Category: featured

The Spark Station in Action: Real Families, Real Results Part 1

I want to tell you about an experiment I did years ago. I had been talking to families about the Spark Station and quickly realized that something wasn’t clicking for a lot of them. They liked the idea, but it wasn’t working the way it should. I could see clearly that these parents were missing the vision of the real power this tool could have in their homes. So, I decided to test what I knew worked with real families — five of them, over two months.

The families were wonderfully different from each other. One had three children ranging from a newborn to three and a half, with the oldest having severe cerebral palsy. Another had three children ages six, ten, and twelve. One family had five children from ten months to eight years. Another had four children, ages five to sixteen. The last had five children, ranging from a newborn to ten. I talked face-to-face with parents and children, and what I learned from those two months shaped everything I now teach about the Spark Station. What I found was this: the tool itself wasn’t the problem. The principles behind it were.

It’s About Five Rules, Not the Stuff

I want to share a letter I received that illustrates this perfectly. “I had to send off a quick thank you for your help. The Spark Station is transforming our family learning experience and fun! Last Saturday, I found dollar insect items at Target. We are having a blast. I almost passed up the big plastic insects as ‘toys’ but realized, no, they are inspiration for my little boys and models for insect body parts. What was I thinking?”

Isn’t that a great letter? I have received many such letters, but here is what I want you to notice. This mom thought it was about the plastic insects. It wasn’t. It’s about a mom who was focused on inspiring her boys. It’s about a mom who meets with her children consistently and stays present. The insects are wonderful, but they are not the magic.

The magic’s in the Five Principles of Power. I’ve said this before, and I will keep saying it, because I want you to be convinced that these rules work, not just in learning but in family connection and fun.

Here they are:
1. Structure time and be consistent
2. Be present
3. Make it special
4. Keep it simple
5. Plan ahead

Understanding them deeply is what makes everything else work. I introduced them last week, but now I want to illustrate how the rules work in real families. Let’s start with the first three.

Structure and Consistency: Honor the Time

Once you have set a time for your family to use the Spark Station, honor it. Consider it sacred. I received an email from a mom who had just gotten her Spark Station ready and structured some family time, when every child came down with a cold. She shelved the whole thing for a week.

I understand. I raised seven children, and I know what it feels like when everyone is poorly. But here is what I told her: Hold to the time, even when life gets in the way. Modify it — gather your children, read for a few minutes, give everyone a glass of juice or hot chocolate, and call it good. The point is consistency. It allows your family to depend on time together, to know they can count on family time.

Illness isn’t the only thing that will challenge you. There will be days when you’ve made more commitments than you can manage. We all do it occasionally. When that happens, gather your children together, begin as you always do, read briefly, or visit about something important to your family, and call it good. Something is always better than nothing; your family will appreciate the consistency.

Be Present: The Real Gift

Being present is a gift — to whoever we give it to. It means listening without texting, checking email, or watching TV out of the corner of your eye. It means being all eyes and ears for what’s happening right now. Families feel more secure and happy when parents are truly present, and that feeling is the heartbeat of the Spark Station.

A reader once wrote to ask whether she was supposed to put activities in the Spark Station and observe, rather than jumping in with her own ideas. She worried that it seemed counterproductive to have a learning agenda when the whole point was connection.

Here is what I told her: when you’re working with a child under six, they usually want you to play with them and be with them. For them, it’s all about being with you and having that warm family feeling. That is the connection. Your learning agenda is simply what you choose to put in the Spark Station. Once it’s open, follow their lead.

Regardless of what is in your Spark Station, let each family member choose what they want to engage with. If it is on Sunday, everyone will be there. If it’s to unwind after school, just the kids and you, etc. If they ask questions, answer them. If they want you to play, play. If they seem content exploring on their own, let them.

Make It Special: The Siren’s Song

One dad described the Spark Station this way: “It’s like Christmas. The excitement stays because it isn’t available all the time. It’s amazing!”

He’s exactly right. The Spark Station only sings to children and family when it’s treated as something special — available at certain times, consistently, so it can be counted on and looked forward to. That anticipation is powerful.

I received a letter from a mom named Pam whose ten-year-old had just discovered cross-stitching materials in their Spark Station. She had only gotten three stitches in before lunch, and Pam knew her daughter would be frustrated not to continue. She asked whether there was ever an exception to keeping a project in the Spark Station rather than letting a child use it freely.

Here is what I told her: keep it in your Spark Station, and here is why doing so works in your favor. Your daughter isn’t bringing you a wad of tangled thread when you are up to your elbows in bread dough or separating squabbling siblings. The project’s also safe from the curious two-year-old, the interested six-year-old, and the teasing ten-year-old. A twelve-year-old girl told me what she loved most about the Spark Station. She said, “When you’re working on a cool project, and you have to stop, you’re excited about getting back to it ” Kids get it.

This principle works with things that are new to your family — cross-stitch, calligraphy, woodworking — and it works equally well with things they have had forever. I’ve seen parents take a book off their bookshelf, one their children have walked past for years, put it in the Spark Station, and suddenly everyone wants to read it. One young girl asked her mom to put a geography game in the Spark Station. It had been unused for over a year. Once it went in, she and her siblings played it many times.

As for how long an item stays in — it doesn’t matter. A day, a week, a month. When it comes out, its Spark Station life is over, and something new takes its place.

That’s the cycle that keeps the magic alive.

The Spark Station: Everything You Need to Know to Build One

When I was in fifth grade, I learned to crochet. It wasn’t easy to learn. I had never done anything like it before. I felt all thumbs, and it wasn’t always easy to conceptualize what it was I was supposed to do. With time, I did learn, and I made a small purse. My teacher coached me through almost every row until it was done. I still have that purse.

The next hurdle was learning to read actual directions. Yikes. It was like reading Greek. I had learned how to crochet, but without a teacher constantly at my elbow or being able to read the directions, I couldn’t really use my new skill. To learn to read directions, I had to go back to the beginning and learn to connect the skill with the actual execution of a pattern.

The same is true for the Spark Station. You may have heard me mention it, but hearing about it and actually creating and using one are two different things. This April, I’m going to give you the instructions you need.

Why The Name Change

When I decided I needed a new name for this amazing family connection tool, our youngest child was having her first baby. We were all excited about it.

When a new baby comes to a family, a lively search for a name ensues. The mother-to-be probably has a few she has carried in her head since she was a girl. The father may have a football hero or two with names he really likes. Our daughter and her husband went through quite a list looking for the perfect name.

The question is, how to choose a name? For our first child, we watched a movie. Two weeks before our due date, we still had no names picked out. Back then, you didn’t know which you would have, so you had to have two names ready. We were watching a Disney movie, and, in the credits, we saw the name Jodie. Eureka, the perfect name – perfect for no other reason than that it sounded good, and we liked it.

With all our other children, we went through a similar scientific process. One was named after a best friend, one was named after a song I liked, one came from the Bible, another was named…and that’s how it went. Later, I realized each name had a meaning and energy attached to it. Maybe we should have put more thought into choosing them, but you can’t go back and change a child’s name. For better or worse, it is what it is.

Fortunately, that’s not true in business! I knew I wanted to change the name of my family connection tool and searched for the perfect one for over a year. I wanted to make the change for several reasons.

•My printer said he loved my Closet Mastery Course, teaching how to use the tool, but had to look inside because he wondered if I was training people to come out of the Closet.
•When people asked me what I did, and I told them I showed parents how to create a Closet to connect as a family, I got confused looks and then the inevitable “So, how does a clean closet help them connect as a family?”
•Many parents told me they loved the tool but didn’t have a closet to use and were stuck.
•It seemed odd to call the tool The Closet and then tell people they could use a box, a bag, a drawer, or any container they liked – or even no container at all.

