Category: Family Activities

Why Not Have Some Fun Learning? It is Possible. Part 2

Two weeks ago, I shared a few examples of how useful and fun seeing and responding to your children’s Sparks can be. I explained sparks and how they can help you and your kids connect.

Last week I illustrated how you can Spark your kids and give them interesting and fun opportunities for learning. This week is more of the same. : )

I have written about sparks, kids, and the connection between the two for almost fifteen years. I’ve watched for and used sparks with my grands all that time.

When I switched from the homeschool community to the broader parenting community, I didn’t share this information as often. However, I LOVE using sparks and in the coming weeks, I will share more because the better you are at seeing your kids sparks and sparking them, the more fun, learning, and connection you will have in your home. It’s important to remember that what we think of as play can be, and is, learning for children and sometimes teens. : )

Last week I talked about doing a treasure hunt of my home and shared two activities we did from what I found in my kitchen. Today’s ideas are also from that kitchen list.

The first item on the kitchen list was cornstarch. I’ve used this medium with children for over 45 years. My kids, who are adults, LOVE this activity when we get together. We all pretend it’s for their kids, but we know the truth. LOL Unfortunately, when my children were small, I didn’t understand that learning could accompany fun. I didn’t know why cornstarch behaves the way it does, and the internet didn’t exist. Gaining information was more challenging. Now, the good Spark-seeing person I have become does internet sleuthing and you can too.

Corn Starch Quicksand, a Non-Newtonian Fluid. : )

Mix a box of cornstarch with water. When you mix cornstarch and water you want it to have the consistency of honey. One box of cornstarch takes approximately 1 to 2 cups of water. You will have to work a bit to get the consistency right.

When mixed you can teach your kids a few things. Have them sink their hands into the bowl of “cornstarch quicksand” and notice its unusual consistency. Compare what it feels like to move your hand around slowly and quickly. You can’t move your hand very fast! The faster you move your hand, the more solid the cornstarch becomes.

Sink your entire hand into the goo and try to grab the fluid and pull it up. That’s the sensation of sinking in quicksand! Skim your finger on top of the cornstarch mixture. What do you notice? Grab a fist full and squeeze. What happens? Release the pressure on the concoction in your hand. Now what happens? Roll the fluid between your palms to make a ball.

The cornstarch and water mixture acts like both a solid and a liquid. This concoction is an example of a suspension – a mixture of two substances, one of which is finely divided and dispersed in the other. In the case of the cornstarch quicksand, it’s a solid, cornstarch,  dispersed in a liquid, water.

Viscosity is how easily a liquid will flow. Water and honey are both liquids, but they flow differently. Sir Isaac Newton said that viscosity is a function of temperature. If you heat honey, it flows better than when it’s cold. The cornstarch and water mixture is an example of a non-Newtonian fluid because the viscosity changes when force is applied, not when heat is applied. Don’t you feel smart now? LOL

How To Use This Project With Your Family

Let’s say you have children ages, 2, 5, 9, and 15. Put a box of cornstarch unopened in a bowl. Put an index card with a link for information in the bowl. Place a children’s book about Sir Isaac Newton next to the bowl. Add a book on quicksand or swamps. Have a bag of small plastic animals, including those that live in swampy areas. Provide the recipe for how to make “cornstarch quicksand”.

When your family gathers for the activity, someone may ask “Mom what is this”? The best answer is “Cornstarch, check it out”. Then wait! Let them look at the recipe. Some will grab the books. Explain that they are going to make some cornstarch quicksand. Direct them when they need help. Let them experiment with it. Don’t stress over the outcome. Have fun.

When you are done making a delightful mess with the cornstarch, they may look at the books, ask you to read them, or not be interested till the next day, when they find them on the coffee table. Share your thoughts right then or have a dinner conversation later. You have been a student yourself and so when they ask you why or how it does what it does you can share what you have learned, or you can take them on a journey and help them discover the answers.

Have a conversation. Let it go where it goes without a preplanned agenda. They may want to take the cornstarch to the sandbox and make a swamp with plants and animals. Let them. (Add a few drops of food color for more fun)

While the older kids are making quicksand and experimenting with it, pour some liquid cornstarch on the table and let your 2-year-old and 5-year-old play. Because of the viscosity issue, you can add a spoon, plastic knife, fork, etc. because they can be used to harden the mixture.

For another family activity use pudding or a cookie recipe. As before, play, and don’t forget to lick your fingers. Talk about why the pudding doesn’t act like the cornstarch. It is, after all a more Newtonian fluid.

Another time make cornstarch play dough or use pre-made play dough depending on the ages and interests of your children. See the recipes below. On the website you will find recipes. 

Clean-up Is Easy

Cornstarch dries and can be vacuumed up like any powder and if some is left take a damp cloth to it. The cornstarch and water will separate so don’t pour it in your sink, as it can cause a clog. If saved for later play, put it into a zip lock bag. That’s also how to dispose of it. When using pudding and some of the other ideas prepare for some mess. As you know, sparks are usually the thing that is bugging you or making a mess. LOL There are many ways to use cornstarch over a few days, weeks, or months.

More Cornstarch Uses For Interest and Fun.

1. You can let children sprinkle cornstarch all over the carpets. For easy sprinkling pour
the cornstarch into an old parmesan cheese container or a large spice shaker. Let it sit
for thirty minutes while you read a story to them and then let them help vacuum it up.
They will have fun and you will have fresh-smelling carpets.
2. If you have a dog your kids will love this. Use the same shakers. Let the kids sprinkle
Fido and then brush it out for a fresh-smelling pooch.
3. Mix it with water for glue.
4. Make finger paint by boiling ¼ c. cornstarch in 2 cups of water. Add a few drops of food
color. Cool.
5. Make face paint by mixing 2 parts cornstarch with one part vegetable shortening and then
add some food color. Get a book on face painting from the library. You could also add a
book on the History of Clowns with great pictures. Maybe you can find someone in your area
who is a part-time clown or juggler and invite them to your home to share with your
children. When my son was eleven, he took clowning lessons from a neighbor and did
little shows at nursing homes. He learned to juggle and had a ball.

Can you see how much fun your children will have learning about a new substance, all from utilizing a spark that you light a fire under? So, treasure hunt your house. You may find a spark worth lighting for exceptional family fun.

RECIPES

Cornstarch Playdough
2 c. white flour
1 c. salt
½ c. cornstarch
1 Tb. Alum
1 Tb. Oil
2 c. colored water

Put all dry ingredients in a large pan and stir together well. Add all liquid ingredients and stir well. Place on low heat stirring constantly until it looks like clay. You will be able to tell. Take it out of the pan and knead. Keep the playdough in a closed container. Alum is a must-have ingredient. Buy it in any grocery store in the spice aisle. It is a drying agent and keeps the dough from becoming sticky. This will keep a long time if kept in an air-tight container. You can use baby oil, cooking oil, or glycerin. Eventually, the cooking oil will go rancid but usually, the clay has been played into oblivion long before that. Baby oil will scent the clay.

