Category: Happiness

The Value of Expressing Gratitude

Several years ago, I wrote an article about the importance of gratitude. I’m posting it again because this is the season when we think about expressing gratitude. However, I hope it helps you take some daily actions that move you to think about what you are grateful for every day.

The Turbo Pickle

When I had seven children, I had a green car the kids dubbed “The Turbo Pickle”. It had several dents and was very old. When we drove around a corner, someone had to hold the door, or it would fly open. My teenagers made me let them out a block from school. I had gone several years without a car, while Don was an over-the-road salesman. This car seemed like a gift, and I felt real joy in owning it. It was a blessing to us that my children didn’t always recognise. My life felt very abundant because we had it. I like to think that I was living the words of Frank A. Clark. “If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get.”

I was able to feel this abundance because early in the year, I had gone on a quest to find prosperity. I had read about it in the scriptures, and I knew that it was a gift of the heart, not a manifestation that came from outward circumstances. I had prayed that, despite our challenging financial circumstances, I would understand and experience prosperity. A miracle occurred. Although our income didn’t change at all, I felt very prosperous for several years. I never worried about having bread or milk. I knew it would come, and it always did. This was a magnificent experience that I cherish to this day. My experiment with the idea of prosperity made some very lean years feel abundant and comfortable.

Some things are an inside job – prosperity, happiness, peace, and gratitude, to name a few. They happen in the heart and are not ruled by what happens in life; these gifts of the heart make life wonderful and worth living. We must want them, ask for them, and do what is required to change ourselves, to receive them. If we’re sincere in our desire, this magnificent change of heart will come, and we will see with new eyes.

Lately, I’ve been seeking a greater sense of gratitude. I’ve asked for more of this gift of the heart. I’ve been reading about gratitude and practicing expressing it. I write in my gratitude journal, I express gratitude to others, and in prayer, say “Thank You” when I receive. I want gratitude to be a more natural part of how I am.

Gratitude dispels fear. It can lessen sorrow, worry, depression, grief, anger, and loss. This quote rings true to me: “There is no such thing as gratitude unexpressed. If it’s unexpressed, it’s plain, old-fashioned ingratitude.” Robert Brault

This Sunday I am grateful for:

1. Those who read what I write and let me know that it matters to them.
2. Seven remarkable children who grew into amazing adults, despite the inadequacies of their parents, and gifted us sixteen grandchildren.
3. An unexpected mission in life (caregiving for my mother, husband, and helping with my granddaughter) and for the challenges that it brings. Because of them, I am becoming more.
4. My sweetheart, who, despite his health issues, still hugs me and tells me I am beautiful
5. My Savior Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father. They make ALL the difference in my life.

As you prepare for Thanksgiving Week, think about all the ways you have been blessed, despite any challenges you face. When you do this, you will find that you have experienced miracles, grace, friendship, and found ways to serve.

Rejoice over these gifts.

What it Looks Like to ‘See’ Another and Why It Matters

This week, I had an experience that brought to mind the importance of letting our kids know, daily, that we see them and that they matter. It brought back many memories of families I have worked with, parents I have mentored, and the huge impact I’ve seen when moms and dads learn to ‘see’ their kids during the mundane moments of every day.

A universal human need is to matter, especially to those we love. We can all satisfy this need for others, especially in our families, in simple ways. When our children or others we cross paths with feel seen, it builds confidence and strengthens a sense of self-worth. It brings moments of joy. But what does it mean to see someone? I experienced this kind of ‘seeing’ this week.

MY EXPERIENCE

Don takes radiation treatments, and so for almost six weeks, we will be at the hospital every weekday morning. When we arrive, we pull into the valet parking lane, I get Don’s walker out, help my mom, and then we make our way into the hospital while someone parks our car. When we’re finished, we get our keys, and a sweet valet volunteer takes them and heads out to retrieve our car.

The night before this experience, we had our first frost. The next morning, leaves were falling like rain from all the trees. When we returned for our car, the valet lane was filled with leaves, and a young man was blowing them out of the road onto the lawn. However, there were so many cars that he had to keep stopping and waiting. They parked our car in the lane that is usually reserved for those who are loaded and ready to leave. Again, he had to stop. He didn’t seem frustrated, which amazed me. When we got to our car, I turned towards him, smiled, and said, “I’m sorry you have to wait for us.” He returned my smile and responded with, “That’s Ok. Not a problem.” Then I busied myself getting Mom and the walker into the car. As I prepared to enter our vehicle, I heard this young man holler, “You have a good day!” What? I turned, smiled, and told him to do the same. He had kept us in his sight for a few extra minutes so he could wish us well as we drove off. I can tell you, I felt seen.

This experience touched me so much that I did a U-turn and went back. I parked and walked to where he was. I told him that I appreciated his taking notice. I told him I was a writer and wanted to share this experience with my readers because when we ‘see’ each other, it matters. He was willing to let me take a picture of us. He was all smiles and told me I was special. I could tell from his face that he felt special, too.

Can you see the simplicity of this moment and its value? This is what can and needs to happen in families multiple times a day. 

How can that be done?

It requires that we take time as we move through our day to ‘see’ our children. If possible, say goodbye at the door when they leave. Smile and say, “Glad you’re home,” when they return. Touch an arm and smile as you pass in the hall. No words needed. Pat the back of a child doing the dishes or folding laundry, then go on your way. Give a word of encouragement and a smile to someone doing their homework. Look in a bedroom door of someone cleaning their room and smile encouragement or say, “You’re doing a good job.” If your child is sitting on the couch watching TV, sit by them, pat a knee, and smile. Then get up and go. Rub a back while sitting at church or while waiting at an appointment. The list goes on. This works even with teens.

IT’S A PRACTICE

Each of these interactions takes less than a minute and can be done all day long if we understand their value. It isn’t just about being nice. It isn’t about being a parent. It’s about letting another person know that they’re seen and that they matter.

This is a practice. The more you do it, the better you get and the more seen your kids feel.

Five Principles of Power – Principles 3 and 4

Recently, I wrote about principles that I consider powerful for a healthier and happier family life. Last week, we delved into principles one and two. Today, I will share information and examples on principles three and four.

As I said last week, as you internalize these principles, you will see greater success in all parts of your life. This is a promise I can make based on my own experience.

Principle 3

Make it special. When we want someone to look forward to something, we make it special. We do this at weddings, birthdays, and on holidays. But it’s just as important in our daily family activities. Let me share an example from my own life.

I recall a trip we made from Idaho to Utah. We were moving, and Mom was driving us to meet our dad at the new home. She had all nine of her kids in the car. My two sisters and I were in the very back of our station wagon. (No seatbelts in those days.). I was fourteen, Cindy was 13, and Shirley was twelve. Old enough to behave, right? At one point, we were so bored that we began fighting. My mom yelled repeatedly from the driver’s seat for us to stop because we were riling up the other kids. After a lengthy time, Mom pulled over, raced to the back of the car, popped the window open, and reached for us. We, however, were scrunched up at the back of the middle seat, and she couldn’t reach us. She told us in no uncertain terms to stop fighting and remain calm, that we were almost there. Then she got back in the driver’s seat. I will never forget what happened next. I looked at my sisters, they looked at me, we smiled mischievously, and went at it again. I know, we were being naughty on purpose, but we were bored!