The name was problematic. I needed a name that spoke to what the tool was all about. I wanted a name descriptive of what made the tool so effective in helping families connect and making learning fun.

The Spark Station. I love that name. Let me tell you what the Spark Station is and how it can change the way your family connects.

The Spark Station

The Spark Station is about what’s inside, not what holds it. It can be a box, a plastic tub, a drawer, a closet shelf — or no container at all. It’s a place for cool learning and connection materials that inspire your children and bring your family together.

It’s designed to allow children to choose from several activities and topics of interest and engage with them in their own way. When used correctly, it’s very helpful in relieving the tension that comes when parents require children to stay together as a family on a Sunday afternoon, learn about a topic they may be struggling with in school, or stop arguing on a boring Saturday afternoon.

The Spark Station isn’t just one thing. It looks different in every family, and sometimes there is more than one, depending on the activity. Take the Sunday Box, for example, a box filled with cool stuff that helped a real family gather on Sunday afternoons. That’s the beauty of the Spark Station. You can showcase things your children are already interested in, you can gather to learn something new together, or just have fun. It keeps interesting and inspiring materials close at hand, so children and families have a magical and exciting place to learn, play, and connect.

There are Rules for Success

Whatever your Spark Station looks like, it’s only available at certain times. It isn’t a space that children can access anytime they want. Doing this preserves the sense of anticipation that makes it sing to kids, like a siren’s song. In Leah’s family, their Spark Station (The Sunday Box) was only available to the family on Sunday. Another family that homeschooled used their Spark Station during their school hours. Another family made their Spark Station available for an hour after school so kids could unwind. This builds value and interest in the content.

During the time you have set aside to learn, play, or be together as a family, you gather together for the amount of time you have pre-determined and open the Spark Station.

Not every child will want to engage with the content every time it’s available. They should be free to play with whatever takes their fancy — or even just read or write instead. They need to remain with the family, but they don’t have to engage with the Spark Station contents. When that happens — and it will — don’t be discouraged. I know, you worked hard on that Spark Station! But this is normal. In almost every family I’ve mentored, we’ve had to talk about this. Allow your children the freedom to decide.

The Spark Station is a tool that helps parents inspire their children, at all ages, to love learning, to experience new things, and to connect as a family. It brings scheduled, consistent moments of discovery and joy into your home — and those moments matter more than you know.

This April, let’s build one together.

From the Archive – A Fun and Messy Easter Tradition

“Mom, come on. It’s almost Easter, and we need to color the eggs.” These words were spoken in a voice of desperation and a full two weeks before Easter. Out came the huge soup pot. In went 5 dozen eggs. Out came 15 cups, vinegar, and boiling water. In went the dye. (Cake decorators have a lot of colors!) Fifteen large spoons followed. Nine chairs around the table. Very tight!

“I want blue.” “No, I want blue.” “Guys, guys, you can all do blue.”

“Barry!!!”, as six, yet to be colored, eggs hit the floor. “Don’t worry, guys; these will be cool, tie-dye eggs. You’ll love them”. Said with all the enthusiasm I could muster.

“Quick, grab the paper towels. Run!”, spoken in a voice of slight hysteria by one child as pink dye moved slowly across the tabletop and onto the floor. I ran for the towels.

“Kate, you must remember to put the lids back on the markers. They’re going to dry up.”

“Stop that, you’re bumping my elbow. Now my tree is crooked.”

“Look, Mom, you really can see my name. You couldn’t see my name before, and now you can. How does that work?”

“Hey, we’re running out of eggs. I only got to color six. Not fair. Can we boil some more?”

And so, it went each year of the forty years that we colored eggs. Nothing changed much, even when we were down to just three at home, Kate, Don, and me. There were still spills, and someone would think we didn’t have enough eggs.

I love holiday traditions, and this egg-dying ritual was one of ours. Some years went better than others, but each one brought us closer as a family. Each one tied us together in a bond that exists today. Traditions matter to children. These are the things that they can depend on: certain foods on the table at holidays, special activities done year after year, and favorite people gathered together. Family traditions were important to me, too.

Let me share some Easter egg-dying tips I learned as our family established this tradition. If you keep them in mind when dying Easter eggs, things will go smoother.

Egg Dying Tips

1. Less is more. Keep it simple, nine cups of dye, not fifteen. Have one cup per person in your family and rotate. If you have fewer family members than colors, rotate anyway.
2. Keep all the eggs, un-dyed and dyed, in egg cartons. They can’t roll; much safer.
3. Cover the table top with two or three layers of newspapers, the whole table. You will save paper towels!
4. No rugs anywhere within a four-foot radius of the table. This is a must. LOL
5. If you don’t live in Montana (as we did), and the weather is good, do it outside! : )

How to Dye Easter Eggs with Water and Food Coloring

1. Before you begin, you’ll need hard-cooked eggs that are completely dry and at room temperature.
2. For each color of dye, find a container that won’t stain or that you can discard when finished. Make sure the container is large enough to submerge an egg or several eggs.
3. Place an egg in the container. Turn it with a spoon. The longer the egg sits in the dye, the darker the color becomes. Remove and place on a paper towel or put into a cardboard egg carton. If you are using Styrofoam cartons, make sure the egg is dry before placing it in the carton.

How to Dye Easter Eggs with Natural Ingredients

Lavender – Small Quantity of Purple Grape Juice; Violet Blossoms plus 2 tsp Lemon Juice; or Red Zinger Tea
Violet Blue – Violet blossoms boiled in water; boil a small quantity of red onion skins; Hibiscus Tea; Red Wine
Blue – Canned blueberries, use the juice and smash the berries for more juice, heat and strain; boil red cabbage leaves; purple grape juice
Green – boil spinach leaves; Liquid Chlorophyll
Greenish Yellow – Boil yellow Delicious Apple peels
Yellow – boil orange or lemon peels; Boil Carrot Tops, Boil Celery Seeds; Boil Ground Cumin, boil Ground Turmeric; Chamomile Tea; Green Tea
Golden Brown – boil Dill Seeds
Brown – Strong coffee; Instant coffee; boil black walnut shells; Black Tea
Orange – Boil Yellow Onion Skins; boil Cooked Carrots; Chili Powder; Paprika
Pink – boil beets; boil cranberries or use cranberry juice; red grape juice, juice from pickled beets
Red – boil lots of red onion skins; canned cherries with juice, smash cherries for more juice, strain; pomegranate juice

You can get detailed instructions for natural egg dying HERE.

Why not be brave and make some Panoramic Sugar Eggs with your family!

Share your egg-dying experiences, along with tips to help us all have more fun this Easter.

I would love to hear from you, and so would others!

From the Archive – Panoramic Sugar Eggs Your Family Can Make

I’ve taught hundreds of children to make sugar eggs. I taught two groups of kindergartners every year for over 15 years. I taught children how to make sugar eggs in Girl Scouts, community groups, and for the city in Laurel, MT. I traveled to Colorado to help over ninety children in my grands school classes. I flew to Washington, where more grands lived and helped many other children, do the same. It has become an Easter tradition in our family, and traditions matter.

Despite having made hundreds of these eggs for friends and family, I had never made one for myself. So, one year, I made a very large one for the center of my basket (a flat, flower-gathering type basket) and surrounded it with 24 small eggs. It was gorgeous and a real conversation piece the whole Easter Season. I enjoyed that basket of eggs.

