Category: Life Success Principles

Stop Fixing the Cookies!

When you’re engaged in a project, what matters to you? For many adults, it’s the outcome. We want the cookies to taste good, the tomatoes to grow large and red, the dress to look store-bought, and the painting to be perfect. I know that doesn’t apply to every adult, but it does apply to many of us.

When children are engaged in a project, what matters to them? For the most part, it’s the process. Have you ever watched a five-year-old paint? They like digging the brush deep in the paint and swirling it around. They like lots of paint on the brush. Then they swipe it onto the paper. They smile at the brightness of the color. They aren’t usually concerned if the red bleeds into the green or if the red turns the yellow a tad orange at the edges. It’s the act of painting they care about. And when it’s done, no matter how it turned out, they are happy and proud.

We can increase our joy when working with children if we let go of the outcome. The act of creating is what children love. It’s what makes learning fun. Our job is to provide the materials and the inspiration. Theirs is to create the outcome.

A Party is a Perfect Venue

Any time we can encourage creative exploration, we are on the path to helping our children gain confidence and learn new things. Even a child’s party is a perfect venue for allowing a child to create without worrying about the outcome.

My mom gave me some amazing parties. I recall that in my seventh-grade year, I had a taffy party. I had seven or eight friends over, and my mom taught us to make pulled taffy. It turned out well. It was so much fun. We had a really good time, and each girl had a gift, a plate of taffy, to take home. My mom showed us what to do and then stood back and let us do it.

I followed my mom’s footsteps. One year we had a dress-up party. I collected dress-ups from thrift stores, and when the children arrived, they each designed an outfit. Then we had a wonderful parade around the block. I supplied the materials, and the kids did the rest. I didn’t help them put their outfits together. The outcome wasn’t the priority; creating was.

Another time I helped the kids make sugar cookies from scratch. They frosted and decorated them with small candies, raisins, and other edible treats. Then the cookies were packed into small boxes to take home. I didn’t fix any cookies that didn’t look perfect. It was tempting because what their parents would see might reflect on me. But I shut out that story and let the kids create.

When my youngest daughter was turning eleven, we had a formal tea party. The guests came in their best dresses and were served by mothers who had been enlisted to help. The ice cream was cut into little teapots using a teapot cookie cutter, and each girl had her own miniature cake. They were encouraged to converse. The other moms and I made ourselves scarce and allowed the girls to figure out how a tea party worked. They got the hang of it, and soon there was an ample amount of giggling and chatting going on in the living room. Each girl went home with a miniature tea set purchased at the dollar store. Kate said it was her favorite party.

One year my son had a relay party. All the activities were relay games. We found lots of ideas by asking his grandparents about games they remembered, games I recalled from my school days, and books from the library. The instructions were given, and then the adults sat on the sidelines and let the kids hash it out. They had a wonderful time.

What Would I Do Differently?

Although I stood back and let the children at the party do their thing, here is what I would have done differently if I could go back. I put together wonderfully creative activities, but I did all the planning, just as my mother had done. Wouldn’t it have been a great learning and growing experience to sit down with the birthday girl or boy and plan it together? I bet often they would have loved my idea. Occasionally they might have had a completely different idea, which would have required me to step back and change course, not always an easy thing. But doing that would have helped them work on skills they would need as adults, rather than just showing up at a party and having fun. Think of all the learning that could happen when a child and parent plan something together.

There is real value in stepping back and allowing our children to create without worrying about the outcome. I once read that the greatest teachers replace themselves. When children feel courageous and excited to venture out, learn new things, and then use what they’ve learned to bring joy to others, that’s something worth celebrating.

Any time we foster the skills of creation, thinking, and problem-solving, we are helping our children on the path to becoming capable, confident adults.

Drunken Snails and Other Miracles

When I moved from Montana to Utah in my late 50s, something stopped me in my tracks – the realization that I was responsible for my responses, no matter the circumstances or the people involved. This hit me hard. I couldn’t blame others for how I felt! I was mad and honestly didn’t want it to be true. But I am a learner, and the thought wouldn’t leave.

The Quest

I began a quest to learn more about receiving good into my life. I had grown up believing that everything was hard and a struggle. I was done with that story. One of my early mentors was Leslie Householder. I read her book The Jackrabbit Factor and its sequel, Portal to Genius, and attended several classes. What I learned changed everything. If I had faith, believed in myself, and kept a handle on my thoughts, miracles could and would happen.

I wanted all seven of my kids to understand what I was learning. Without meaning to, I had taught them through example that life was hard and a struggle. We live how we were taught. I wanted something better for my kids. I wanted them to have control over their thoughts and the results that come from holding to the belief that we are creators, not victims, and that we can have miracles.

Andrew was twenty-nine at the time. He had just lost a job he had given his heart and soul to and gotten very little back. He was feeling down about it. Every time we talked, and that wasn’t often, I asked him if he had read The Jackrabbit Factor. I knew it would help him see things in a more positive light. I have to admit I nagged just a bit!

One morning he called me and talked for about 40 minutes. This was out of the ordinary, as our calls usually lasted 10 minutes, with me asking questions and him answering with a yes or no. He wanted to share what he was learning and say thanks. Andrew is a quiet man and not demonstrative, but I could hear the happiness in his voice. He was excited and grateful. He even told me he was glad I had nagged!

