Category: Present Parenting

Learning Play – The Nothing Special Day

Back in the day, when my grands were small, I did many learning activities with them. I enjoyed it and so did they. As I mentioned earlier this spring, I’m sharing some of those past learning activities with you because you can have as much enjoyment and fun with your children or grands as I did. Sometimes all we need is an idea, and then we can run with it. So here goes!

I don’t want you to get the idea that Learning Play always requires a lot of thought or special activities. Sometimes you just get together, play, and learn. It doesn’t always require fabulous, well-researched information. There are times when we want to kick back and rest while remaining consistent in our efforts to bond, enjoy, and learn. Then, there are times when an intervening circumstance requires that we do something that takes less planning time.

This activity was motivated by intervening circumstances, and I was tired. : ) I wasn’t going to stress out, but rather, have fun, join in a family activity, and be together. I didn’t do any big planning. I didn’t go to the library for fabulous books. I didn’t research the internet for crafts or projects. I didn’t have a wonderful topic in mind that I wanted to introduce to my grandchildren.

First, We Cook and Then We Paint

On my way to my grandchildren’s home, I picked up a package of biscuits. I thought it would be fun to make cinnamon snakes. When I got there, I announced that we were going to paint and cook. Jack replied, “OK, Grandma. First, we cook and then we paint.” So that is where we began.

There was no reason to make cinnamon snakes. I didn’t have a book on snakes or any intention of learning about snakes. I just knew that the children enjoyed cooking. So, we began our day with cinnamon snakes. I didn’t realize that rolling dough into a snake would take more dexterity than they had. It required practice, and an occasional snake hit the floor. When working with children, be prepared for a bit of dirt in the finished project! LOL

At that time, Don, my husband, was creating an air gun shooting range for himself. He had cut out several small wooden animals for targets. That was our painting project, painting Grandpa’s animals so he could put them in his range.

I gave each child a brush, a large piece of paper, and a wooden animal. We poured the paint right on the paper. When they were done and wanted another animal and a different color, we traded papers. Grandpa was very satisfied with the result. This particular range wouldn’t have his usual perfection, but it had memories and was fun to use.

I had discovered an old book, Where Everyday Things Come From, by Aldren Watson, in my home library. (Available on Amazon) It had no cover and had been read many times by children over the years. The explanations weren’t scientific, and the pictures weren’t precise, just fun. It told, in simple language, that the things we use every day, such as plastic, coal, glass, rubber, and electricity, can come from unexpected sources. The kids enjoyed the book.

I had a coloring page of a darling ladybug. I thought we would review what we had learned earlier when we studied ladybugs. No dice! No one wanted to color or talk about ladybugs. Not even Maggie, who loves coloring pages!

That was it. We had a fun time and enjoyed being together. We helped Grandpa out.

It was a peaceful Learning Play Day.

Learning Play – Inventions and Inventors

One day in 2011, I found the most amazing book at the library!!! I happened across it accidentally. It was about Leonardo Da Vinci and the amazing visions he had. But that wasn’t all. The book showed how, in time, all his inventive ideas were created by other people and who those people were. Oh my gosh, I wanted to share this with my grands.

However, it was a book with lots of words and way over their heads. I pondered what to do. My daughter suggested I help them understand what an invention is. Voila, a perfect solution to my dilemma. So that’s what I did.

The Creation Box

We had so much fun. I took my creation box, a cardboard box that I collect junk in – plastic ware, Styrofoam cups, old keys, buttons, wiggly eyes, toilet paper tubes, paper towel tubes, paper clips, popsicle sticks, washers, Styrofoam balls and cones, yarn, whatever comes my way that would otherwise be thrown out. I mean, a grandma (or mom) can use this sort of thing. : )

I began by asking Jack if he knew what an invention was. He said he thought it was a place to go. I told them that an invention was an idea in someone’s head that was then turned into something real. I suggested we look at some inventions. We looked at the pictures in the Leonardo Da Vinci book. I worried they would be bored because it was a bit over their heads, but they loved it! We examined the old drawings and how the actual invention appeared after it was created. I shared that Leonardo had people making his inventions move and work, but that the real inventions used electricity and motors.

Interested in Inventions

We looked at pictures of old TV sets and Philo Farnsworth, the inventor of television. The kids couldn’t believe how different they looked today, and Jack was enthralled with the name Philo. We looked at a book about the Day-Glo brothers and the brilliant paint colors they invented.

The children were excited about all these wonderful inventions. Then I asked them if they would like to make an invention. Oh my, then they were very excited. We sorted through all the items scattered on the table from the creation box and began putting them together. I had brought the hot glue gun with me because I knew, as little as they are, that regular glue wouldn’t work. Because of the ages of my grands, I had to do all the gluing.

Our Super-duper Rocket-propelled Robot

We blew up balloons first because they wanted balloons on their invention. When we began, they didn’t have an idea of what we were making, but as we worked, they finally decided we were creating a robot.

Jack’s “All Alone” Invention

The best part of the day was when a light went on in Jack’s brain. He saw the Styrofoam cone and a long tube. He put the cone on top of the tube and realized he had made a rocket. He was so excited about his own “all alone” invention.

We glued the rocket to our robot. Now we had a rocket-powered robot. It was a fun learning day, and they will remember what an invention is and that they may grow up and invent something themselves.

If you have older children, it would be wonderful to do this project and then study one new inventor each week or month, for the whole summer. There are all kinds of experiments, projects, and crafts that you can do to demonstrate and mimic what the inventors did. Get your older kids off technology and get them thinking. It will improve their summer. : )

Books About Inventions For Kids

  • The Day-Glo Brothers by Chris Barton
  • Neo Leo by Gene Barretta
  • The Boy Who Invented TV by Kathleen Krull
  • So You Want To Be An Inventor? By Judith St. George – A wonderful book about the traits of inventors, some of which aren’t valued, like daydreaming. : )
  • Now & Ben: The Modern Inventions of Benjamin Franklin by Gene Barretta
  • The Kid Who Invented the Popsicle: And Other Surprising Stories about Inventions by Don L. Wulffson
  • Brainstorm! The Stories of Twenty American Kid Inventors by Tom Tucker
  • Kids Inventing! A Handbook for Young Inventors by Susan Casey
  • Girls Think of Everything: Stories of Ingenious Inventions by Women by Catherine Thimmesh
  • The Kids’ Invention Book (Kids’ Ventures) by Arlene Erlbach

Inventions Made by Kids

Back in 2011, Allan Chu, 17 years old, invented a way to speed up the Internet! He was tired of how slow it could be, so he took matters into his own hands. He invented an algorithm that compresses data and allows information on the internet to be presented much more quickly. An algorithm is a step-by-step mathematical procedure that solves a problem, especially by a computer. Allan entered a math, science, and technology competition and won first place and $3,000! Quite an accomplishment for such a young person!

If you have ever thought about inventing something yourself, you don’t need to be a math and science genius to devise something clever. Have you ever heard of a Popsicle? Well, in 1905, an 11-year-old boy named Frank Epperson invented it. He accidentally left his favorite fruit drink with a stirrer in it outside on the porch overnight. When he awoke, the drink was frozen, and he found a delicious new treat. He went on to patent his idea and is the creator of the Popsicle, Fudgsicle, Creamsicle, and Dreamsicle!

Inventions are worth learning about and fun to make! Give it a try

and have some summer fun.

Learning Play – The Circus

Four of the finest clowns
in our fair city!

