Tag: self care

Self-Care in the Thick of Things

Self-care is crucial for parents because it helps them maintain calm for longer periods of time. Self-care facilitates patience and staves off taking our frustrations out on our children. Self-care helps us remain freer of resentment, exhaustion, or feeling depleted. It keeps us healthier. Self-care helps us tune into the joy and satisfaction of having children, even during overly busy or chaotic days. Self-care benefits not only us but also our whole family. It’s an investment in our family relationships, rather than a selfish indulgence.

Here are some tips to help you begin thinking about how you can do more self-care right where you are – in the thick of parenting.

1. Make it simple and doable – Self-care can be as simple and plain as having a cup of herb tea while you read to your children. It might be taking some deep breaths while soothing a screaming child. You could turn on your favorite music and dance in the living room with your kids. Add laughter!

2. Pay attention to yourself – When you feel like you are on the edge of losing your temper, getting irritable or feeling resentful ask yourself what you need to stay in control. I can still vividly recall what that moment felt like when I was going to stop being the adult. It was almost always when I had pushed myself for too long or was too tired. What I needed was to just STOP. In those younger years, I didn’t stop and the result was inevitable. If you find yourself in that place, STOP. Stop working. Sit down. Hug a child. Breathe deeply. Get a drink of water. Walk out to the yard. Do something that will feel nurturing to you.

3. Take care of your physical self – Get more sleep. Go to bed a bit earlier even if it means you don’t get that alone time you try to snatch after midnight! Don’t get on the computer after 10 pm. Really, this will absolutely help you get to bed earlier! Eat better. Don’t let lunch be the crusts off of your kid’s sandwiches. Don’t eat over the sink. Sit down for goodness sake and eat. It only takes five minutes! Exercise. Learn the difference between mom walks and kid walks and take a healthy measure of both weekly. Think and talk nicely to and about yourself. You would rarely speak to others, even those who are messing up, the way you talk to yourself. Pay attention to what you say and how you say it to yourself and then take the time to re-frame what you say into something more positive, supportive, and true.

4. Smell the roses – Stop rushing through the day in order to get your “list” taken care of. Join in your children’s laughter. Smell their hair and skin. Get good at random touches and mini-conversations. Sit on the lawn and listens to your children’s chatter. Take a moment off, even if it is only 5 minutes. It will be enough!

Taking care of yourself does not make you selfish. It shows that you care about yourself and your family relationships. Being kind to yourself in everyday life is one of the best things you can do. Life will become lighter and your relationships will most likely improve. You will feel happier overall. Your self-esteem will go up. You will be a better parent.

AN EMPTY LANTERN PROVIDES NO LIGHT. SELF-CARE IS THE FUEL THAT ALLOWS YOUR LIGHT TO SHINE BRIGHTLY. PIPER LARSEN

How do you care for yourself in the midst of a busy and chaotic day at home? Please share.

Here’s to more joy,
Mary Ann

GREAT NEWS!!!!!! Just in time for the holiday season. On November 21 I am giving away 5 copies of Becoming A Present Parent via a Goodreads Giveaway. So on November 21 hop on over and enter. You may just be a winner. : )

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Becoming a Present Parent

by Mary Ann Johnson

Giveaway ends December 21, 2017.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

What is Present Parenting?

P.S. You can learn more about the difference between the 1% principle and the 100% devil in my new book Becoming a Present Parent, Connecting With Your Children in Five Minutes or Less. Knowing the difference will help you let it be enough. You can also receive a chapter from the book on Touchpoints, creating points of connection rather than having points of contention, FREE by visiting becomingapresentparent.com It can be life-changing for your family. I promise!

If you like this post, please share it with your community.

Will It Ever Be Enough!

Recently I was reading in my journal about changes I have made in the last ten years of my life. Some were small and some large. All were helpful in adding to the quality of my life. One, in particular, stood out to me. It stood out because it’s what I hear from so many mothers and fathers that I mentor – it is never enough and because of that, I am not free to care for myself without feeling guilty.

Back in 2010, I was working with a mentor to get to the place where I could let ‘it be enough’. Here is an email I sent to her way back then. “I did my morning routine, read for an hour and went to work until noon. Came home and put dinner in the oven, then ate lunch and rested an hour while I read 5 chapters and took notes on the book I am currently studying. I called my business mentor and have a phone meeting set for tomorrow. I wrote 3 blogs and ate dinner with Don. I took a nap for 45 minutes. I got all the A items on my daily list done but one. I didn’t get any B’s or C’s on the list done. I know I rested too much today. I always feel like I should do more. Sigh. But sometimes I WANT a nap.”

Does that conversation ring a bell with any of you? I’ll bet it does. Can you believe that I could think of myself as lazy or falling short in some way with a day like I just described? It‘s a crazy thing!!

It’s Easy To Never Let It Be Enough

I’ve always worked a lot and I get a great many things done; I serve others, help my family, am a grandmother and mom, run a business; spend time with God, and study. What I wasn’t able to do back then was allow myself to incorporate the things that fill me up or care for myself without feeling a twinge of guilt.

It’s easy to fail to recognize that doing things for ourselves is just another part of having a life of fulfillment; the life that we constantly think we’re going to have soon or someday when we get everything else taken care of. That life is never going to happen if we can’t make it part of today because there will always be work to be done, children to care for, spouses to help, church assignments, things at work, a neighbor to comfort and the list goes on.