Andrew had been practicing the principles Leslie taught, and they were working for him. He was still looking for a new job. Then his car broke down. For several months it just sat there. After reading the book, he set a goal to get it fixed and changed his thinking about it. Within a few days he got two calls, offers of help and less expensive parts than he had expected. The car got fixed. He also found work that suited him well.

What About Those Drunken Snails?

Here’s another fun example of the changes in Andrew’s way of thinking. Simple yet powerful.

He is an avid gardener. He had a very small yard, at the time, which he tended with loving care. One year he planted sunflowers which the snails promptly ate. He planted them again the next year. To ward off the snails, he put pans of beer in the garden. One night there was a huge storm. He was sitting in the living room worrying about his 1″ high sunflower seedlings. He had this thought, “Last year the snails got them, and this year it’s the storm.” Then he caught himself and remembered what he had learned from reading The Jackrabbit Factor. He changed his mind chatter to, “It isn’t morning yet, so I’m not going to sit here and worry about what hasn’t happened. They will be just fine.” When he went out to check on the seedlings in the morning, he told me that not only were they just fine, there seemed to be twice as many sprouts and the garden was filled with very happy, drunken snails!

This experience with Andrew happened in 2010. At the beginning of that year, I had made a list of things I wanted in my life. They weren’t physical things but quality-of-life changes. For them to happen would require miracles. Because of the principles I had learned, I wrote them down, read them regularly, and waited for opportunities. One of the items on my list was that Andrew and I would have more meaningful and regular conversations. The book and his experiences opened a doorway for us, and our communication increased.

We all are who we are when we begin. Our job is to grow and to help our children see, by example, a better way. We can teach them as we learn. Our mistakes are not permanent. We can impact even our grown children if it takes us that long to figure things out — and sometimes it does. A good parent never stops working on becoming a better person, and in doing so they impact their children for good. I mentored parents for over a decade and a half, and the one thing most of them needed to hear was this — it’s never too late.

You can learn, grow, and be the example your child needs. It’s never too late!

Two Mites and a Moment of Stillness

I had the privilege of cleaning in the LDS Syracuse Temple. It was enjoyable because of the building’s beauty, peace, and quiet. It was also wonderful because of my working partner, Melissa. We had a deep, interesting, and moving conversation about learning to slow down and being still.

This is something I’ve been tutored in for over a decade, but it still isn’t a habit for me. I’m a mover, shaker, and finisher. Stopping and stillness are not part of my natural energy.

So, what has my tutoring in stopping and being still looked like?

When working on a project such as organizing the garage or simply cleaning the bathroom, I occasionally have the thought to stop, to finish later. I know the thought isn’t coming from me because I’m a finisher. I look heavenward and think, “I could finish this!” The next thought is often, “It will wait. Go and….” Then something that matters more will come to mind: check on Maggie, see if Jodie needs help, hug Don, touch a grandchild passing through, see what my mom is doing, call a friend, or sit and rest.

And here is where an insight Melissa had fits in beautifully. She compared our experiences to the parable of the widow’s mite — what we give from the heart, even if it’s just two small coins’ worth of effort, is enough. Maybe all I got done was cleaning several shelves in the garage or just the toilet bowl. It’s enough, and it will hold until I can give more without sacrificing the things that matter most: rest, connection with a child or spouse, caring for another person, etc. (The Parable of the Widow’s Mite is found in Mark 12:41-44 and Luke 21:1-4)

Stopping and being still is valuable for many reasons. When we stop, even for a few moments, we can unravel problems, come up with solutions, rewrite our stories, and make wiser decisions. We can really see another person — a child or spouse, a friend or neighbor — and let them know we see them. We can appreciate the beauty around us, even if we’re feeling grief, sadness, anger, or loneliness. Stillness brings a measure of peace regardless of what’s happening in life. Over time, this practice of slowing down and being still leads to better health and a sense of well-being we might otherwise miss.

My favorite scripture has long been “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10. It’s been a favorite since my early adulthood. In my heart I’ve always known that stillness, stopping for a few minutes, was a valuable gift I could give myself if I would.

Slow Down

This past Wednesday, I was introduced to the song “Slow Down” by Sissel, a singer from Norway.

In the midst of my confusion
In the time of desperate need
When I am thinking not too clearly
A gentle voice does intercede

In the time of tribulation
When I’m feeling so unsure
When things are pressing in about me
Comes a gentle voice so still, so pure

Slow down, slow down, be still, my child
Be still and wait, on the Spirit of the Lord
Slow down and hear His voice
And know that He is God

You may have another view of God and life, but I’ll bet these words still stir your heart as a parent, homemaker, working woman, neighbor, friend, etc. We are all busy.

An Incredible and Moving Thought

Monday morning, I got up at 6 am. I did my morning routine to center myself for the day. I took care of my husband’s health list, dressed, fed, and helped my mom with her needs, helped with Maggie, and so on. Around noon, I was in the bathroom resting, LOL, and I had this thought:

“Mary Ann, it isn’t what you do, but the pace at which you do it.”

That is why this song, and my favorite verse of scripture, touched me so deeply this past week. I know it’s important to be still, to slow the pace of life, even for a few minutes.