The Circus is in town!! Back in the 50s, that news brought a shiver to my spine and a smile to my face. I loved going to the circus. It was held outside in a large tent every year. There were elephants, trapeze artists, and lions being tamed. Everything smelled of sawdust, cotton candy, peanuts, and candied apples. It was an exciting event!

As I grew older, the circus changed. Long gone was the tent, replaced by huge arenas in large buildings. They seemed to come around less often. Children didn’t know as much about them, and they weren’t a yearly, long-awaited event that the whole town looked forward to.

I didn’t think any grandchildren I lived near had ever been to a circus. WOW! At the library, I found a couple of books and decided we would study circuses and then have one of our own.

What happens at a circus?

Who comes, who performs, do you eat anything, what in the world is a clown? These were questions we were going to answer in grandma school.

When I arrived at my grandchildren’s home (before we began sharing the same living space), Mary, who was 2, reached me first. That was usually the case because she loves immersive learning. She wanted to know what was in my orange basket! She delighted in pulling everything out. She found large glasses, boas, bow ties, and makeup. She was excited about all of it, but the boas. Mary was afraid of the feathers. (Years later, we got chickens, and she was the one who could catch them. Her fear of feathers was gone.)

Keep your materials simple

We began the day by looking at pictures of clowns and talking about who they are and what they do. They are funny, do tricks, and like to make people laugh. We decided to be clowns for the day. Out came the white face paint and lipstick. The white face paint was Halloween makeup I bought many years ago. It worked well enough. For red, we used what grandma had, lipstick. As I say, keep it simple. Then we tried on all the glasses, boas, ties, and other costume items. Jack fell in love with a hat and a bow tie. He asked me if he could have them. I said he could surely borrow them. “I don’t like borrow” he said, “I want to have them!” LOL

I hadn’t found many books about the circus at our small library, so I ordered some from other libraries. I never got them picked up before our circus day. That’s how it is in real life, sometimes we are on it and sometimes we aren’t! We managed with what we had, and I made a circus book. I found a terrific site of circus pictures, printed them off, and put them into a binder. (Jack, Mary, and Maggie used it until it fell apart.) It also made a great circus coloring book.

We looked at the pictures and discussed what was happening in each one, and if we would like to do that trick.

What We Did in Our Circus

1. Did you know that in some circus acts, they have dogs that dress up and do tricks? Well, Maggie, Jack, and Mary have a dog. We dressed him up to see if he could do a trick. He did! He peed on the floor from fright. We let him go and went on with our circus without him. It’s a good thing we still had clowns, us. : ) 
2. We decided to walk a tightrope. We used a rake handle for our tightrope. (The rake head helped the stick not roll.) The children loved walking the tight rope and did a good job. They were real performers.
3. We also decided to learn to juggle; throw one ball up, try to catch it, and run after it. Up, try to catch it, run after it. Then we tried two balls. We weren’t good, but it was fun.
4. We talked about what you eat at the circus, and then we ate popcorn and cotton candy. The cotton candy was a hit because none of the kids had ever had any. Mom had those hyped up kids for the rest of the day. Thank you, Grandma! : )

We ended our day sitting quietly and reading about a little bunny who went to the circus and billed his mom as the Meanest Mother on Earth! It was a funny book and a very fun day.

Later, the family watched Toby Tyler: Or Ten Weeks with a Circus. (I loved it as a kid, and their family did too!)

If you have mixed ages, including older children, then check out the non-fiction books. They could make a circus out of paper, draw a circus, or do some serious face painting. They could make a circus scene in a shoe box. Your older kids might like putting a family circus together with more acrobatic acts, bike riding, etc.

Books, Books, Books

Short picture books about the Circus for kids:

  • Secret Circus by Johanna Wright
  • Sidewalk Circus by Paul Fleischman
  • Circus 1-2-3 by Megan Halsey
  • Sing a Song of Circus by Ward Schumaker
  • Peter Spier’s Circus by Peter Spier
  • The Twelve Circus Rings by Chwast Seymour
  • The Midnight Circus by Peter Collington

Picture books with longer stories about the circus:

  • Clown of God by Tomie DePaola- This is where we got our idea for our clown makeup. A very touching book, my grandchildren loved.
  • The Day the Circus Came to Town by Melody Carlson – A story about making your own decisions and not being influenced by friends.
  • Little Rabbit and the Meanest Mother on Earth by Kate Klise – Find out what happens when you don’t clean your playroom!
  • Circus Ship by Chris Van Dusen
  • To The Big Top by Jill Esbaum
  • Dimity Dumpty: The Story of Humpty’s Little sister by Bob Graham
  • Tree Ring Circus by Adam Rex
  • Last Night I Dreamed a Circus by Maya Gottfried
  • Madeline and the Gypsies by Ludwig Bemelmans
  • If I Ran the Circus by Dr Seuss

Circus Easy Readers:

  • Circus Fun by Margaret Hillert
  • Hurry Up! by Carol Murray
  • Sawdust and Spangles: The Amazing Life of W.C. Coup by Ralph Covert
  • World’s Greatest Elephant by Ralph Helfer
  • Sara Joins the Circus by Thera Callahan
  • Millicent the Magnificent by Alice Bach – Millicent is a charming story that will help children appreciate the wonders of classical music.
  • C is for Clown by Stan Berenstain
  • Circus of the Wolves by Jack Bushnell

Circus Non-fiction books:

  • Juggler by Caroline Arnold
  • Parades by Eugene Baker
  • Face Painting by Clare Beaton
  • Jumbo by Rhoda Blumberg
  • Let’s Be Circus Animals by Kathy Christensen
  • Let’s Be Circus Stars by Kathy Christensen
  • How to Draw the Circus by Pamela Johnson
  • Circus Time: How to Put on Your Own Show by Connie Klayer
  • Horses in the Circus Ring by Lynn Saville
  • What Happens at the Circus by Arthur Shay
  • Clowning Around: Jokes About the Circus by Rick Walton
  • Paper Circus: How to Create Your Own Circus by Robin West
  • The Great and Only Barnum by Candace Fleming – Perfectly captures the spirit of an era, the spirit of the circus, and the spirit of P. T. Barnum himself.

For older children

Circus Junior Fiction:

  • Travelers By Night by Vivien Alcock
  •  Great American Elephant Chase by Gillian Cross
  • The Secret Elephant of Harlan Kooter by Dean Harvey
  • Jelly’s Circus by Dean Hughes
  • The Runaway Clown by Lois Johnson
  • Toby Tyler: or Ten Weeks With a Circus by James Otis
  • Tybee Trimble’s Hard Times by Lila Perl
  • Incredible Jumbo: A Novel by Barbara Smucker
  • Miss Know It All and the Three-Ring Circus by Carol Beach York

Our immersive learning was fun, and a few years later, they got to a real circus, and were prepared. When we help children by immersing them in the learning, they have a ball, and it stays with them. You can’t and won’t do this all the time, but what if you did something like this once a month for a family activity? Aside from having a ton of fun, you will build great memories and help children love learning.

It’s worth the effort and time.

