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Learning With Children – Stars

Summer is the perfect time to learn about stars because after you do a few fun activities, you can lie under the stars as a family, breathe the air, and stare into the night sky. What a relaxing thing to do. As I said a few weeks ago, this summer I am sharing some old grandma school times I had with my grands back in 2011. Bigger kids like helping younger ones, so even though these are simple things, you can do them as a family and get the older kids involved. Just don’t pick a Friday or Saturday night. : )

It’s wise to remember that no matter how WONDERFUL your plans for a family activity, some days don’t work out as you plan. Wouldn’t it be superb if all your family activities and learning moments were stellar (no pun intended), but they aren’t! In that long-ago activity, I made some classic mistakes and share them to help you avoid them.

Learning With Children – Stars

REMEMBER, when a child has an interest, and you don’t hear/see it, you will be in trouble. Last Friday, Jack was OK with the ladybugs I brought, but somewhere between the week before and last Friday, he had decided he wanted to make gingerbread. This is a Christmas tradition I began when my children were small, so he is familiar with it. In his young mind, it isn’t about Christmas. However, I showed up with ladybugs in hand. I told Jack I thought we could do gingerbread men the next time I came, but a week is a horrendously long time for a three-year-old, so his mom said they would make them on the weekend.

Tuesday, when I got to my daughter’s home, I had stars in hand. Jack met me at the door and asked if we were making gingerbread. They hadn’t been able to do it on the weekend. Jodie reminded Jack they were making gingerbread men after the activity with me. Jack was not a happy camper. If I had been wise, I would have scrapped the stars and gone to the kitchen to make gingerbread. The truth is that although we did wonderful activities today, Jack’s heart was in the kitchen. But your kids aren’t waiting to make gingerbread men, so you will love these activities. : )

We began by hanging a large piece of black construction paper on the underside of the top bunk. Then we made a very dark fort with blankets and crawled inside. I had painted stars with glow paint earlier. I think glow star stickers would have shown up better, but I didn’t have any, just the paint. As I have said, keep it simple and use what you have. However, the kids liked being in the ‘fort’.

I had painted the stars into the shape of the Big Dipper. It’s the easiest of the constellations to talk about. I showed them a real dipper and we compared it to the shape of the stars. We talked about how the stars were created and by whom. We talked about the size of stars. Jack was sure they were very tiny. We held a small rock up to our eye, and it seemed big. We then put it as far away as our arms would stretch, and it was small. I told Maggie, Jack, and Mary that stars were like that, big, but very far away. We discussed why you can’t see stars in the day; they are there, but the sun outshines them.

I didn’t have my usual stack of wonderful books as I hadn’t had good luck at the library. I only had three, and not the best, but we still enjoyed reading them.

Star Crafts for Children

We did two-star crafts. We made a star mobile with construction paper stars and pieces of straw. It was a pattern, so we reviewed the pattern…star, straw, star, straw. We used plastic needles to thread the stars and straws onto the string. That was fun. Maggie liked the activity so much that we made her mobile twice as long. The reason she liked it is that she is learning to use her thumb and forefinger to grab hold of things. It is a new and exciting skill for her, and this activity gave her lots of practice. (Remember, Maggie has cerebral palsy, and doing anything with her hands is challenging.)

Our second craft was called “Stars in a Bottle”. Plastic bottles were filled with mineral oil so the sequins would float. We glued the lids on because I didn’t want mineral oil spills. The star sequins were supposed to float in the mineral oil and sparkle, but they didn’t stay suspended as well as I hoped. It was fun anyway.

We had some shiny stars for a treat (Hershey Kisses) and read our final book. Then it was off to the kitchen so they could make their gingerbread. When I left, they were all busy measuring and stirring.

As I said, we enjoyed reading the few books I had, but I thought it would be nice to give you more options. Because our small library has a limited selection and I often need to order books from other libraries, I am working on getting four weeks’ worth of books. To assure our next few Grandma Activity Days are successful, I talked with Jack. He let me know what he was interested in learning about. Wise grandma! : )

Books About Stars for Children:

How to Catch a Star by Oliver Jeffers
The North Star by Peter H. Reynolds
The Magic School Bus Sees Stars: A Book About Stars by Joanna Cole
The Stars, 2nd Edition: A New Way to See Them by H.A. Ray
Fancy Nancy Sees Stars by Jane O’Connor
Mr. Putter and Tabby See the Stars by Cynthia Rylant
Little Star by Anthony DeStefano
Stars Will Still Shine by Cynthia Rylant
Shining Star by Megan McDonald
How the Stars Fell into the Sky: A Navajo Legend by Jerrie Oughton
How Many Stars in the Sky? by Lenny Holt
Stars by Mary Lyn Ray
The Big Dipper by Franklyn Branley and Molly
Stars by Steve Tomecek and Sachiko Yoshikawa.
Zoo in the Sky: A Book of Animal Constellations by Jacqueline Mitton
Our Stars by Anne Rockwell
Star Climbing by Lou Fancher

As I said in the first Learning with Children article, being together as a family, doing something new and interesting, and letting the older kids help the younger kids, leads to great memories and family bonding, even if it doesn’t all go as planned.

So, keep doing it!

Do You Yell? Become a Student Learning to be Calm

Two weeks ago, in the article Effective Family Systems,  I mentioned I overcame yelling by devising a simple system. It worked, but it took ten years of practice. That’s a long time, but I had few resources. We didn’t have computers when I began the process; that left books, if you knew what to read, or friends, if you had any who weren’t also yelling. Fortunately, I had one of those, and she gave me great ideas.

It’s been over three decades since I stopped yelling, so it was worth the time it took to get a handle on it. That isn’t to say that I don’t occasionally lose it. Of course, I do, because I’m human. However, yelling is no longer my go-to method for handling problems.

This topic of remaining in control of our responses to deal better with family issues came up frequently when I was mentoring mothers and fathers. Recently, while rereading articles I had written years ago, I ran across one with a note I received from a mom who wondered how to do what I had done. Here’s what she asked:

“I wanted to thank you again for a great class. I wondered if you could tell me more about the yelling you used to do. I grew up in that type of household, and swore I would never be like that… but guess what, I do? I’d love to hear how you mastered that part of your life. I didn’t do it when I only had 1 or 2 children and they were little. But the more children that came and the older they got, the more I slipped into it. Do you mind sharing what helped you?

I answered her privately, and we had several wonderful conversations. She found it helpful, and I knew it could benefit others. So, in May of 2011, right around Mother’s Day, I published what I had learned and practiced, and what I shared with her. This was a perfect topic for a day that is hard for many women because they aren’t perfect in this arena. I was one of those back in the yelling days.