I’m working to be still, to slow down during the day, to sit with no agenda even for a few minutes: to begin my affirmations with purposeful silence and not rush through them, to intentionally give myself time to think and hear after prayer. I’ve been experimenting with sitting on the patio, looking out on the world, and not feeling pressed to move to the next thing for at least 5 to 10 minutes. : ) I’m managing it fairly well, and I’m looking forward to how this changes me, because I know it will.

And that brings me back to Melissa and the widow’s mite. Some people have learned to slow down and be still; it comes naturally to them, or they’ve cultivated it over time. For me, and for many of you, I bring my two mites, because right now that’s all I have, and as Christ and the widow taught us, it is enough.

If you’ve had experiences with stillness, I would love to hear about them. I can use the ideas and motivation, and I’m sure many of you can too.

Leave a comment on the website and bless us all as we learn and grow together.

 

A Spring Story – A Principle Taught

It’s spring — that season of newness, freshness, and quiet beginnings. It seemed the perfect time to share a story from Jaroldeen Asplund Edwards’ book The Daffodil Principle, because it beautifully illustrates something I’ve come to believe deeply: that lasting change happens 1% at a time. Not in grand gestures or overnight transformations, but in small, consistent efforts that grow into something magnificent. The story below is a beautiful illustration of this life-changing principle

Daffodil Garden

Several times, my daughter had telephoned to say, “Mother, you must come and see the daffodils before they are over.” “I will come next Tuesday,” I promised…

We parked in a small parking lot adjoining a little stone church. On the far side of the church, I saw a pine-needle-covered path, with towering evergreens and manzanita bushes and an inconspicuous, lettered sign “Daffodil Garden.”

We each took a child’s hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path…Then we turned a corner…, and I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight, unexpectedly and completely splendid. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it down over the mountain peak and slopes, where it had run into every crevice and over every rise. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons, and swaths of deep orange, white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter yellow.

“But who has done this?” I asked Carolyn. I was overflowing with gratitude that she brought me…This was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

“It’s just one woman,” Carolyn answered. “She lives on the property. That’s her home.” Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house that looked small and modest in the midst of all that glory.

We walked up to the house, my mind buzzing with questions. On the patio, we saw a poster. “Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking” was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. “50,000 bulbs,” it read. The second answer was, “One at a time, by one woman, two hands, two feet, and very little brain.” The third answer was, “Began in 1958.”

There it was, the Daffodil Principle. For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than thirty-five years before, had begun – one bulb at a time – to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountain top. One bulb at a time. There was no other way to do it. No shortcuts – simply loving the slow process of planting. Loving the work as it unfolded. Loving an achievement that grew so slowly and that bloomed for only three weeks of each year.

Still, just planting one bulb at a time, year after year, had changed the world. She had created something of ineffable magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration: learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time – often just one baby-step at a time – learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time.

When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world.

The thought of it filled my mind. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the implications of what I had seen. “It makes me sad in a way,” I admitted to Carolyn. “What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five years ago and had worked away at it ‘one bulb at a time’ through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!”

My wise daughter put the car into gear and summed up the message of the day in her direct way. “Start tomorrow,” she said with the same knowing smile she had worn for most of the morning. Oh, profound wisdom!

What I Have Learned

In my 76 years, I’ve never seen anything truly great happen in a single burst. Every worthy goal, every beautiful thing built — a family raised, a skill developed, a grief endured — was accomplished through small steps, taken one at a time, for as long as it took. That is the 1% Principle, and it has become one of the truest guides of my life.

Here’s what it means in practice: rather than trying to fix or change everything at once, you focus on the best 1% — the one thing most worth improving right now. What I’ve found is that real progress in that one area quietly lifts everything else around it. You don’t have to splinter your attention across every problem. Consistent, focused effort on the right 1% creates momentum that spreads.

The woman in that daffodil garden didn’t set out to create a masterpiece in a season. She just planted one bulb. Then another. For 35 years. And the mountain was transformed.

You and I can do the same. We don’t have to have started 35 years ago.
We just need to begin today.

Listening, Trusting, and Following Through Make a World of Difference

The Day of Surgery

The day of my hip surgery, September 3, after returning home, I was going up and down our two stairs, caregiving, and managing as if I had never had surgery. One week out, I canned salsa. The doctor had told me I would recover quickly because I was so active. When I asked about canning, he said I could do whatever I had energy for because my new hip was made to stand on. That’s why I was in crazy mode for the first two weeks after surgery. And it was crazy!

Reality Is No FUN! Getting Help Is

At the end of the first two weeks, reality descended. I fell into extreme fatigue and became depressed. I couldn’t shake the feelings of worry, fear, sadness, anger, resentment, powerlessness, etc. My hip began to bother me when I sat or when I first began walking after sitting. I was totally unprepared for this. It wasn’t what I was expecting after two fabulously energetic and pain-free weeks. What had happened?

Caregiving didn’t go away because I was struggling. Mom and Don still needed help with everything. My daughter helped when she could, but she works full-time, has four teens, one with severe CP. I had to keep doing what was necessary because life goes on. This was the reality of my situation, but how could I continue when I felt so unable to manage myself and my feelings?