When Easter was over, I carefully set the egg-filled basket into my cedar chest stored in our garage. The next Easter, I went to the garage and pulled out the basket. It was in perfect shape. It was as delightful and beautiful as I had remembered. I was excited to display it again in our home.

Then I picked up one of the small eggs and looked inside. NOTHING! It was empty because the bottom had been licked out. Hard to believe, isn’t it? I checked every egg, including the very large center egg. Every egg was empty. I have since thought about how many secret licks and how many weeks it took to empty all those eggs. To this day, the culprit has not confessed, although all the suspects are between 35 and 55. Every Easter, I am reminded of this family experience, and I laugh about it.

The Perfect Easter Experience!

Isn’t that a perfect family Easter story? The eggs were empty!! Mary Magdeline went to the tomb, and it was empty!! Jesus was not there; he had risen. What a glorious message and event that thrills the hearts of Christians.

This sugar egg project is perfect for a family. It takes very few supplies, and even a two-year-old can do it with help. I know because I’ve helped many 2-year-olds. : ) Remember that only adults care about the end result; children adore the process. So let them have a free hand, helping only when necessary, knowing that, however they look when finished, your children will be thrilled.

Sugar Egg Recipe and Directions

1. Place 2 cups of sugar and 3 tsp. of water in a zip-lock type bag. You can color the Easter eggs with food coloring for a tinted shell by adding a few drops of coloring to the water before you add it to the sugar. Rub the bag between your hands until all the sugar is moist like damp sand. You don’t want any dry particles, as they flake away when the egg is done. You don’t want it too wet, or it takes too long to dry. I share with the children why there is light inside the egg. We discuss the word translucent. I tell them there are spaces between the grains of sugar that let in light. We talk about why you wouldn’t want to completely cover the top of the egg with frosting or decorations. Just know that some children still will!

2. Pack the sugar into the two halves of an egg mold and scrape the top off with a knife to make it level. Turn quickly onto waxed paper. Children over five can do this part of the process. They will mess up a few times, but will eventually get an uncracked shell. If you’re working with a group of young children, it’s better to have the shells premade. It lessens your and their frustration.

3. Take a piece of thread and make it tight between your fingers. Slice off the tip of your egg to form an opening. With the point of a paring knife, scoop out just a bit of sugar to create a small cave-like look to the opening. This prevents the front opening from hardening too much while the eggshell dries.

4. If you’re making the shells ahead of time, you will be able to begin scraping out the sugar to create a shell after about an hour and a half. Use a spoon to scrape away the damp sugar from the inside of the shell. This will give you a nice thin shell. You want the shell to be 1/4 of an inch thick. If children are scooping out the eggs themselves, you may want to wait 2-3 hours, so they’re very firm. This creates a thicker shell, which is less translucent, but you will have less breakage. When I work with groups of children, I usually have the shells premade. However, it’s interesting for them to know how it was done, so I begin with a quick demonstration. In a family setting, you can let the family make their own shells or make them ahead. It will depend on your time frame.

5. Let your scooped out shells dry until very firm. You can mention to children that the shells are now concave, another learning moment.

6. Make “royal” frosting in your mixer. This frosting dries like cement. It can be made with egg whites or meringue powder. I always opt for meringue powder as the frosting is easier to make and holds up better, especially when working with children. You can purchase meringue powder at stores with a cake decorating section, such as Walmart, baker’s supply houses, and culinary stores. The directions are usually on the package. If you opt to use egg whites, you can find the recipe online.

It takes 7-10 minutes of beating time, and the frosting should look like marshmallow cream. If it’s too thin, you will need to add a bit more sugar. If too stiff, add a couple of drops of water. Make sure the consistency is easy for children to squeeze out of a bag and yet holds its shape.

I always use paste or gel food coloring, rather than liquid food color, as the liquid can thin the frosting. The paste and gel food coloring give you truer, deeper colors. A little bit goes a long way! These types of food coloring can be purchased wherever cake decorating supplies are sold, and last for years.

7. I purchase disposable decorating bags for children. I cut off the tip to make a hole. I do not use decorating tips as the frosting dries in the tip crevices, making it harder for children to squeeze it out. If you do not have access to these decorating bags, you can use a plastic food storage bag. Snip off one corner. I put the frosting into the decorating bag or food storage bag, twist it behind the frosting, and rubber band it. This helps children keep the frosting in the bag, rather than having it squeeze out the back.

8. You can use miniatures purchased at a craft store for the inside of your egg. You can also put stickers on stiff paper or cardboard and cut them out. It’s also fun for children to draw and color their own small pictures, which are treated like stickers.

9. Put a spoonful of green or blue royal frosting into the bottom shell and allow the child to spread it around with their finger. Make it thick so that whatever they put inside the egg will stand upright. The size of the shell determines the amount of frosting needed. This picture shows a fancy inside made by one of my experienced grands, but most children are happy with a bunny in some green frosting or a duck in some blue.

10. Use a bead of the royal frosting around the outside edge of the bottom shell. I talk to children about the word perimeter here. Always teaching. : ) Now put the two halves together.

11. At this point, I talk with the children about the magic of the egg, that even adults will ask, “How did you get those little bunnies in there?” I tell them to cover the seam so no one will know how they did it. I also suggest they decorate around the front opening. Remember that some children won’t want to decorate the front opening or the seam. It’s ok. It’s their egg.

12. You can decorate your egg with frosting flowers purchased in the cake decorating section of the craft store. You can use small silk flowers snipped from their stems. You can use small candy decorations from the baking aisle of the grocery store. At Easter, there are plenty of Easter decorations available. You can even use raisins and nuts. Use your imagination. There are many wonderful ways to decorate sugar eggs.

13. Let your egg creation dry overnight before handling.

Have a delightful, spiritual, and family-centered Easter.

Five Principles of Power Series – A Marvelous Example of Being Present

When my youngest daughter, Kate, was a senior in high school, she was in an advanced writing class. One of her assignments was to write a poem using iambic pentameter. She was overwhelmed by the assignment and wasn’t clear as to what iambic pentameter meant. They had talked about it in class, but most of you will relate to how clear it was by the time she got home. LOL

I want you to know I’m not a fan of poetry, unless it comes from Mother Goose. I’m a bit ashamed to admit it, and I know that I owe it to myself to read some poetry before I die. : ) My daughter, however, liked it a lot. She really enjoyed Shakespeare. She had read all of his works and all of his sonnets, watched many plays, and acted the part of Hero from “Much Ado about Nothing” in 8th grade. Here is another confession- I have read Romeo and Juliet and seen The Taming of the Shrew. That’s it.

So, it wasn’t a happy circumstance when she came to me and asked for help. I had no idea what iambic pentameter was. But how could I say no to my daughter who needed my support? So, we sat at the computer together and began. We looked up iambic pentameter. We read it. We gave each other a blank stare and then read it again. Now I may not love poetry, but I’m pretty good at figuring out what I read. I began to understand and was able to explain it to her. Then she was off and running.

We talked over possible topics for her poem. Then she chose one, which happened to be her own idea. Way to go, Kate. She told me the story she envisioned her poem telling. It was good, really good. Then she wrote the first line. I can see us pounding out the syllables into our hands and changing words until there were exactly ten syllables per line. We would come up with ordinary words and then check the Thesaurus to find words that were more descriptive, elegant, or fitting for the time period and topic. It was fun. We laughed a lot.

She wrote and rewrote for over 3 hours. I was there the whole time. I made suggestions whenever she was stuck on a word or a thought and asked for help. She seldom used the word I suggested, but it would spark her mind, and then she would come up with the perfect word by herself. She would look at me with an excited smile, raise her hand, and say, “Gimmie five.” I would, at regular intervals, say, “This is good; it’s really good. You’re amazing!”