I learned something from that experience that helped me when I traveled with our seven kids: make it special! I learned even more as I watched my husband. Don knew how to do this well. On any trip he planned, he would insert one or two stops at city parks. Everyone got out for fifteen minutes, and then we hit the road. At first, this drove me nuts. I mean, we needed to get where we were going. Over time, I saw how helpful this was for our children. They loved our trips and looked forward to the short stops. Don knew how to make it special.

I had a different way of accomplishing this. I would make goodie bags and hand them out at the beginning of the trip. They contained homemade treats and cheap toys or books from the dollar store. In our day, that was the town drug store. : ) Sometimes, rather than a goodie bag, I would have a bin of books, games, cards, coloring materials, etc. that I kept just for road trips. They weren’t brought out at any other time. We also had a few car games, and we often sang as a family. Yes, my kids liked that. Here is the key – what isn’t always available is special when it is available.

This idea of making it special applies to many things, such as going to church, doing chores, or bedtime. Really? Yes. I have a special bag that goes to church with me. When the grands are reverent, they get to pick a treat out of the bag. I’ve been using this bag for over ten years, and although all the grands are now teens and don’t need the bag to be reverent, they enjoy getting it anyway. It’s become a once-a-week tradition. : ) Maybe you have special books that are only used at church. Whatever isn’t always available feels special.

Even chores can be made special. After Saturday chores, have a simple treat. As each child or teen finishes their assigned items, they can have a treat, no waiting on others. You could have a ten-minute dance party just before everyone goes off to do chores or even gather when everyone is done. Laughter, smiles, and treats can make even the most arduous or mundane thing special.

And what about bedtime? I’ve learned that even bedtime can be more stress-free when it’s special. My grands in Washington were notorious for not going to bed, and when in bed, calling out over and over again. When I visited, I instituted something special. I would sit by the bed and ask two questions: What was the hardest thing that happened today? What was the best thing that happened today? They would each get to answer the question, and we talked about it. They loved this. When we were done, each was to lie still, close their eyes, and breathe. I would sit there for another ten minutes while they complied. By then, they were usually asleep.

Another simple way to make bedtime special is by giving each child just three minutes to hug, cuddle, or talk. Then say goodnight and move to the next bed or room. I’ve had parents tell me that doing this one simple thing has made a difference for their kids because it makes bedtime special.

Principle 4

Keep it simple. As in the above examples, while working on making things special, we need to remember to keep it simple. When we make things hard, expensive, time-consuming, or too costly, the activity usually dies a slow death. We had a weekly family night. There was prayer, a story, and a simple activity. We ended with a treat of some kind. This was a family activity suggested by our church. As we went along, many members of our congregation began making this simple family home evening a big deal. Bigger treats. More challenging activities. More resources were required. I found myself letting it slide because I didn’t have the time or energy for all the preparation. I felt that if I wasn’t doing all the ‘stuff’ other families were doing, my kids would feel ours was lame. What was lame was that we stopped doing a fun thing that brought our family together. Eventually, we returned to simpler content, and it returned to a weekly event.

Here is a cool idea a friend had for her children’s bookshelves. She would periodically remove books and add in books that had been removed months earlier. This kept her children’s interest in the books because they felt new. She wasn’t constantly having to buy books or go to the library. This also got her kids to engage with books that they ordinarily wouldn’t have read. It helped make their family reading time more exciting.

Sometimes you’ll have an activity that you think is special, but your kids don’t, and it isn’t as successful as you hoped. That is OK. Get your ego out of the way. Try another activity next week or new items in the car for the next long drive. Be willing to experiment.

I did some work for a woman who taught me a profound lesson. Her closet was so neat, and I asked her how she managed it. She replied that if she bought something, then she had to give something away. This simple ‘rule’ that she had for herself kept her whole home in far better order. She had learned to keep it simple.

We can expand this idea to many areas of our lives. Take a vacation, for example. Don’t overload it. A few activities, well thought out and engaged in, beat a schedule that wears everyone out and leads to misbehaving, irritation, and contention.

When we add a new commitment to our calendar, we should remove something else. One of the great tragedies for families is that we are so “booked” that we do not have time for one another; we cannot enjoy one another. Running from one thing to the next until we are totally worn out is a good way to miss our family life, which is really the life we want. When we keep things simple and consistent, our results skyrocket.

We want to have a real connection in our family. We want peace and calm as often as we can manage it. We want activities that bond us together.

This all happens best as we make things special in simple and sustainable ways.

Learning Play – The Nothing Special Day

Back in the day, when my grands were small, I did many learning activities with them. I enjoyed it and so did they. As I mentioned earlier this spring, I’m sharing some of those past learning activities with you because you can have as much enjoyment and fun with your children or grands as I did. Sometimes all we need is an idea, and then we can run with it. So here goes!

I don’t want you to get the idea that Learning Play always requires a lot of thought or special activities. Sometimes you just get together, play, and learn. It doesn’t always require fabulous, well-researched information. There are times when we want to kick back and rest while remaining consistent in our efforts to bond, enjoy, and learn. Then, there are times when an intervening circumstance requires that we do something that takes less planning time.

This activity was motivated by intervening circumstances, and I was tired. : ) I wasn’t going to stress out, but rather, have fun, join in a family activity, and be together. I didn’t do any big planning. I didn’t go to the library for fabulous books. I didn’t research the internet for crafts or projects. I didn’t have a wonderful topic in mind that I wanted to introduce to my grandchildren.

First, We Cook and Then We Paint

On my way to my grandchildren’s home, I picked up a package of biscuits. I thought it would be fun to make cinnamon snakes. When I got there, I announced that we were going to paint and cook. Jack replied, “OK, Grandma. First, we cook and then we paint.” So that is where we began.

There was no reason to make cinnamon snakes. I didn’t have a book on snakes or any intention of learning about snakes. I just knew that the children enjoyed cooking. So, we began our day with cinnamon snakes. I didn’t realize that rolling dough into a snake would take more dexterity than they had. It required practice, and an occasional snake hit the floor. When working with children, be prepared for a bit of dirt in the finished project! LOL

At that time, Don, my husband, was creating an air gun shooting range for himself. He had cut out several small wooden animals for targets. That was our painting project, painting Grandpa’s animals so he could put them in his range.

I gave each child a brush, a large piece of paper, and a wooden animal. We poured the paint right on the paper. When they were done and wanted another animal and a different color, we traded papers. Grandpa was very satisfied with the result. This particular range wouldn’t have his usual perfection, but it had memories and was fun to use.

I had discovered an old book, Where Everyday Things Come From, by Aldren Watson, in my home library. (Available on Amazon) It had no cover and had been read many times by children over the years. The explanations weren’t scientific, and the pictures weren’t precise, just fun. It told, in simple language, that the things we use every day, such as plastic, coal, glass, rubber, and electricity, can come from unexpected sources. The kids enjoyed the book.

I had a coloring page of a darling ladybug. I thought we would review what we had learned earlier when we studied ladybugs. No dice! No one wanted to color or talk about ladybugs. Not even Maggie, who loves coloring pages!

That was it. We had a fun time and enjoyed being together. We helped Grandpa out.

It was a peaceful Learning Play Day.

Our Perception is Vital to Our Sense of Wellbeing Part 1

I’ve written many articles on the importance of making sure the story we tell ourselves is helpful to our sense of well-being, healthy relationships, and happiness. How we perceive something matters.