Introducing ‘Learning Play’ – Cows

When I first began writing and publishing articles, it was in 2010. My grands, the ones I still live with, were all under five. As their grandma, I wanted to find ways to play and connect. I’m not a board game person! Tea parties and dress up are not on my list of fun things! The truth is, I like learning. I always have. I thought a lot about how I could ‘play’ with my grands and make it work for all of us. What I came up with was learning for fun. Every Tuesday, for several years, we would gather and play/learn. They looked forward to it and occasionally would tell me what they wanted to know or ask about at our next Tuesday session. It was a hit and was called Grandma School. : )

I’ve been moving articles from my old site to this new home for nine years, come May 2025. Why has it taken so long? Well, I always have new experiences and lessons to share. And I had over 600 articles on the old site. That’s a lot of rewriting. : ) Not everything applies or will be shared here, but there are fun things on that old site, especially when it comes to learning with kids and making it fun.

So, over the summer, I’m going to share many of the cool lessons I taught my grands and the tools I used to do it. If you have kids under eleven or twelve, it will give you summer fodder to keep them occupied and entertained while they learn and help chase away summer boredom. It will also help you move them from technology to imagination, a very good thing to do now and then.

Another Idea

If this is a family activity, then those over twelve can help those under twelve. You’ll be surprised how involved they get when they are doing the teaching. If all your kids are over twelve, then share these cool articles with someone in your neighborhood or family who has younger children or grands. At the bottom of this article are great resources for extended learning and learning for your older children. You’ll be amazed at the possibilities.

Using this ‘learning play’ with my grands created FUN times and built terrific memories. Enjoy, as I roll them out again.

LET’S BEGIN WITH COWS

The study of mammals is called mammalogy. This is a branch of zoology, which is the study of animals. One Tuesday, we studied a mammal – cows.

Jack’s first question on this Tuesday was, “What are we going to learn today, Grandma?” So, we played a guessing game to see if they could figure it out. When I finally said, “We’re going to learn about cows today,” Jack yelled, “Woo-hoo, Cows!” Kids are soooo easy to please.

As usual, we started with books about cows. We didn’t actually read the books, but we talked about the pictures and I told them fun cow facts, such as, “Did you know a cow has four stomachs. You only have one, but a cow has four!!” That type of comment is usually followed by a question such as “Why Grandma?” Then we get to learn a bit more. Jack’s favorite cow fact was: “Daddy cows are called bulls and they go Moo really, really loud.” I did such a great daddy cow impersonation that it sent Jack into gales of laughter.

Books About Cows

I know that many people have stopped using libraries, but I still do, and that’s where our great books came from. You can find stories, pictures, and facts online, but kids like holding books and looking at the pictures. So, in case you want to take a short trip to the library, here is a list of great books. They will give you lots of cool facts to share, and they have fun pictures.

• Cows in the Parlor: A Visit to the Dairy Farm by Cynthia McFarland
• My Cows by Heather Miller
• Milk: From Cow to Carton by Aliki
• Cows on the Farm by Mari C. Schuh
• Life on a Cattle Farm By Judy Wolfman
• Cattle Kids: A Year on the Western Range, Cat Urbigkit
• Cows, by Rachael Bell

A Cow Activity

After the books, we did a cow activity. I had created a picture sheet on my computer that showed cool foods that are made from cow’s milk: cheese, cream, ice cream, milk for cereal, cottage cheese, sour cream, etc. I also had the real item on the table, if we had it. We looked at the pictures, talked about each item, and then tasted it. Of course, we all liked the cookie dough best. (It has milk in it!)

A Cow Game

We created a fun game by cutting two copies of the food sheet into separate pictures. Then we played Memory. The kids enjoyed it so much that they played it with their mom and dad later.

A Cow Craft

We made cow door hangers, a very simple project, that I am sure you can figure out how to do from looking at the picture. But just in case you want directions or your older children want to make a talking cow, click here.

We had the most fun learning to use scissors. This was new for the kids. Jack tried it the traditional way, but then switched to using two hands and having me hold and turn the paper. Special scissors with 4 finger holes allowed me to help Maggie cut her own cow spots. She was thrilled. (Remember, Maggie, who is now eighteen, has severe cerebral palsy, so doing anything with help thrilled her and still does.)

If I am missing an item, I don’t run to the store. I make do. Simple is what made these types of play dates doable for me, then and now. We had large paper plates, but cut the smaller circle from tagboard. We had skinny chenille stems, so our tails weren’t as fluffy as the model cow’s, but no one noticed. We didn’t have any little bells lying around, so we cut them out of paper. I think our cow door hanger craft turned out every bit as lovely as the one on the web!

A Cooking Activity

We ended the day by making mac and cheese. Cooking was a favorite activity, so everyone helped. The kids liked tasting the powdered cheese. We had our mac and cheese for lunch, and it was delicious. Maggie, Jack, and Mary decided that having cows in our world is a very good thing.

Extend The Learning

While we ate our mac and cheese, I read a silly story called The Cow Loves Cookies by Karma Wilson and Marcellus Hall. If you want to extend your ‘cow learning’, then explore some of these other resources – easy readers and chapter books.

• Sixteen Cows by Lisa Wheeler
• The Story of Ferdinand by Munroe Leaf
• Kiss the Cow! by Phyllis Root and Will Hillenbrand
• Counting Cows by Michelle Medlock Adams and Mark Meyers
• The Cow That Went OINK by Bernard Most
• Donna O’Neeshuck Was Chased by Some Cows by Bill Grossman and Sue Truesdell
• George Washington’s Cows by David Small
• Moonstruck: The True Story of the Cow Who Jumped Over the Moon by Gennifer Choldenko
• The Smallest Cow in the World (I Can Read Book 3) by Katherine Paterson and Jane Clark Brown
• The Blue Cow (Sugar Creek Gang Series) by Paul Hutchens
• The Cow in the House: Level 1 (Easy-to-Read, Puffin) by Harriet Ziefert and Emily Bolam
• Mrs. Wow Never Wanted a Cow (Beginner Books) by Martha Freeman and Steven Salerno

Learning for OLDER Children

You can expand your study of cows and let it take you in new directions. These books would engage older children in learning about cows.

Cow books about math:
• Whole-y Cow: Fractions Are Fun by Taryn Souders and Tatjiana Mai-Wyss
Cow books about giving:
• 14 Cows for America by Carmen Agra Deedy. The true story of a gift from a village in Kenya to the USA after 9/11.
Cow tales from other countries:
• The Silver Cow: A Welsh Tale by Susan Cooper and Warwick Hutton
• Hamish the Highland Cow by Natalie Russell
• The Cow-Tail Switch: And Other West African Stories by Harold Courlander, George Herzog and Madye Lee Chastain
Cows in history:
• Dadblamed Union Army Cow by Susan Fletcher. The story about a cow that marched (clopped?) in the Civil War with the Fifty-Ninth Regiment of Indiana Volunteers, giving milk to the soldiers. Go here for facts about this book.
Cows in Art:
• Learn to Draw Farm Animals: Step-by-step instructions by Jickie Torres and Robbin Cuddy
• The Blue Rider: The Yellow Cow Sees the World in Blue (Adventures in Art) by Doris Kutschbach
Cows and English:
• Herd of Cows, Flock of Sheep: Adventures in Collective Nouns (Language Adventures Book) by Rick Walton and Julie Olson
Cows and a girl with Autism:
• Temple Grandin: How the Girl Who Loved Cows Embraced Autism and Changed the World by Sy Montgomery and Temple Grandin
Books about cows that aren’t even cows:
• Sam the Sea Cow (Reading Rainbow Books) by Francine Jacobs and Laura Kelly
• Sea Cows, Shamans, and Scurvy: Alaska’s First Naturalist: Georg Wilhelm Steller by Ann Arnold
Information about cows for kids.