Edible Playdough
1 ¼ c. dry powdered milk
1 c. peanut butter
1 c. cornstarch
1 ¼ c. powdered sugar

Mix dry milk and peanut butter. Add sugar and cornstarch. Knead till smooth.
Store in an airtight container until all gone, and that shouldn’t take too many days!

Mexican Wedding Cookies
1 ½ c. cornstarch
1 ½ c. powdered sugar
3 c. flour
3 sticks of butter, softened
½ to 1 c. finely chopped walnuts or pecans

Mix ingredients. I use my hands as that works best. This is right up your child’s alley! The dough will appear to be dry and crumbly sometimes. Just remember the cool aspects of cornstarch. Take some in your hand, squeeze, and press it until you have a ball about the size of a walnut. Place it on a cookie sheet and bake at 400 degrees for 10-12 minutes. Roll warm cookies in powdered sugar. Let them cool just enough so they don’t fall apart. These are very tender cookies when they are hot. This is one of my favorite cookies!

One thing we don’t do enough is play as a family.
As you learn to utilize Sparks they will help you create family fun.

Why Not Have Some Fun While Learning? It is Possible. Part 1

Last week I shared a few examples of how useful and fun seeing and responding to your children’s Sparks can be.

Let’s quickly review what a Spark is.

What Is a Spark

A Spark is anything that a child says or does that lets you know they’re interested in something right now.

But to engage our kids and help them learn new things we don’t need to wait for their Sparks. When it comes to learning, we can spark them and then watch a fire of interest take hold. It’s a fine way to engage as a family and to show our children that learning can be fun.

As a reminder, we see Sparks best when we’re Present with our kids. Being Present is hard to do when we’re stuck in family management or technology.

In 2020, during COVID-19, school resumed in August for two days a week. Some online school happened but this left a lot of unstructured time. It was difficult for parents and children. I wrote an article about The Spark Station, a tool I had taught to homeschool families years before. The article illustrated how getting kids interested in learning something new would work for any parent, regardless of how their children were educated. At the time, the Spark Station was a closet shelf or container with interesting items inside.

After that article, time passed and the Spark Station grew to include the whole house, not just a closet shelf. I showed parents how to treasure hunt their homes because our homes are filled with items that interest children. With a bit of thought and new eyes, as you tour each room in your home, you will see what you haven’t seen before. That knowledge prepares you for cool family nights and a child’s boring Saturday afternoon.

With only what you find in your home, you can give your children experiences that teach them that learning doesn’t need to be boring but can happen in fun and exciting ways, anywhere. This is useful for children to experience and internalize so they won’t become stagnant in their desire to learn as they become busy adults.

When I did a treasure hunt of my home, I found exciting items in my kitchen. I used them with my grands and we had a ball connecting and learning together.

From My Kitchen List

As I opened every cupboard and closet, I noticed items I had seen used in interesting ways and I wrote them on my list. The fourth item was assorted macaroni, peas, dried beans, and lentils. I had helped my children create wonderful collages and works of art back in the day. The collage photo at the top of this article was created by my youngest daughter Kate when she was a pre-teen. Yes, she was that old. She spent a lot of time on it. This piece hangs in my kitchen today and is over twenty years old. It often surprises me what a preteen or teen will engage in when it’s part of a family event. A few years ago, we did this activity at our family reunion. You would have been surprised to see how many children, youth, and adults became involved.

A collage could include newspaper clippings, ribbon, bits of colored paper, portions of other artwork, photographs, a piece of moss, and other found objects, glued to a piece of paper or canvas. Here is how the learning part works: While everyone is engaged you share information like this – You know, a collage is a work of formal art, made by assembling different things to create something new. You could then show some works of art by famous people on your computer or phone. Here are some artists that have done collages; Pablo Picasso, Georges Braque, Juan Gris, Henri Matisse, and Cecil Touchon.

When I googled “children’s collages” a magnificent array of great work by children came up. It would be worth printing some in color to show your children what wonderful things they could make.

Remember the admonition to let children “do”. We are often invested in how it looks when finished so we help our kids too much. We want the pictures on the walls so that they are aesthetically pleasing. Your child may not care about that. Maybe they want it at their eye level or in an odd place. If it is in their room, why not let that go? Are you interested in being in “House Beautiful” or allowing your children to think, decide, and experience, in other words, learn?

More Items On My Kitchen List

The second and third items on my kitchen list were soda and vinegar. Most of you have probably seen or heard of making a volcano by mixing soda and vinegar. One family I know made a wonderful bubbling swamp. They had a great time but when the kids asked why it did what it did no one was prepared to answer. Parents need to be students too. You can find information on just about anything on the internet.

If part of our purpose in family activities is to engender learning while having fun, then we need to be able to answer questions or lead our kids to find the answers for themselves. If we’re in a project and there aren’t any questions, we can engage in conversation. Ask questions – Do you know what I discovered…Can you believe…How do you think that happened…What do you think would happen if…and so forth. That’s why we need to stay present; that is what makes a family activity a learning activity.

I helped some of my grands make a volcano and I had to do some homework, so I knew what caused the reaction. I was able to give them interesting bits of information. Not only was the project fun, but they also liked knowing the whys.

If this activity Sparks one of your children, there are other ways that you can see this chemical reaction happen. You can help them chase their new spark. 

1. Vinegar & Baking Soda Foam Fight
2. Build a Volcano 
3. Propelling a Rocket
4. Make a Bubble Bomb 

In the volcano project, as an example, we could increase learning by having a book on Pompeii handy, maybe some pictures and articles on the Mount St. Helens eruption, or the eruption in Iceland in 2010.

If you have older children, they might be interested in seeing a Periodic Table. Help them write out what the chemical reaction would look like using the table. I couldn’t remember what the Periodic Table was called so I typed “chemistry chart” in the search bar and voila! Let me also say that I never took chemistry, but that didn’t stop me from introducing my grands to it. I can learn what I need via the Internet!

Do you see how a few simple items and a bit of thought and time can give your children opportunities for wonder, fun, and learning?

This photo is of my grands making their volcano on the patio. Their ages ranged from four to around nine. However, I also helped a grand over twelve do something similar for a school project and another for a science fair event. Age isn’t the indicator of whether children or youth will engage. It’s more about who is joining them, the level of Presence of the adults involved, and fun in the learning.

Use your family time or a boring Saturday afternoon to help your children experience the joy of learning by responding to or creating a Spark.

It will pay dividends in their adult lives.

Listening and Responding to Children and Their Sparks

My hairdresser, Emily, works out of her home. Most of the kids are in school but she has one little guy who is four and still at home during the day. We have fun conversations.