Recently, I had two experiences that cemented what I have learned in over a decade and a half of taking control of how I ‘see’ what is happening in my life, both in the past and present. I’m sharing one experience today and the other next week. They are powerful.

Stress Is a Killer!

When I began caregiving my mom 6 ½ years ago, I did a lot of reading on dementia, so I would know how to care for both of us. There was a lot of useful information. In most of the books and articles I read, I also found this counsel: “Caregiving can be extremely demanding, both physically and emotionally…Studies have shown that family caregivers are at a higher risk of mortality compared to non-caregivers. Approximately 30% of family caregivers die before the person they are caring for.” This information was so prevalent in what I read and heard from other caregivers, that I beleived it was true and it concerned me. I was caregiving three people, in a 4-generation home.

There is also a common belief in the minds of the public that stress, from any situation that is ongoing, is toxic. Stress has been blamed for catching the common cold to creating cardiovascular problems. For example, one article I read said: Stress can have significant physical and physiological effects on the body. Here are some of the key ways that stress can impact your health:

Cardiovascular System:
• Increased heart rate and blood pressure
• Dilated blood vessels
• Increased risk of heart disease, stroke, and hypertension

Endocrine System:
• Release of stress hormones (e.g., cortisol, adrenaline)
• Increased blood sugar levels
• Changes in metabolism and fat distribution
• Increased risk of obesity and type 2 diabetes

The list went on covering other body parts and organs. I wondered how I could manage what I had taken on and remain healthy. I had stress management tools and I used them, but stress is ever present when caregiving, and according to what seemed to be true, I was definitely in harm’s way.

A few years ago, someone reached out who wanted to add a new stress tool to my arsenal to help me have a healthier brain. Here’s the pitch:

S T R E S S
These 6 letters can completely ruin your brain health and create short-term memory loss. Chronic stress, the kind that has you up at night, eats away at the memory sector of your brain, the hippocampus. It causes inflammation, throws your hormones out of balance and there is a big school of medicine that believes most diseases are caused by chronic stress.
•Stress is your brain’s #1 enemy – it is the single largest reason for your memory issues
•Unless you do something to manage your stress on a daily basis your memory, and your brain health will quickly deteriorate.

Here was my response to a question the sender asked: “I am convinced that stress is the cause of my detail memory being so compromised.” I had bought into this belief about stress hook, line, and sinker.

This Was MINDBLOWING!

Last fall I listened to a Ted Talk on stress.  It was mind-blowing! The title was How to Make Stress Your Friend by Kelly McGonigal, a psychologist. She told us that for years she had warned her patients about the dangers hidden in stress. But recently, she had been introduced to new research that blew her mind!

It turns out that stress, whether you are caregiving, have a tough job, or are parenting, doesn’t need to take a toll on your health. In fact, it can improve your heart and health. Yes, you heard me correctly!! Her information on how stress is good for your heart was so unexpected and came from reliable research.

McGonigal said: “Stress. It makes your heart pound, your breathing quicken, and your forehead sweat. But while stress has been made into a public health enemy, new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case.”

One research study showed that people with the same type and amount of stress either died or lived depending on their beliefs about stress. This made me sit up and pay attention. As I researched this new idea, I read this: “With demands on time, energy, emotions, and relationships, caregiving isn’t easy. So, you might think it would take its toll on the physical health of those who care for family members with chronic conditions. But new research offers a positive surprise: Family caregivers may live longer.”

McGonigal urged us to see stress as a positive and understand its value to the body. Also, to know that what you believe about stress impacts how it ultimately affects you. And there it is–our story matters, what we say and how we perceive what is happening brings about the result we get.

Not long after I heard the TED talk, I bought the book The Upside of Stress by Dr. McGonigal. I want to understand how stress can work in my favor. I want this information deep in my soul so that I can do what I have taken on and flourish. The read is fascinating.

Has understanding this changed anything in my day-to-day life? NO. I still clean up plenty of poop. Sitting down without interruptions is rarely an option. There is plenty of frustration and annoyance. My mother’s dementia is progressing, she has had a mini-stroke, and every day is a new normal. Watching someone die is like living on a roller coaster. Don’s surgery brought 6 weeks of extra work and stress. But now, with my new story, when I feel overly stressed, I straighten up and say to myself – “Way to go. This is so good for your heart. You’re going to live to be 100!”

And you know what, I believe it.

P.S. Next week I challenge the idea that we cannot change the past. I will share an example that will show you, you can! You are going to love this!

Stillness = Rest and Rejuvenation

My husband was watching the show The Irrational. It’s about a behavioral science professor who solves tough police cases. I was in the kitchen and could hear it. The main character had an appendix surgery. He tried to rise from his bed a few times because there was a case he wanted to get going on. His sister had to nag at him to remain in bed and heal. At one point the professor spoke with a priest, while still in the hospital. The priest said, “St. Stillness has visited you.” Then he smiled and the professor replied, “Oh, stillness. I’m not very good at it.”

This intrigued me because one of my favorite scriptures is “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10, from the Christian Bible. However, I, like the professor, must work to be still.

Recently, I got a call from a friend. We have both had challenging things happen in the last few years and talked about how we’ve managed. At some point in the conversation, I said, “God has put me in Rest and Rejuvenation 101 so I can learn to manage better.” She began laughing, and so did I. She knew exactly what I was talking about.

This topic of Stillness, Rest, and Rejuvenation is tied to the article I wrote on Peaceful Intensity. Not only must we manage busy and often chaotic days with a sense of peace and calmness, but we also need to learn to be still so that we find moments of rest and are rejuvenated. As we do, we manage better.

Getting things done is my nature but it isn’t healthy to think, move, and manage stuff all the time. It leads to weariness, grumpiness, and resentment even though we choose to bypass stillness, receive rest, and be rejuvenated. I have been in this class for a few years. Some tests I pass and others I fail. But I keep receiving resources and information, practicing, and growing. I’m doing what I have done dozens of times in the past seventy-five years, I’m working on getting better at a skill that will help me remain healthy and happy.

My current mission is to care for my mother, who has dementia, my husband who has several illnesses, and help my daughter care for her four children, one with severe cerebral palsy. When I stop and think about it, I realize this is not random. I had determined previously, that I needed to learn to live my favorite scripture, be still, and know God. He, being wise and loving, put me in this class by giving me this current assignment.

In the last couple of years, I have begun to see the connection between stillness and the rest it brings leading to rejuvenation. I haven’t always enjoyed the object lessons in this class. They have been trying at times. However, I have begun to pass a few more tests.

Like many of you, I have a lot on my plate. Whether those we care for are old or young it is the same work. So, learning to be still in small increments, so that we rest and rejuvenate multiple times daily, is vital to our health and well-being.

My Commitment/Affirmations for 2025 are beautiful, and when I read them, I’m astonished at how well they hit the mark. It was worth the effort I put into creating them. Some of them focus on stillness, rest, and rejuvenation because I knew going into this year that I needed to make more progress.

Here are a few things that I have in my current stillness arsenal.