I hope you take an afternoon or evening and learn about cows with your kids. I would love to see pictures and hear your stories. : )

Our Perception is Vital to Our Sense of Wellbeing Part 1

I’ve written many articles on the importance of making sure the story we tell ourselves is helpful to our sense of well-being, healthy relationships, and happiness. How we perceive something matters.

Recently, I had two experiences that cemented what I have learned in over a decade and a half of taking control of how I ‘see’ what is happening in my life, both in the past and present. I’m sharing one experience today and the other next week. They are powerful.

Stress Is a Killer!

When I began caregiving my mom 6 ½ years ago, I did a lot of reading on dementia, so I would know how to care for both of us. There was a lot of useful information. In most of the books and articles I read, I also found this counsel: “Caregiving can be extremely demanding, both physically and emotionally…Studies have shown that family caregivers are at a higher risk of mortality compared to non-caregivers. Approximately 30% of family caregivers die before the person they are caring for.” This information was so prevalent in what I read and heard from other caregivers, that I beleived it was true and it concerned me. I was caregiving three people, in a 4-generation home.

There is also a common belief in the minds of the public that stress, from any situation that is ongoing, is toxic. Stress has been blamed for catching the common cold to creating cardiovascular problems. For example, one article I read said: Stress can have significant physical and physiological effects on the body. Here are some of the key ways that stress can impact your health:

Cardiovascular System:
• Increased heart rate and blood pressure
• Dilated blood vessels
• Increased risk of heart disease, stroke, and hypertension

Endocrine System:
• Release of stress hormones (e.g., cortisol, adrenaline)
• Increased blood sugar levels
• Changes in metabolism and fat distribution
• Increased risk of obesity and type 2 diabetes

The list went on covering other body parts and organs. I wondered how I could manage what I had taken on and remain healthy. I had stress management tools and I used them, but stress is ever present when caregiving, and according to what seemed to be true, I was definitely in harm’s way.

A few years ago, someone reached out who wanted to add a new stress tool to my arsenal to help me have a healthier brain. Here’s the pitch:

S T R E S S
These 6 letters can completely ruin your brain health and create short-term memory loss. Chronic stress, the kind that has you up at night, eats away at the memory sector of your brain, the hippocampus. It causes inflammation, throws your hormones out of balance and there is a big school of medicine that believes most diseases are caused by chronic stress.
•Stress is your brain’s #1 enemy – it is the single largest reason for your memory issues
•Unless you do something to manage your stress on a daily basis your memory, and your brain health will quickly deteriorate.

Here was my response to a question the sender asked: “I am convinced that stress is the cause of my detail memory being so compromised.” I had bought into this belief about stress hook, line, and sinker.

This Was MINDBLOWING!

Last fall I listened to a Ted Talk on stress.  It was mind-blowing! The title was How to Make Stress Your Friend by Kelly McGonigal, a psychologist. She told us that for years she had warned her patients about the dangers hidden in stress. But recently, she had been introduced to new research that blew her mind!

It turns out that stress, whether you are caregiving, have a tough job, or are parenting, doesn’t need to take a toll on your health. In fact, it can improve your heart and health. Yes, you heard me correctly!! Her information on how stress is good for your heart was so unexpected and came from reliable research.

McGonigal said: “Stress. It makes your heart pound, your breathing quicken, and your forehead sweat. But while stress has been made into a public health enemy, new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case.”

One research study showed that people with the same type and amount of stress either died or lived depending on their beliefs about stress. This made me sit up and pay attention. As I researched this new idea, I read this: “With demands on time, energy, emotions, and relationships, caregiving isn’t easy. So, you might think it would take its toll on the physical health of those who care for family members with chronic conditions. But new research offers a positive surprise: Family caregivers may live longer.”

McGonigal urged us to see stress as a positive and understand its value to the body. Also, to know that what you believe about stress impacts how it ultimately affects you. And there it is–our story matters, what we say and how we perceive what is happening brings about the result we get.

Not long after I heard the TED talk, I bought the book The Upside of Stress by Dr. McGonigal. I want to understand how stress can work in my favor. I want this information deep in my soul so that I can do what I have taken on and flourish. The read is fascinating.

Has understanding this changed anything in my day-to-day life? NO. I still clean up plenty of poop. Sitting down without interruptions is rarely an option. There is plenty of frustration and annoyance. My mother’s dementia is progressing, she has had a mini-stroke, and every day is a new normal. Watching someone die is like living on a roller coaster. Don’s surgery brought 6 weeks of extra work and stress. But now, with my new story, when I feel overly stressed, I straighten up and say to myself – “Way to go. This is so good for your heart. You’re going to live to be 100!”

And you know what, I believe it.

P.S. Next week I challenge the idea that we cannot change the past. I will share an example that will show you, you can! You are going to love this!

Simple Systems Are the Solution

I have learned from lived experience that simple systems are usually the solution to difficult problems in time and life management. This was not an easy lesson to learn, and I occasionally still ignore this truth, but when I do, I suffer. 

A few years ago, I was praying because I needed help with time management to do the necessary chores, serve others, and care for my family. I also needed space to serve and care for myself. This is an ongoing prayer I repeat regularly because time & life can be a beast to manage. LOL

My System for Getting Up

During this season of prayer and pondering, I had a task on my daily list that I needed to accomplish by a certain time, and it was clear in my mind. As I went to sleep, I reminded myself I had this task to do first thing in the morning. When I woke up, the project came immediately to mind, and I got right up. It was a favor for my sister, Cindy. She needed an item in short supply that year that she hadn’t been able to find in her area. I needed to be at the store at 7 am to see if I could find it for her. I was on time, and my quest was successful.

The next day, I woke up just before my alarm went off, as I had the day before. I had the same list for the day but hadn’t picked something to get up for. I lay in bed for a few minutes, and the alarm went off. I thought, “My body is amazing. It knows just what to do. It always wakes up a few minutes before the alarm.” Then I dropped back to sleep. I didn’t wake up again until 7:30 and was bugged because my body had done its job waking me up, and I hadn’t done my part and gotten up.

As I said my morning prayer, it came to my mind that I manage better upon waking when I have chosen a specific thing to get up for. It gives me a reason to get up, other than just managing another busy day. They’re all busy!! Since then, I have filled out my daily worksheet and picked one item to focus on when I rise. That has worked wonders in assisting me, even when I would rather sleep longer. I know this experience was an answer to my prayers. It gave me the knowledge I needed about myself and a system to solve the issue. I love how God answers prayers. : )

A few months into this experiment, I didn’t get to bed until 10 p.m., which is late for me in the winter. I try to be in bed by 9:30 because winter and the lack of sun make life more challenging. So, good sleep matters.

I had chosen a specific project I needed to have done before 9 am, and it would take a couple of hours. This was what I would get up for. However, I didn’t hear my alarm. Fortunately, Don did and put his hand on my shoulder, waking me up. Before he could say a word, I remembered what I needed to do, and I was out of bed and going in seconds.

It reminds me of when I was writing my book, and it wasn’t going well.  As I prayed about the futility of the project, I had the thought to get up at 4 and write until I had to get ready for work at 7. What a terrible idea!! But because I had a specific task, I made it work six days a week for over six months! It wasn’t easy, but the planned task made it doable, and I finished and published my book.