I was desperate for answers. So, I did what I do. I prayed for help, resources, and thoughts. As I knew it would, help came. I received information from two trusted sources that let me know that depression is part of the healing process. The body uses all the energy it can to do its healing work, which leaves one depleted. Knowing this, that there wasn’t anything wrong with me, that I wasn’t weak, and was in exactly the correct place, helped me cope with how I felt, until the depression and most of the hip discomfort went away in late December.

A Thought That Made A Difference

Today, I want to focus on one thought that came to me, which I immediately implemented, even though it seemed odd. Then I’ll share the amazing clarity I received as to why trusting the thought and following through made such a difference at a very challenging time.

The thought was to open the hymnal on my phone and sing 1-2 songs each evening. Really, I was living a very busy caregiving life. I had just had surgery and was struggling. I didn’t want to add something else to my already loaded plate! But I listened. It was fall and warm, so I went outdoors at sunset and sang. I couldn’t always sit, so I would stand. It lifted my spirits. It caused me to smile. I have continued this simple practice. Eventually, I couldn’t go outdoors because of the changing weather, so I would sit at my desk in the bedroom or in the bathroom before my nightly shower. The fatigue and depression, although still there, began to be more manageable.

In November, they announced the church choir would begin practicing for the Christmas program. I had quit singing three years earlier. It was too hard to take Mom and Don home, feed them, and then go back for choir. But for the two hours we were at church that day, the thought kept returning. “Mary, sing in the choir.” “Join the choir.” “Don’t forget choir.” Finally, I looked heavenward and said under my breath, “OK!!”, in a frustrated voice. I took Mom and Don home and returned to the church at 3. It was a beautiful and uplifting experience! I hadn’t realized how much letting go of my music had affected me. I had forgotten how much I loved singing.

I was given a small solo, even though I had been gone for three years. Singing a solo was on my bucket list, and here I was at 75, doing it for the first time, after a three-year hiatus. A miracle. Singing daily in the evening and on Sunday with the choir was one of the things that helped my heart shed the burdens it felt.

The Christmas program was wonderful, and I did a good job. It was fun, and I was glad I had listened to my thought. The depression had gone, and I was managing well. But it didn’t end there.

On Sunday, January 18th, they announced there would be a choir for a larger church meeting held a couple of times a year. I knew the singers in this choir would all be better at the craft than I am. I don’t read music well, so I have to memorize my part, but I felt I would have time to do that. I really enjoyed the first practice, despite being in deep water. : )

Why Did It Make A Difference?

Driving home after that first choir practice, I was pondering the whole music/singing issue. Why had it made such a difference? Was it the singing itself, the music, being with a group, what? In that moment of thought, I got a download; it filled my mind and heart. It wasn’t about the music or the singing. It wasn’t about being part of something. It was the sense that I was caring for myself because I matter. I’m worth caring for. This is exactly what I know I am doing when I shower at night. I’ve been showering at night for over 30 years. Caring for myself is what I’m doing when I schedule those phone calls, walks, and the occasional lunch that I resisted doing for three years and recently told you about.

In each of these situations: creating regular connections with other women, taking a hot shower at night, singing in the evening, joining the choir, I was intentionally caring for my heart, my mind, my emotions, my healing, not just from surgery, but from the challenges of everyday living. It was mind-blowing and mind-opening. It made so much sense.

We all find ourselves in this place, maybe not from surgery or illness, but from managing a family, a job, and life. It can feel overwhelming. And we all must learn to manage the feelings this overwhelm can generate.

I mentioned some time back the story I’ve been dealing with for over nine years, “There is no time in my life for me.” I know it’s a story, but it hasn’t been easy to dispel because my life is packed with people to care for, and I gave up a carefully built career to take it on. In this moment of clarity, after that choir practice, I understood that the things I had been led to do by my creator were designed to help me care for myself, to say in a physical way, “I love you, Mary Ann. You matter to me as much as anyone!” The activities I have added to my hectic life in the last couple of years are making a difference, a world of difference.

No matter what your situation looks like, if you ponder and think about how you can care for yourself, thoughts and resources will come. Don’t dismiss them like I did when the thought came to create a group of women I could connect with consistently. Don’t dismiss them if they seem odd, like adding choir practice or evening singing to your already packed day. Don’t dismiss them if they seem frivolous, like scheduling walks or going to lunch once every three months. LOL

Every evening, I still shower, pray for someone, put on lotion, read a few paragraphs, and spend time alone. I can usually give myself 10 to 15 minutes. : ) I still sing every evening. I have my calls, walks, and one lunch preset so they actually happen. I’m diligently working on rewriting that old story, one God-given thought and then one action at a time. I’m sending the message loud and clear to myself, 

“There’s always time for you because you matter as much as anyone!”

Transparency as We Begin 2026

I post once a day on my three Facebook sites and Instagram. For the most part, the posts are happy, upbeat, and about family. I do this for my readers, and I also do it as a way of documenting my family. Someday, these posts will be a series of books called 365 Days, 365 Ways to Be a Family.

Here is a post I made in September –

Two Wednesdays ago, August 20th, Don had a right hip replacement. He is recovering well, and it is a relief to have the pain gone. He has suffered for over a year while insurance, etc., was being worked out. This last Wednesday, September 3rd, I had a right hip replacement. Yikes, are we nuts or what? The fun part is that we are exercising together and doing PT together. Makes it a bit more enjoyable. I am only two days out, but I am doing VERY well! Thank goodness.