•I have found a way of meditation that works for me. I have a list of meditations that take 8 minutes or less. To meditate, you must get still and focus. I listen to one most nights before I go to bed. It helps me fall asleep quickly.
•Before I begin praying, I stop and get quiet. I am still for a few minutes before I utter a word whether that prayer is being said in my nightly shower, kneeling at the side of my bed, or while washing a sink full of dishes.
•My husband says when I wake up, I move like a fireman. He’s right. Now I am making myself lie still for just a few minutes and feel the goodness of the day before I allow my feet to touch the ground.
•I’m making a diligent effort to remember to breathe deeply three or four times whenever I feel frustration, annoyance, or irritation coming into my body.
•When I must solve a problem or make a decision, I sit down and remain still for a couple of minutes to clear my mind and prepare myself.
•When I face an old story or a new negative one, rather than feeling bothered, I still my mind and then redirect my thoughts.
•If I find myself unsure because of a setback or a very chaotic day I stop where I am, standing or sitting, and listen. What voice do I hear? One that is harsh and critical or gentle and kind. Then I calmly choose to accept the latter.
•I am continuing my gratitude journal. I have been writing three things each day for several years. Before I write a word, I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and then begin. The whole process takes less than 4 or 5 minutes, and frequently that is all I get before someone needs me. : )

A Simple Example

Let me give you an example of a stillness moment that occurred today, Friday. It had been an overly busy day with errands and caregiving. As I served dinner, I felt a deep need to be done. However, my mom needed help with her teeth. My husband needed help to change clothes and food still needed to be put away. I didn’t want to face dishes in the morning, so despite wanting to be done, I began working on cleaning up.

I don’t know about you but when I’m overly tired even inanimate objects seem determined to cause me trouble. LOL As I washed the silverware a knife slipped from my hand back into the water. I made a face and felt the irritation rise. I began to say, “You dumb knife.” Then I stopped, closed my eyes, and took a few deep breaths. I stood still for maybe 30 seconds. It didn’t remove my tiredness. I still had a few dishes to wash. However, the irritation died out and I felt calm, rested, and rejuvenated. I was able to finish the kitchen and help Mom and my husband with a couple more things before heading to my desk to write.

I know that many would scoff at my list. If you look online the advice is to go to lunch or shopping with friends, take a trip, or get away. These are not practical for my current life. They wouldn’t have worked well when I was raising our seven children. I couldn’t do these things consistently, and surely not every day.  It’s been necessary to find simple ways to add stillness, quiet, and space to my life numerous times a day, right where I am.

Friends, I have learned much and I am wise in many ways. I have lived a long life. I have changed, grown, matured, overcome weaknesses, and have blessed others. I have been in more 101-level classes than I care to admit. But here I am again, in class, Stillness = Rest and Rejuvenation 101, and the resources I need to progress are showing up because I ask for them. I know I can become very good at creating moments of stillness in my busy days that lead to rest and rejuvenation.

Stillness = rest and rejuvenation. I am sure of this, and I am learning to increase all three in my life. I know it will bless me, my family, and all those I connect with.

If you are determined to do what it takes to learn and grow it will bless your life. Be open to those 101 classes!

Serving and Receiving – Two Sides of the Same Coin

Let me tell you a moving story about my grandpa. My grandmother had passed away, and my grandfather who was in his late eighties, was living with his daughter and fading. I visited him and he was happy to see me. We talked for a while and then I visited with my Aunt Carol Lynn.

Later, I made a trip down the hall to the bathroom. As I got close to the door of the room where my grandpa slept, I heard him crying. I stepped in, laid on the bed beside him, and asked, “Grandpa, what’s the matter?” He looked at me with tear-filled eyes and replied, “Time goes by so fast, I can’t catch it.” Grandpa told me how grateful he was for his life and family, how much the time with them had meant to him. He talked about those he had served and those who had served him. Hence the tears, it was all going by so fast.

His answer surprised me because I always thought that as you grow older time would slow down. Now, I’m almost 75 and I know the truth of his words. I never suspected this when I was young. You can’t know until you get there! This story of my grandfather reminds me of two great gifts life offers, serving and receiving.

In 2012, because of an experience, I decided to be more open to receiving help from others. Trust me when I say my progress has been slow! I’ve always prided myself on my independence, ingenuity, and ability to do whatever needs to be done. I have always felt confident in “doing it myself.” However, it’s a challenge to do everything by yourself, all the time, and you miss out on the other side of the coin, the value that comes from receiving. I’ve had to learn this the hard way.

My inspiration to work on allowing others to share in my burdens came because of two people in my life that I loved, both with significant special needs. One was my unofficially adopted daughter, Michelle, in her thirties, and my granddaughter, Maggie. They both had cerebral palsy. Here is their story and how it affected me.

Two Girls Who Understood Both Sides of the Coin

For my adopted daughter, Michelle, time, and her condition took their toll. She was in a wheelchair, had lost many of her former abilities, and lived in a nursing home. She needed help with most daily activities. She passed away a few years ago and has been missed. Maggie, my granddaughter, who is eighteen, was six in 2012. Maggie can’t use her legs and using her hands is a challenge. She cannot feed herself and does not speak. My special needs girls could do virtually nothing on their own.

At Christmastime I had the privilege of spending a full day with Michelle, in the nursing home, helping her make her Christmas presents. With help, Michelle frosted and decorated the cookies and cupcakes I had baked. I held the item and turned it slowly while she did the frosting. Then I would hold and turn it while she sprinkled the decorations. We then bagged the items.

She made a couple of pies for special friends. Michelle did her best to roll out the pie dough, but pressure was an issue. So, I helped her press down while she rolled. Then I assisted her in grabbing hold of the circle of dough and plopping it into the pan. I cut off the excess and Michelle crimped the edges. We baked them in the nursing home oven. She painted pictures for others. I got water, handed her brushes, and turned the paper to the correct angle periodically.

When Michelle gave out her presents on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day she was pleased. She commented to everyone that she had made them all by herself and was proud. She felt the full joy of having done this project. My helping had not diminished her joy or made her feel less than.

I had observed these same feelings while working with Maggie when she was 6 and now when she is eighteen. It doesn’t seem to matter how much help she needs, when it’s done it belongs to her. She takes complete pride and ownership in a job well done. Both Maggie and Michelle love doing it ‘all by themselves.’

I found myself judging this behavior to some degree, back then. After all, they hadn’t really done it all by themselves. All the while, despite my love for these girls, I was massaging my own pride in my many accomplishments and my ability to be so independent. What I had yet to learn was that help from others doesn’t diminish our part or our success in the result. These two beautiful souls understood both sides of the coin perfectly!

Later, as we entered the new year, 2013, I thought deeply about that holiday season and a scripture came to my mind. “Are we not all beggars”? Mo 4:19 Do we not all need a great deal of help every day to both receive and give good gifts to those around us; serving and receiving – two gifts that go hand in hand. Are we not all beggars? I decided then to practice receiving. As I said, it’s been a journey and not an easy one.

As we enter the new year, it’s valuable to stop and evaluate our lives, the opportunity to raise wonderful families and serve others, neighbors, friends, family, and strangers. But we also need to contemplate the value and necessity of receiving from those same people, our family, neighbors, friends, and sometimes strangers. We can lift, teach, and help, but we can also be taught, served, and have our burdens lightened as long we are open to both gifts – serving and receiving.

For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have…Mo 4:19 Receiving help in any form is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of our humanness and an acknowledgment that serving and receiving are two sides of the same blessed coin.