What I shared with this sincere mother in 2011 is worth sharing again in 2025 because we have new moms, older mothers, and grandmothers who still struggle with using yelling to deal with family problems. So here goes. Enjoy, learn, and if needed, implement.

How to Stop Yelling – Ten Tips

After reading this mother’s note, does it remind you of you? I’ve received several emails like the one above. Many of us have a difficult time working out our frustration without yelling at our children. I’m certainly no expert on this. However, I used to yell and now I don’t. I can share some things that helped me get a handle on my ability to respond more calmly in the face of frustration and even anger.

1. You can’t just say you’re going to stop yelling. You must have a mental plan about what to do instead. You can’t replace something with nothing. This was the beginning of my simple system.

2. Be sure you’re not secretly frustrated or angry at your husband. When we don’t deal with the sticky parts of our marriage relationship, it can cause anger and resentment. Being in this state, even if you aren’t consciously aware of it, can lead to yelling at your children, because it’s safer and easier than yelling at a spouse. I’ve read this in books, and it was taught in a class I attended many years after I conquered my yelling habit. Your marriage relationship will affect how you manage your children.

3. See your children as people, not as problems, interruptions, etc. See them as people with needs. For example, when my 3-year-old grandson was being a pill, his mom would stop, get down to his level, and say, “What’s wrong, little son?” When I watched her, I knew she was ticked off, but chose to respond in a kind and respectful way. It’s part of her system for managing frustration. It’s a decision she has made and practices. She knows if her kids are crying, misbehaving, hitting, fighting, etc., there’s a problem that needs to be addressed. Although it isn’t easy, it has become a habit for her, and she does it most of the time.

4. Practice being present. Parents who are present are better able to STOP and look at a situation and see it for what it is. The better we focus on another person and not on our need to ‘move on’ to the next thing, the better we can handle frustration, disappointment, and anger. P.S. Being engrossed in technology can be a real issue. So, STOP using it, put it down, turn away, and focus on your child.

5. Learn to manage stress. There are as many ways to do this as there are people, and you could fill a library with the books written on the subject. I’ve written several articles on this topic. I used to take hot baths at night and read. I outgrew that stress reliever. Now I shower and pray because I can fit that in, and a bath requires more time than I can give. I also utilize mini meditations that I learned from the book “Eight Minute Meditation” by Victor Davich. Very helpful.

6. Get enough sleep and eat right. Moms really mess this one up. We stay up late trying to get it all done or give ourselves alone time, and then struggle to manage our frustration the next day because we’re tired. Get on a reasonable sleep schedule. Our patience is more easily strained when we aren’t. We also eat over the sink, in the car, anywhere but at the table, sitting down and resting. Learn to eat sitting down, even if you only get five minutes.

7. Stop over-scheduling yourself and your family. Simplify your life.

8. Pray. I consider this the most important point of all! Prayer is the best medicine for anger and yelling. You can feel peace, a greater desire to be kind, and a sense of hope that you can become calm and collected most of the time.

9. Believe that you can be a calm person. What we believe is much easier to accomplish. It took me many years to believe that I could change, that yelling wasn’t in my blood, or that it wasn’t how we Cazier’s handled things. Today, I have an affirmation I say daily to help me ‘believe’ that what I want is what I can be or have.

10. Focus on when you do well. What we focus on, we get more of. When you fall off the wagon and yell, say you’re sorry, forgive yourself, and move on; stop ruminating over it, telling others about it, berating yourself, or beating yourself up for failing. Stop cementing in your mind that you are a “yeller”. What you are is a student learning to be calm. Focus on that!

Overcoming a ‘way of being’ takes effort and time. It’s facilitated as you determine what to do or how to be, instead. A system, knowing the consistent steps to take, will help you be successful.

Learning Play – The Circus

Four of the finest clowns
in our fair city!

The Circus is in town!! Back in the 50s, that news brought a shiver to my spine and a smile to my face. I loved going to the circus. It was held outside in a large tent every year. There were elephants, trapeze artists, and lions being tamed. Everything smelled of sawdust, cotton candy, peanuts, and candied apples. It was an exciting event!

As I grew older, the circus changed. Long gone was the tent, replaced by huge arenas in large buildings. They seemed to come around less often. Children didn’t know as much about them, and they weren’t a yearly, long-awaited event that the whole town looked forward to.

I didn’t think any grandchildren I lived near had ever been to a circus. WOW! At the library, I found a couple of books and decided we would study circuses and then have one of our own.

What happens at a circus?

Who comes, who performs, do you eat anything, what in the world is a clown? These were questions we were going to answer in grandma school.

When I arrived at my grandchildren’s home (before we began sharing the same living space), Mary, who was 2, reached me first. That was usually the case because she loves immersive learning. She wanted to know what was in my orange basket! She delighted in pulling everything out. She found large glasses, boas, bow ties, and makeup. She was excited about all of it, but the boas. Mary was afraid of the feathers. (Years later, we got chickens, and she was the one who could catch them. Her fear of feathers was gone.)

Keep your materials simple

We began the day by looking at pictures of clowns and talking about who they are and what they do. They are funny, do tricks, and like to make people laugh. We decided to be clowns for the day. Out came the white face paint and lipstick. The white face paint was Halloween makeup I bought many years ago. It worked well enough. For red, we used what grandma had, lipstick. As I say, keep it simple. Then we tried on all the glasses, boas, ties, and other costume items. Jack fell in love with a hat and a bow tie. He asked me if he could have them. I said he could surely borrow them. “I don’t like borrow” he said, “I want to have them!” LOL

I hadn’t found many books about the circus at our small library, so I ordered some from other libraries. I never got them picked up before our circus day. That’s how it is in real life, sometimes we are on it and sometimes we aren’t! We managed with what we had, and I made a circus book. I found a terrific site of circus pictures, printed them off, and put them into a binder. (Jack, Mary, and Maggie used it until it fell apart.) It also made a great circus coloring book.

We looked at the pictures and discussed what was happening in each one, and if we would like to do that trick.

What We Did in Our Circus

1. Did you know that in some circus acts, they have dogs that dress up and do tricks? Well, Maggie, Jack, and Mary have a dog. We dressed him up to see if he could do a trick. He did! He peed on the floor from fright. We let him go and went on with our circus without him. It’s a good thing we still had clowns, us. : ) 
2. We decided to walk a tightrope.
We used a rake handle for our tightrope. (The rake head helped the stick not roll.) The children loved walking the tight rope and did a good job. They were real performers.
3. We also decided to learn to juggle; throw one ball up, try to catch it, and run after it. Up, try to catch it, run after it. Then we tried two balls. We weren’t good, but it was fun.
4. We talked about what you eat at the circus, and then we ate popcorn and cotton candy. The cotton candy was a hit because none of the kids had ever had any. Mom had those hyped up kids for the rest of the day. Thank you, Grandma! : )

We ended our day sitting quietly and reading about a little bunny who went to the circus and billed his mom as the Meanest Mother on Earth! It was a funny book and a very fun day.