Be With Me While I Write

When Kate was in her first year of college, she took a creative writing class. One assignment was to create an imaginary author and describe his/her life. She was to present a piece of the imaginary person’s writing and then analyze it. She decided to rewrite the poem she wrote in high school about a sailor’s widow. She was adjusting it to tell the story of a Civil War soldier’s widow.

One day, I peeked in her room to say hi and see what she was doing. “Mom, come in and let me read this to you.” I went in, and she read it to me. Then she asked me to sit down and help her out.

We reminisced about the time we worked on the original poem together; all those great feelings came back. We laughed about the experience and how fun it had been.

I sat on the side of her bed and watched her use the Thesaurus and the dictionary to find words she needed. I saw her look up Civil War information and get a feel for the time period. I didn’t say much. Her poem was coming along great. Eventually, I stood up, patted her back, and left her to her work. She didn’t really need me. She had learned through experience what to do.

This is a marvelous example of being present. What Kate had needed in high school, she wanted to feel again while creating her imaginary author and what they would have written. She wanted me to be present, to feel my support, have some of my focused time, and sense my enthusiasm for what she was doing. These are the things all kids need from time to time.

Kate wrote her poem in high school by herself. She thought she was asking me to help her do it. What she really asked was, be with me, care about me, and learn with me. This is Principle Two from The Five Principles of Power – Be Present.

Kate is raising three children of her own, and she understands not only how to write a poem in iambic pentameter, but she also knows how to be PRESENT. Enjoy Kate’s work from her high school days.

It’s now a few decades old, but still wonderful.

The Widow’s Walk

By Kate Johnson

Upon the widows’ walk forlorn, she stands.
Face gray, indistinct in the morning mist.
Iron railing, cold portent in her hands.
Heartache knocks, upon her cheeks he kissed.
Annals of mariner’s wives keeping pace,
Back and forth, eyes on the horizon.
Lives lost forty leagues below without trace.
Possibility, worry like poison.
Bells peal out, mournfully telling of loss,
Belaying her breath, they tacitly mock.
Mind shrouded, forever bearing the cross,
Endlessly trudging the high widow’s walk.
Hope springs eternal; they shall meet anon
Sighs a chantey to a roseate dawn.

Listening, Trusting, and Following Through Make a World of Difference

The Day of Surgery

The day of my hip surgery, September 3, after returning home, I was going up and down our two stairs, caregiving, and managing as if I had never had surgery. One week out, I canned salsa. The doctor had told me I would recover quickly because I was so active. When I asked about canning, he said I could do whatever I had energy for because my new hip was made to stand on. That’s why I was in crazy mode for the first two weeks after surgery. And it was crazy!

Reality Is No FUN! Getting Help Is

At the end of the first two weeks, reality descended. I fell into extreme fatigue and became depressed. I couldn’t shake the feelings of worry, fear, sadness, anger, resentment, powerlessness, etc. My hip began to bother me when I sat or when I first began walking after sitting. I was totally unprepared for this. It wasn’t what I was expecting after two fabulously energetic and pain-free weeks. What had happened?

Caregiving didn’t go away because I was struggling. Mom and Don still needed help with everything. My daughter helped when she could, but she works full-time, has four teens, one with severe CP. I had to keep doing what was necessary because life goes on. This was the reality of my situation, but how could I continue when I felt so unable to manage myself and my feelings?

I was desperate for answers. So, I did what I do. I prayed for help, resources, and thoughts. As I knew it would, help came. I received information from two trusted sources that let me know that depression is part of the healing process. The body uses all the energy it can to do its healing work, which leaves one depleted. Knowing this, that there wasn’t anything wrong with me, that I wasn’t weak, and was in exactly the correct place, helped me cope with how I felt, until the depression and most of the hip discomfort went away in late December.

A Thought That Made A Difference

Today, I want to focus on one thought that came to me, which I immediately implemented, even though it seemed odd. Then I’ll share the amazing clarity I received as to why trusting the thought and following through made such a difference at a very challenging time.

The thought was to open the hymnal on my phone and sing 1-2 songs each evening. Really, I was living a very busy caregiving life. I had just had surgery and was struggling. I didn’t want to add something else to my already loaded plate! But I listened. It was fall and warm, so I went outdoors at sunset and sang. I couldn’t always sit, so I would stand. It lifted my spirits. It caused me to smile. I have continued this simple practice. Eventually, I couldn’t go outdoors because of the changing weather, so I would sit at my desk in the bedroom or in the bathroom before my nightly shower. The fatigue and depression, although still there, began to be more manageable.

In November, they announced the church choir would begin practicing for the Christmas program. I had quit singing three years earlier. It was too hard to take Mom and Don home, feed them, and then go back for choir. But for the two hours we were at church that day, the thought kept returning. “Mary, sing in the choir.” “Join the choir.” “Don’t forget choir.” Finally, I looked heavenward and said under my breath, “OK!!”, in a frustrated voice. I took Mom and Don home and returned to the church at 3. It was a beautiful and uplifting experience! I hadn’t realized how much letting go of my music had affected me. I had forgotten how much I loved singing.

I was given a small solo, even though I had been gone for three years. Singing a solo was on my bucket list, and here I was at 75, doing it for the first time, after a three-year hiatus. A miracle. Singing daily in the evening and on Sunday with the choir was one of the things that helped my heart shed the burdens it felt.

The Christmas program was wonderful, and I did a good job. It was fun, and I was glad I had listened to my thought. The depression had gone, and I was managing well. But it didn’t end there.

On Sunday, January 18th, they announced there would be a choir for a larger church meeting held a couple of times a year. I knew the singers in this choir would all be better at the craft than I am. I don’t read music well, so I have to memorize my part, but I felt I would have time to do that. I really enjoyed the first practice, despite being in deep water. : )

Why Did It Make A Difference?

Driving home after that first choir practice, I was pondering the whole music/singing issue. Why had it made such a difference? Was it the singing itself, the music, being with a group, what? In that moment of thought, I got a download; it filled my mind and heart. It wasn’t about the music or the singing. It wasn’t about being part of something. It was the sense that I was caring for myself because I matter. I’m worth caring for. This is exactly what I know I am doing when I shower at night. I’ve been showering at night for over 30 years. Caring for myself is what I’m doing when I schedule those phone calls, walks, and the occasional lunch that I resisted doing for three years and recently told you about.

In each of these situations: creating regular connections with other women, taking a hot shower at night, singing in the evening, joining the choir, I was intentionally caring for my heart, my mind, my emotions, my healing, not just from surgery, but from the challenges of everyday living. It was mind-blowing and mind-opening. It made so much sense.

We all find ourselves in this place, maybe not from surgery or illness, but from managing a family, a job, and life. It can feel overwhelming. And we all must learn to manage the feelings this overwhelm can generate.

I mentioned some time back the story I’ve been dealing with for over nine years, “There is no time in my life for me.” I know it’s a story, but it hasn’t been easy to dispel because my life is packed with people to care for, and I gave up a carefully built career to take it on. In this moment of clarity, after that choir practice, I understood that the things I had been led to do by my creator were designed to help me care for myself, to say in a physical way, “I love you, Mary Ann. You matter to me as much as anyone!” The activities I have added to my hectic life in the last couple of years are making a difference, a world of difference.