A Real Life Example

As I finalize this message, it is the last day of January 2025. Yesterday, I came face to face with what I have shared with you today. Since August of 2024, I have had some medical issues. I had an appointment in May, but the situation required help sooner. Next week I will be seeing the specialist. My daughter planned to go with me because I need an advocate, so I am listened to and not seen as just another old lady. However, when we took the only earlier appointment they had, it was a date when Jodie was not available. What to do?

I want you to know this wasn’t the article I planned for today. I had worked on a different article earlier in the week. However, on Thursday, as I sat at the computer and looked at the articles I felt drawn to this piece. I read it and decided to use it. That evening my youngest sister stopped by with two of her grands. They wanted a picture with my mom, the great-grandmother. It came out Jodie couldn’t be with me at my appointment. Nanette said, “Hey, I’ll drive down and go with you. I want that doctor to know you’re a writer, smart, and totally organized!” Then she gave me a big smile.

My immediate reaction was to say, “No, you can’t. You live over an hour away. That’s more than two hours on the road. I’ll be Ok.” My sister replied that she would make a trip out of it. One of her sons and his family live just twenty minutes from me, in fact, in the town where the doctor’s appointment is. I was again going to protest. This was my younger sister and I am fully capable of going alone, asking questions, and advocating for myself. Then I had a thought, “Mary Ann, isn’t it interesting that this is the article you chose to work on for this Sunday?” That took me by surprise. I knew I had been reminded of the goal set back in 2012. Needless to say, Nanette is coming and will be helping me out at this important appointment.

This may be something you need to work on, as I have had to. There’s no glory in doing everything by yourself. There is only a heavier burden and oftentimes, loneliness, as you struggle on. It’s a choice! Learn to receive as well as serve. This is a practice, and you can learn to do it with grace, as did my beautiful girls.

It will bless you, your family, those you serve, and those whom you

allow to serve you.

My SSS Formula – Simple Systems = Solutions

I have learned from lived experience that simple systems are usually the solution to difficult problems in time and life management. This was not an easy lesson to learn, and I occasionally still ignore this truth, but when I do, I suffer. 

A few years ago, I was praying because I needed help with time management so I could do the necessary chores and still serve others and care for my family. I also needed to find space to serve and care for myself. This is an ongoing prayer I repeat regularly because time & life can be a beast to manage. LOL

During this season of prayer and pondering, I had a task on my daily list that I needed to accomplish by a certain time, and it was clear in my mind. As I went to sleep, I reminded myself I had this task to do first thing in the morning. When I woke up the project came immediately to mind, and I got right up. It was a favor for my sister, Cindy. She wanted an item that was in short supply that year, that she hadn’t been able to find in her area. I needed to be at the store at 7 am to see if I could find it for her. I was on time and my quest was successful.

The next day I woke up just before my alarm went off, as I had the day before. I had the same type of list for the day. I lay in bed for a couple of minutes and then the alarm went off. I thought, “My body is so amazing. It knows just what to do. It always wakes up a few minutes before the alarm.” Then I dropped back to sleep. I didn’t wake up again until 7:30 and was bugged because my body had done its job waking me up, and I hadn’t done my part and gotten up.

As I said my morning prayer it came clearly to my mind that I manage to rise in the morning better when I have chosen a specific thing I need to get up for. It gives me a reason to get up, other than just managing another busy day. They are all busy!! Since then, I have filled out my daily worksheet and picked the one item I am getting up for. That has worked wonders in assisting me, even when I would rather sleep longer. I know this experience was an answer to my prayers. It gave me the knowledge I needed about myself and a system to solve the issue. I love how God answers prayers. : )

A few months into this experiment I didn’t get to bed until 10 which is late for me in the winter, and this learning took place in the winter. I try to be in bed between 9 and 9:30. This is because winter and the lack of sun make life more challenging. So, good sleep matters.

I had chosen a specific project I needed to have done before 9 am and it would take a couple of hours to finish. This was what I would get up for. However, I didn’t hear my alarm. Fortunately, Don did and put his hand on my shoulder, waking me up. Before he could say a word, I remembered what I needed to do, and I was out of bed and going in seconds.

It reminds me of when I was writing my book Becoming A Present Parent, and it wasn’t going well. As I prayed about the futility of the project, I had the thought to get up at 4 and write until I had to get ready for work at 7. What a terrible idea!! But because I had a specific task, I made it work six days a week, for over 6 months! It wasn’t easy, but the task at hand made it doable.

I have gotten very good at using this system to assist me in getting up when I would rather sleep. It isn’t perfect. I have days when I forget to tell myself the night before why I am getting up the next morning. Then chances are, I won’t. There are also days when I choose to ignore why I’m getting up. I always regret it! LOL

This idea of simple systems has carried over in other ways.

I wasn’t getting my scriptures read or my prayers said on some days. This matters to me, so I needed to figure it out. If I left the bathroom in the morning without doing these two things, I would become distracted and wouldn’t get them done. As I prayed and pondered the situation, I began having interesting ideas.

I put my scriptures in a basket in the bathroom. I hung my clothes for the next day on a hook. After dressing, brushing my teeth, and combing my hair I would read a few verses, and pray. I am sure God isn’t offended that I pray in the bathroom. He understands the lives of his daughters. : )

While experimenting with this routine, I ran into another problem. My glasses would be on the kitchen table and if I went to get them, then distractions happened. Now I put my glasses on my desk, which is in the bedroom. Walking past the desk in the morning, I grab the glasses. It’s working like a charm; another piece of a very simple system.

If I wanted to use my phone to read, rather than a hard copy, it would be an easy adjustment. I plug my phone in at my desk in the bedroom. When I get my glasses, I could also grab the phone.

Hanging my clothes in the bathroom, having my scriptures in a basket, and my glasses on the desk in the bedroom is a simple system.

My morning routine is another system. After leaving the bathroom I write in my gratitude journal, say my daily affirmation, and if possible, take my morning walk and do my hip exercises. Somedays there are too many interruptions, but on many days, it flows, because I have a system. I know exactly what to do after I leave the bathroom.

Filling out my daily worksheet the night before and determining what is first is another system.

Seriously, systems work. They help solve problems like mine, how to make myself get up, how to manage time better, and how to fit in the things that normally get buried under home and family management.

Here is one more random example.

Six months ago, I got a CPAP machine. After an evaluation, I discovered that I stopped breathing many times a night. This is detrimental to brain function and not a good way to get the needed rest to manage a home and family.

An app tracks how many hours a night the machine is used. At my follow-up appointment last week, I was on the border of not qualifying to have insurance continue paying for my machine. I was only using it 70% of the time. Talking with my doctor I realized the problem. I wake up a few times at night and hit the bathroom. I do not have trouble going back to sleep as I have trained my body, so I often fall asleep quickly and don’t get the mask on. I knew I needed a simple system.

I decided that when I awoke and took off the mask I would place it in the middle of my pillow, instead of at the back of the pillow. Super simple and it has worked wonders. I’ll bet I have upped my score to over 85%. That is good for insurance purposes, but even better for good sleep and a healthy brain.

I want you to see that simple systems can be very effective. I also want you to understand what a system looks like. I didn’t for many years. I thought they were complicated ways of managing big stuff. Systems in corporations, businesses, or medicine can be complex, and most of us view the term ‘system’ in this light. I want to expand your view of what a system is. It is nothing more than figuring out a consistent way to get something accomplished, dishes, laundry, getting kids up on a school morning, making time for yourself, getting to bed on time, getting your personal study done, etc. They all require planned and not default systems. When you create a plan and consistently use it you will have systems that work.