This elicited a response from an old friend: Hope you both recover quickly! I love how you make the best out of any situation. Kristine A.

Two weeks after this response from Kristine, my life went into the dumpster. I realized that most of what was happening would never be known by my family, followers, readers, and friends. Why? Because I wouldn’t talk about it or post about it. Why?

Almost thirty years ago, I began my journey to accept what God had told me when I still lived in Montana: You’re 100% responsible for your response. You cannot blame circumstances or others for how your life feels. I’ve written about this experience and the fact that it took over ten years to stop being mad about this information and to accept it; five years while still in Montana with a struggling family, and five in Utah, as I worked to understand this truth.

A few years after arriving in Utah, I took a class from Kirk Duncan at Three Key Elements. In that class, we talked about negative energy and how harmful it can be to spill yours onto someone else. They shared healthy ways to deal with negative emotions and experiences, without dumping on others. Then, I took several classes where I began learning that how I perceived a thing, my story, was within my power to control. It was a lot to take in, but I was eager to learn the truth of what I had been told by God and stop fighting against it.

Two weeks after my surgery, when I began struggling, I thought about Kristine’s comment. I was reminded how important it is that those I care about know I’m not perfect, my life is not perfect, I struggle, and I still must work and practice to live true principles.

I’ve thought a lot about this over the last few months, since my surgery, and I decided to share some of what I experienced because it may be valuable to you when things go wrong in your day or life.

It’s imperative to understand that no one’s life is perfect or pain-free, and no one responds well all the time. If we believe this, then we are less likely to compare ourselves to others because we know we do not have the whole story. This is true even of those we are close to.

After my hip surgery, I was told I would recover faster than Don because of my pre-surgery activity. I needed to bottle salsa because we were out, and my surgery was on the 3rd of September. I asked the PA if I could do this before the canning season passed. He said, “You can do anything you have energy for. Your new hip was made to stand on.” I took him at his word. I was going up and down our two steps the day I got home from surgery, doing my regular caregiving things, dozens of times. A couple of days later, I was making salsa. It turned out great.

At the end of week two, I began having deep feelings of discouragement, depression, and anger. I was diligently trying to do what my reader said I was good at, making the best of any situation. I wasn’t succeeding, and I began to struggle with my story. Because Don was pain-free and I wasn’t, I must have hurt my new hip. I was a nitwit to keep up my caregiving routine, cooking, doing laundry, etc., and not spending more time sitting and resting. My husband was incontinent after his surgery, and I had to wash 4-6 pairs of outer pants every day. My mom still had dementia and needed help with everything. I didn’t see any way out. Because I was up and about and looked great, no one realized what was happening in my head.

I couldn’t lie down without pain, so I had to sleep in a borrowed recliner for two weeks. Don was in the other one. I need darkness, and he needs light. I wake at the slightest sound, and he can sleep through anything. I wasn’t getting good sleep at night. I woke up often. I would look at the clock each time and say to myself, “Agggg, I only slept an hour and a half. What’s wrong with me?!” Every day was filled with fatigue, but I am who I am. I would get up and do what needed to be done. It’s my nature, but it added to the mental and emotional stress I was feeling. A full month passed.

Despite not understanding what was happening and feeling so discouraged, I pondered and prayed a lot, searching for information, resources, and solutions. I kept reminding myself that I have control over my story and how my life feels. I knew I needed more information than I had, that I needed help. Experience had taught me these things, and even though I wasn’t managing well, I remembered. I knew I needed to take a step.

I finally did a wise thing and sought support. I talked to my daughter. She had already begun seeing that there was a problem. She has a 19-year-old special needs daughter and three other teens. I didn’t want her to pick up any of my load, but I knew I needed help. She began doing small things whenever she came into our part of the house. She emptied the potty in Mom’s room, put more pants and Depends in the bathroom for Don, filled water glasses, did a load of dishes, etc. She asked me if we would share her evening meal, so I didn’t need to cook three times a day. She’s been sharing dinner with us for three months now, and some days I know it was a lifesaver. Beginning today, January 1, I’m taking it back. I’m ready. : )

Remember those prayers I said and the pondering I did? I was seeking information and resources. A week after taking that small step and talking with Jodie, a resource came. I have a scheduled call with my friend Joy every month. I got brave and told her the facts about where I was mentally and emotionally. She reminded me of a tool I knew about but hadn’t thought to use, tapping for health. I took her advice and put the tapping instructions on the wall across from the toilet. I began tapping every morning while saying my truth statements/affirmations. From the first day, I felt different. I could feel the anxiety, mental fog, and depression lessening.

Joy also mentioned that depression is part of healing and wasn’t happening because I was weak. What!! Could this be true? Here was new information. A light bulb went on, and I felt that what she was saying was true. In that moment, the story that I was a nitwit or had hurt myself caved in.

That same week, I got brave and mentioned how I was feeling with Laurie, the hospice nurse who comes and checks on my mom. She said, “Mary, depression is part of healing. It’s a reminder to rest and breathe. You’re OK, and it will pass.” There was my confirmation of the new information I had gotten from Joy. Laurie also told me that when we’re healing, we wake up at night because it requires energy to heal, and most of our healing occurs at night. So, waking up was also OK. Whew. Now, when I woke up, I would say to myself, “Wow, you’re doing some great healing!” The old story disappeared for good, and a new story took its place!!