The last time I was there he brought me two green balloons which he held close together in his hands. He asked me if I knew what they were. I said, “Sure, they’re green balloons.” He laughed and replied, “No they are butt cheeks.” His mom was a bit mortified, but I grinned and told her about a friend of mine and her experience with the whole poop, snot, blood, and butt cheeks thing.

Hana had heard me speak about Sparks and remembered that when we recognize them, we teach, bond, and are Present with our kids, rather than frustrated, embarrassed, or angry at whatever they are doing. Here is the fun email I received from Hana years ago when her boys were still small.

Hi MaryAnn, I just picked up my five books at the library last night. One of the books I picked up is about the human body and burps (lol! yes, two boys in my family) and I was following a spark! Their obsession with bodily functions is hilarious and they are wondering why these things happen! What fun! (funny! is more like it!) Anyways, I will keep you posted! Thanks so much for your wisdom…really and truly. Luvs, Hana

As time went on Hana shared with me what recognizing this spark accomplished in her home with her sons.

  • She returned to the library and checked out all the interesting books she found on urine, blood, gas, snot, etc.
  • For a month, her boys were deeply interested and pored over the books with her and with each other.
  • They talked with her and her husband. They wanted to know how their bodies worked.
  • They had interesting dinner conversations. LOL
  • They drew bodies and tracked bodily functions in them. How does a burp go from the top of you to the bottom of you?

When our kids are burping, most of us say, “Stop that, it’s rude,” because we are in a box, so to speak. We can only see the need to teach manners and help our kids not be rude. But once we begin to see differently, we say to ourselves, “Oh my gosh, this is a terrific opportunity.” Isn’t that what you’re looking for as a parent, an opportunity to have joy with your children and to connect with them in fun and interesting ways?

When I told Emily about Hana and her boys she said, “Man, that’s what I need.” LOL I am sure it will help her deal with the green butt cheeks. Gotta love kids!

I have written, spoken, and taught this concept of Sparks to hundreds of parents. Today, I want to review two other enlightening and very different Spark experiences that my friend Leah had with her children. Before going there, let me answer the question, what is a spark?

A Spark is anything a child says or does that lets you know they’re interested in something right now. Often they are the things that bug us or make a mess. : )

EXPERIENCE 1

Leah had dug some dirt in her yard to plant flowers. Before she could get that done the family took a short trip. When they got home, her kids discovered the dirt. They began to play in this spot daily and called it the water game.

They made mud, built cities, created a mine, dug for artifacts, and had a blast all summer. Eventually, there was a four-foot hole in their front yard. You and I might have had a fit and put a stop to all the messy foolishness, but Leah had learned a lot about Presence and Sparks. She went with the flow.

At dinner, they would talk about the water game and all they had done and learned during the day. Mom, Dad, and neighbors would come out and ask what was happening, and the children and their friends were happy to share.

Leah’s family had amazing Present moments together in a situation that could have created serious contention. Instead, the parents saw a Spark and used it to have mini-conversations and a lot of fun with their kids. They valued the relationship over a perfect front yard.

Here’s what Leah had to say:

“I’m so grateful for the shift in my thought process or I would have missed out on an incredibly magical summer (and fall). Now I have a hole so deep they can stand in it to their chests. The crater in my yard will last a few months whereas the memories will last forever.”

STORY 2

Leah had another advantageous Spark moment with her oldest son. He was eight at the time. Miles was in love with rocks and left them all over the house. They were in the dryer, on the floor, in his pockets, everywhere. It was very annoying and frustrating and had become a point of contention between mother and son.

One day Leah realized this was a Spark and an opportunity to get Present with Miles. She asked him, “Miles will you tell me all about your rocks?” He did for the next hour. Leah, like you, had a million other things to do, but she cleared her mind and actively listened.

Later, she helped Miles design a simple system for displaying his precious rocks. The result was that Miles, Leah, and the whole family had many activities and conversations in the following year, all based on Miles’s love of rocks. It was fun and afforded his parents many opportunities to be Present and enjoy their children.

As you can see knowing what interests your kids now, what is sparking them, is powerful!

Here is quick review of how to see and respond to your children’s Sparks.

HOW TO SEE SPARKS

A. Be Present. Do you want to know the number one way to see and hear your child’s Sparks? BE PRESENT. When we’re Present in all the mundane moments of a family’s day, we will see and hear what we’ve missed up until now.

It’s hard to see a Spark if your head is filled with another agenda or you’re totally engrossed in your technology. It’s hard to see if you’re trying to avoid becoming involved or prevent a mess.

You can’t see if you’re so busy working that the Spark appears to be an irritation or problem.

B. Ask good questions. You can jump-start your ability to see your children’s Sparks by asking yourself questions:

  • What activity do you have to make them stop doing to get them to eat or go to sleep?
  • What activity are they doing when they seem most engaged and alive?
  • When they choose what to do on a free afternoon, what activity do they choose?
  • What did they love to do when they were three years old? Five years old?
  • What are they currently doing that bugs you?
  • What do they do that’s making a mess?
  • What do they collect?

C. Have mini-conversations.

  • Share your Sparks and they may share theirs
  • Say “You’re very good at this…”
  • Say “You seem interested in this…”
  • Say “This appears to make you happy/excited…”
  • Ask “Have you ever thought of….”
  • Say “I had a great day today…”
  • At dinner ask, “What was the best part of your day?” and have each person share

Notice what comes up over and over again in their answers and their conversations. Pay attention to what interests your children even if it doesn’t interest you. When you do it bonds your family, strengthens your relationships, assists in great conversations and family activities, and helps your kids learn.

So, pay attention. What is sparking your child right now?

An Enlightening Response to ‘Are You Afraid to Read Hard Books?’

On March 3, 2024, I published an article titled Are You Afraid to Read Hard Books?  While preparing today’s article I reread it and thought, “How did you write this.” Go ahead and laugh. It happens all the time. But when you feel passionate about something, thoughts and words come. It is an amazing thing.

This is one reason I encourage people to journal. I have reread things in my journal that blew my mind. Not only because they may have been well written, but the things that have happened in my life have been astonishing, when looked at later. But I digress. LOL

After that article was published, I got a wonderful email from one of my readers, who is also a dear friend. We have counseled together in the past and I appreciate her so much.

I get emails regularly telling me how good an article was or how helpful it was to the reader. This email contained some of that. What struck me though was another thing that happens now and then. Someone takes what I have written, and they build upon it! This is massively motivating for me.

I asked Joy if I could share her thoughts with you because what she has done with family reading is magnificent. I think that some of you will want to follow suit, in some fashion.

I have written several articles on the value of family reading. I read to my children, but I lacked consistency back then. Nevertheless, one of my adult daughters said one of her fondest memories was of me reading to our family.

What I love about Joy’s take on family reading, it encourages everyone to read, not just listen.

Here is her email:

Mary Ann, thanks for emphasizing the importance and power of communicating with others about what you’re reading. We discuss this all the time in Leadership Education circles–the importance of discussion and good mentoring for great literature, like the kind you were talking about. This is demonstrated in your examples of how discussing those books with other people changed your experience.