Whenever I say that I just don’t have time for a bath or to sit at the table and eat lunch or share a sunset on the balcony with my husband or children or stop and eat an ice cream bar or sit down and rest for 10 minutes, what I am actually doing is listening to the voice inside that tells me that I am not worthy of it or I haven’t done enough to deserve it… you add your line because we all have one.

Make Space For Work, Rest and Joy

It’s important to begin thinking about life as a whole and not in compartments. I can have hot cocoa in front of the fire even if everything else isn’t done because it’s part of a good day, just like finishing an article or serving my neighbor or cleaning the bathroom or soothing a screaming toddler are part of a good and successful day. The things that bring us joy shouldn’t be saved for when we have done enough other things but should be part of every day. Since 2010 I have made a firmer commitment to that very thing.

Why not liberate yourself. Stop being victim to “it’s just not enough”. Whatever you do is enough whether

you accomplish everything on your to-do list or whether your whole day consisted of nothing more than soothing a sick child. Knowing that we and our day are enough lets us allow every day to contain some work, some rest, and a good measure of joy!

I do seven simple things that help me care for myself no matter how busy or frustrating the day. Over the next few weeks, we are going to talk about all of them. Stay tuned.

What makes it tough for you to give self-care? What ways have you found to let your days be enough? Please comment. I would love to hear your experiences.

If you are interested in parenting with a deeper intent why not check out the Home and Family Culture Podcast. I will be sharing information on intentional parenting and you can download a PDF to walk you through the process.

Here’s to more joy,
Mary Ann

What is Present Parenting?

Want Better Relationships – Like Yourself First!

I keep thinking that I’ll switch topics from the power of controlling our story and response to another parenting topic but every day provides a new and powerful example of just what it looks like to control how we think and act.

Stories of real-life examples are impactful in helping us relate to principles in a way that allows us to get clarity on how to live them better. There’s value in ‘seeing’ a principle at work because it extends our knowledge of the principle and knowledge is power when it comes to personal change.

Here is an example from this week.

When I was writing the book Becoming a Present Parent I found myself constantly distracted and it was hard to make headway. So I pondered what I could do to find more consistent time to write. My most clear and compelling thought was to get up at four in the morning which would give me three uninterrupted hours. It was one of the most challenging and rewarding things I have ever set out to do. For over six months I got up early six days a week and wrote. It was exhilarating to see the book come together.

That was over 1 ½ years ago and a recent move. I have got to confess that I fell off that wagon and I’ve struggled to get back on. I’ve been making an effort to go back to my early morning routine because I have some studying to do that is kicking my rear and I need more quiet, focused time.

Each day since I determined to get up at four a.m. I have awakened to the alarm and then changed the time to 5:30 or 6. Of course, I want to get up, I know I should get up but when it comes to getting up I have an argument with myself and I lose. Here’s the story I’ve been telling myself about the situation: I’m just rebellious. I know I should get up but I just don’t want to. I’m being a lazy lump!”

On Monday I told my daughter how I was feeling. She replied, “Well mom, maybe you’re just being charitable to yourself. We’ve just moved, have been renovating every day and you are tired. Maybe you’re just listening to your body and taking care of yourself.” Wow, that felt a lot better than the story I’d been telling myself.

On Wednesday I helped my 95-year-old friend in her yard. It was laborious, to say the least. My back was sore and so were my legs. I felt very weary. In fact, I went to bed at 8:30.

Now, from 8:30 to 4:30 is eight hours, the amount of time I feel I need and want to sleep each night. But when the alarm went off I was still TIRED. I wanted to lie there and rest a bit more. So I did. The difference was this: I thought it over and made a decision. I didn’t argue with myself or feel like a lazy lump. I just decided to give myself an extra hour of sleep.

I know I need to get up at 4:00. I feel very strongly about that and I will. But while I’m getting back into the traces, so to speak, I’m going to be kinder to myself. I’m going to be more generous with the story I tell myself about the process I have to go through to make it happen.

Remember last week? I shared the idea that when we think positively about any given situation it increases our ability to come up with options for moving forward. With this in mind, I know that as I remain positive, continue in my efforts to accomplish a challenging goal and don’t quit, I will succeed more quickly.

The story we tell ourselves about ourselves, others or situations impacts how we feel and then respond. Getting control over our story and the ensuing response gives us greater power over our lives. It’s worth the effort!

If you want to begin taking control of your story, then I want to help you. I have an exercise that I want to share with you, FREE. It’s a simple PDF which will walk you through a 30-day exercise that will help you see patterns in your negative thoughts and will give you clarity on what you need to work on first. If you’re interested then click here. It will be available for download for one week.

I’d like to know what you’re struggling with right now and how changing your story could help you have a better outcome. Please leave a comment. I will respond. : )

Here’s to more joy,
Mary Ann

P.S. You can learn more about controlling your thoughts and emotions for better family relationships in my new book Becoming a Present Parent, Connecting With Your Children in Five Minutes or Less. You can also receive a chapter from the book on Touchpoints, creating points of connection rather than having points of contention, FREE by visiting becomingapresentparent.com It can be life-changing for your family. I promise!

Want to know more about Present Parenting? –