I have gotten very good at using this system to assist me in getting up when I would rather sleep. It isn’t perfect. I have days when I forget to tell myself why I am getting up the next morning. Then chances are, I won’t. There are also days when I choose to ignore why I’m getting up. I always regret it! LOL Then there are days that I tell myself we are sleeping in, and it is OK.

Examples of Other Simple Systems

Example 1 – I wasn’t getting my scriptures read, my prayers said, my affirmation/commitments read, or writing in my gratitude journal some days. This matters to me, so I needed to figure it out. If I left the bathroom in the morning without doing these things, I would become distracted and wouldn’t get them done. As I prayed and pondered the situation, I began having interesting ideas.

I put my scriptures, gratitude journal, and affirmation/commitments in a basket in the bathroom. I hung my clothes for the next day on a hook so I wouldn’t need to go back to the bedroom. After dressing, brushing my teeth, and combing my hair, I would read a few verses, pray, read my affirmations, and write in my gratitude journal.

While experimenting with this routine, I ran into another problem. My glasses would be on the kitchen table, and if I went to get them, then distractions happened. Now I put my glasses on my desk at night, which is in the bedroom. Walking past the desk in the morning, I grab the glasses. It’s working like a charm; it’s another piece of a very simple system.

If I wanted to use my phone to read, rather than a hard copy, it would be an easy adjustment. I plug my phone in at my desk in the bedroom. When I get my glasses, I could also grab the phone.

Hanging my clothes in the bathroom, having my scriptures in a basket, and having my glasses on the desk in the bedroom is a simple system.

Example 2 – Filling out my daily worksheet the night before is another successful system. I dress and have my bathroom routine, but I also need to know what is planned for the day. What appointments do I have? Any special chores? Any service I need to manage? Stuff for Jodie, my grands, my mom, or Don?

Filling out my worksheet before bed helps me order the coming day. That doesn’t mean everything will get done, but it helps me recenter when disruptions happen. It keeps the flow going.

Example 3 – A year ago, I got a CPAP machine. After an evaluation, I discovered I stopped breathing many times a night. This is detrimental to brain function and not a good way to get the needed rest to manage a home and family.

An app. tracks how many hours a night the machine is used. At my follow-up appointment, I was on the border of qualifying to have insurance continue paying for my machine. I was only using it 70% of the time. Talking with my doctor, I realized the problem. I wake up a few times at night. I don’t have trouble going back to sleep, as I have trained my body. I often fall asleep so quickly that I don’t get the mask on. I needed a simple system.

I decided that when I awoke and took off the mask, I would place it in the middle of my pillow instead of at the back of the pillow. Super simple, and it has worked wonders. I’ll bet I have upped my score to over 85%. That is good for insurance purposes but even better for good sleep and a healthy brain.

Seriously, systems work. They help solve problems like mine: how to make myself get up, how to manage time better, how to fit in the things that normally get buried under home and family management, how to keep going when disruptions happen, and how to have a healthier brain.

I want you to see that simple systems can be very effective. I also want you to understand what a system looks like. I didn’t for many years. I thought they were complicated ways of managing big stuff. Systems in corporations, businesses, or medicine can be complex, and most of us view the term ‘system’ in this light. I want to expand your view of what a system is. It is nothing more than figuring out a consistent way to get something accomplished – dishes, laundry, meals on the table, getting kids up on a school morning, making time for yourself, getting to bed on time, getting your personal study done, etc. They all require a planned and not a default system.  When you create a plan and consistently use it, you will have systems that work.

It will be life-changing!

Why & How Body Language Matters When Working With Kids

When I began teaching, mentoring, and writing family-centered articles, I was working with the homeschool community. However, in 2016, as I started writing my book Becoming a Present Parent, I realized my message about connecting with children was beneficial to a wider audience.

I created a new website, maryannjohnsoncoach.com. I had many thoughts and ideas that I began sharing. However, on home-school-coach.com, there were over 600 articles that most families would benefit from. I started updating and republishing these articles on the new site. I’ve been working on this project for over eight years. It’s been a labor of love and is still a work in progress. This is because the ideas, thoughts, and experiences have never stopped flowing, and I am constantly writing new articles.

In 2011, I took a class on body language from 3 Key Elements because I had begun speaking from stage and knew it would be helpful. Then, the company offered a class taught by one of their trainers, Amy Walker, on how body language can assist you in understanding your kids and avoiding conflict.

I loved the class and gained much from it. Since I was working with families and children, I asked Amy if she would write an article on what she had taught the mothers and fathers in her class. She did, and the information was published as a two-part series on my old website in 2012.

I love the information in these two articles, which has proven useful. I’m republishing them in one article today. I am sharing it as Amy Walker wrote it with minor grammatical and punctuation changes. I know you will find value here. You will either say, “Wow, good for me. I already know that,” or “Gosh, I didn’t realize that.” In either case, it will jumpstart your mind, and you will look at how you respond to your children with renewed or new eyes. Enjoy.

Understanding Body Language by Amy Walker

Body Language is an extremely important part of communication. Did you know that 93% of communication is NON-VERBAL? That means your tone and gestures are saying far more than your words! In the last year, I have seen a huge growing interest from schools and parents in using body language to help kids perform better in school. I have personally trained for the Utah State Office of Education, the Department of Workforce Services Teen Program, American Leadership Academy, and other elementary/charter schools. Already for 2012, I am scheduled to teach over 900 teachers about body language. I know I use body language with my four sons daily! It’s a powerful tool to increase communication, trust, understanding, and learning. In this article, I hope to teach you the importance of Body Language and share examples of what to look for with your children.

Body Language is the body’s physical response to what is going on in the subconscious mind. As you study and understand the body’s unique language, you can gain insights into thoughts, learning patterns, emotions, and motivations. If you see the whole picture, you will be more effective as a parent and educator.

The conscious mind can hold onto about 7 thoughts at a time. The subconscious processes billions of things at the same time; every memory, feeling, idea, body function, all the way down to cell reproduction and breathing are taken care of by our subconscious mind. I am constantly fascinated by what I can ‘See’ going on in my children that they don’t even know how to express!

I want to teach you 5 basic gestures you can use TODAY to help increase communication with your children! Remember, Body Language is a LANGUAGE! It takes practice to become fluent! But hopefully, after this article, you will at least know a few “Words and Phrases” to look for! I will also provide a few examples of using this with my children.

Learn to Read Eye Movements

Eye movements are fascinating. As you watch a person’s eyes move, you will see where they go to access information inside of themselves. You can tell if the experience or decision is emotion-driven, influenced by others, or based on past experiences.

Movement 1 – When you see an individual look up and to the right, they are looking into the right side of their brain.

Right-Side Brain Functions:
*Big picture thinking
*Future
*Creativity
*Artistic
*Imagination
*Vision

Movement 2 – When you see someone look up and to the left, they are looking into the left side of their brain.

Left-Side Brain Functions:
*Linear Thinking
*Details
*Logic
*Facts
*Numbers
*Past Experiences

Example 1
My 9-year-old son was upstairs doing his homework. He came downstairs, and I asked, “Did you finish your homework?” He looked up and to the right and then said, “Yep!” So, I clarified and said, “You did? You finished your homework?” He made the same move and answered yes again. I had seen the same move twice and knew I hadn’t imagined it! I had asked him a question that should have caused him to look into his past, into his detail section-left brain.