Within a few days, I was feeling more myself. Within another month and a half, the fatigue was almost gone, and I could manage much better. I’m now four months out from hip surgery. Don has no hip pain, but I still do, occasionally. I know I haven’t hurt myself or overdone it; it’s just my healing process. I’m staying on top of my story. To solidify my story, when Don’s physical therapist came this last Wednesday, I asked him about it. He laughed and said something like, “You’re so busy. Sometimes your hip reminds you it’s still healing, but you’re OK.”

Here is the point

of this very transparent, vulnerable, and lengthy article – we are all doing our best, but it isn’t always enough. There are times when we need help, more information, and resources.

When I was in trouble, I utilized what I had learned from experience. When you’re struggling, they may help you.

1. Don’t dump your negative stuff on people. If you’re feeling negative, sit in the car and yell. Go outside and hug a tree and dump out all your frustration and anger, all your hurt.
2. Then begin seeking solutions. Take charge of yourself. Be willing to take a small step.
3. Ponder, pray, read, talk to a friend, whatever works for you, and seek information and resources. They are there, but you must take a step to find them. You must move. My first step was talking to Jodie. I wish I had done it in week two and not a full month out. I wouldn’t have sunk so far, suffered so much, and would have made quicker healing progress.
4. Remind yourself you’re in control of your story. If it stinks, take charge and do what you need to, to rewrite it. Stay out of blame, even if you want to blame the young P.A. for his youthful words. : ) You are 100% responsible for your response to whatever is happening.
5. Never judge yourself by what is happening on social media, in your neighborhood, at church, or among your friends. Comparing is always a slippery road to take.

The Truth

I put my best out there because I can help others when I do, but I am not always happy, gentle, cheerful, or in control. I have tough days, and I’m always working on a story of some kind. Just know we are pretty much all alike, succeeding and failing at the same time, and it’s OK. Here’s something I say to myself every morning. It’s one of my truth statements/affirmations: Every day, in every way, I am better and better.

Please know I will always tend toward the positive because I have spent over 30 years learning how to take responsibility for myself and my life, regardless of circumstances or what others do or say. I am practiced at it. Also know that I struggle still. Life has its ups and downs. There’s always something new to experience and figure out. Sometimes I’m successful in an effort, and sometimes I fail. That is life.

I want you to be brave and do what I have done. Practice taking 100% responsibility for you. Forgive others. Forgive yourself. Talk kindly to and about yourself, even when you mess up. Give others and yourself grace. Be patient when you don’t know what to do, even if it takes years to figure out. Remember, it took me ten years to stop raging and another ten to accept that I had 100% responsibility for my response. If you keep pondering, praying, learning, growing, and changing, you will find the resources and information you need.

Let this year be a year of personal growth. Welcome 2026!

When Things Go Wrong

The article I had prepared to post on November 30, 2025, had been published in 2017. My Excel sheet wasn’t as in order as it needed to be. Instead of getting another article ready at the last minute, I wrote a note to my readers and sent it out via the Sunday newsletter. It made an impact, and I got emails. I realized that I had written an article with an important message without even knowing it. So, I’m posting it on the website and recording it. If it helped last Sunday, then it may be of help in the future. So here you go:

When Things Go Wrong

I mentioned last spring that I was in the process of speeding up the transfer of articles from my old website, Home School Coach, to this newer, more universal site. Not all the articles will be rewritten, but most will be. I’ve been working on this project since the new site went up in August of 2017, but I had over 600 articles on the old site. There were always new things to write about, so only a few rewrites made it to the new site. You can see the enormity of the project. : )

I have an Excel sheet that has a link for every article posted from April 2010 until March 2017. When an article has been rewritten, I put the date it was published on the new site, Relationship Transformations for Busy Parents.

A month and a half ago, I sat down to determine what articles I might want to rewrite in November and December. I put them in my blog file with the date I planned to publish them. I was happy about the one I had planned for November 30. It had been published on December 8, 2011, and was titled Easy Christmas Crafts and Gifts for Kids to Make.

Last week, I spent time doing a fabulous rewrite. I knew it would come in handy for busy moms who wanted to help their kids give gifts from the heart. In fact, that was the new title, Giving Gifts From the Heart.

So, What Went Wrong

Last Friday, I did the final edit and put it on the website. I finished the formatting and was ready to do the newsletter. I wanted to see if there were any articles related to the topic that I could link to the article for the 30th. I opened a second window in my current website and searched. WHAT!!! The very article I had spent hours rewriting was already on the new site. It was titled Help Kids Give Christmas From the Heart and had been published on 12/8/19.

I sat there in shock! How did that happen? I knew I had probably been interrupted and never got the date that it was rewritten and published, added to the Excel sheet. Here’s the problem. I work very hard to NOT have any writing to do on Saturday. I never really have a free day, but I try to do my cleaning on Thursday and have my writing finished by Friday, so I don’t have any deadlines on Saturday. Such a bummer.

I am very consistent, and I always do what I say. These are part of my way of being. So what was I going to do? I perused my list of upcoming articles, and there was another great Christmas one I could rewrite on Saturday and keep my commitment. That was my plan.