Later, the family watched Toby Tyler: Or Ten Weeks with a Circus. (I loved it as a kid, and their family did too!)

If you have mixed ages, including older children, then check out the non-fiction books. They could make a circus out of paper, draw a circus, or do some serious face painting. They could make a circus scene in a shoe box. Your older kids might like putting a family circus together with more acrobatic acts, bike riding, etc.

Books, Books, Books

Short picture books about the Circus for kids:

  • Secret Circus by Johanna Wright
  • Sidewalk Circus by Paul Fleischman
  • Circus 1-2-3 by Megan Halsey
  • Sing a Song of Circus by Ward Schumaker
  • Peter Spier’s Circus by Peter Spier
  • The Twelve Circus Rings by Chwast Seymour
  • The Midnight Circus by Peter Collington

Picture books with longer stories about the circus:

  • Clown of God by Tomie DePaola- This is where we got our idea for our clown makeup. A very touching book, my grandchildren loved.
  • The Day the Circus Came to Town by Melody Carlson – A story about making your own decisions and not being influenced by friends.
  • Little Rabbit and the Meanest Mother on Earth by Kate Klise – Find out what happens when you don’t clean your playroom!
  • Circus Ship by Chris Van Dusen
  • To The Big Top by Jill Esbaum
  • Dimity Dumpty: The Story of Humpty’s Little sister by Bob Graham
  • Tree Ring Circus by Adam Rex
  • Last Night I Dreamed a Circus by Maya Gottfried
  • Madeline and the Gypsies by Ludwig Bemelmans
  • If I Ran the Circus by Dr Seuss

Circus Easy Readers:

  • Circus Fun by Margaret Hillert
  • Hurry Up! by Carol Murray
  • Sawdust and Spangles: The Amazing Life of W.C. Coup by Ralph Covert
  • World’s Greatest Elephant by Ralph Helfer
  • Sara Joins the Circus by Thera Callahan
  • Millicent the Magnificent by Alice Bach – Millicent is a charming story that will help children appreciate the wonders of classical music.
  • C is for Clown by Stan Berenstain
  • Circus of the Wolves by Jack Bushnell

Circus Non-fiction books:

  • Juggler by Caroline Arnold
  • Parades by Eugene Baker
  • Face Painting by Clare Beaton
  • Jumbo by Rhoda Blumberg
  • Let’s Be Circus Animals by Kathy Christensen
  • Let’s Be Circus Stars by Kathy Christensen
  • How to Draw the Circus by Pamela Johnson
  • Circus Time: How to Put on Your Own Show by Connie Klayer
  • Horses in the Circus Ring by Lynn Saville
  • What Happens at the Circus by Arthur Shay
  • Clowning Around: Jokes About the Circus by Rick Walton
  • Paper Circus: How to Create Your Own Circus by Robin West
  • The Great and Only Barnum by Candace Fleming – Perfectly captures the spirit of an era, the spirit of the circus, and the spirit of P. T. Barnum himself.

For older children

Circus Junior Fiction:

  • Travelers By Night by Vivien Alcock
  •  Great American Elephant Chase by Gillian Cross
  • The Secret Elephant of Harlan Kooter by Dean Harvey
  • Jelly’s Circus by Dean Hughes
  • The Runaway Clown by Lois Johnson
  • Toby Tyler: or Ten Weeks With a Circus by James Otis
  • Tybee Trimble’s Hard Times by Lila Perl
  • Incredible Jumbo: A Novel by Barbara Smucker
  • Miss Know It All and the Three-Ring Circus by Carol Beach York

Our immersive learning was fun, and a few years later, they got to a real circus, and were prepared. When we help children by immersing them in the learning, they have a ball, and it stays with them. You can’t and won’t do this all the time, but what if you did something like this once a month for a family activity? Aside from having a ton of fun, you will build great memories and help children love learning.

It’s worth the effort and time.

Effective Family systems – Tips for success

This week, as I walked with my friends Livia and Alysia, the conversation turned to their teens and the issues surrounding accomplishing things at home. At one point, Livia mentioned the need for successful systems. I told them how interesting the conversation was because I was working on my article for today, and it was about creating systems that work. Life can be so serendipitous. : )

When I began speaking and teaching, I met a woman who became a friend and mentor, Kim Flynn. She was a systems specialist and helped me and other women find time to build businesses and successfully raise a family by using simple and workable systems. At the time, Kim had owned five successful businesses while raising her family. However, long before she began business building, she was learning to use systems successfully in her home.

I spent plenty of time in Kim’s home and with her children. I saw firsthand how well she did the very thing she taught others to do. The drawer you are looking at was in her office. She had never reordered it since it was put together, several years before, because she had a system for its management and consistently used it. It never became a junk or catch-all drawer.

You may be thinking, “That’s all well and good, but I have kids who make chaos of everything”. When I took this photo, Kim had four children, ranging in age from 2 to 11. She included them in her systems, and they learned to respect and value the freedom that systems bring. They had learned that a good system provides more time, order, and peace in a family.

I mentored mothers on parent-child connections for over fifteen years, and this one thing came up over and over again – the need for systems that worked and a family that would use them. Recently, I’ve been thinking about the value of systems. I suspect that’s because I’ve needed a couple of new ones this year.

I use systems for everything. I am a systems guru myself. I’ve been teaching my grands about systems for the last fifteen years that we have shared the same living space. It has saved me from hunting for my scissors, tape, the milk, or butter jar (yes, they get borrowed), and many other things that would engender frustration if I had to look for them all the time.

Years ago, one of the mothers I mentored asked me how I overcame my yelling habit. I wasn’t sure how to answer her at the time, but I gave it some thought. I realized I had developed a simple system. You can’t say, “I’m never going to do such and such again” and think that’s all it takes. Willpower is never enough to bring lasting change. What I did was devise a plan, a system, if you will, for what I was going to do instead of yelling. I came up with something and began using it. It wasn’t easy. It took determination and time, lots of both.

As I thought about the process I used all those years ago, I realized that the hardest part was continuing to use the system once I had figured it out. Yes, consistency was the hardest part. Years ago, I read a piece of research that showed that often, when people find a system that works to resolve a sticky situation, they soon abandon it and return to their old, unsuccessful way of managing. Interesting!

Another problem that can mess with a good system is not enrolling your family. They have no reason to keep the system going. They think it’s for your convenience and have no vested interest. Consequently, eventually there is a mess or a missing item and you must spend extra time to reorganize or find it.