Another great way to gain more from what we read is to process it through writing. (You demonstrate this principle very well too!) As you mentioned, we can write notes and underline in our books, but we can also journal and write essays or blog posts that we can share with others. It’s another way of processing and internalizing the principles and lessons we learn in the books we read. This tool applies to reading scriptures as well. When we process and record our thoughts, questions, and insights through writing, we learn more and internalize and remember it better!

Audrey Rindlisbacher has a great podcast about the power of book clubs,  or discussion groups, like the one Benjamin Franklin organized. I shared it with my grown children, and it inspired many of them to join me in starting an online family book club where we discuss a book about once a month. Our first book was the Screwtape Letters, and our discussion was great and I’m excited to see how well we can keep it up. I can’t think of many things better than discussing great books with my family! Joy Petty

It never occurred to me to have a family book club. I mean, that is an outstanding idea. At first, I thought, “Oh man, our family would never do that.” Then I chastised myself for jumping to that conclusion and reached out to my children to see if there was any interest. I probably won’t have many responses before this article is published, but we will see.

Maybe you, like me, dismiss the whole idea. But don’t. If you have teens or grown children, ask them if they would like to read a book individually or as a family and discuss it. At the very least begin reading together, even if you do the reading.

Depending on the ages of your children, you can read to them or each person in your family can take a turn reading. At the end of each session ask for input. I didn’t do that, and I know now that it would have made the reading I did with my children even more powerful.

If you have older teens and adult children why not explore the option of a family book club? Who knows, it may be a big hit. Even if it only lasts through one or two books, and that could happen, the whole experience will bond you even more as a family.

And by the way, when you read and study yourself, you will be a powerful example for your family. It will have an impact. If not now, then in the future.

Now for the postscript:

After I asked Joy if I could share this email and she consented, we talked some more. I replied to Joy and shared my concerns about a book club and why I read to my husband and Mom rather than us all reading.

“This was so awesome. Can I share it in a newsletter? Great thoughts and I love that you have begun a family book club. I wish that were possible in my family. Lots of kids who do not read, mostly boys and my husband. I read to him, but it can’t be too deep, or he sleeps. LOL Anyway, I would love to share your thoughts.”

Joy replied with this, and it was so heartening. I suspect that is one reason I contacted my family to see what they think. : )

“I have several kids who don’t (or won’t) read either :-). We’re encouraging them to listen to the audiobook so they can participate. The book club is totally voluntary, and fewer than half of my 10 kids participated in our first discussion, but that’s okay. It’s a start, right? :-)”

Joy is correct, it is a start. Even if it doesn’t last for months or years, it will bless her family. If we make the effort to read in our family, in some fashion, it will bless our families too. I have seen this happen in my choppy, inconsistent past in my family.

I know it is true. : )

SPARKS – The Big Fail!

Years ago, I spent a great deal of time with my grands that live in Utah. We lived one block away. This was before we consolidated our two families into a three-generation home. My daughter, Jodie, was homeschooling. At that time, I was teaching and mentoring mothers who homeschooled. Then I made a transition. I realized that many of the excellent things I was teaching applied to a whole spectrum of parenting, not just those who homeschooled.

Over the ensuing years, I have shared many of the lessons I taught to those long ago homeschool moms and have demonstrated how they apply to every family.

One of those lessons was the idea of Sparks. I wrote my first article on this cool subject in April of 2010. Wow, that was a long time ago. I love the idea of Sparks and have written many articles on the subject since then. In that early article, Sparks Bring Learning to Life. I explained what a Spark is and how it can help you, as a parent, help your child love the idea of learning. This is certainly valuable if you homeschool, but equally valuable if your children attend public or private school. Life is about learning, and the best-lived lives happen when we continue to learn. It is helpful when we show our children how fun learning can be and that is done best when we respond to their Sparks, the things they are already interested in.

In my book Becoming a Present Parent  I wrote that the value of seeing your child’s Sparks is that it’s a wonderful way to get Present with your child. It’s powerful not only in helping them love learning but also in creating tighter relationships. So, what is a Spark? Simply put, a Spark is anything that a child says or does that lets you know they’re interested in something right now. The article mentioned above will teach you how to recognize a Spark and then how to use it to create fun, family-learning moments, and to solidify your parent-child relationship.

Over the next few months, I want to share some examples of how I, and other parents, were able to use Sparks to connect with our kids. They are fun ideas that you can incorporate with your children, even if they haven’t shown up as a Spark, because you can also ignite Sparks. Light a spark and watch it burn!

Besides, it’s nice to have a quiver of ideas in your back pocket, especially with summer right around the corner and the sometimes boring days it brings. Learning slows down and tech takes over. It is useful to have some fun ideas and then gather your kids around for some non-tech enjoyment. We are talking about kids under twelve, but occasionally teens will hang around and even join in.

One of the reasons I’m going to tackle this issue of Sparks in the next couple of months is because I’m going to be spending LOTS of time caring for my grands. I fly to Seattle for a week, mid-month, where my grands range in age from almost twelve to four. Then it’s on to Colorado for a week. These grands range in age from married with kids, down to age four. I need a reminder, because as I see Sparks, I can respond, and our time together will be more powerful.

The article I am sharing this week was written in late 2011 and is about an epic failure in the Sparks arena. It illustrates the number one thing to remember about Sparks – the younger the child the shorter the Sparks shelf life. So when a Spark pops up you need to be prepared to respond. When you do, the results are amazing. Next week I will share a success.

Oh yes, one other thing. When children know you care about what they care about, regardless of the age of the child, they will open up because they know you care and will respond. This goes a long way in the relationship department, especially with teens.

CHILDREN LEARN BEST WHEN INTEREST IS HIGH

I go to the library once a month and get four weeks worth of material to share with my grands. On my last trip to the library, I got books about pre-math subjects. That’s where my focus was. However, Jack’s was on elephants.

Each week I visit my grands with my recognizable plastic bucket filled with interesting items. Two weeks earlier, when the bucket went visiting Jack said, “Hi grandma, you brought the bucket. I asked him if he knew what we were going to do that day and he got a huge grin on his face and said, “Yes, elephants.” I pulled out the contents and we had a fun afternoon, but no elephants were included.

The next week when I arrived, I asked Jack, “What do you think we are going to learn about today.” With a huge grin and a face that was lit with the sure knowledge that he knew, he yelled, “Elephants”. I knew right then that it should have been elephants. I had missed my opportunity to respond when the Spark was fresh.

When Jack said he wanted to learn about elephants he fully expected that he would find the materials available the next week. I could see his disappointment when it was something else. We had fun but I sensed he wasn’t fully enthusiastic because what he wanted to know about was elephants.

This last week I was prepared with information about elephants. Guess what – I had let the window of opportunity pass by! We did have fun, but I could see that the enthusiasm he had had two weeks earlier was not present. Imagine how joyous would have been our experience if I had materials about elephants the week before. It would have made a difference.