No matter what your situation looks like, if you ponder and think about how you can care for yourself, thoughts and resources will come. Don’t dismiss them like I did when the thought came to create a group of women I could connect with consistently. Don’t dismiss them if they seem odd, like adding choir practice or evening singing to your already packed day. Don’t dismiss them if they seem frivolous, like scheduling walks or going to lunch once every three months. LOL

Every evening, I still shower, pray for someone, put on lotion, read a few paragraphs, and spend time alone. I can usually give myself 10 to 15 minutes. : ) I still sing every evening. I have my calls, walks, and one lunch preset so they actually happen. I’m diligently working on rewriting that old story, one God-given thought and then one action at a time. I’m sending the message loud and clear to myself,

“There’s always time for you because you matter as much as anyone!”

Fantastic Dinner Conversations – Year of the Horse

WARNING – There is a TON of stuff in this article. Take what you need and leave the rest. : )

Sometimes it can be a challenge to get kids to talk at the dinner table, especially teens. But having dinner conversations helps create a culture of togetherness and is worth the effort. This year marks the Year of the Horse. It begins on February 17, 2026, and will end on February 5, 2027. I know that seems odd compared to our calendar, but the moon cycle determines the dates each year. The Chinese New Year is a great jumping-off place for some happy dinner conversations.

In China, they use a zodiac based on a 12-year cycle to determine when the new year begins. To celebrate each new year, they have a 16-day festival. This year, the festival will culminate with a full blood moon, known as the Worm Moon, on March 3, 2026. This New Year’s festival is also known as the spring festival.

There’s much to talk about as we enter the Year of the Horse. As you ask good questions and share interesting information, you can get some great dinner conversations going and then expand them over the next couple of months.

Sample Questions

• Does China use the same calendar system we do?
• Do you know how China celebrates the New Year?
• Did you know that in China, there is an animal sign for each new year?
• Did you know that if you were born in the year of the horse, you would have cool characteristics?
(vitality, speed, perseverance, success, and be hardworking, warm-hearted, and independent)
• Have you ever heard of the Worm Moon?
• Do you have a favorite book about horses?
• Would you like to know what animal was on the zodiac the year you were born?

In this article, I’m sharing interesting and fun ideas so that as you take the leap and give this a try, you will have what you need. Below you’ll find information on the Year of the Horse, family learning ideas, family activities and games, and family reading.

Information on the Chinese New Year – Year of the Horse

The Chinese Zodiac, known as Sheng Xiao in Chinese, is based on a 12-year cycle. Each year in the cycle is related to an animal sign. These animal signs are the rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, sheep, monkey, rooster, dog, and pig. The zodiac is calculated according to the Chinese Lunar Calendar. The selection and order of the animals that influence people’s lives originated in the Han Dynasty (206 – 220) and is based upon each animal’s character and living habits. The spirit of the horse is the spirit of the Chinese people. They are always trying to improve themselves. This spirit is energetic, bright, warm-hearted, intelligent, and able.

People born in the Year of the Horse have ingenious communication techniques and, in their community, they always want to be in the limelight. They are clever, kind to others, and like to join in a venture career. Although they sometimes talk too much, they are cheerful, perceptive, talented, earthy, but stubborn. They like entertainment and large crowds. They’re popular among friends, active at work, and refuse to be reconciled to failure. Hmmm, could that be you? You can find more details about the year of the horse HERE.

Were you born in a Year of the Horse? You can find out what animal was celebrated in your birth year HERE. I was born in the year of the Ox, and my birthday on the Chinese lunar calendar is Dec. 23, 1949. According to the calendaring system we use in the USA, it’s February 9, 1950. Interesting.

Family Learning Ideas

Whenever there’s a special event in the world, such as a holiday, it gives you a wonderful opportunity to create learning experiences for your family, which then can lead to great mealtime conversations. Here are a few ideas to get you started with the Year of the Horse.

1. Take the time to discover each person’s animal sign.

2. Learn the difference between astronomy and astrology, and there is a big difference. That will help clarify why calendaring systems are different.

3. Study the country of China, the writing, the history, the culture, and the arts.

4. Since this is the year of the horse, learn about horses. Sharing facts or asking questions about horses to see what your family already knows would create great dinner conversation. Here are a few facts to get you going.

Fun Facts about Horses
• Horses can sleep both lying down and standing up.
• Horses can run shortly after birth.
• Domestic horses have a lifespan of around 25 years.
• Horses have been domesticated for over 5000 years.
• Horses are herbivores (plant eaters).
• Horses have bigger eyes than any other mammal that lives on land.
• Because horses’ eyes are on the side of their head, they can see nearly 360 degrees at one time.
• Estimates suggest that there are around 60 million horses in the world.
• A male horse is called a stallion.
• A female horse is called a mare.
• A young male horse is called a colt.
• A young female horse is called a filly.

5. Visit a nearby farm or petting zoo to see horses.

6. Watch “Miracle of the White Stallions” by Disney. I saw it as a young child, and I loved it! (Vienna’s famed Spanish Riding School – and its prized Lipizzan stallions – is threatened by devastating bombing raids and indifferent Nazi commanders. Despite the dangers involved in evacuating the magnificent animals, the school’s director and a handful of heroic citizens attempt a daring, life-threatening plan to move the stallions away from the ravages of war and keep the historic breed alive.)

7. Play a Game

Pin the tail on the horse (played like pin the tail on the donkey)
A picture of a horse with a missing tail is tacked to a wall within easy reach of children. One at a time, each child is blindfolded and handed a paper “tail” with a push pin or thumbtack poked through it. The blindfolded child is then spun around until he or she is disoriented. The child gropes around and tries to pin the tail on the horse. The player who pins their tail closest to the target, the donkey’s rear, wins.
Animal Charades
This is not just about horses; there are more animals than just horses in the Chinese Zodiac. This fun, old-fashioned kids’ party game has kids imitating their favorite animals. Each player takes a turn imitating an animal, while the other players try to guess which animal. The player who guesses correctly takes the next turn.
Hobby Horse Race
You can make a hobby-horse from a broom, a mop, a yardstick, a dowel, etc. They can dress up their “horse” using ribbon. Make the head from a paper bag. Decorate the horse’s face and put it over the top of whatever you are using for the body, and secure it with ribbon or string. Create a racecourse in your backyard: get them to run around the sandpit, under the trampoline, use the garden hose to map out a course, give them something to jump over- get creative, and it will be sure to keep the kids busy for a while.

8. Do a Craft – The crafts below need little direction. When needed, brief directions are given.

Tube Horses – made from painted toilet paper rolls. The legs and neck are pipe cleaners or construction paper.
Stick Horses – Have your child make a horse head. Attach them to yardsticks, empty gift wrap rolls, or wooden dowels, etc. Cut two heads from paper or use a paper bag, decorate, add yarn or felt mane, stuff with crumpled paper or not, add wiggle eyes or color them in, staple, add a stick, viola! Now the kids are ready for stick horse races.