During the time spent in Kim’s home, I noticed that she not only had simple and successful systems, but she had gotten her family to enroll in the systems and, for the most part, they used them successfully. I took notes and want to share them with you.

Tips to Enroll Yourself and Your Family in Simple Systems

  • Ask enrolling questions
  • Ask yourself and your family to participate
  • Let your family know what’s in it for them
  • Then earn the right to tell, teach, or request anything of them or yourself

Example One – Overcoming Procrastination, Doing The Dishes

a. Ask yourself enrolling questions. Write your response.

  • How would it feel to have a clean kitchen every morning?
  • Wouldn’t it feel refreshing to never feel guilty about dishes again?

b. Welcome yourself to participate. Give yourself a pep talk. Write your simple pep talk down. You can put it by your bed to read daily or tape it over the sink. : )

  • This is an exciting adventure. I’m organizing the kitchen and getting the dishes done daily. I’m having a good time watching myself grow. I’m excited!

c. Let yourself know what’s in it for you. Add it to your pep talk.

  • When the dishes are done and the kitchen is clean, I am free to spend time with my family. I feel happy and energized. Starting the day without dishes is wildly freeing!

d. Earn the right to ask for this change from yourself. Add this to your pep talk.

  • I have done a magnificent job organizing my Sunday School class for well over two years now. I know I can organize myself and get the dishes done, just like I do with my Sunday School class.

Once you are enrolled you will have made a firmer commitment to the change. You won’t be perfect, but you’ll be successful. Whenever you find yourself flagging in your efforts, re-enroll yourself. It helps if you read your pep talk daily till you master your new system. If a system involves your family, then see the example below for enrolling them.

Example 2 – Getting Simple Chores Done Before School.

a. Ask enrolling questions.

  • Would you like to be free to rest, eat a snack, or be with a friend after school?
  • Can I show you how we could do that?

b. Welcome them to participate.

  • I appreciate you guys talking with me this morning. I think I have a powerful idea to share with you that you’re going to love. It is going to be so freeing and restful.

c. Let them know what’s in it for them.

  • The question I have been thinking about is, how we can free up more time in the afternoon to do things we want to do. When we free up time, you’ll be able to lay on the couch and enjoy a snack without having to rush. On some days, you’ll have time to watch a video or engage with your phone. Sometimes you can even have a friend over.

E. Earn the right to make this suggestion.

  • I have been your mom for over 12 years, and I know a lot about getting things done really fast to make time for rest and fun. I’ve been practicing this for a long time, and I know a lot about it.

Now lay out your plan for how the chores can get done before school time. Then make sure that the rewards happen! (This will work best if you only ask for what can be done in the available time before school. For example – make the bed, put PJs away, dirty clothes in the hamper, and toys in the closet.)

The Point of This Article Is…

To encourage you to experiment with simple systems that will work for your family, systems that you can commit to and enroll your family in. The ultimate reward for this effort is saving time, reduced frustration, living with less chaos, and having more peace. When we don’t implement systems, we live by default. Our system becomes ‘no system’. This prevents a family from functioning as effectively as it could.

Look around. What’s one thing that’s bugging you? (I said ONE thing!) How could you turn it into a simple system? Now, enroll your family in the effort to make the change. They might even have some great input as to what the system could look like.

I have systems for everything – where my glasses are kept, remembering to use my c-pap, managing the dishes, getting to bed on time, managing my mother’s clothes so she knows how to find them, making sure everyone gets the right meds, at the right time, who is in charge of what, where the tape, glue, and scissors are housed, when the laundry gets done and how, garbage management, and the list goes on!

I can promise you, simple systems, used consistently, make a huge difference in your peace of mind and in family management!

An Example That Will Bless Our Children

This week, I began cleaning the top shelves that encircle my living room and the two bedrooms. It’s a big job, requires a ladder, and the accumulated dust is incredible. I only do this once a year.

As I dusted the books, I thought: “One day I will be sitting at the table reading all these wonderful books, learning so much. It’s going to be amazing.” I was thinking about the years between ninety and one hundred, yes, I plan to be around that long and won’t be alone until then. LOL I wouldn’t be caregiving, going to lots of doctors’ appointments, or running grands to and fro. So, it stands to reason that I would have more time for what I have always loved, learning.

However, waiting until I am in my nineties to do something that I know is valuable today is silly. Then I recalled my daily affirmation/commitments that I read every morning without fail. Here is a new statement for 2025: “I read, study, and write daily. As I fill my mind with truth and knowledge, my soul expands, my wisdom increases, and I am blessing others.”

The truth is, I am not waiting until I can sit uninterrupted to learn, grow, and share with others. I am doing it now, amid the chaos of a four-generation home, caregiving, and a busy life. This is something we can all do.

An Example

I worked with a mom who pushed her kids to learn. She was after them all the time. It became harder and harder for all of them. I asked her why she felt desperate and pushed her kids so hard. Here is what she shared. She believed she had wasted a lot of her childhood not learning. She left high school with mediocre grades. She hadn’t read many books. She felt uneducated. She was determined to save her kids from her fate. Yet for all her good intentions, she was having a daily fight with her two oldest children.

Here is what I know about this woman. She is intelligent and talented. She runs her own successful business. Her home is clean and orderly. Her children are learning, active in sports, music, and socially. She has a growing marriage relationship. This mother began homeschooling in hopes of helping her children feel smarter and more accomplished than she felt. She was getting the same results she had seen when they were in public education.

This woman felt like a failure because of what she believed about her past. She has felt for decades that she isn’t smart. However, all she has accomplished in the present belies that story. Many adults share this woman’s experience. I homeschooled my last two, but Kate has always felt uneducated. So, this isn’t about what educational system we choose. It’s about how we view learning, our families, and our own.

  • Do we make time for learning?
  • Do we give our children an example of someone who values growing and changing?
  • Do we read?
  • Do we read to our kids? Family reading can be life-changing.
  • Do we allocate time to share what we learn with each other?
  • Are books and audiobooks available?

You Do It First!

One of the best ways to help our children love learning and make it a part of their lives is for us to do it first; to be an example of the power of learning and growing.

I suggested to this devoted mother that she begin learning and let her children see her doing it; begin trusting that she is smart and can learn. I suggested she read for herself and to her family, and that they have dinner conversations about ideas and thoughts. I told her it would be wise to read what her kids read and discuss those books. I suggested that she read an occasional hard book and then tell her children about the Ahas she has. What about letting them see you taking notes? Maybe have a family book club if your kids are adults. In short, model a love of learning and how you are growing and changing because of it.

Everyone must learn to love growth. We do that personally by reading, studying, conversing about what we are learning, and sometimes, being mentored. We help build this love in our children by modeling it for them.