Instead, he looked into the big picture/ creative section of his brain. I realized clarification was necessary, so I asked, “So what did you do?” This time, he answered, “I did my math” and looked to the left. That answer matched. So, I clarified again, “What else did you need to do?” Looking a little less excited, he looked down and answered, “My spelling.” His body language told me that not only was his work not finished, but also why it wasn’t finished (Stay tuned for what looking down indicates!). Rather than arguing the next day about why homework wasn’t finished when he said it was, we were able to clarify, and I could see that he needed extra help and support.

Movement 3 – When you see someone look side to side (right or left), they are looking towards their ears, listening to outside influences.

Outside Influences Could Include:
*Parents
*Teachers
*Friends
*TV/media references
*Church or Civic Leaders
*Negative thoughts they hear inside their head

This is an EXTEMELY powerful indicator to watch for. If you want to help your child be happier and more successful, watch for how often they listen to others inside their mind. As a culture, we struggle with negative thoughts. Helping your child (and yourself) clear out the other people inside their head will help them feel better about themselves, and they will have more focus in moving towards what they want. I once read that the average person has between 25 and 50,000 thoughts daily. Highly successful athletes are closer to 15,000 thoughts a day. Their ability to focus and clear out the mind chatter helps them be more successful.

Movement 4 – Looking up towards the sky. Let’s not confuse this with the infamous eye roll. They mean very different things! When people look up towards the sky, they are looking to their Higher Power. They are looking for new answers, inspiration, and connection with whatever they believe in that is bigger than them.

A Tip for Parents

If you see your child look up and then give you their answer, please be cautious how you respond. They will feel a strong connection to this answer; it will intuitively feel right to them. We all have experienced a “Dream Crusher” at some point. I never want to be that dream-crusher for my children. It might not be an answer I love and am completely excited about. It also does not mean that is their answer for the rest of their lives. But right now, they are likely to feel very strongly about their thoughts, dreams, or ideas, and as they follow them, they will progress and grow.

Example 2
I taught at a school in front of teachers, parents, and students. I had a volunteer come up on stage. She was 16, and I was helping her adjust her body language so she could be more effective in delivering her message. I asked her what her message was, and she looked to the sides, then said, “I don’t know.” So, I asked again. This time, she responded but looked to the sides again. It still wasn’t her real message. After a few tries, she looked up. When her eyes came down, she spoke of kindness to others, knowing who you really are, and not hiding to make others feel comfortable. It was powerful, and everyone in the room felt its authenticity. Every part of her body language was stronger. Her tone was stronger because this time, she spoke a message that rang true in her heart. I could see from the first answer that she was worried about what other people would think. Because I saw the signs, I was more effective in helping her get to her real message.

Movement 5 – Looking down. When you see someone look down, they are looking into their emotions. They are soul-searching. This answer may take longer to find. It also takes more trust to share. If you see your child look down, it’s essential to stop what you’re doing and adjust your focus to your child. When they find their answer, they will check in with you. If you’re not paying attention, they are not likely to share their thoughts. They will swallow them down and decide that how they feel is not important enough for your time.

Example 3
My 6-year-old was having a very naughty day. He kept pestering his brothers and seemed bent on a course of destruction! I asked him, “What’s going on, buddy?” He immediately looked down. So, I changed my question to “How are you feeling today?” He took a long time to answer. To the untrained eye, it probably would have looked like he was being defiant. But I knew to be patient. I waited, and after what felt like 5 minutes, he gave a quick peek at me. When he saw I was still listening, he looked up again and said, “I feel like I’m invisible.” An experience that could have ended in a time out, with lots of frustration on both sides, ended in a hug.

I LOVE working with teens and kids! They are truly amazing. They are wild and crazy, challenging, inspiring, and powerful all at the same time. As parents and teachers, if we can increase understanding and figure out what makes each of our kiddos tick, we will be much more effective at guiding them.

I invite each one of you to study your children!

 

Amy Walker is a wife, mother, and business owner. She is married and has four sons. She loves to read. She also loves music and has played the cello since childhood. Amy graduated from BYU with a degree in Linguistics and a minor in Teaching English as a Second Language. During college, she lived and taught English in Russia. She also taught ESL in public schools. She loves foreign languages and cultures.

Nurture Your Child’s Love for Learning: Practical Tips for Parents

This week’s article was written by an online friend of mine, Laura Pearson, who shared it with me via email. When I read her article, I realized that my daughter Jodie has incorporated many of these tips into her home and family life. They’ve been useful to my grands. Although they are all teens now, they have been using tools like these since they were in grade school.

These tips will assist parents using regular school options, as well as those who homeschool. In both cases we want our children to be able to love and feel comfortable learning. Take a look, there may be resources you have missed that would help your children. You may also expand those resources you currently use.

Nurture Your Child’s Love for Learning: Practical Tips for Parents

Parents uniquely influence how children view learning and approach new challenges. Creating an environment where curiosity thrives can deeply impact a child’s enthusiasm for exploring new ideas. Engaging in open conversations and sharing their discoveries can inspire children to see learning as an exciting, ongoing journey. Encouragement and gentle guidance allow them to build confidence and resilience in tackling unfamiliar subjects. The warmth of shared experiences makes learning feel both rewarding and natural, laying a foundation for an enduring connection with education.

Inspire Lifelong Learning by Pursuing Your Education

Pursuing an online degree offers the perfect blend of flexibility and opportunity, allowing you to dive deeper into subjects that fuel your curiosity. If you’ve been putting off getting a degree, this option enables you to pursue your dream while managing other responsibilities. For instance, by choosing a degree in accounting, you can build expertise in managerial accounting, estate taxation, and accounting research through the many available programs. Most importantly, your commitment to higher education sets a valuable example for your children, inspiring them to embrace lifelong learning.

P.S. From Mary Ann – My adult children have commented that my continuing learning has helped them do the same. I finished my undergraduate degree in my 40s with my seventh child on my hip. My son returned to school in his thirties and received a degree in Philosophy. My 50+ daughter Jodie, is currently getting more education in counseling despite being a single mom with four teens, one with cerebral palsy. And so it has gone. Our investment in our education is a powerful example for our kids.

Crafting a Focused Learning Environment for Your Child

Creating a dedicated space for learning at home can significantly enhance your child’s ability to concentrate and be creative. Consider setting up a study area free from distractions, with a desk positioned near a window to take advantage of natural light. This setup not only improves focus but also reduces eye strain. Incorporate ergonomic furniture and organized storage solutions to maintain a clutter-free environment and ensure a reliable internet connection to access online resources. These elements create a conducive atmosphere for learning.

Enhancing Learning with Digital Tools

Digital tools can transform your child’s educational experience by making learning more interactive and engaging. Start by introducing one or two educational apps or online resources to avoid overwhelming them. Interactive quizzes can make review sessions fun, while digital simulations offer hands-on experiences in subjects like science. This approach caters to different learning styles and encourages collaboration and critical thinking, keeping your child motivated and curious.

Enhancing Children’s Reading Experience with Interactive Books

Integrating interactive e-books and audiobooks into your child’s reading routine can make reading more engaging and accessible. These tools cater to various reading abilities and can significantly boost reading test scores. Interactive features in e-books help direct attention to key information, enhancing comprehension. By providing a diverse range of reading materials, you can make reading both educational and entertaining for your child.

P.S. From Mary Ann – My youngest daughter, Kate, has used this extensively with her three children. Audiobooks were part of their daily experience since they were very small. One of her children was diagnosed with ADHD last year. She is twelve, but an excellent reader. I think that is, in part, due to her constant immersion in this type of learning.