9. Make Fun ‘Horse’ Food

Lunch for Hungry as a Horse Kids – Keep it simple. For lunch, serve apples and carrots, along with some Happy Trails mix (nuts, seeds, M&M’s). Throw in some chips and a sandwich.
Serve a ‘Horse’ Sandwich – What you’ll need:
• bread and filling (PB&J, lunch meat, etc)
• sliced cheese (for mane and tail)
• sliced ham
• string cheese
• peas (for eyes)
• celery (for legs)
• Raisins (for legs, spots, eyes)
The pictures should give you all the directions that you need. : )

Family Reading

If you have a family reading time, then read great books about horses, both fiction and non-fiction. If you don’t have a family reading time, try reading a chapter at a meal. You will eat cold food, but it isn’t forever. : ) Below is a short list of fiction, non-fiction, and kids’ books to get you started. There are also two Aesop Fables to share at a meal and then talk about. No reading needed. Remember the Year of the Horse lasts all year. : )

Story 1: Aesop used horses to teach life lessons. You can find these stories in any Aesop’s fables book. Here are two to get started. You can tell these at a meal, ask questions at the end, and get another conversation going.
The Horse, Hunter, and Stag – A quarrel had arisen between the Horse and the Stag, so the Horse came to a Hunter to ask his help take revenge on the Stag. The Hunter agreed, but said: “If you desire to conquer the Stag, you must permit me to place this piece of iron between your jaws, so that I may guide you with these reins, and allow this saddle to be placed upon your back so that I may keep steady upon you as we follow after the enemy.” The Horse agreed to the conditions, and the Hunter soon saddled and bridled him. Then, with the aid of the Hunter, the Horse soon overcame the Stag, and said to the Hunter: “Now, get off, and remove those things from my mouth and back.” “Not so fast, friend,” said the Hunter. “I have now got you under bit and spur, and prefer to keep you as you are at present.”

Moral: If you allow men to use you for your purposes, they will use you for theirs.

Story 2: The Horse and the Donkey
A horse and a donkey were traveling together, the horse prancing along in its fine trappings, the donkey carrying with difficulty the heavy weight in its panniers. “I wish I were you,” sighed the donkey; “nothing to do and well fed, and all that fine harness upon you. ”Next day, however, there was a great battle, and the horse was wounded to death in the final charge of the day. His friend, the donkey, happened to pass by shortly afterwards and found him on the point of death. “I was wrong,” said the donkey.

Moral: Better humble security than gilded danger.

Fictional Stories About Horses

• The Wild Little Horse by Ashley Wolff
• Girl Who Loved Wild Horses by Paul Goble
• All the Pretty Little Horses by Linda Saport
• Black Beauty by Mary Sebag-Montefiore
• Black Beauty: The Autobiography of a Horse by Anna Sewell
• National Velvet by Enid Bagnold
• The Black Stallion by Walter Farley
• Girl on the High-Diving Horse by Linda Oatman High

Non-fiction Stories About Horses

• The Kids’ Horse Book by Sylvia Funston
• I Wonder Why Horses Wear Shoes by Jackie Gaff
• Horse Heroes: True Stories of Amazing Horses by Kate Petty
• The True or False Book of Horses by Patricia Lauber

Picture Books About Horses

• The Girl Who Loved Wild Horses by Paul Goble
• Robert the Rose Horse by Joan Heilbroner
• Cowgirl Kate and Cocoa by Erica Silverman
• Every Cowgirl Needs a Horse by Rebecca Janni
• Fritz and the Beautiful Horses by Jan Brett
• Scamper and the Horse Show by Jessie Haas
• Leonardo’s Horse by Jean Fritz
• Cowardly Clyde by Bill Peet
• Facts About Horses: 50 Amazing Illustrated Facts for Kids by Amy Lyons

Remember, conversations in a family, at meals, in the car, etc., help create a culture of togetherness.

Our Dreams Can Come True. Watch For It!

On March 9, 2025, I shared truths that I had written when I was 62. I shared them again because from 62 to 75, they hadn’t changed. I had lived them, and they were still true. I ended the article with these words:

Our dreams can come true. We can live up to our expectations. There is a plan, and we fit perfectly into it. It may not happen in the time frame we want, but if we hold on to hope and believe in ourselves, we will win.

As I’ve shared in past articles, I wanted to be a writer as early as age 8. I wanted to be a speaker even earlier. In my late 50s and 60s, these two dreams came true. I had a book published and spoke on stages all over the country. I taught workshops and mentored other adults.

Deciding to Let Go of What Was

In 2017, a few months after my book was published, my mother, who has dementia, came to live with us. Then my husband’s health took a serious turn, and I realized I could no longer do what I had spent a lifetime dreaming about. I closed my business, stopped speaking, teaching workshops, and mentoring after almost fifteen years. I continued to write, but I did less of it. This was not an easy decision to make, but it was mine to make. After I decided how to proceed, I moved forward confident that all would be well, even if it was different from what I had planned.

Last week, I spent some time in my old office, which is now my daughter’s, cleaning out a bookshelf and a cupboard. I found dozens of testimonials from people I had worked with, taught, and mentored. They shared how what I had taught them changed their lives. I was astounded. I had forgotten the thrill of it all. How it felt to be on stage, in front of a class, or helping a parent find more peace at home. I felt somewhat let down and sad. So, I did what I do. I began to look carefully at my story, and I prayed. I wanted peace with my current life and continuing joy in what it had been.

In the ensuing days, I had amazing thoughts come to my mind, thoughts that were uplifting and beautiful. They were about other dreams I had held as a child and young adult.

My Other Dreams

When I was in 7th grade, I joined the nursing club. I wanted to be a nurse. I studied it and looked into what it would take. I held that dream for many years.

When I went to college, I decided to get a degree in Special Education and work with children who had special needs. I was one semester shy of graduating and thought I would finish after marrying. I was 40 before I could return to college, and then I had too many classes to retake. So, I got a degree in education. It seemed that I would never fulfill either of these dreams.

I Hadn’t Noticed!

I hadn’t noticed that these dreams had come to fruition in ways I never expected! Every day, I care for my husband and my mother. I dispense pills, manage medications, wipe behinds, help them dress, take them to doctor’s appointments, check oxygen levels, etc. I work with physicians, home care nurses, and physical therapists to make decisions on their care.

Recently, my husband needed his legs wrapped weekly because of serious edema, so a home health nurse was dispatched. As her time with us wound down, we switched from wraps to a special tube sock. She showed me how to use it. As she did, I saw in my mind an easier way. When she came last week, Don told her what I was doing, and she asked to see. I demonstrated, and she was delighted because it will save her time and energy with other clients. Hmmm, seems like I have gotten my chance at the nursing thing. : ) I’ve been doing it now for over eight years.

Jodie left home early Thursday, so I got my granddaughter, Maggie, ready for school and on the bus by seven a.m. She has severe cerebral palsy. I had to get up at 5:45 to manage it. I did her meds, dressed her, brushed her teeth, hooked up the tube that feeds her, and had many mini conversations. Several years ago, I was Maggie’s aide in school. I attended every day and helped her write, read, do math, etc.

Shortly after Maggie left for school, I got a text from my 20+-year-old friend who has special needs. We engaged in a 15-20-minute text thread. Then I drove my grandson to school. As I drove home, I called my 54-year-old special needs friend who was having some dental work done. I wanted to know how it went and what she had planned for the rest of the week. We had a fifteen-minute conversation. Wednesday, I had recieved a call from my 60+ year-old friend, who also has special needs. We had a lively conversation. I met each one of these women in different towns where I have lived. It seems that the desire to be involved with people with special needs has come my way. I was also reminded of other dreams I have, and hope was rekindled that I will accomplish them.

Hold on to your dreams, all of them. They all matter, those that put you on a stage and those that help you serve those you love. Life takes twists and turns, and it can feel, at times, as if we have lost what we wanted so much. But if we remain open and observant, we will see our dreams fulfilled. Maybe not in the way we expected, but fulfilled, nonetheless. This knowledge brings brightness and lightness to life when things move differently than we planned. So, keep those dreams in front of you and watch God do his work.

Don’t be surprised when he gives them to

you in ways you didn’t expect.