It will be life-changing!

Managing What Is and Where You Are

I had a conversation last March with a young friend. Yes, it has taken me over a year to figure out how to share our conversation. The topic is challenging, and I am busy caregiving. This last comment leads us into my conversation with my friend.

She was overwhelmed and felt like a parenting and personal failure. She wanted to know how to identify the essentials and have some control. : ) I could relate to everything she was feeling and suffering. Frankly, I was in the same boat but for different reasons. She was asking me something I was just beginning to get a handle on myself. That is probably why over a year passed before I could share the conversation.

Let me fill you in on our situations. My friend has a baby, a toddler, and a child in preschool. They were living in a multi-family situation and preparing to move. She was also dealing with the trauma of a miscarriage. Her basket was overflowing.

Six years ago, after a year of putting it off, I left my speaking and teaching business and became a full-time caregiver to my mother, who is 94 and has dementia. My husband is also unwell and needs help. On the side, I assist in the care of my 18-year-old granddaughter, who has severe CP. I feel as if I am standing in my young friends’ shoes, in a way.

I have wonderful women in my life in all stages of parenting. Some have small children like the friend I had this conversation with, others have teens, and some, like me, are grandmothers. We talk informally about managing the craziness life can throw at you, how to be better people, and how to care for ourselves while still taking care of the important things. We also grapple with what are the most important things and how to keep them on the top of the list. None of these are easy subjects. It helps to bounce ideas off those you trust. Hence, my young friend and my conversation. I will call her B.

B. wondered how to prioritize. How to do what is needed before her energy runs out. Her productivity lessens as she moves through the day. She wondered about systems to help her get the kid things done, the household things done, get her writing done, and find space for rest. Yes, she is a writer too. : ) See, I am sorta in her shoes. LOL

When I responded to her video this is what happened. I made a 20-minute response only to discover that I hadn’t been recording. I redid the whole thing and began, “I just made a 20-minute video, and the recording wasn’t on. That’s how my days go. That’s how yours are going. I can relate to where you are because that’s where I’m at.”

Each stage of life has its challenges. After 74 years and trying many things I have learned that you need to allow where you are to be OK until you can move to a new place. And you will move to a new place because life isn’t static. If it’s hard now, there will be a time of relief, and then it may be hard again and the cycle repeats. So, what is vital, in my opinion and experience, is to have some tools for managing what is.

Here are some tools that I use, and shared with B.

1. Recognise and manage your story – I know I have written about this often, but it is the number one thing I look at whenever life is hard, sad, confusing, or am angry or weary, in conflict with someone, or my day is going south. What I tell myself about what is happening matters!

My first suggestion to my friend was that she had to get a handle on her story. This is what it was – I am failing. I can’t get stuff done. Other mothers manage better than I do.

As I said, I am standing in her shoes in a way. Here is the story I have been dealing with for seven years – I must get as much done as possible before 3 pm or the day shreds apart and I don’t get to my stuff.

When I feel the day getting out of control, I remind myself this is a story. I want you to know that this year I have begun to get a handle on this story and my days have had a better flow despite challenges, interruptions, or not getting it all done before late afternoon. Getting control of a story can take time. You must keep working on it. Old stories do resurface, especially when we are overly tired. If a story returns it isn’t because you haven’t done the work. It’s because that happens, and you are wise if you keep practicing story management without beating yourself up!

When you are overwhelmed STOP and ask yourself, “What is the story I am telling myself right now?” Then work on story management.

2. Make a plan and promise to do your best. I do this through prayer. When B. and I had this video conversation I was taking a class on emotional resilience because I like learning new things and improving my skills.

In one of the classes, they talked about time, and I felt the triggers going off. Remember my time story? They showed a video of a woman in Africa. She was sharing with a young man how she managed time. I wrote what she said down. This notebook sits on my table where I eat, and I see it every day. Watch the video HERE.

I use this notebook when I say my morning prayer and night prayer. My prayers are short because I often need to help Maggie or another family member. During one morning prayer, I had to stop and let the cat out. Then I had to stop to get the dog to cease barking, and I had to answer the door for one of the kids. Prayers are not always peaceful, and I know that God understands the life of women. That is why what the African woman shared was so valuable.

Each morning she prayed:

  • I promise to do my best.
  • I ask for help with all that I cannot do.
  • Where and whom do I serve today?
  • I ask for help in ordering my daily task list.
  • Then I listen (and I would add, for what time I am allowed before the next interruption LOL).

I have added this to what she taught the young man:

  • Then I go to my list, read it over, add what comes to mind, occasionally take something off that is no longer important for that day, and then number my tasks.

This simple system has made a huge difference in the flow of my day and how I feel at the end of the day. If I only got one thing done, but I did my best as I served and dealt with the interruptions, then I am OK.

If prayer is not your thing, then take time to ponder. Think about what would be best. Ask yourself the questions and then review your daily task list. Make needed changes, and then determine the order to do your tasks.

3. Have simple systems. My morning prayer routine is a system. I know it doesn’t seem like prayer can be a system, but for me and the African woman, it is. It is what helps us manage our busy lives.

In a recent article, I shared my daily worksheet. It isn’t for everyone, but it works for me and was compiled over seven years of experimenting with different systems. It is simple. It helps me remember and gives me a way to order what matters most. I can’t possibly get everything done but when I find myself drifting or off-center, I have a system that helps me return.

My friend B. needed help getting herself ready in the morning. Her baby is often up at 6:30. I asked what was essential for her to feel put together and she replied, “Wash my face, brush my teeth, get dressed, pull back my hair, and put on mascara. I suggested she put her brush and mascara in an easy-to-access place in her bathroom, not with all her other makeup. I also suggested that she hang her clothes for the next day on the bathroom door.  I have found this essential to get myself together in the mornings.

It helps because I can dash into the bathroom, run the brush through my hair, throw on my clothes, brush my teeth, and run to whatever is next. This simple system of having my clothes on the bathroom door and a brush on the shelf has saved me more than once, and I can go into the day reasonably prepared.

Now when the baby wakes at 6:30 B. can nurse him. Then B. takes him and herself to the bathroom where her clothes are hanging, and her brush and mascara are handy.

Prayer and simple systems, used with consistency help me stay out of that dark place of feeling like a failure and they will help B. also. We don’t need to feel like crap because we will have done our best, God will make up the difference, we will be reasonably presentable for the day, and there will be another day to do the rest.

4. Make Space for what you need – B. was dealing with moving, trauma, and three small children. I am constantly taking care of other’s needs. We are each in a season and it is what it is. There are physical and emotional consequences to each season. We must learn to accept our season and manage the consequences until we move to a new season.

B.’s kids will grow, and her trauma will lessen. But a season of older children will also have consequences on her physical, mental, and emotional self. My mom will eventually pass away, and I may not always have Don and Maggie to care for. Those changes will have consequences that I will need to manage. It will be a new season.

B. felt bad because when her son went to preschool and the baby went down for a nap, she wanted a nap. She thought she should buck up and get stuff done. As we talked, she could see that at this season it would be OK to take a short nap. It is what her body and mind need.

I don’t nap but sometimes I must leave. I take a short walk or go on an errand alone. My mom loves to go in the car, and I usually take her but sometimes I need to be alone and sometimes B. needs a nap. We need to let ourselves have what we need now and then because when we make space for ourselves, we parent, and care give better.