I am going to spill it and tell you why I didn’t have things going well when it came to elephants. Frankly, the first week I missed it. I heard him say elephants and I let it pass right through my head. I didn’t want to go to the library again, I wanted to use what I already had prepared, and I was excited about the pre-math stuff. Then I forgot about elephants until the next week when Jack’s happy, anticipation-filled face reminded me. I had been thinking about my needs and not Jack, so I had completely missed the Spark.

When I did show up with elephants in the basket on the third week it was fun, but Jack wasn’t as engaged as he sometimes is, and we didn’t do half of what I had prepared. The younger the child, the more important it is to hear and respond to a spark quickly. They move from one interest to another fast.

Tips to help you respond to your child’s Sparks

  • Have a consistent place to make notes to yourself. When Jack mentioned elephants, I should have written it down or noted it in my phone, so I wouldn’t forget. If the Spark requires a trip to the museum etc., you need help to remember because it will require planning. Although we should respond to a Spark as soon as we can, occasionally time will pass so have a way to remind yourself.
  • If you can’t make it to the library for books, then use the internet. It will only take 10 minutes max to print off a page of info. that you can read and prepare in your mind, as well as a few pictures. You can also all gather at the computer. Then while you share the pictures you can ask questions and slip in some facts. There are always craft ideas and cute lunch and snack ideas online for just about any subject. There are free worksheets and color pages online for any topic you can think of, including elephants. Add another 5 minutes and you can have those downloaded and printed.
  • Take another 10-15 minutes to gather your materials for crafts and plan snacks so that you can introduce something fun over the next few days. I always use what I have. I rarely make a special trip to the store. I am averse to buying when I can make do. So, if I need a straw and I don’t have one I call my husband and he stops at Wendy’s after work. If I need a feather and I don’t have one, I make one from paper. If I need sliced turkey and I don’t have it, I figure out how to make peanut butter or tuna work. In 30 min. or so, you can have wonderful ideas that work for a week or two, that help you respond to your child’s Spark. They will love that you noticed. And this works in reverse. You can use this 30 minutes on something you would like them to be interested in and they may be Sparked.
  • If you have things to do and don’t we all put them on hold for 30 minutes and respond to the spark, even if it’s only a short conversation, reading a short book online, or asking them questions. Your child will be excited and much more engaged.
  • Most of all, remember that seeing Sparks is about seeing your children’s interests and needs. When you begin using these strategies you create magic and children learn to love learning.
  • Catching Sparks is usually easy, but responding to them is a skill we develop over time. So don’t become discouraged when you have a fail like I did with the elephants. Just keep practicing.

‘Light a spark and watch it burn!’

HELP! I Need Activities for Small Children

I enjoyed the time I taught and mentored mothers and fathers. I was able to share stories, experiences, and resources. I met many parents who wanted to create strong family cultures and tight relationships with their children. The years that I did this work were sincerely fulfilling.

I recall getting an email from a very harried mom with a three-year-old. I laugh about it still because I can relate!

“YIKES!! My three-year-old wants me to help him with everything!! I need some activities and games for small children!”

Not long after, I got an email from a mom who was homeschooling. She loved working with her eight-year-old, but she had two littles who made it difficult to give her older son the attention she wanted to. She needed some diversions for those little ones. She planned for all of them to be in the same room, but she needed her littles to be able to play happily without her help for short periods.

Small children want their mom or dad to be with them. It’s all about “being present” and frankly, their little hands need more help figuring things out so they can keep going. So, what’s a mother to do when she needs to help an older child or wants to keep a little one entertained while she does dishes, folds laundry, or works from home? And then there are times a mother wants to do some learning or reading of her own. We are so good at multitasking that if we can keep the littles happy at our feet, we can do some of our own work and study.

At that time, I put the question to my readers and was amazed at the wonderful answers they gave. If you have littles and need them to learn or play on their own for bites of time, give some of these ideas a try. Most of them came from moms who have mixed ages in their homes, some school at home, and some work from home. They are tried and true. : )

Activities and Games for Small Children

  • Building blocks activity – my kids LOVED magnetic blocks and my grands still do. Any type of blocks will work.
  • Lego’s. “Throw a sheet on the floor and dump the whole caboodle in the middle. They can swim in them if they want to so long as they keep them on the sheet. When it’s time to clean up, fold the four corners together and dump the lot back into the container.”
  • A marble shoot game…”Use tubes that create a tall tower. They drop the marble at the top and watch it go through the tubes down to the bottom.” (Make sure your child has reached the age where they won’t put the marbles in their mouths. : ) You could have an older child create one for the littles. Here is one created by a mom in minutes. If you don’t mind a bit of noise this is fun. You would have to make it lower on a wall and wouldn’t need as many parts.
  • Play-Doh activity – Provide an old rolling pin and have them play on the floor with a variety of cookie cutters.
  • Geo-trax. There are so many different versions of this. If you have one, use it.
  • Try a shoe box for each day of the week. “In each box, there are a variety of toys to play with that day. When you are done, close the box…next day is a new box with new things to discover. (It could be anything…not just toys, but nesting Tupperware, spoons, rocks…anything new can be exciting.)”
  • A pile of stacking cups and a pile of math manipulatives “(1×1 inch tiles in the same colors as the stacking cups) make a great learning activity for young children. This worked for my two-year-old as long as she could sit in the middle of the kitchen table with them. She did it every single day the whole school year pouring, sorting, and making piles of those little tiles.”
  • Mr. Potato Head game.
  • Lacing cards.
  • Large beads to string.
  • Painting! “Before you run screaming, let me tell you they can paint quite happily with water. If you give your little ones some colored construction paper, a big paintbrush, and a small cup of water, they can “paint” to their hearts’ content. If they spill anything, it’s just water. Put them on the table with a vinyl cover and put a towel over that.”
  • Pegboard and big plastic pegs.
  • Buy a package of paper cups and let your children play with them. They can nest them, stack them, build with them, etc. If they get mashed, no loss. In fact, if you’re like me, you might want to take a few at the end of playtime, place them upside down along the floor, and then jump on them. Kids LOVE this. It is the reward for playing quietly for a while, alone.
  • Nesting cups.
  • An indoor sandbox? “When my children were small, we had one of those turtle sandboxes, with the cover, in the house. We put some plain white rice in it, and some appropriate toys: scoops, shovels, containers, etc. They LOVED it! If you don’t want an entire sandbox, you can fill a smaller container with rice, and let them play in that. Place it on a sheet for easier clean up.”
  • “If you have time to make some materials, you can make fun matching games from posters. Dollar stores often have education posters. Buy two posters, cut up one of them, attach Velcro to the back of the pieces, attach the other part of the Velcro to corresponding areas on the intact poster, and voilà! You have a lovely matching activity for them. Do this with colors, shapes, numbers, letters, or anything that lends itself to matching. Hang the posters on the wall. This is a great learning activity for young children.”
  • Board books. You can find books that have textures, which are nice for the little ones. You don’t have to buy them new.
  • A small folding dryer rack, some washcloths, and a few clothespins.
  • A little spray bottle of water, a sponge, and a table they can “clean.”
  • Plastic rubbing plates, plain paper, and crayons.
  • Plastic food is always a hit, especially if you also have plastic plates upon which to serve it.
  • Stuffed animals and some blankets or baby clothes.
  • A magnetic dry-erase board and a fun set of magnets.
  • “If you have room- a train table with bins underneath is great because they can do so much on top of it, and everything stores beneath it.”
  • Audiobooks – When they were small some of my grands loved this activity.
  • Simple art supplies: crayons, paper, pencils, clay, etc.
  • “Deliberately leave things undone–kids at that age love to help with the right encouragement. Whenever you notice that attention fading, send your little one to go ‘do something’. Leave your shoes in a silly place for example. If approached with the right cheerfulness, a 4-year-old will certainly hunt for 30 min. or more for Mother’s sweater, not just because she’s cold but because it is so funny to discover silly mom left it in the soup pot again!”
  • Make a game of chores: “Folding laundry is one–sure you may have to re-fold it, but it does work. Feeding pets, setting the dinner table (does it matter if you won’t eat for a few hours?), cleaning baseboards (because no one really cares what they look like), making lunch or a snack–a 4-year-old is quite a gracious host if given the responsibility. They can do all kinds of things with fruit and veggies and dip and even make sandwiches.”
  • “Montessori websites have great suggestions for toys, games, and learning activities for young children. The best book on making your own Montessori materials is Teaching Montessori in the Home: The Pre-School Years by Elizabeth Hainstock.”
  • Find a workbook for preschoolers.
  • Cutting, pasting, and tracing.
  • Mini trampoline.
  • Plastic balls in a big pot. You can go cheap and fill up a kiddie pool with them if there is space.
  • Make a fort with sheets or blankets.
  • You may not believe it, but some little children love to sort socks.
  • Big cardboard boxes will keep any young child busy for hours. I used this and they played for hours. They really liked decorating them with crayons.