Ways to Model Learning and Growth

  • Don’t wait for the chaos to leave; find ways now. Put a book in the bathroom and read one paragraph whenever you go in that room. It may not feel like much, but I promise you will read more than you think possible, and you will bless the lives of your children and eventually your grandchildren.
  • Listen to audiobooks.
  • Have mini conversations and dinner conversations. This is facilitated when we have something to share, ask good questions, and eat together occasionally. : )
  • Have books available. I read things way above my level when I was a girl because my father returned to college when he had nine children. The books were everywhere, so I read them. I didn’t understand much, but enough to keep me interested.

My children have commented as adults that my continued growth has helped them do the same. I am merely sharing what I have experienced as a youth, a mother, and now as a grandmother. Think about this. What interests you? What do you want to know more about? What could you read that sounds interesting right here, at home, right now? Be brave and begin.

Anyone Can Have an Enlarged Perspective

Last fall, on a walk with a friend, Livia asked me how I got such an enlarged perspective growing up in the era I did. It is because my parents were learners. My mom sang, led music, and taught classes in church and her craft store. My dad was a reader and always had books lying around. He talked with many people. They were both open to learning.

I married a man who isn’t a reader. I read to him and help him listen to talks and podcasts. His greatest gift is his ability to connect with people. He is full of questions and learns a great deal as he listens. This comes naturally for him, but I have to work on it. : )

While looking at old cards and letters, I found something I had written to Don early in our parenting, probably in our forties– “…the better able you are to communicate with deity and others, the more the turmoil dies down like a boiling pot being stirred. It’s still boiling, the turmoil and need to change are still there, but the stirring keeps it from boiling over or becoming more than is bearable.”

This is what our continuing education helps us with – perspective and keeping the pot from boiling over.

Don’t put your learning and growth on hold for a more convenient or quiet time. It can be done at home, in small moments now, and shared with those you love.

It’s part of the legacy you give to your children.

From Sixty-Two to Seventy-Five, This Hasn’t Changed!

From the movie The Kid

The 40-year-old man and the eight-year-old boy sat together in the airport diner, eating fries and burgers. They each thought their own thoughts about life, as it is and as it would be. The man and the boy were the same person, who, through some fluke, was in the same space and time together.

8-year-old: You’re not mad?
40-year-old: About what?
8-year-old: That we didn’t change anything.
40-year-old: No. Are you ok that you’ll have to fight that bully every day for the rest of grade school and go through high school ugly?
8-year-old: But not dumb.
40-year-old: No, not dumb. And that you’ll go through college without a date.
8-year-old: And get to be 40 with no family.

They look at each other and smile. Then, a dog named Chester grabs a fry, and they run out to the tarmac and see the 70-year-old man. He too is them. He has a family and flies a plane.

40-year-old: Are you who I think you are?
70-year-old: Smile and a nod.
40-year-old: How did we do it?
70-year-old: You have 30 years to find out.

And here is what they all three know – We can do this; it will all work out, and dreams do come true.

As the 70-year-old flies away with his family, we hear the 8-year-old and the 40-year-old shout, “We made it! We’re OK! We’re not a loser! We grew up to be a pilot with a family!” Then they do a happy dance.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to know, for sure, that despite how now looks and feels, you are going to be OK? Wouldn’t it be nice? The desire to know we are not losers and are OK is inside each of us.

When I was sixty-two, I emailed a very successful, well-known woman and asked her to help me with something in my business. It was as intimidating to me as writing the queen. She responded. shocked that I would think enough of her to ask. Imagine! We shared our hopes, dreams, struggles, and some of our fears. Here’s what I discovered: She is me, and I am her. We are more alike than we are different. I think that’s true of all of us. We worry that what is coming won’t live up to our expectations, that we won’t live up to our expectations.

Here is what I know:

• Today is all there is, so rejoice and be glad in it.
• Everything won’t work out or be easy, but it will be all right in the end.
• You do not carry your load alone, no matter how it feels.
• Time heals all wounds if we let it and seek resources and help.
• Everything changes, and that is a good thing, even though it feels scary at times.
• We are all more alike than we are different.
• We all struggle in one way or another, so be kind to everyone.
• You have more power than you know.

I wrote these words when I was sixty-two, a baby compared to now! I am seventy-five and sharing these thoughts again because not only have they not changed, but they have also become truer in my heart and life. I know they are true!

On the wall in my office/bedroom, I have these thoughts printed:

The Lord has a plan for me, and it will be a GIFT! Mary Ann Johnson

Life is incredibly unfair – in your favor. Jennie Taylor

Whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say, “It is well with my soul.” From the Hymn, It Is Well With My Soul by Horacio Spafford

We want everything to happen for a reason. A better mindset might be to let God make reason of everything that happens. Jennie Taylor

We can feel heartbreak and joy at the same time. Matt Haig

You can’t wait until life stops being hard to be happy. Jane Marczewski – Nightbirde

If you do your best, it will all work out. Mary Ann Johnson

Our dreams can come true. We can live up to our expectations. There is a plan, and we fit perfectly into it. It may not happen in the time frame we want, but if we hold on to hope and believe in ourselves, we will win.

Isn’t that nice to know!

Attunement = Being Present

I know that resources matter. When I was working to become a better mother there weren’t many. But what I could find, I used, and they made a difference. So, when I find a resource that may help my friends and readers, I share.

I received this email from a friend:

“I recently watched the podcast Follow Him with Hank Smith and John Bytheway…. Their guest presenter…was Dr. Matt Townsend, who is a therapist. Many of the things he was saying reminded me of you and what you have shared about being present and communicating.”

I wasn’t familiar with Dr. Townsend or the podcast, but I took the time to listen because I love Susan and know she cares about me. Dr. Matt Townsend is a relationship coach who has met with thousands of couples over 25 years. It was interesting how what I have taught about connecting with children meshed with what Dr. Townsend shared about relationship health.

I’m no scholar so it was heartwarming and edifying to see how close I have come to what scholars have learned. I learned from hard experience and the tutoring of God, rather than in school. I was also privileged to work with a few hundred families and saw firsthand what I had learned as a mother. It’s amazing what I have gotten right based on what Dr. Townsend shared.

He used a word I was unfamiliar with but found worth sharing – attunement.

To have attunement you must be Present. To be Present you need to turn off your mind enough to connect or commune with another person. If someone smiles, we generally smile back. If they laugh, we laugh. This is attunement.

Dr. Townsend pointed out that when Jesus speaks, he then looks at the multitude. He is attuning and getting in sync with the people he is teaching. He is reading them. I thought this was wonderful. Doesn’t this sound like the being Present I have taught you over the years? I appreciated that my friend Susan saw this in what Dr, Townsend was teaching. It confirmed that we can learn anything, and God will take us where we need to go.