Have a blessed and growing 2026,
Mary Ann : )

The Education Adventure – Be an Example & Remember the Spark

I mentored parents for many years. I enjoyed this work, the friendships I made, and the changes I saw in families. In the early days, I worked with families that were homeschooling. Later, I added parents who educated their children in private and public schools. One of the issues for all parents was how to help children/youth want to learn, enjoy the process, and take responsibility for their learning. No one system insulates parents from this dilemma. I began writing a series of articles titled The Education Adventure. These articles contained real experiences, from real families. Their stories are helpful when working to help children take on the adventure of education.

Important Questions

These are two questions that often surfaced while mentoring. The answers vary widely from family to family and from child to child. Observing how other families manage can assist in answering these questions for your family.

• How do you help them want to learn?
• How can you help children/youth take responsibility for their learning?

An Example from a Real Family

I had the privilege of working with a family who had an 11-year-old boy. Let’s call him Mike. They homeschooled. But as many of us do, even when our kids are in public or private school, mom pushed him. She wanted him to succeed. She wanted him to be proud of himself. Every day there was a lot of math, reading, spelling, science, etc.

This doesn’t sound much different from the mom who is using a private or public school, does it? At the end of the day, we feel responsible for how our children are doing in their schoolwork. It often feels as if the quality of their work shines a reflection on us, as parents. Are we helping them enough? Are we making sure they’re getting their homework done? Are they enjoying the education process? Do we feel overwhelmed with their school stuff and all the other things we manage?

Back To The 11-Year-Old

Mike had become somewhat belligerent about schoolwork, especially math. When his mom reached out to me, she didn’t think her son liked school. I was able to share information on how to make it feel more enjoyable and gave her some tools. They were helpful to her children, but we really made significant progress when I met with her son.

When I asked Mike how he was feeling about school, he said he liked it. He liked doing things as a family. He enjoyed reading together and alone. This surprised his mom. I asked him how he felt about math. He said he loved it; it was one of his favorite things. This also surprised his mom. Then I asked a pointed question, “Then why do you fuss about doing your math?” He responded that sometimes he wanted to read instead. I had to laugh. Doesn’t that sound like all of us? Sometimes you have things you need to do, but you want to do something else, and it makes you feel grouchy. It’s one of the reasons my daughter, Jodie, lets her kids take an occasional ‘sick’ day. : )

Since math had been the big issue between him and his mom, I asked him why he loved math. He replied that he liked working things out and solving problems. I said, “Then you would probably like architecture. It uses math to solve problems and work stuff out.” He said he loved architecture. This was something his mom hadn’t known. She had never talked with him about his math, except to ask if his assignments were finished. That week, she got books on architecture from the library and set them out. One day, they spent time together looking at pictures of famous buildings and talking about them.

Here’s another hard place many parents find themselves, as Mike’s mother had. We know what needs to be done, but we aren’t watching our children to see what interests them. We aren’t engaging in conversation. We’re not listening. We’re busy with life, and we want them to get their schoolwork done and do it well. However, when we ask questions and respond to what interests our kids, we help them connect schoolwork to their goals and dreams.

Mike’s mom and dad attended a seminar I spoke at a few weeks after we began working together. We had a conversation about their son and his math. Just that day, he had gotten mad at his mom over the math homework. He didn’t want to attend their family devotional or participate in family reading. He accused his mom of making him get behind in math because of all this other, unimportant family stuff.

I listened as the parents talked about the situation, and then I asked, “Why are you taking responsibility for Mike’s math?” His parents weren’t sure how to respond. I mean, don’t all parents manage their kids’ education and make sure they do the work?

At our interview, I asked Mike how he felt about overseeing his education, about being responsible for whether he learned math. He said he liked being able to choose what to study every day, but worried about being in charge. He said, “Sometimes I like having someone tell me what to do. It’s scary feeling I’m in charge.” Here he was fussing when his mom told him what to do, but he was intimidated by managing himself. This is the lesson everyone must learn, at some point, to live successful lives. It’s wise for kids to practice being responsible before starting high school, leaving home, or going to college. His mom saw that we can’t (and shouldn’t) do it all for our kids. They must learn to take responsibility. I’m watching this unfold in my own home this year with one of my teenage grandsons. Accepting responsibility is not always easy.

Let me share a powerful quote from an old friend, Oliver DeMille. “Freedom is the powerful, essential ingredient required for the development of courage. Students may become comfortable with being told what to learn and when to learn it. They may feel some fear or insecurity when offered the opportunity to choose. They may require time to engage in study of their own choosing. There is nothing more powerful for a child…than a loving and concerned mentor who frequently displays the courage to try, the courage to learn new things, the courage to endure as they struggle to acquire new skills and to flex mental muscles they didn’t know they had. Gentle invitations can be made for children to come along in the great adventure of education.”

I’ve written about the importance of parents continuing their own education (this can be in community classes, higher education, or good old-fashioned reading) because it builds confidence; confidence that the parent can learn and be an example to their family. It builds confidence in the child that they can learn by following the example their parents are setting for them. Parents need to model the behavior they want to see in their children.

I’ve also written articles on the value of seeing children’s sparks, what they are truly interested in, and how responding to those sparks can ignite a love of learning, which carries over into subjects they aren’t as passionate about. This is successful in all types of educational systems.

Ask Questions, Listen, & See the Spark

It’s hard to see sparks if we aren’t talking with and listening to our children. Mike loved math, but the only conversation he had with his parents about it was whether he had finished the worksheets. Think of all the wonderful ways this spark could be used to spur his desire to learn math on his own, to take responsibility for his education. His mom had followed up by getting books, and they were planning to visit an architect’s office to see what an architect does.

Sparks and your example are two things that can make a difference in your child’s personal education. You are the mentor for your children, regardless of where they attend school. It’s hard to convince your child that education matters if you’re not somehow engaged yourself. We can only invite our child to join us in the great adventure of education if we’re taking that adventure ourselves.

Remember what Dr. DeMille said, “There is nothing more powerful for a child than a loving and concerned mentor who frequently displays the courage to try, the courage to learn new things, the courage to endure as they struggle to acquire new skills and to flex mental muscles, they didn’t know they had. Gentle invitations can be made for children to come along in the great adventure of education.”

So, learn to tie fishhooks, learn cake decorating, take up Spanish, begin sewing, attend a community education class, or have a book in the bathroom that you read daily. Let your children see you learning. Talk to them about the challenges and joys, and they will begin to share their feelings with you. This makes for great dinner conversations. When you make this effort, it can ignite a love of learning and a desire to take responsibility. I’ve seen this work over and over again.

What will you learn or read next?

Transparency as We Begin 2026

I post once a day on my three Facebook sites and Instagram. For the most part, the posts are happy, upbeat, and about family. I do this for my readers, and I also do it as a way of documenting my family. Someday, these posts will be a series of books called 365 Days, 365 Ways to Be a Family.

Here is a post I made in September –

Two Wednesdays ago, August 20th, Don had a right hip replacement. He is recovering well, and it is a relief to have the pain gone. He has suffered for over a year while insurance, etc., was being worked out. This last Wednesday, September 3rd, I had a right hip replacement. Yikes, are we nuts or what? The fun part is that we are exercising together and doing PT together. Makes it a bit more enjoyable. I am only two days out, but I am doing VERY well! Thank goodness.

This elicited a response from an old friend: Hope you both recover quickly! I love how you make the best out of any situation. Kristine A.

Two weeks after this response from Kristine, my life went into the dumpster. I realized that most of what was happening would never be known by my family, followers, readers, and friends. Why? Because I wouldn’t talk about it or post about it. Why?