How do you keep your “littles” occupied and happy? Got a GREAT idea.

Share in the comments.

Just Do It!

Back in 2013, when Jodie and her family moved into our three-bedroom apartment while looking for a new home, I was reminded of many things I had forgotten since my children had grown up and moved away. It takes flexibility to manage a family. Things don’t always go the way you plan, and moving forward when things aren’t just what you want, well, that is the road to feeling good as a family. Here is a peek back to that ‘learning’ time. By the way, Jodie was homeschooling Maggie and Jack and bringing Mary on board. It was a big load!

What does ‘Just Do It’ look like?

There are some real advantages to having a family of six move in with you, especially if they have four children, six and under. I have gotten a bird’s eye view reminder of what it is REALLY like to parent, and home educate. I have been thinking back to my own days of doing both these things, and this has brought back memories, some good and some bad.

Today was a particularly interesting and REAL day. I had to share. It was an example of what “just do it” means in a family.

I heard the children at about 6:30, but I didn’t get up until after 7:00. It was quiet in the living room with Jodie busily working on her computer while the children watched a movie around her. That is how Jodie gets her own devotional and study time accomplished from 6:30 to 8:00. The movie is essential. We all know that watching a movie isn’t the best way to occupy children, but you do what you can, right?

Breakfast happens in shifts as each child awakes. It takes about an hour to feed Maggie, the six-year-old with CP, so Jodie often does that while she reads her scriptures or plans the day. If all goes well, and today it did, everyone is happy, it feels peaceful, and all are fed by 8:00 or so.

I might mention that on some days, one or more children have two breakfasts because by the time the first wakes till the last awakens, or Jodie has time to get food to each one, several hours can go by. By then, early risers are ready for breakfast number two. In fact, I had forgotten how often you must stop and get food for someone in this age group! No matter how your morning goes, as you move towards learning time, you keep going.

On mornings when it all doesn’t go as smoothly as today, it might be 10:00 before everyone is fed and dressed. Those are the noisy and sometimes exhausting mornings. You just keep smiling, hugging, and remembering that this too, will pass. It doesn’t matter if school begins later if it happens.

‘Just do it’ keeps everything moving when it’s not perfect!

Next, it’s getting ready for the day, taking off pajamas and getting dressed, changing diapers. This is less peaceful and usually goes less smoothly; you know how it is. One child doesn’t like what you have given them to wear, another doesn’t want their diaper changed, a third won’t hold still long enough to get dressed, and all the while Maggie, is asking for her iPad with a loud “Where are you” squeal.

Then we move to the family devotional. Quiet reverence is not the standard here. There is family singing with one voice, Jodie’s. Then a lot of “sit down, fold your arms, can you listen please” and sighing…on mom’s part. As I watch and occasionally participate, I sometimes think that I would bag it and move on. Jodie is a stalwart for sure. She is a master of ‘just do it.’

By about 10:15 today all was finally accomplished. Jodie had showered and dressed. (How she got a shower I am not quite sure!) Next, it was family work. Family work is never called chores. It isn’t a chore to do your part in your family. Chores are saved for consequences when you forget to do as asked in a pleasant way, which on some days can be often! : )

Family chores are one way that Jodie helps the children gain confidence and pride in their abilities. Jack was supposed to fold clothes. I saw Jodie pull folded dishcloths out of the drawer, unfold them, and give them to Jack to fold. (He didn’t see her unfold them.) This happened because there wasn’t any clean laundry to fold. It wasn’t that there wasn’t any laundry; it was just all still dirty. Often laundry takes a back seat to what really matters. : )

Mary was assigned to empty wastebaskets while Benny carried his little broom around copying the Bigs in his life. Maggie swept and vacuumed, and she loves helping. It will always be a special treat to her because it is never mundane.

After family work, it was school. Today, they read the classic they are working on, “Raggedy Ann and Andy”. Then they played ball. Maggie needs help with this activity. Jack is a great big brother and did his part. Then we made hedgehogs.

A few days earlier, I was telling the kids about hedgehogs. We looked at pictures and videos online and they were so taken with them. Today, out of the blue, Jack asked to make a hedgehog!

His mom didn’t put him off so that she could find a pattern and get the stuff needed. She just threw some odds and ends together. She used what she had because the interest was now. In a day or two it would probably be gone. Sparks, or what interest a child, can have a short shelf life. The younger the child the shorter the shelf life. : )

I was so busy helping that I didn’t get a photo of the table before the project began. I would have loved for you to see it. It was a disaster. Most of what we used for dinner was still there from the night before. I am sorry to have to confess that, but there it is. Some nights we move on to something else right after the meal and often, well, we are tired. : ) Jodie did what any great mom would do. She pushed it out of the way and carried on.