Dr. Townsend talked about how the gift of tech is robbing us of attunement. Why anxiety is going up. I was reminded of the story I shared years ago about four teens sitting together on my apartment steps and texting one another, never looking up or speaking a word.

Dr Townsend said, “If we don’t look around because we’re so attached to our phones, we miss what our kids are feeling and saying.” I’ve written about that too. I learned it the hard way, not as much with tech as with home management, which I allowed to swallow my attention.

Dr. Townsend talked about John Gottman and a statistic he shared. John and his wife developed The Gottman Method, a couple’s therapy approach that uses research-based interventions to help couples improve their relationships. John said, that in 86% of successful partnerships, it’s because one partner will turn to the other when they initiate a conversation – they get in sync or attunement. Now that Don and I are older we intentionally do this. We do not want to become roommates but remain friends and sweethearts. It takes thought and intention. One of my daily affirmations is about this very thing.

As I studied attunement, I learned that when our brain gets in sync with the other person’s brain we connect and can then share similar emotions. This would be very helpful when talking with a teen or young adult who may be reticent to share.

Here is one other tidbit that Dr. Townsend shared that can help us remember how to attune to another person or be present. He created the anacronym REAL.

It stands for:

1. Recognise their emotion
2. Explore their story
3. Attend to their deeper needs
4. Lift them

Caregiving has allowed me to practice and learn more about attunement and being present than I learned even as a mother of seven. I am open to learning more. That is key to growth, being open.

My book Becoming a Present Parent is filled with truth, written in a straightforward and easy-to-understand way. It has stories of my failure to connect and be present or to attune with my children. It also has stories of my successes and shows the path I traveled to get from A to B. If you haven’t read or listened to it, and struggle with family relationships now may be the time. It’s written not as a scholar, but as a mother who has been where you may be and has gone where you want to go.

You can listen to Dr. Townsend on YouTube or check out his site.

Resources are available for those who are open to learning and will do the work. We need to find the resource that works for us. I have a scripture I end all my emails with. It’s a reminder to be Present, to be attuned to those around you. “But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear.” Matthew 13:16

Do the work. Change and grow, Bless your family!

Peaceful Intensity?

My friend Livia read a book about Neal A. Maxwell. In the book, they used the phrase ‘peaceful intensity’ to describe how he managed his busy life. It’s a way of being that can be cultivated. It involves how we perceive what is happening in the moment. Maxwell said you can be busy but still function from a place of peace. As Livia and I talked I wondered, “How can those two words even go together?” I was intrigued by the idea and this unique phrase.

This is becuase I’ve been experiencing this place of busy peace in the last few years. It happens when I have this thought, STOP and TURN. In other words, shift how you see what is happening. When I listen and follow the thought I manage better. Even if the pace doesn’t slow down, my heart does. Imagine how life would be if this was our way of being most of the time.

This experience comes and goes in spurts, but it happens. It has felt as if I’m being taught from on high. As I have learned how it feels I can now consciously choose peaceful intensity. In the last year, I have experienced it more than ever before.

Most of you know I shower at night, not because I need to get clean but because it’s my quiet, ‘talk to God’ place. As I step into the shower on a day where nothing went as planned, but I STOPPED and TURNED, I have recognized a flow, a feeling of moving along without rapids in the river. I could honestly tell God I had done my best and felt satisfied that all that was needful had been done. These shower moments are precious because I go to sleep feeling peaceful despite the actual makeup of the day.

Let me share how it felt just two years ago. I sensed that around 3 pm my day shredded apart. I lost the sense of flow and struggled to stay centered. During my shower time, I felt distracted, disorganized, and dissatisfied. I remember watching the clock, racing it to that 3 pm moment while feeling a sense of panic. During my shower, I would plead with God to be shown how to get control. Funny how God answers prayers.

It isn’t about control, lack of distractions, or getting things ticked off the list. It’s about remaining calm with what is, in other words, peaceful intensity.

Do you know that while writing this I realized I haven’t looked at the clock during the day for some time? I haven’t thought about that 3 pm moment. Why? Has any physical thing changed? No, it hasn’t. Caregiving is filled with interruptions, added tasks, irritations, etc. It’s part of the calling. Doctor appointments haven’t gone away. Managing a home and helping with my granddaughter remains. Dementia is still in my life 24/7. All that changed is that I have worked to let go of the 3 p.m. story and have begun experiencing something new in my heart, peaceful intensity. I know it was an answer to my prayer about control. : ) I’ve been shown that control won’t solve the dilemma of overly busy days. However, how we approach those days, can.

TWO EXAMPLES OF PEACEFUL INTENSITY

I work diligently to write during the week. I want the article uploaded, edited, and formatted before Saturday. I need the podcast recorded. I want the newsletter to be ready to go. I want Saturday to be free. By free I don’t mean ‘no work or interruptions’, that never happens, but at least no writing deadlines. : )

However, one week in November I left it all until Sat. I began writing at 10 and didn’t finish until 4 because writing takes time and there were the usual interruptions. As I finished, I sat in awe and couldn’t believe how peaceful I felt and how smoothly it had gone despite all I had to manage along with the writing. This is what I have been experiencing more and more often.

Let me share what happened today. It’s January 4, 2025. I was able to have a few days away from home. My goal was to do lots of writing and move into the new year ahead. However, Don had surgery the day after Christmas and my mom had been ill and in great pain for over half the month. I felt I couldn’t go even though I would only be a mile from home. However, my daughter wouldn’t let me change plans.

Every day, from Monday through Thursday, I drove home to make sure all was well. I also had Don’s incision to care for. Tuesday was New Year’s so I spent most of the day and all that night at home. Wednesday, Mom was still ill and Don’s incision needed attending, so I was home for a few hours. That cut into my writing time. On Thursday Don was better and his incision looked great. Mom was up and dressed, crocheting for the first time in two weeks.

Friday, I didn’t go home. I wrote all day and made great progress. I did the same today until around 3 pm. I had enough posts to last a couple of weeks. I was happy and relieved. I planned to write a few articles during the remainder of the day.

Then out of nowhere, I got scammed. I was posting on one of my business pages and received a notification my site was being suspended. You know the rest of the story. They changed my password, and all three sites went down as if they never existed. I couldn’t access our church site which I post on for my calling. I can’t even open a new account.

I spent an hour trying everything that Facebook said to do. Nothing worked. I called my daughter, and she didn’t know what to do. So there I was, two days of writing and no way to use it. I had a moment where I thought I would go home because what was the use? The whole getaway had been a waste. I felt completely discouraged.

Then I had that feeling, STOP and TURN. I went back to my computer and began this article. I felt at peace. We would work it out or not and I could still write for you. All was not lost. That sense of peace moved in and the sense of desperation and hurry that the situation had stirred up, left. As I have written this I’ve been enveloped in peaceful intensity. The trouble isn’t gone. I don’t know what it will take to repair it if it can be repaired. But I’m OK. I went on to write two more articles.