Celebrate Reading Achievements to Foster Lifelong Learning

Encourage your child’s love for reading by marking their achievements with rewards that feel meaningful to them. Incentives can inspire children to read more and foster a sense of pride in their accomplishments. When reading feels rewarding, it can become a source of joy rather than a task. This approach helps cultivate a lifelong appreciation for books and storytelling. Celebrating each milestone adds a positive layer to their reading journey, making it something they look forward to.

Harnessing Real-World Scenarios for Effective Problem-Solving Skills

Incorporate real-world scenarios into your child’s problem-solving exercises to enhance their critical thinking skills. Present them with practical challenges, such as deciding what to wear on a rainy day or resolving a disagreement with a friend. This approach helps them develop the ability to make informed decisions and think creatively, equipping them with essential life skills.

Empowering Children Through Community Service Projects

Getting children involved in community service can nurture essential life skills and strengthen their social bonds. Participating in projects that involve teamwork, empathy, and leadership brings these qualities into practice, creating a meaningful space for personal growth. Such experiences introduce children to real-world settings where they can actively apply their interests. When activities connect to what they naturally enjoy, their commitment grows stronger.

Creating an environment that fosters curiosity helps your child feel confident in exploring new ideas and discovering their interests. When children sense genuine interest and encouragement, they feel safe to question and challenge what they see. This atmosphere nurtures a love for learning that can deepen over time, becoming part of how they view the world. As they grow, this foundation supports their natural curiosity and motivation to seek knowledge. Your presence and support can make learning an exciting, ongoing journey rather than just a requirement.

Discover practical tips for strengthening family bonds at Mary Ann Johnson Coach – your go-to resource for relationship transformations for busy parents! (Thank you for adding this, Laura.) : )

Be thoughtful about ways you can help your child love learning. 

A Simple and Peaceful Holiday Celebration

In 2011 I wrote a three-part series of articles about a principle that helps families manage better. I must confess it’s a principle I still work on because it isn’t easy to keep. I know the stories and the principle are worth repeating because principles never change and when lived, they impact us for good. I’m compiling the three-part series into one article. That will keep it simple for you. LOL

A Simple and Peaceful Holiday Celebration

I believe that intentionally keeping things simple is a principle that leads to peace. I want to share how my husband, Don, and I used this principle in 2011 to have that peace. We decided we weren’t going to spend any money. You heard right, no money (except for shipping.) We would have to give it some thought to bring it about. Also, we were going to be picky about what events we joined in.

We did well at keeping our decision. We did spend a little over $20 on three children, bought some cookie-making ingredients, and Don cheated and bought me a book. He knows I love books. LOL

How This Decision to Simplify Brought Us Peace

We only went shopping once, for forty minutes. Not shopping was an amazing experience. It gave us more time to be together. We spent time each evening curled up on our sofa reading Christmas stories and drinking hot cocoa. It was wonderful. We didn’t have to fight traffic, or crowds, or worry about accumulating debt. That was very freeing.

We sent our grown children books, which we selected out of our personal library. We choose what would be meaningful to them, would help them in some way, or that they would love reading. Our sons, like their dad, are not readers, but Don loves coffee table books, and we knew the boys would too. We also sent mementos of the past that we felt would bring joy and touch the hearts of our children.

What Happened For Two of Our Sons

We sent Seth a karate gee he wore when he was nine. He told me how fun it was to receive because it still fit. He said, “The legs and sleeves are short, but it fits.” He was in his 30’s at the time. He was glad to know that the gee still existed, and he now had it. He loved the gift.

We sent Andrew a Christmas plaque that had hung in our home since the year he was born. I made it and it was a homely little thing. His sister, Jenny, who roomed with him at the time, said when he opened his gift, his eyes got tearful. He said it was a ‘cool’ present and he thought Jenny was a tad jealous. : )

How Did We Do with the Grands

I worried about how our grandchildren would feel about their gifts. To one family, with four children, we sent ten envelopes, each containing a picture or story and six small pieces of candy. Each story or picture had something to do with the Christmas season and its purpose. It was just paper and a few bits of candy. Yet when I asked Marie what the children thought she replied, “They were so excited.” Aubrey, who was eleven said, “We have the best grandma and grandpa in the whole world”. This from an almost teenager!

The grands all loved whatever they got. It didn’t matter if it was large or small. Not one was disappointed that money hadn’t been spent.

Going the Extra Mile and Not Going

For the 21 years we lived in Laurel, MT. my best friend, Linda Brannon, would bring us a HUGE platter of assorted cookies. Because we had seven children, she didn’t bring a token plate, she brought a platter. It was the highlight of the season for our kids, even though I was a baker. LOL For Linda it was a labor of love, and our children knew she loved our family.

About a week before Christmas in 2011, Jodie, my oldest daughter, mentioned she felt nostalgic about those cookies. I decided I would recreate the experience for her as a special gift. I took one Saturday and baked up a storm. Then Don and I gifted the cookies to her.

Later she told me this story. Her husband had been feeling a bit down. He didn’t have the Christmas spirit. Both of Doug’s parents are deceased. Jodie said that when the cookies came into their home his entire countenance changed. He became animated, happy, and full of joy. I think it reminded him of his mother and home.

I decided to have another baking day to give more cookies to other families. In the moment of that thought I had a clear impression, “LET IT GO, it isn’t necessary.” I followed that thought and spent the day loving and being present with my family instead.

And What About Mom?

I wanted to do something special for my mom, she was 80 and lived alone. She had everything she needed as far as worldly possessions. Here is what she didn’t have, the sure knowledge that she has done a good job as a parent even though it ought to be obvious to her. But mothers do this, they worry about what they didn’t do and undervalue what they do.

I pondered what to give her. I had an idea I am sure was from God. It was to write her a letter. I even had thoughts about what to say. I sat down and wrote a nice letter. When I prepared to mail it, I felt, “No, it isn’t done.” I STOPPED and thought about it some more. Then I spent the next five hours rewriting the letter. It took a lot longer than I had anticipated. I dug through old papers and found the poems she had written to accompany her gifts to us.  For example, one year she sent a HUGE box of homemade caramel corn with this poem. 

A Kernel of Love

Sometimes all you can do is not very much

For reasons hard to define.

Yet you’d like to do “oh so many things”

To make everything “just fine”.

This package is all I have to offer

To show how much we care.

But every kernel is a bit of love

And the sweet is the love we share.

May you remember the things we’ve done,

With fondness, with each tasty bite.

And maybe somehow, we can join our souls,

And everything “Will Be Alright”!   

by NaVon Cazier

This was one of our children’s favorite gifts that year. I ended the letter with this:

“All the years of my growing up you demonstrated to me how to live gracefully and abundantly no matter what was happening. I think this has been an amazing gift and has made it possible for me to do the same. All I can give you this year Mom, is my love and gratitude for a mother who lived fully despite lots of kids, no money, no car, and you being alone a lot of the time. It has made all the difference in my life. I love you so much. Merry Christmas.”

One Final Story from Our Christmas of Peace Experiment

My father was an educator. He developed a testing device to find learning disabilities in children and spent many years working with them. However, in his heart of hearts, he was a restaurateur. We always had a drive-in or restaurant of some kind.

He was also a preparer, preparing for what might happen in life. He loved storing food, blankets, water, you name it. When he passed away, we had a basement of ‘stuff’ to sift through. One of the things we found was a box of bagged nutmeg. We are talking pounds of nutmeg! After my five sisters took what they wanted I came home with about 40 pounds of the spice.