Here, in a borrowed home, in cramped quarters, that was all of it, all there was to “school” and taking care of ‘family time.’ There are thoughts in both our minds, mine, and Jodie’s, about what a successful home education and family-together day should look like. This is what it looks like for now.

Instead of requiring everything to be ‘just right’ before you move forward, decide instead to ‘just do it!’

It’s progress, not perfection that gets the job done.

5 Creative Writing Exercises for Kids of All Ages – Perfect for Summer

I have had the privilege of working with moms all over the country who are helping other mothers do a better job. These women have written and spoken on just about everything mothering.

A few years ago, Jenny Wise wrote an article for my homeschool site on how to help kids enjoy writing. Enjoying writing is essential no matter how your children are being educated. As a mom of seven, I had a few that weren’t keen on writing, and Jenny’s ideas would have been helpful.

No matter what age or writing skill set, your child is, age-adaptable exercises refine communication abilities. Here are five creative writing methods children will enjoy while honing their writing talents. You can use them when traveling in the car while on vacation, for family activities, or on a rainy afternoon. Summer is a perfect time to begin honing writing skills for the upcoming school year. If you have no-tech time in your home, which is a good idea, then that open space is the perfect time for some creative writing. : )

1. Prompt Them to Think Critically
Present a unique situation to your child, have them analyze how they’d act in the situation, and ask them to write down their thoughts regarding what they’re presented with. Use writing prompts that ask children questions such as, “If you were a superhero, what would be your kryptonite? Why?” challenge them to evaluate their personal life and effectively communicate it to a reader. Thought-provoking questions paired with writing exercises may also incite positive behavior changes depending on the question.

2. Have Them Feature Characters They’re Familiar With
Have your children write a story starring their favorite movie or television character. Stories could range from a “day in the life” tale, to a letter written from that character’s perspective back to your child. Another option is for your children to write a narrative featuring multiple characters they’re familiar with and have them describe their interactions.

3. Use a Word Jar to Spur Ideas
Put dozens of age-appropriate words into a jar. Choose three at random, and have your children write a story that is inspired by and must use all three words. You could also segment multiple jars with different word categories, such as people, places, and objects, and choose one word from each jar to use.

4. Get Them a Journal
More than 20 years of journaling research reported by The University of Texas at Austin found daily journaling about emotions strengthened immune systems, generated better grades, and improved mental health. Journaling may also benefit working memory, decrease anxiety and enhance sleep and social connections. Shop together with your children so they can pick out a journal they want with lines that allow them to write comfortably. Guarantee its confidentiality and empower them to write outside the confines of reality and explore how they imagine their future.

5. Put Them in Charge of the Tale
Search for popular titles of films, books, or songs your child has never encountered, and ask them to write a story conveying what the title is about. Encourage creative expression through various methods, such as poetry or songwriting. Play them instrumental music and have them write song lyrics based on what they’ve heard.

Participate in these activities with your children, so they have a supportive, creative writing mentor as they’re working. You could also create stories together, taking turns adding to the narrative. Remember, creativity is the focus. While pointing out errors such as spelling and grammar can be beneficial for accuracy, consider spotlighting the creative elements to encourage them to have fun and embrace creative writing as a hobby that benefits their education.

Make a place in your family activities for writing and help your children

succeed as adults.

Christmas Past – A Gift of Charity

I wrote this true short story many decades ago for my parents, for Christmas. I was working on letting them know how much I appreciated all they had given me despite the lacks in my family of origin. Isn’t that how it is in most families. Our parents can only bring to their parenting what they have and they add to their skills as they go. Being the first child, I experienced some of those lacks but as I grew, I also saw my parents grow. Anyway, I wanted them to know how grateful I was.

I posted it on my old website way back in 2011. I can’t believe that ten years have gone by! I wouldn’t have thought to repost it this year except for an unusual happening.  I was asked to submit a Christmas story for an anthology, which I did. I submitted this story.

I have to say that it doesn’t match most of the stories in  Tis the Season: A Christmas Survival Guide. The stories are not the magical kind we usually read about but are filled with tales of the chaos and sometimes hurt that accompanies the holiday for many. I don’t know why my story was chosen as it is peaceful and loving. It is also the final story in the book. I suppose it was becuase I ended it with ‘Merry Christmas.’ : )

At any rate, it caused me to think again about this family happening and my parents who were doing their very best for me and my siblings. I thought it might bring some treasured Christmas memories to your mind at this season of family and Christ. I hope you enjoy the read, the heart, and the generosity of both parent and child.

Christmas Past – A Gift of Charity

A true short story, written by Mary Ann Johnson years ago when her children were young, and she was remembering.

black and white photo of little girl smiling
Mary Ann, almost five, see the buttons!

THE HEATER MADE a steady hum as it singed the small bits of pine I had placed on top. I’d never seen a heater like it until we moved into the new house. It was brown, shiny, and huge. It wasn’t as homey as Grandma’s Ben Franklin, but it was warm and didn’t create clinkers, for which I was grateful. The pine was Mother’s idea. She liked the smell the needles gave off as they slowly turned brown.

I was five years old, and Idaho Falls was cold and windy. Inside, it was warm and cozy. There were six of us, and the house was small. I saw it years later and small was a generous word for it. At the time, it seemed perfect.

Christmas was coming, and as always during that season, the sewing machine was humming away. Pieces of black velvet and red taffeta littered the floor. I noticed the buttons first, the most beautiful buttons in the world, shiny white with rhinestone centers. Those buttons were a treasure sewn on a cardboard square. I would have paid at least a quarter for them, a vast sum hidden away in my bank.

But the buttons weren’t for sale. They were going onto elegant dresses that my sisters and I watched take shape until I could hold back my curiosity no longer.

woman smiling picture
NaVon, our mom, a mere 23 years old.

“Mom, are the dresses for us? Can we wear them?”

“No,” she replied.

Who else would they be for?

With patience, mom explained that there was a family who needed help making Christmas special. We had so much, she said. She ticked our blessings off on her fingers. I remember the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had never had a beautiful dress like that, never a dress with buttons that shone like stars.

As the days passed, the emptiness in my stomach was being filled, for as my mother sewed, she poured into me a feeling of gratitude for blessings received and a spirit of giving. She made me a co-conspirator. I cared for the baby, played quietly, and picked up those lovely scraps so she could continue to sew.

Soon the dresses were finished and gone. The gifts of love had been delivered. Then my mother began pouring charity into the empty place that the actual departure of the dresses left.

“Now girls, when we go to church, you’ll see those dresses on three other little girls. Don’t say a word. We want them to feel happy and proud. This is our special Christmas secret. Remember that it’s important for people to have dignity and be happy.”

We three, Cindy, Shirley, and I, turned our young faces to her and beamed. We trusted the words of our mother. We knew we could keep the secret. I had a feeling of joy in my stomach. Emptiness no longer lingered there.

