. It is useful to have some fun ideas and then gather your kids around for some non-tech enjoyment. We are talking about kids under twelve, but occasionally teens will hang around and even join in.

One of the reasons I’m going to tackle this issue of Sparks in the next couple of months is because I’m going to be spending LOTS of time caring for my grands. I fly to Seattle for a week, mid-month, where my grands range in age from almost twelve to four. Then it’s on to Colorado for a week. These grands range in age from married with kids, down to age four. I need a reminder, because as I see Sparks, I can respond, and our time together will be more powerful.

The article I am sharing this week was written in late 2011 and is about an epic failure in the Sparks arena. It illustrates the number one thing to remember about Sparks – the younger the child the shorter the Sparks shelf life. So when a Spark pops up you need to be prepared to respond. When you do, the results are amazing. Next week I will share a success.

Oh yes, one other thing. When children know you care about what they care about, regardless of the age of the child, they will open up because they know you care and will respond. This goes a long way in the relationship department, especially with teens.

CHILDREN LEARN BEST WHEN INTEREST IS HIGH

I go to the library once a month and get four weeks worth of material to share with my grands. On my last trip to the library, I got books about pre-math subjects. That’s where my focus was. However, Jack’s was on elephants.

Each week I visit my grands with my recognizable plastic bucket filled with interesting items. Two weeks earlier, when the bucket went visiting Jack said, “Hi grandma, you brought the bucket. I asked him if he knew what we were going to do that day and he got a huge grin on his face and said, “Yes, elephants.” I pulled out the contents and we had a fun afternoon, but no elephants were included.

The next week when I arrived, I asked Jack, “What do you think we are going to learn about today.” With a huge grin and a face that was lit with the sure knowledge that he knew, he yelled, “Elephants”. I knew right then that it should have been elephants. I had missed my opportunity to respond when the Spark was fresh.

When Jack said he wanted to learn about elephants he fully expected that he would find the materials available the next week. I could see his disappointment when it was something else. We had fun but I sensed he wasn’t fully enthusiastic because what he wanted to know about was elephants.

This last week I was prepared with information about elephants. Guess what – I had let the window of opportunity pass by! We did have fun, but I could see that the enthusiasm he had had two weeks earlier was not present. Imagine how joyous would have been our experience if I had materials about elephants the week before. It would have made a difference.

I am going to spill it and tell you why I didn’t have things going well when it came to elephants. Frankly, the first week I missed it. I heard him say elephants and I let it pass right through my head. I didn’t want to go to the library again, I wanted to use what I already had prepared, and I was excited about the pre-math stuff. Then I forgot about elephants until the next week when Jack’s happy, anticipation-filled face reminded me. I had been thinking about my needs and not Jack, so I had completely missed the Spark.

When I did show up with elephants in the basket on the third week it was fun, but Jack wasn’t as engaged as he sometimes is, and we didn’t do half of what I had prepared. The younger the child, the more important it is to hear and respond to a spark quickly. They move from one interest to another fast.

Tips to help you respond to your child’s Sparks

  • Have a consistent place to make notes to yourself. When Jack mentioned elephants, I should have written it down or noted it in my phone, so I wouldn’t forget. If the Spark requires a trip to the museum etc., you need help to remember because it will require planning. Although we should respond to a Spark as soon as we can, occasionally time will pass so have a way to remind yourself.
  • If you can’t make it to the library for books, then use the internet. It will only take 10 minutes max to print off a page of info. that you can read and prepare in your mind, as well as a few pictures. You can also all gather at the computer. Then while you share the pictures you can ask questions and slip in some facts. There are always craft ideas and cute lunch and snack ideas online for just about any subject. There are free worksheets and color pages online for any topic you can think of, including elephants. Add another 5 minutes and you can have those downloaded and printed.
  • Take another 10-15 minutes to gather your materials for crafts and plan snacks so that you can introduce something fun over the next few days. I always use what I have. I rarely make a special trip to the store. I am averse to buying when I can make do. So, if I need a straw and I don’t have one I call my husband and he stops at Wendy’s after work. If I need a feather and I don’t have one, I make one from paper. If I need sliced turkey and I don’t have it, I figure out how to make peanut butter or tuna work. In 30 min. or so, you can have wonderful ideas that work for a week or two, that help you respond to your child’s Spark. They will love that you noticed. And this works in reverse. You can use this 30 minutes on something you would like them to be interested in and they may be Sparked.
  • If you have things to do and don’t we all put them on hold for 30 minutes and respond to the spark, even if it’s only a short conversation, reading a short book online, or asking them questions. Your child will be excited and much more engaged.
  • Most of all, remember that seeing Sparks is about seeing your children’s interests and needs. When you begin using these strategies you create magic and children learn to love learning.
  • Catching Sparks is usually easy, but responding to them is a skill we develop over time. So don’t become discouraged when you have a fail like I did with the elephants. Just keep practicing.

‘Light a spark and watch it burn!’