However, I have been tutored by God this year on several additional ways of being. One is looking at a situation, deciding what matters most, and determining how best to problem-solve. As I worked through my morning routine Saturday, I kept feeling like there was something just as valuable as rewriting an article. Hmmmm. What could that be? After all, I have committed to publishing an article every Sunday at 9 am, and consistency matters.

Here is what ultimately came to my mind. “People want to hear from you, Mary Ann. Sometimes you say something that impacts their lives in a big way. At other times, they smile and are just glad to hear from you. Let this Sunday be one of those days.”

So there it is. You will read the fun Christmas article I had planned for next week, next week. This week, you are hearing from me that I am OK, life is manageable, and that when things go wrong, there is always a solution that is a win-win.

I hope your Thanksgiving was happy and fulfilling. Mine was. I hope that as we enter the coming holiday season, we remember that everything won’t go as planned. Things will go awry, but we don’t need to fall apart. There are workable solutions if we remain calm and think it through. : )

I’ll be back next week,

and the article will be fun!

The Value of Expressing Gratitude

Several years ago, I wrote an article about the importance of gratitude. I’m posting it again because this is the season when we think about expressing gratitude. However, I hope it helps you take some daily actions that move you to think about what you are grateful for every day.

The Turbo Pickle

When I had seven children, I had a green car the kids dubbed “The Turbo Pickle”. It had several dents and was very old. When we drove around a corner, someone had to hold the door, or it would fly open. My teenagers made me let them out a block from school. I had gone several years without a car, while Don was an over-the-road salesman. This car seemed like a gift, and I felt real joy in owning it. It was a blessing to us that my children didn’t always recognise. My life felt very abundant because we had it. I like to think that I was living the words of Frank A. Clark. “If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get.”

I was able to feel this abundance because early in the year, I had gone on a quest to find prosperity. I had read about it in the scriptures, and I knew that it was a gift of the heart, not a manifestation that came from outward circumstances. I had prayed that, despite our challenging financial circumstances, I would understand and experience prosperity. A miracle occurred. Although our income didn’t change at all, I felt very prosperous for several years. I never worried about having bread or milk. I knew it would come, and it always did. This was a magnificent experience that I cherish to this day. My experiment with the idea of prosperity made some very lean years feel abundant and comfortable.

Some things are an inside job – prosperity, happiness, peace, and gratitude, to name a few. They happen in the heart and are not ruled by what happens in life; these gifts of the heart make life wonderful and worth living. We must want them, ask for them, and do what is required to change ourselves, to receive them. If we’re sincere in our desire, this magnificent change of heart will come, and we will see with new eyes.

Lately, I’ve been seeking a greater sense of gratitude. I’ve asked for more of this gift of the heart. I’ve been reading about gratitude and practicing expressing it. I write in my gratitude journal, I express gratitude to others, and in prayer, say “Thank You” when I receive. I want gratitude to be a more natural part of how I am.

Gratitude dispels fear. It can lessen sorrow, worry, depression, grief, anger, and loss. This quote rings true to me: “There is no such thing as gratitude unexpressed. If it’s unexpressed, it’s plain, old-fashioned ingratitude.” Robert Brault

This Sunday I am grateful for:

1. Those who read what I write and let me know that it matters to them.
2. Seven remarkable children who grew into amazing adults, despite the inadequacies of their parents, and gifted us sixteen grandchildren.
3. An unexpected mission in life (caregiving for my mother, husband, and helping with my granddaughter) and for the challenges that it brings. Because of them, I am becoming more.
4. My sweetheart, who, despite his health issues, still hugs me and tells me I am beautiful
5. My Savior Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father. They make ALL the difference in my life.

As you prepare for Thanksgiving Week, think about all the ways you have been blessed, despite any challenges you face. When you do this, you will find that you have experienced miracles, grace, friendship, and found ways to serve.

Rejoice over these gifts.

We Can’t Stop Our Lives, But We Can Invite Others In

In an article I wrote in September 2024, titled The Five-Year Lesson, I detailed how I transitioned from not nurturing relationships to consistently engaging in them. In the latter half of 2025, I’ve experienced the wisdom of that five-year lesson. I’m glad I listened to God and myself and took some challenging steps, even though it seemed like just another thing on my very full plate.

For Example

In 2024 and the first half of 2025, I walked three days a week with my friends Livia and Alysia. At that time, we were able to select specific days and a time that worked for all of us. Then we consistently showed up. I was surprised to find it so uplifting to my spirits. Then, at the end of July, Livia crashed on her bike. We walked a couple of times after that, but she discovered she had fractured her ankle and had bad sprains in her legs and hands. She had to take a break. Alysia and I walked a few times, but Don had hand surgery and then hip surgery, and Alysia’s child with type 1 diabetes needed more night and morning care. We found it difficult to maintain our routine. Then, on Sept 3, I had a hip replacement. The walking was done for all of us.

As Livia and I healed, and Alysia’s son’s diabetes became more manageable, school began again. Livia and Alysia were caught in a huge pile of kid stuff that hadn’t been a consideration the year before. For example, Livia’s son is a drummer in the marching band. She drove him to practice every weekday and then spent from early morning until late Saturday evening at competitions. We realized that to connect consistently (not just texting), we would have to manage in a new way. What could we do?