Christmas night was torture. Every child has felt the pangs of anxiety: will the doll be there, the train, the blocks? Every child has felt the excitement. How can I wait? How can I sleep? Sleep stayed away for a long time.

It was still dark when we raced to Mom and Dad’s room. They arose slowly—too slowly! — finding slippers and waking the baby. Then there was the interminable wait as Dad lit the tree and turned up the heat. Finally, we were free to run pell-mell into an ecstasy that would last all day.

three sisters smiling picture
Shirley Kay, Cindy Lu, Mary Ann

What? I stopped short. There they were among the gifts: those buttons attached to black velvet and red taffeta dresses. What a surprise and joy.

As I sailed into church later that day, I was wearing a prized gift, but the most precious Christmas gift I received that season was carried in my heart: gratitude for what I had, the love of sharing, and charity for others. This gift, given to me by my mother so many Christmases ago, has made all the difference in the quality of my life. Thanks, Mom!

Also, a thank you to my dad, who is now gone. He made wonderful toys with his own hands. We had them for many, many years, and they delighted all nine of us children.

baby cribs picture                  cupboard pictures                 toy horse picture

Merry Christmas!

What Makes a Memory That Matters?

What Makes a Great Memory

My adult children stay very connected via a video chat app. They talk about all kinds of things, health, work, kids, weather, holidays, etc. But, just this week, they were discussing a topic that blew me away – a jar of buttons and books of stickers. This conversation blew me away because I had no knowledge that these two items from our home had such a significant impact on all of them, from the oldest to the youngest.

When I was a young mom, stickers became a thing. You could buy stickers in the store that depicted animals, cartoon characters, flowers, etc. Before that, it was primarily stickers to use on charts in school, for chores, and garage sales.

I was fascinated with the stickers and created a couple of sticker books over the next few years. My kids would look at them for hours. However, when I moved, all the kids had gone from home except Kate, so I let them go. Some years later, Seth asked me if he could have them because he had enjoyed them so much. But alas, they were gone. I didn’t know until this sibling conversation that Seth has been collecting stickers ever since, and some are well over 20 years old.

What began the conversation was Kate, my youngest, telling me that my granddaughter, Tessa, is into stickers. Kate was hoping that I still had the books and that Tessa could have them. Marie, my middle daughter, reminded me that she had also asked for the books some years ago.

WHAT! Who would have thought that something as simple as sticker books created by me and shared by my children would have touched the hearts of all my kids enough that three of them asked if they could have them?

Then someone mentioned the gallon of buttons that we had. They all said that they loved dumping them out on the carpet and sorting the buttons. I can recall Kate and Barry pouring over the pile as they worked together. Who has a gallon of buttons anyway? Well, I did because my grandmother had one, and I loved sorting the buttons. But, unfortunately, that went during our move to Utah too.

A couple of years ago, Marie told me that Matilda loved buttons and hoped I still had that gallon jar of them. I didn’t, so I created her a jar, but a gallon of buttons is hard to find, so it was a quart. Then, her older brother, Parker, fell in love with buttons, and I made him a quart.

WHAT MAKES A GREAT MEMORY?

The world is filled with things we can buy for our kids—toys, technology, clothes, and gadgets. There are many places that we can take them—theme parks, water parks, grand vacations. We live in a world influenced by media, which says that good parents give their kids ___________.

There isn’t anything wrong with taking our children on cool trips or buying them a special toy or piece of clothing, but in the final analysis, no matter what we think, it won’t be any of those things that our children will remember with the most fondness. Instead, it will be the simple, family things.

When I was writing my book, Becoming a Present Parent: Connecting with your children in five minutes or less, I did some unscientific research on this very thing. I asked my adult children and their spouses what their fondest memories were from childhood. Here are a few shortened responses:

Jenny—“Playing with the big jar of buttons!”
Marie—“I remember loving to look at your sticker books.
Barry—“I loved sitting in the dark with the Christmas lights on in the living room.”
Seth—“I loved New Year’s Eve and the cheese and meat tray that we ate while sitting on the floor watching a movie.
Jodie—“My most cherished memories are of the Thanksgiving and Christmas season. I loved all the little traditions we had, from the way we decorated to making gingerbread houses to what we ate.”
Kate—“I remember when you stood up, not saying a word when I fell during a cheer contest. I knew you were silently saying, ‘Get up. You can do it.’”
Andrew—“I remember working with Dad in the crawl space. I don’t think either of us actually liked going down there, but we did like working together.”

I also put the question of fond memories to my daughter-in-law, siblings, cousins, nieces, and nephews. Here are a few of their responses:

Cindy (a sister)—“I remember mom reading us a chapter each night from Old Yeller. I loved the inflections in her voice, that undivided time with her, and the comfort of our warm bed.”
Deidra (a niece)—“My mom used to sell Avon, and she would keep all the big boxes her orders came in. We used the boxes to make houses to play in. It was so fun!”
Nanette (a sister)—“Mom helped me sew a dress for 4H. It was so cool and had pom poms on the hem. I was constantly breaking the sewing machine, and she would always get it working again. I won 1st place and went to state. To this day, I sew because she taught me.”

Are you getting the picture? It’s interesting to note that most of these happy and pleasant memories are of events that happened in the course of daily living. Not one respondent mentioned a fancy toy, a fancy vacation to a memorable place, name-brand clothes, a cool car the family had, the size of their home, or where their home was. No one mentioned the great lessons or classes they took. No one said Little League or other teams they played on. Not one.

Memories Come from simple Things at Home

It isn’t just little kids who love being at home whose memories and happiness hinge on simple everyday things. In a study of thirteen to twenty-four-year-olds conducted by the Associated Press and MTV, more than 100 questions were asked of 1,280 young people. The questions were all centered on determining what made these youth happy. Can you guess the number one answer? Spending time with family! Yup, that’s right, spending time with family. These kids and young adults were ages thirteen to twenty-four ((Associated Press, “Youth Happiness Study,” 2).

My favorite response to my question about memories that mattered came from my sweet daughter-in-law, Kendra. She said, “Something I’ll always cherish from my childhood was the time my parents spent with me outdoors, going to the beach, hiking, fishing, swimming, and letting me be a kid. It was something we often did because it didn’t cost much, but to me, it was the greatest thing ever. In fact, one time, my dad took me to Disneyland, and I asked him if we could leave and go to the beach. I look back on that now and think that must have both surprised him and probably made him wish he had saved all that money.”

A Gallon of Buttons and Sticker Books. Amazingly enough, these things said ‘family’ to my children. They said, “You are part of something bigger than yourself, and you belong here.”

Tips for Lasting Memories

If you want your kids to have wonderful and lasting memories that they will talk about decades from now:

    • Stay home more
    • Spend less money
    • Be on screens less
    • Keep life simpler

All these items are a challenge in today’s world but will be worth the effort in the long run and will bless your children and their children.

Let your friends know that memories come from the simple things

we do in our family.