Almost thirty years ago, I began my journey to accept what God had told me when I still lived in Montana: You’re 100% responsible for your response. You cannot blame circumstances or others for how your life feels. I’ve written about this experience and the fact that it took over ten years to stop being mad about this information and to accept it; five years while still in Montana with a struggling family, and five in Utah, as I worked to understand this truth.

A few years after arriving in Utah, I took a class from Kirk Duncan at Three Key Elements. In that class, we talked about negative energy and how harmful it can be to spill yours onto someone else. They shared healthy ways to deal with negative emotions and experiences, without dumping on others. Then, I took several classes where I began learning that how I perceived a thing, my story, was within my power to control. It was a lot to take in, but I was eager to learn the truth of what I had been told by God and stop fighting against it.

Two weeks after my surgery, when I began struggling, I thought about Kristine’s comment. I was reminded how important it is that those I care about know I’m not perfect, my life is not perfect, I struggle, and I still must work and practice to live true principles.

I’ve thought a lot about this over the last few months, since my surgery, and I decided to share some of what I experienced because it may be valuable to you when things go wrong in your day or life.

It’s imperative to understand that no one’s life is perfect or pain-free, and no one responds well all the time. If we believe this, then we are less likely to compare ourselves to others because we know we do not have the whole story. This is true even of those we are close to.

After my hip surgery, I was told I would recover faster than Don because of my pre-surgery activity. I needed to bottle salsa because we were out, and my surgery was on the 3rd of September. I asked the PA if I could do this before the canning season passed. He said, “You can do anything you have energy for. Your new hip was made to stand on.” I took him at his word. I was going up and down our two steps the day I got home from surgery, doing my regular caregiving things, dozens of times. A couple of days later, I was making salsa. It turned out great.

At the end of week two, I began having deep feelings of discouragement, depression, and anger. I was diligently trying to do what my reader said I was good at, making the best of any situation. I wasn’t succeeding, and I began to struggle with my story. Because Don was pain-free and I wasn’t, I must have hurt my new hip. I was a nitwit to keep up my caregiving routine, cooking, doing laundry, etc., and not spending more time sitting and resting. My husband was incontinent after his surgery, and I had to wash 4-6 pairs of outer pants every day. My mom still had dementia and needed help with everything. I didn’t see any way out. Because I was up and about and looked great, no one realized what was happening in my head.

I couldn’t lie down without pain, so I had to sleep in a borrowed recliner for two weeks. Don was in the other one. I need darkness, and he needs light. I wake at the slightest sound, and he can sleep through anything. I wasn’t getting good sleep at night. I woke up often. I would look at the clock each time and say to myself, “Agggg, I only slept an hour and a half. What’s wrong with me?!” Every day was filled with fatigue, but I am who I am. I would get up and do what needed to be done. It’s my nature, but it added to the mental and emotional stress I was feeling. A full month passed.

Despite not understanding what was happening and feeling so discouraged, I pondered and prayed a lot, searching for information, resources, and solutions. I kept reminding myself that I have control over my story and how my life feels. I knew I needed more information than I had, that I needed help. Experience had taught me these things, and even though I wasn’t managing well, I remembered. I knew I needed to take a step.

I finally did a wise thing and sought support. I talked to my daughter. She had already begun seeing that there was a problem. She has a 19-year-old special needs daughter and three other teens. I didn’t want her to pick up any of my load, but I knew I needed help. She began doing small things whenever she came into our part of the house. She emptied the potty in Mom’s room, put more pants and Depends in the bathroom for Don, filled water glasses, did a load of dishes, etc. She asked me if we would share her evening meal, so I didn’t need to cook three times a day. She’s been sharing dinner with us for three months now, and some days I know it was a lifesaver. Beginning today, January 1, I’m taking it back. I’m ready. : )

Remember those prayers I said and the pondering I did? I was seeking information and resources. A week after taking that small step and talking with Jodie, a resource came. I have a scheduled call with my friend Joy every month. I got brave and told her the facts about where I was mentally and emotionally. She reminded me of a tool I knew about but hadn’t thought to use, tapping for health. I took her advice and put the tapping instructions on the wall across from the toilet. I began tapping every morning while saying my truth statements/affirmations. From the first day, I felt different. I could feel the anxiety, mental fog, and depression lessening.

Joy also mentioned that depression is part of healing and wasn’t happening because I was weak. What!! Could this be true? Here was new information. A light bulb went on, and I felt that what she was saying was true. In that moment, the story that I was a nitwit or had hurt myself caved in.

That same week, I got brave and mentioned how I was feeling with Laurie, the hospice nurse who comes and checks on my mom. She said, “Mary, depression is part of healing. It’s a reminder to rest and breathe. You’re OK, and it will pass.” There was my confirmation of the new information I had gotten from Joy. Laurie also told me that when we’re healing, we wake up at night because it requires energy to heal, and most of our healing occurs at night. So, waking up was also OK. Whew. Now, when I woke up, I would say to myself, “Wow, you’re doing some great healing!” The old story disappeared for good, and a new story took its place!!

Within a few days, I was feeling more myself. Within another month and a half, the fatigue was almost gone, and I could manage much better. I’m now four months out from hip surgery. Don has no hip pain, but I still do, occasionally. I know I haven’t hurt myself or overdone it; it’s just my healing process. I’m staying on top of my story. To solidify my story, when Don’s physical therapist came this last Wednesday, I asked him about it. He laughed and said something like, “You’re so busy. Sometimes your hip reminds you it’s still healing, but you’re OK.”

Here is the point

of this very transparent, vulnerable, and lengthy article – we are all doing our best, but it isn’t always enough. There are times when we need help, more information, and resources.

When I was in trouble, I utilized what I had learned from experience. When you’re struggling, they may help you.

1. Don’t dump your negative stuff on people. If you’re feeling negative, sit in the car and yell. Go outside and hug a tree and dump out all your frustration and anger, all your hurt.
2. Then begin seeking solutions. Take charge of yourself. Be willing to take a small step.
3. Ponder, pray, read, talk to a friend, whatever works for you, and seek information and resources. They are there, but you must take a step to find them. You must move. My first step was talking to Jodie. I wish I had done it in week two and not a full month out. I wouldn’t have sunk so far, suffered so much, and would have made quicker healing progress.
4. Remind yourself you’re in control of your story. If it stinks, take charge and do what you need to, to rewrite it. Stay out of blame, even if you want to blame the young P.A. for his youthful words. : ) You are 100% responsible for your response to whatever is happening.
5. Never judge yourself by what is happening on social media, in your neighborhood, at church, or among your friends. Comparing is always a slippery road to take.

The Truth

I put my best out there because I can help others when I do, but I am not always happy, gentle, cheerful, or in control. I have tough days, and I’m always working on a story of some kind. Just know we are pretty much all alike, succeeding and failing at the same time, and it’s OK. Here’s something I say to myself every morning. It’s one of my truth statements/affirmations: Every day, in every way, I am better and better.

Please know I will always tend toward the positive because I have spent over 30 years learning how to take responsibility for myself and my life, regardless of circumstances or what others do or say. I am practiced at it. Also know that I struggle still. Life has its ups and downs. There’s always something new to experience and figure out. Sometimes I’m successful in an effort, and sometimes I fail. That is life.

I want you to be brave and do what I have done. Practice taking 100% responsibility for you. Forgive others. Forgive yourself. Talk kindly to and about yourself, even when you mess up. Give others and yourself grace. Be patient when you don’t know what to do, even if it takes years to figure out. Remember, it took me ten years to stop raging and another ten to accept that I had 100% responsibility for my response. If you keep pondering, praying, learning, growing, and changing, you will find the resources and information you need.