B. worried because she couldn’t get her exercise in. She couldn’t go for walks or make it to the gym. I shared that sometimes we need a different system. Here is an article about how my daughter got exercise with three small children, one with Cerebral Palsy. Going to the gym wasn’t in the cards or walking alone. Her third option was brilliant and would work for B.

I used to sit for hours and read. It is my favorite pastime. But caregiving three adults doesn’t leave me hours to read. I had to find a new way to satisfy this need. Here is an article that shows how I let my bathroom conquer the reading time shortage problem. Do what you can and let it count, even if it is sitting in the sun for 5 minutes!

5. Take responsibility – I am a writer. I do it because it brings me joy, but it is a challenge to get it done. I allow many things to get in the way. Did you notice that I said, “I allow…

One week I didn’t make giving myself time to write a priority. I left the whole thing until Saturday. I try not to write or have any appointments on Saturday. It is my day. That doesn’t mean I don’t cook, clean, and care for other’s needs, but I want the day to be flexible. It feels almost like a rest no matter how busy it is if the day is flexible.

But I had left the whole thing till Saturday morning. Writing an article, rewriting it several times, editing it, formatting it on the website, and creating and formatting the newsletter can take 4 to 6 hours or more. Can you see the problem? I hadn’t followed my simple system for finishing by Friday evening and I found myself in trouble. Systems require consistency!

I got upset with Don several times that day because I was still caregiving, making meals, etc. I was grouchy and my tone was not generous. I finally had to look at my way of being and take charge of my story. No one was making me write. I could choose not to post an article on Sunday. No one had kept me from doing a little each day. I had made choices that left it till the last minute.

I went to Don and confessed that I had been treating him poorly. I told him I wasn’t mad at him; I was angry at myself because I hadn’t followed my system. Don felt better and believe me, I felt better. Then I had to have the same conversation with my mother. Then I finished my writing, hit schedule, and breathed a sigh of relief.

Part of B.’s struggle was that she didn’t have systems in place, and she didn’t always have a plan for her day. She wasn’t allowing what she could do for herself, in the time available, to count. Consequently, she felt upset with her husband, the kids, and life. As we conversed, she could see the value of taking responsibility. When I say responsibility, I do not mean to beat ourselves up. I mean to correct your story, get simple systems in place, use them consistently, and make a plan. Then follow the plan the best you can. Do your best and let God take care of the rest.

I am learning. Imagine at 74 I am in B.’s shoes, in a way. I have more experience and knowledge than she does but I can still drift off the path and blame others. The difference is I know and can correct. Now B. is practicing the same. We are 100% in control of our response. When we know this truth we can take responsibility for our part, and it is liberating!

My personal belief is that God has great respect for his daughters. He knows my burdens and he knows yours. He can and will help us as we implement simple systems, use them consistently, plan ahead, give ourselves space to care for our needs, manage our stories, and take responsibility.

Be kind to yourself. Plan, have systems, tell a better story, and take responsibility.

Thoughts On My Wall

Last week, I shared my daughter’s journey from a traumatic brain injury to a life of love and service. I shared one of the secrets to her success – she had taken charge of what she focused on.

I, like my daughter, put ideas on my wall.

I post on my walls thoughts and ideas that I want to understand and incorporate into my life and way of being. I am a person who decries clutter. Order is the name of the game for me, so it hasn’t always been easy to put things on my wall. LOL However, I have experienced the value of this practice, and I embrace it.

I have shared that I was mad when I learned that I was 100% responsible for my choices. I didn’t believe it. It couldn’t be true. It took me ten years to accept the truth and begin living it. Giving up a victim mindset can be a challenge.

I have lived this truth for many years now, and I know from experience that it is life-changing when we know we are in control of our response. This one principle has made a significant difference in my life. One thing that I do to help myself stay out of victim mode and manage my stories and response to them, is to post on my walls things that help me maintain perspective. I choose ideas I want to understand more fully and live better, thoughts that buoy me up and give me solace. I also focus on things that are not yet part of how I am, because I know that reading them often will help me integrate them into my way of being.

I thought it would be fun to share some of what I have on my walls with you. If it resonates you may want to post it on your walls. If not, enjoy the read and then find what does resonate. I have many thoughts from spiritual leaders in my faith. You will find the same in your faith. I have quotes from people I trust or admire. Some come from books I have read. If it rings true or is principle-based, it can find its way to a wall in my home.

I apologize because I haven’t always put the source on the quote. However, I will share the source if I know it. : ) Even though I don’t always recall where I heard certain words and phrases, it doesn’t matter. They captured my heart in the moment, and I put them on my wall.

I will explain why some quotes are on my wall. It will help you going forward to find great thoughts for your walls.

25 Wonderful Thoughts

1. The picture at the top of this article was gifted to me by my granddaughter Mary, when she was ten. She said, “Grandma, you and I are the same.” I hung her drawing on my wall to remind myself that those I love are watching me, and I need to be careful to be worth watching and emulating. Also, the sentiment is true, there is beauty everywhere, even in the hardest times. There are days when I need to be reminded of this truth. (See Photo)

2. I have this painting on my wall, among the quotes, because it has deep meaning for me. The words came in a dream, and I held them in my heart for years. Eventually, I found a friend and distant relative who painted the dream. It reminds me of what I’m here to do. “Mission Statement – The Savior is healing me. I release old wounds and baggage. As I heal, I am healing generations. I feel satisfied bringing light to others.” Mary Ann Johnson

3. “Whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say, it is well with my soul.”

I heard this in a story told on a Christmas program a few years ago. A father lost his four daughters in a tragic sea accident. He immediately sailed to his wife’s side. As he passed over the place, in the ocean, where his daughters were lost, he said these words to himself. This is how I want to manage loss and suffering.

4. I read the book The Happiness Project by Gretchen Ruben. As she suggested, I wrote my own happiness commandments. I pondered for many days and finally narrowed my personal commandments down to these three. This card has been on my wall for many years. These personal commandments have had a huge impact on my way of being.

5. “I like to think of waiting in terms of a waiter at a restaurant. In this sense, to wait on someone is to serve that person. A good waiter – or server – gives his or her customers excellent care and attention by checking on them often, learning their desires, and attending to them. When I adopt this attitude toward the Lord, it adds purpose to the time I spend awaiting a particular blessing. Time seems to pass more quickly when I am diligently working to serve God. Ironically enough, it’s through this work that I ‘renew strength.’ ” From a talk by Christy Nielson

6. “What is the great cause of Christ? It is to believe in Him, love as He loved, and do as He did.” From a talk by Dieter F. Uthcdorf

7. “God’s prosperity is the power to press forward despite the problems of life.” From a talk by L. Whitney Clayton 

Many years ago, I was in a very lean time, and I asked God, in prayer, to bless me with prosperity. He did. It was the most amazing year of my life and I felt so much abundance. Our income did not change. In fact, nothing changed except how I felt about my life. It was amazing. Years later I saw this quote and I knew exactly what it meant!

8. “Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend…when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that is present – love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us happiness – the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.” Sarah Ban Breathnach

As I said in #7, I have lived this!