Here’s What Happened

Two weeks ago, Livia contacted me. She had an appointment cancellation and wondered if she could walk (yes, walk) to my home for a short 30-minute visit. Then she had another appointment. We wouldn’t be home from Don’s doctor’s appointment till noon, and the hospice nurse was coming at 1:30. I said, “Yes, come. We’ll fit it in.”

When Livia arrived, I was preparing a quick lunch before the nurse came. She stepped in and helped me fix the food. We talked and laughed. I invited her to eat. She confessed she had quickly downed some salad before hightailing it to my house, was still hungry, and would love to. As we sat at the table eating together, it was wonderful. We laughed. It felt like old times, and even though we had crammed it into a small space in our day, we ENJOYED it. We stepped outside and took a photo to remember the day.

Two days later, I was walking in the aisles of Smith’s Market Place, laughing and talking with Alysia. We had 30 minutes together. It was fun, there was plenty of light, the bakery smelled delicious, and it was warm. No wind. LOL We were able to catch up. It was a relief for both of us to talk with someone who listened, smiled, and let us hold our feelings. We began the walk with a big hug and ended it the same way. We stopped in front of a popcorn display and took a photo, again, to remember the day. Then I finished shopping.

In both cases, it wasn’t what we were used to. No path, trees, birds, sun, privacy, and we had to squeeze it in between other appointments. However, as Alysia said at one point, “We can’t stop our lives, but we can invite others in.” These encounters make a difference in our mental, emotional, and physical health. So, we’re fitting each other into our daily stuff the best we can. Nurtured friendships are worth the time and effort they take.

When Livia left after lunch, she said, “Let’s set another time, or you know we won’t do it.” How right she is, and as Alysia said, while we walked the grocery store aisles, “We can’t stop our lives, but we can invite others in.” Today, Saturday, Alysia and I walked at 2. I almost cancelled becuase of family stuff. I’m glad I didn’t, as it was her birthday. Next week, band competitions will be finished, and Livia will join us at 9 or 10. We’re still working it out. We will continue to connect in these simple and still consistent ways.

For now, this is where we are, and it’s working.

What it Looks Like to ‘See’ Another and Why It Matters

This week, I had an experience that brought to mind the importance of letting our kids know, daily, that we see them and that they matter. It brought back many memories of families I have worked with, parents I have mentored, and the huge impact I’ve seen when moms and dads learn to ‘see’ their kids during the mundane moments of every day.

A universal human need is to matter, especially to those we love. We can all satisfy this need for others, especially in our families, in simple ways. When our children or others we cross paths with feel seen, it builds confidence and strengthens a sense of self-worth. It brings moments of joy. But what does it mean to see someone? I experienced this kind of ‘seeing’ this week.

MY EXPERIENCE

Don takes radiation treatments, and so for almost six weeks, we will be at the hospital every weekday morning. When we arrive, we pull into the valet parking lane, I get Don’s walker out, help my mom, and then we make our way into the hospital while someone parks our car. When we’re finished, we get our keys, and a sweet valet volunteer takes them and heads out to retrieve our car.

The night before this experience, we had our first frost. The next morning, leaves were falling like rain from all the trees. When we returned for our car, the valet lane was filled with leaves, and a young man was blowing them out of the road onto the lawn. However, there were so many cars that he had to keep stopping and waiting. They parked our car in the lane that is usually reserved for those who are loaded and ready to leave. Again, he had to stop. He didn’t seem frustrated, which amazed me. When we got to our car, I turned towards him, smiled, and said, “I’m sorry you have to wait for us.” He returned my smile and responded with, “That’s Ok. Not a problem.” Then I busied myself getting Mom and the walker into the car. As I prepared to enter our vehicle, I heard this young man holler, “You have a good day!” What? I turned, smiled, and told him to do the same. He had kept us in his sight for a few extra minutes so he could wish us well as we drove off. I can tell you, I felt seen.

This experience touched me so much that I did a U-turn and went back. I parked and walked to where he was. I told him that I appreciated his taking notice. I told him I was a writer and wanted to share this experience with my readers because when we ‘see’ each other, it matters. He was willing to let me take a picture of us. He was all smiles and told me I was special. I could tell from his face that he felt special, too.

Can you see the simplicity of this moment and its value? This is what can and needs to happen in families multiple times a day. 

How can that be done?

It requires that we take time as we move through our day to ‘see’ our children. If possible, say goodbye at the door when they leave. Smile and say, “Glad you’re home,” when they return. Touch an arm and smile as you pass in the hall. No words needed. Pat the back of a child doing the dishes or folding laundry, then go on your way. Give a word of encouragement and a smile to someone doing their homework. Look in a bedroom door of someone cleaning their room and smile encouragement or say, “You’re doing a good job.” If your child is sitting on the couch watching TV, sit by them, pat a knee, and smile. Then get up and go. Rub a back while sitting at church or while waiting at an appointment. The list goes on. This works even with teens.

IT’S A PRACTICE

Each of these interactions takes less than a minute and can be done all day long if we understand their value. It isn’t just about being nice. It isn’t about being a parent. It’s about letting another person know that they’re seen and that they matter.

This is a practice. The more you do it, the better you get and the more seen your kids feel.