As we contemplated what we could do to show our friends, neighbors, and church members our appreciation for their friendship over the years we had an idea. We bagged the nutmeg into ¼ pound bags and tied them to four delicious and delightful nutmeg cookie recipes.

As Kate, our one remaining child at home, and I bagged nutmeg, I felt my father was with us, was happy we hadn’t thrown the nutmeg away, and happy that we were putting it to good use. When we had made over 100 gift bags to share, I had about 6 pounds left. Then I had this distinct impression: “Save the rest. You can barter it.” Good grief, that was so my dad. : )

What About the Parties?

We decided not to attend everything that came along. We were going to be picky about where and when we celebrated. We attended Don’s work party, and one church party, went to Temple Square with my youngest daughter’s future in-laws, and spent time in the homes of family. That was it.

I really do believe that keeping things simple brings peace whether we’re talking about family schedules, how we prepare our homes or yards, birthdays, our work, or the gifts we give at Christmas. It’s paramount to remember what is important. Keeping it Simple, is vital to peace of mind, doing what is needed, and making way for good things to come into our lives.

What I am not saying is that we shouldn’t shop, buy gifts, attend parties, or cook for a week, if that is what we are moved to do. What I am saying is that it’s important to avoid unrealistic expectations from ourselves and others. It’s important to avoid needless busyness. It’s important to determine what is most needful and let the rest go.

Because Don and I made an intentional pact To Keep It Simple, we got what we needed and gave our family what they needed. It was a remarkable season. The sense of peace and joy came from doing less and not from doing it all. The whole point of the decision that Don and I made in 2011 was to live the principle of keeping it simple and peaceful. Our intentional efforts paid dividends.

May each of you have a simpler and more peaceful holiday season. I plan to do the same.

Intentionally keeping things simple will help us feel and be more successful.

If We Have Been Foolish, We Can Then Be Wise. It Is A Choice.

Parenting is a place to learn to grow as a person. Seriously. : ) Even now, when I’m caregiving, rather than parenting, I experience examples of this type of growth. It always takes me off guard because I would like to think that in almost 75 years, I had gotten this growth thing handled. Silly, because learning and personal growth are a lifetime endeavor.

This is one reason that berating ourselves when we do something foolish is not helpful. If we, instead, focus on what we just experienced, learn from it, and make a change, the experience becomes valuable. We also must realize that we may experience the same type of situation over again as we refine ourselves. It can feel discouraging if we let it, or it can feel illuminating. It’s a choice we get to make.

Today I am being vulnerable and sharing one of these growth moments.

I hope it brings a smile to your face and puts you in a thoughtful position about how you teach and communicate with your children.

My mother will be 95 in a few months and has advanced dementia. I have been caring for her for six years and you would think I have it down by now. But, as with parenting, we keep reexperiencing and refining our methods of response and teaching.

Recently, I got upset with my mom for emptying her porta-potty outside on the lawn, in the dark. She didn’t take it to the bathroom because someone was in there. I don’t like her emptying it day or night because she can’t carry it and use her cane. She also must navigate two stairs and the possibility of spillage is ever present. I empty it several times a day and she is usually totally unaware of it. But occasionally, she goes into housekeeping mode. She rearranges photos and nick-knacks in her room and wants to clean the porta-potty. This was one of those days.

As I expressed my unhappiness with her emptying the potty outside, she reminded me that she had lived on a farm. I replied, “Well, this isn’t a farm.” I told Mom she needed to ask for help when doing things like this. This was not a useful comment because for my mother every two minutes life begins again. Seriously, her tracked memory retention is 2 minutes. This was not a conversation she was going to remember. When I told her she needed to ask for help she said, “How do I ask?” I replied, “Say something like, ‘I want to empty the potty. Can I take it outside?’ I will tell you to put it in the toilet. Then we would go up the stairs together and take care of it.”

A useless conversation to be having with someone with dementia and I knew it but didn’t stop myself. As I thought about it later, I knew a better response would have been to let it go. She has never done it before and will probably never do it again. As for emptying the potty in the bathroom, occasionally she will because she can’t recall that she shouldn’t. I carried on with this conversation because I wasn’t being thoughtful about how to manage the situation. I was succumbing to my irritation. You all know what I’m talking about because you have done the same.

A few minutes later Mom came into my bedroom/office where I was working. She said she was ready to go to bed and asked me what she should do. This was a first. She has never needed help at bedtime before and she rarely lets anyone know she is heading to bed. I told her to remove her slacks, and that she usually sleeps in her shirt but does have PJ’s if she wanted them. She said she would take off the slacks and wear the shirt.

As I resumed working, I couldn’t get this odd conversation out of my mind. I assumed it was because I had told her to ask for help. By this point, she would have no recollection of that conversation, but I have learned that feelings remain. So, I went into her room and said, “Mom, you don’t need to ask about getting ready for bed. You’ve been doing fine by yourself for a long time.” Mom looked at me and replied, “It’s like I just woke up and don’t know where I am or what I am supposed to do.” It wasn’t about the porta-potty conversation but the hole that dementia leaves in a person’s life.

Although I knew my mom couldn’t recall the conversation, I wanted her to feel happy and not how being in trouble leaves you feeling. We did a lot of hugging and smiling. I told a joke and got her laughing. I wanted her to feel better. It worked. The joking and smiling helped her sleep well. Dementia is a challenge for those with the disease and those who care for them. Every day is a class in patience, controlling our response, and love.

We Sometimes Error

We sometimes have lame conversations with our kids because they didn’t do something in the way we would do it or in the adult way. Even though we know kids don’t think like adults we can’t seem to stop going on about whatever they did wrong. I did this in my parenting life. Later I would recall the exchange and wonder, “What I was thinking?”

Kids have lots to learn. We need to respond in ways that fit their age and the situation. Sometimes it’s better to let it go if it doesn’t really matter, and we’re just irritated because it wasn’t done in our way. We need to teach at their level and not keep reminding them that they didn’t consider the outcome or consequence, as an adult would.

However, if we occasionally forget to be the adult, there is a remedy, just as there was with my mom. Apologize if needed. Let them talk if they need to. Smile a lot. Give hugs because touch is healing.  Leave as friends.

Parenting is not an exact science

Most of us are working with fewer skills than needed and less knowledge and understanding than we would like. But this doesn’t mean that we can’t undo mistakes when we make them. Sometimes they are large mistakes, and the temptation is to feel we have ruined the relationship.

If you feel this now and then as you parent, I invite you to read I HIT MY DAUGHTER. WHAT!  I hit my teenage daughter with my fist. I was positive I couldn’t restore that relationship. However, I did, and I share what that looked like in the article. Seriously, sometimes I think I am too transparent but when it comes to other mothers who are learning, I can’t seem to help myself. LOL

I was a good mother. I’m a good daughter. In fact, I’m an amazing person, but I do dumb stuff now and then like the foolish conversation I had with my mom. But I have learned from a lifetime of caring for my family and now my mother, husband, and granddaughter, that when we error, we can also restore. 

When you know this truth, you do not fall apart and wallow in grief and fear. You say a prayer, gird up your loins, and do what you can to repair the damage.  It usually works.

Be brave as you parent. It isn’t only kids and teens who do foolish things. Sometimes it is us, but we, as adults can then do what is wise.