9. “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16  From the King James Bible

10. “Life is incredibly unfair – in your favor.” Jennie Taylor

Jennie’s husband was killed in war, and she was left with a family to care for. I listened to her talk about navigating that terrible loss and I was moved beyond words. I was also chastened for my penchant to complain. Jennie taught me the power of these words and also these… “We want everything to happen for a reason. A better mindset might be to let God make reason of everything that happens.” Jennie Taylor

11. When I became a full-time caregiver and made the choice to let my career go, I got a lot of flack from people. Many business associates felt that I was taking the easy way out, business building can be a challenge. Others felt I could do it all if I really wanted to. I spent time pondering and praying. Eventually, I wrote this statement for myself so I would never again second guess the choice I had made. I have it on my wall because caregiving is stressful. It has many challenges and few of the perks of being a teacher and speaker. I must remind myself who I am, why I am doing what I do, and that it is right for me, at this time. Three years have passed, and this is as true today as it was the day it was written.

“So here is my clarity – It won’t be what you would usually think. I live in a four-generation household that is filled with active children and those who are ill. I am also a published author, teacher, and coach. I post daily on Facebook, a meaningful thought for the parents I write for. I write and publish an article each week, which always elicits comments of hope from my readers. My published book is fabulous, and the day will come when I will again promote it and speak and teach on the contents. I have a couple more amazing books in files on my computer which will wait patiently for me. But for now – I am caring for my mother and my ill husband, and helping my daughter care for her 14-year-old with special needs. This is my path, my mission for now, and my time to serve and patiently wait. It is enough for me.” Mary Ann Johnson

11. “Celebrate endings because they precede new beginnings.” Jonathan Lockwood Hule

When I read these words, I knew I had to post them on my wall because I balk at change. I knew that I needed more flexibility of mind and heart. I read these words often.

12. “I will not leave you comfortless. I will come to you.” John 14:18 From the King James Bible

13. “You can’t wait until life stops being hard to be happy.” Jane Marczewski

Jane was known as ‘Nightbirdie’ on the show America’s Got Talent. She had cancer but decided to audition anyway. Simon Cowell gave her a Golden Buzzer. Jane died before the end of the season, but she had lived these words spoken on stage. I don’t watch TV, but my husband does and while doing dishes I saw Jane’s first appearance. Much later I learned she had died. I decided that her words would help me in the years to come and so I searched for them. They are now on my wall.

14. “We can feel heartbreak and joy at the same time.”

15. “Create a vision, present it to the Lord, tell Him this is what you would love, and then ask Him to help you identify your next ‘right’ step. You don’t even have to be totally confident that He is guiding you. If you do this exercise, then I assure you, as you give it your best shot to move forward with the next ‘right’ step, He is.”

16. “Be less worried about what you are doing and think more about who you are becoming.” From a talk by James E. Faust

17. I took a wonderful class on money stories from Erin Mathis Feik. I worked on my money stories for over fifteen years. I had made tons of progress, but Erin was a friend and I decided to see what she had to say. Here is what I distilled from the class. I read these words often and find them helpful, especially in these current, challenging financial times. (See Photo)

18. “Not what we give, but what we share. For the gift without the giver is bare, who gives himself with his alms feeds three, himself, his hungering neighbor, and me.” from The Vision of Sir Launfal by James R. Lowell

I have this posted next to a small picture of Jesus Christ, on my bathroom wall. I see it every day.

19. “God sometimes calls us into service at the most inopportune times. Often, we find a hundred reasons to say no…God wants our availability. He wants our hearts and minds and lives. He wants us to say in the words of Isaiah, ‘Here I am, send me.” God does not judge us by a set of standard performances. He makes a total claim on our lives and expects full use of all our talents. He judges us in terms of what we are capable of doing. In many situations, is not a call simply a realization of a need and an agreement that you have the ability to fill that need if you are only willing to do so?” Millard Fuller

When someone needed to care for my mom who has Alzheimer’s, I was traveling the country, speaking, guiding workshops, and really enjoying myself. I had just had a book published. My husband was already struggling with his health, and I was helping my daughter care for her special needs daughter. I knew the decision to take my mom into my home would come at a cost. However, I didn’t know the cost would be as high as it proved to be. Eventually, I had to let it all go, the speaking, the teaching, the traveling.

I have never regretted the decision, but resentment can come knocking, and maintaining perspective can be a challenge. When I read these words, I had to post them on the wall because this is where I find myself today. They help me stay in a good place so I can better love and care for those I serve.

21. “Being a widow is uncharted territory. It is a place of paradox-empty/full, heartbroken/healed, etc. Sometimes I miss so much I can’t breathe. Yet, having him helping from the other side of the veil has been incredible. Soooo many blessings.” Kim Gleason Davis

I have worried about losing my husband since the day we married. That is because he has been a truly safe place for me. I have talked to dozens of widows over the years to hear their stories, so I could be prepared for the day that this safety left. I know it is silly, but there it is.

However, I have known for a long time now that there are some things you can’t prepare for. When I read this post from my friend, Kim, I had to save it because I will need it in years to come. It resonates with me so powerfully because for decades I have said, “Don is my breath. How will I breathe when he is gone?” Kim reminded me how.

22. “Intelligence isn’t in you; it exists around you and you are to connect with it. Answers don’t have to be in your mind. You don’t have to be able to recall everything you read. You just trust that you are an intelligence in a sea of intelligence and answers and information will flow into you. When you begin pondering something and start talking about it, information flows in.”

As I have aged, my ability to recall details has diminished. I was frightened at first, but then I read this, I believed it and I hung it on my wall. I always seem to find the information I need whether it comes readily to my mind or not. Information, when I need it, does flow in!

23. “Nothing in nature lives for itself. Rivers don’t drink their own water. Trees don’t eat their own fruit. The sun doesn’t shine for itself. Flowers don’t spread fragrance for themselves. Living for others is the rule of nature.”

I come from a time when this was lived more than now. I have watched the world become more selfish and self-centered. I need this reminder to remain as I was taught, to take good care of yourself so you maintain your strength and then care for others.

24. “The Lord has a plan for me, and it will be a gift.” Mary Ann Johnson

After I quit speaking and teaching, I wondered if I had made the best choice. One day while coming in the back door I had this very clear thought flash into my mind – This will be a gift. I immediately came into my office space and wrote these words down and hung them on my wall. I wanted to remember what I had just been told. Five years have passed since that day, and I am seeing the gift being created!

25. “Charity – Patience is a reverence for the agency of others. The Lord’s commitment to agency is deeper than even your own. When we are patient with others, we are giving them space to use their agency, even if it complicates things for us or is different from what we would do. Patience is cheerfully doing all things as required by God. The fruit of patience is love unfeigned. We must have patience in order to withstand pain and grief without complaint or discouragement, which detracts from the Spirit.”

I asked for the gift of charity over a decade ago. As I began studying it, I realized that charity is made up of multiple ways of being. I have since begun studying the parts of this gift I desire. I have many quotes about charity and its parts on my walls. I cannot become what I don’t understand and practice.

I have so many other wonderful thoughts and ideas on my walls. I mean, I have been collecting them for years. : ) It is only possible to take one down if I have become the words or if they don’t apply anymore. There was no way to share them all with you, but I hope you have enjoyed these twenty-five and the stories that go with many of them. I am sure you can tell what my focus is at this season of my life. : )

Take the time in this coming year to find words that will help you stay on track and keep working towards who you want to become. Take charge of what you focus on.

It will elevate your mind, heart, and life.