These are two examples of real-life peaceful intensity. In both situations, I had to allow peace to enter my crazy day intentionally.

I’m a novice in this process, so why am I even writing about it? I hope to encourage you to think about practicing peaceful intensity, regardless of what’s happening. I can only share what I have learned so far. I know there’s more, and I will be taught. Then, I will share more.

WHAT I HAVE DONE

  • I became aware that there was a new way I could think.
  • I prayed for guidance and help. It’s always wise to ask someone who knows more than you. : )
  • I continue to be aware of my stories and control them. I am pretty good at this part. I’ve been practicing for a decade and a half.
  • I intentionally decided to incorporate peaceful intensity into my way of being.
  • I am practicing, practicing, practicing.
  • Finally, I don’t berate myself on those days when I don’t do well. It is counterproductive.

I haven’t read A Disciple’s Life: The Biography of Neal A. Maxwell by Bruce C. Hafen. I may never get to it. But God can and is teaching me about rest and rejuvenation, as it relates to peaceful intensity.

He can teach you too.  

If We Have Been Foolish, We Can Then Be Wise. It Is A Choice.

Parenting is a place to learn to grow as a person. Seriously. : ) Even now, when I’m caregiving, rather than parenting, I experience examples of this type of growth. It always takes me off guard because I would like to think that in almost 75 years, I had gotten this growth thing handled. Silly, because learning and personal growth are a lifetime endeavor.

This is one reason that berating ourselves when we do something foolish is not helpful. If we, instead, focus on what we just experienced, learn from it, and make a change, the experience becomes valuable. We also must realize that we may experience the same type of situation over again as we refine ourselves. It can feel discouraging if we let it, or it can feel illuminating. It’s a choice we get to make.

Today I am being vulnerable and sharing one of these growth moments.

I hope it brings a smile to your face and puts you in a thoughtful position about how you teach and communicate with your children.

My mother will be 95 in a few months and has advanced dementia. I have been caring for her for six years and you would think I have it down by now. But, as with parenting, we keep reexperiencing and refining our methods of response and teaching.

Recently, I got upset with my mom for emptying her porta-potty outside on the lawn, in the dark. She didn’t take it to the bathroom because someone was in there. I don’t like her emptying it day or night because she can’t carry it and use her cane. She also must navigate two stairs and the possibility of spillage is ever present. I empty it several times a day and she is usually totally unaware of it. But occasionally, she goes into housekeeping mode. She rearranges photos and nick-knacks in her room and wants to clean the porta-potty. This was one of those days.

As I expressed my unhappiness with her emptying the potty outside, she reminded me that she had lived on a farm. I replied, “Well, this isn’t a farm.” I told Mom she needed to ask for help when doing things like this. This was not a useful comment because for my mother every two minutes life begins again. Seriously, her tracked memory retention is 2 minutes. This was not a conversation she was going to remember. When I told her she needed to ask for help she said, “How do I ask?” I replied, “Say something like, ‘I want to empty the potty. Can I take it outside?’ I will tell you to put it in the toilet. Then we would go up the stairs together and take care of it.”

A useless conversation to be having with someone with dementia and I knew it but didn’t stop myself. As I thought about it later, I knew a better response would have been to let it go. She has never done it before and will probably never do it again. As for emptying the potty in the bathroom, occasionally she will because she can’t recall that she shouldn’t. I carried on with this conversation because I wasn’t being thoughtful about how to manage the situation. I was succumbing to my irritation. You all know what I’m talking about because you have done the same.

A few minutes later Mom came into my bedroom/office where I was working. She said she was ready to go to bed and asked me what she should do. This was a first. She has never needed help at bedtime before and she rarely lets anyone know she is heading to bed. I told her to remove her slacks, and that she usually sleeps in her shirt but does have PJ’s if she wanted them. She said she would take off the slacks and wear the shirt.

As I resumed working, I couldn’t get this odd conversation out of my mind. I assumed it was because I had told her to ask for help. By this point, she would have no recollection of that conversation, but I have learned that feelings remain. So, I went into her room and said, “Mom, you don’t need to ask about getting ready for bed. You’ve been doing fine by yourself for a long time.” Mom looked at me and replied, “It’s like I just woke up and don’t know where I am or what I am supposed to do.” It wasn’t about the porta-potty conversation but the hole that dementia leaves in a person’s life.

Although I knew my mom couldn’t recall the conversation, I wanted her to feel happy and not how being in trouble leaves you feeling. We did a lot of hugging and smiling. I told a joke and got her laughing. I wanted her to feel better. It worked. The joking and smiling helped her sleep well. Dementia is a challenge for those with the disease and those who care for them. Every day is a class in patience, controlling our response, and love.

We Sometimes Error

We sometimes have lame conversations with our kids because they didn’t do something in the way we would do it or in the adult way. Even though we know kids don’t think like adults we can’t seem to stop going on about whatever they did wrong. I did this in my parenting life. Later I would recall the exchange and wonder, “What I was thinking?”

Kids have lots to learn. We need to respond in ways that fit their age and the situation. Sometimes it’s better to let it go if it doesn’t really matter, and we’re just irritated because it wasn’t done in our way. We need to teach at their level and not keep reminding them that they didn’t consider the outcome or consequence, as an adult would.

However, if we occasionally forget to be the adult, there is a remedy, just as there was with my mom. Apologize if needed. Let them talk if they need to. Smile a lot. Give hugs because touch is healing Leave as friends.

Parenting is not an exact science

Most of us are working with fewer skills than needed and less knowledge and understanding than we would like. But this doesn’t mean that we can’t undo mistakes when we make them. Sometimes they are large mistakes, and the temptation is to feel we have ruined the relationship.

If you feel this now and then as you parent, I invite you to read I HIT MY DAUGHTER. WHAT!  I hit my teenage daughter with my fist. I was positive I couldn’t restore that relationship. However, I did, and I share what that looked like in the article. Seriously, sometimes I think I am too transparent but when it comes to other mothers who are learning, I can’t seem to help myself. LOL

I was a good mother. I’m a good daughter. In fact, I’m an amazing person, but I do dumb stuff now and then like the foolish conversation I had with my mom. But I have learned from a lifetime of caring for my family and now my mother, husband, and granddaughter, that when we error, we can also restore

When you know this truth, you do not fall apart and wallow in grief and fear. You say a prayer, gird up your loins, and do what you can to repair the damage It usually works.

Be brave as you parent. It isn’t only kids and teens who do foolish things. Sometimes it is us, but we, as adults can then do what is wise.

Read, Learn, and Bless Your Family

In 2011 I wrote an article on what it takes for parents to carve out time to read and study for themselves. There are many adults, my husband included, who do not read. But when children see adults in their lives reading and studying, it sets them up to do the same.

As I read what I had written, I realized that my knowledge base on some things had expanded and I had adjusted my thoughts on others. Interesting.

At any rate, it was worth sharing again. If you homeschool, then this is a must. If you want your children to enjoy reading and learning, regardless of how they are educated, this is a must. If you haven’t been a reader or a learner as an adult, this will help you grow. : ) It is powerful and can be life-changing. Learning can become part of your family culture.

The Scripture That Triggered the Thought

Back in 2011, I read a verse of scripture that sparked this article. “I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth. . .therefore, First, set in order thy house” Doctrine and Covenants 93:43 On this day, I read it in a new way. I focused on “First, set in order thy house”. It brought to my mind another verse of scripture. “For now we see through a glass darkly”. 1 Cor. 14:12

Seeing through a glass darkly is an apt analogy when we are sharing knowledge with our children. If the windows to our home are dark, we cannot see out of them clearly. Everything we see will be dimmed by our own darkness. We will not be able to give more light to our families than we possess. We must be enlightened first, and then we can share with our children.

It caused me to think of the classics I have read and my spiritual canon. If we are unfamiliar with good literature and that which informs our belief system, then we cannot call them to mind when a quote, verse, or thought might enlighten a child, illuminate a teaching, open a new learning adventure, or ease a soul. These quotes and teachings won’t be in us because our house is empty, and our windows are dark. As parents, we want to do and say the best thing when it is needed, so we can give help, comfort, and knowledge to our children. Having light in our own house, so to speak, is vital.

Reading good books and our spiritual canon or other writings that inform our belief system is like washing our windows and filling our house with light. As we enlighten ourselves, we see more clearly. We see our children and their needs more clearly.

So, how do busy parents find the time for self-education, reading, and reflection?

Here are some ideas that helped me while I raised seven children and continue to assist me now that I live in a four-generation home.

1. Decide that you want to learn and that you want to expand your knowledge base in old and new areas. Make a personal commitment to read, take classes, and learn, so when it is difficult you can and will follow through. And it will be difficult. That is the nature of parenting. There are many demands. However, committing yourself to reading and studying will help you do it when it isn’t easy or comfortable!

2. Have a book available all the time. When I had children, I packed one in the diaper bag. Later, I had a small bag by the front door with a book, pencil, and paper in it. I could grab and go at a moment’s notice.

If needed, have a second book, which you will read more often, available in your home so that when the rare moment occurs, you can read.

Today, I keep a book in a basket in my bathroom. I visit that room at least three times a day and I can read a few paragraphs before I am interrupted. You all know what that is like. LOL Declare your intention to learn and grow by being prepared.

3. Give up perfection. I know that having quiet, focusing on one book fully, and taking notes is the best way to digest information. Your season for that will come but may not be now. And if you are like me, at 74 in a four-generation home, it may come much later than you anticipated. LOL

At this point in my life, I thought I would be going back to college and getting my doctorate in education. In Montana, when I still had most of my children at home, I had a full-ride scholarship for a doctorate. But it wasn’t the season. I had to content myself with learning how to parent better by reading and counseling with those who knew more than I did. It eventually led to a career spanning 13 years, speaking, teaching, and publishing a book.

Now, here I am, back in the traces and I, like you, must be content to read in the bathroom or while waiting in a doctor’s office. Be ok with learning in whatever way you can manage – reading while nursing, cooking, waiting for the washer to fill, snatching a paragraph or two while managing a toddler at the doctor’s office, or grabbing your 30 seconds of private time on the toilet.

Occasionally, I can retreat to my office to study my spiritual canon or read. I take notes. I do research on the computer. However, I know that I will be interrupted repeatedly and that I may only get a few focused minutes. For now, I am letting that be enough. Give up perfection and you will learn, change, and grow. Who knows where it will eventually lead you?

4. Talk about what you are reading at dinner. Throw out a thought and see who responds. Let the conversation flow naturally. You can even do this with a 3-year-old. “Jenny, what would you do if someone wanted you to be mean to someone else.” (Maybe you have been reading Lord of the Flies) You and your spouse can have a discussion which the children may join. If not, they will hear what you are learning.

I do this when my husband and mother of 94 years, sit to eat. Often, I am the only one talking. : ) But it helps me think about what I am reading and Don and Mom don’t seem to mind.

Occasionally at our meals, I read to them. I eat fast and then I read. It doesn’t happen every meal or even every day but occasionally, we read at a meal.

5. Call a friend on the phone and share an aha. They do not have to have read the book. The best way to cement what you are learning is to share what you have discovered while reading. This is why talking at dinner or phoning a friend is useful. : )

6. If you can, give yourself 10 minutes before bed to read a few paragraphs. You may have great thoughts and ideas upon waking.

7. Have a pad and pen by your bed. When you wake up sit on the edge of the bed, quietly, for a couple of minutes, and ask your brain what it came up with in the night. See what ideas flow and write them down. If the baby is crying, take the pad and pen with you. While changing a diaper or nursing, ask your brain what it has come up with in the night and then write it down.

Currently, I have my pad and pen in the bathroom window. My nightly caregiving, prayer-filled shower is when I have many thoughts and I write them down so I can ponder them before bed.

8. Consider reading with your spouse for 10 or 15 minutes every day. If you set a time and then are as consistent as possible, you will read together more often. Don and I used to read in the evening. He likes Westerns, doesn’t read himself, but enjoys it when I read to him. This worked for many years. Now we have had to adjust. My mom lives with us and so we read at lunch, most days.

Reading as a family is a powerful way to share knowledge and information with your children. Reading as a family allows you to read books with tough ideas because you can talk about them as you read and help your children navigate the difficult decisions they may face as they grow.

If reading to your kids seems too challenging because of a wide range of ages, then here are a couple of articles that can help you navigate it successfully.

Don’t worry if it takes time to finish a book or if you only get a few paragraphs in. It is the reading consistently that matters, whether you are reading to your spouse, your family, or by yourself.

9. Cast out discouragement because you cannot read and study for long periods of dedicated time. Everything has a season. Your current season is parenting. Mine is four-generation grandparenting, with a special needs granddaughter, and full-time caregiving for two older adults.

Keep in mind the old example of how to fit more in a jar. Begin with the rocks. Then add small gravel. Then comes the sand. Finally, add water.

Your family and children are the rocks. This goes in the jar first. Housekeeping, preparing food, work, and all the rest are the small gravel that we sift in after the rocks. Church, community duties, etc. are the sand that follow the gravel. Reading and learning are the water. There is always room for the water when we put the rocks in first.

Remember everything has a season, be content with your season.