Category: Better living and Parenting

Five Principles of Power – Principles 3 and 4

Recently, I wrote about principles that I consider powerful for a healthier and happier family life. Last week, we delved into principles one and two. Today, I will share information and examples on principles three and four.

As I said last week, as you internalize these principles, you will see greater success in all parts of your life. This is a promise I can make based on my own experience.

Principle 3

Make it special. When we want someone to look forward to something, we make it special. We do this at weddings, birthdays, and on holidays. But it’s just as important in our daily family activities. Let me share an example from my own life.

I recall a trip we made from Idaho to Utah. We were moving, and Mom was driving us to meet our dad at the new home. She had all nine of her kids in the car. My two sisters and I were in the very back of our station wagon. (No seatbelts in those days.). I was fourteen, Cindy was 13, and Shirley was twelve. Old enough to behave, right? At one point, we were so bored that we began fighting. My mom yelled repeatedly from the driver’s seat for us to stop because we were riling up the other kids. After a lengthy time, Mom pulled over, raced to the back of the car, popped the window open, and reached for us. We, however, were scrunched up at the back of the middle seat, and she couldn’t reach us. She told us in no uncertain terms to stop fighting and remain calm, that we were almost there. Then she got back in the driver’s seat. I will never forget what happened next. I looked at my sisters, they looked at me, we smiled mischievously, and went at it again. I know, we were being naughty on purpose, but we were bored!

I learned something from that experience that helped me when I traveled with our seven kids: make it special! I learned even more as I watched my husband. Don knew how to do this well. On any trip he planned, he would insert one or two stops at city parks. Everyone got out for fifteen minutes, and then we hit the road. At first, this drove me nuts. I mean, we needed to get where we were going. Over time, I saw how helpful this was for our children. They loved our trips and looked forward to the short stops. Don knew how to make it special.

I had a different way of accomplishing this. I would make goodie bags and hand them out at the beginning of the trip. They contained homemade treats and cheap toys or books from the dollar store. In our day, that was the town drug store. : ) Sometimes, rather than a goodie bag, I would have a bin of books, games, cards, coloring materials, etc. that I kept just for road trips. They weren’t brought out at any other time. We also had a few car games, and we often sang as a family. Yes, my kids liked that. Here is the key – what isn’t always available is special when it is available.

This idea of making it special applies to many things, such as going to church, doing chores, or bedtime. Really? Yes. I have a special bag that goes to church with me. When the grands are reverent, they get to pick a treat out of the bag. I’ve been using this bag for over ten years, and although all the grands are now teens and don’t need the bag to be reverent, they enjoy getting it anyway. It’s become a once-a-week tradition. : ) Maybe you have special books that are only used at church. Whatever isn’t always available feels special.

Even chores can be made special. After Saturday chores, have a simple treat. As each child or teen finishes their assigned items, they can have a treat, no waiting on others. You could have a ten-minute dance party just before everyone goes off to do chores or even gather when everyone is done. Laughter, smiles, and treats can make even the most arduous or mundane thing special.

And what about bedtime? I’ve learned that even bedtime can be more stress-free when it’s special. My grands in Washington were notorious for not going to bed, and when in bed, calling out over and over again. When I visited, I instituted something special. I would sit by the bed and ask two questions: What was the hardest thing that happened today? What was the best thing that happened today? They would each get to answer the question, and we talked about it. They loved this. When we were done, each was to lie still, close their eyes, and breathe. I would sit there for another ten minutes while they complied. By then, they were usually asleep.

Another simple way to make bedtime special is by giving each child just three minutes to hug, cuddle, or talk. Then say goodnight and move to the next bed or room. I’ve had parents tell me that doing this one simple thing has made a difference for their kids because it makes bedtime special.

Principle 4

Keep it simple. As in the above examples, while working on making things special, we need to remember to keep it simple. When we make things hard, expensive, time-consuming, or too costly, the activity usually dies a slow death. We had a weekly family night. There was prayer, a story, and a simple activity. We ended with a treat of some kind. This was a family activity suggested by our church. As we went along, many members of our congregation began making this simple family home evening a big deal. Bigger treats. More challenging activities. More resources were required. I found myself letting it slide because I didn’t have the time or energy for all the preparation. I felt that if I wasn’t doing all the ‘stuff’ other families were doing, my kids would feel ours was lame. What was lame was that we stopped doing a fun thing that brought our family together. Eventually, we returned to simpler content, and it returned to a weekly event.

Here is a cool idea a friend had for her children’s bookshelves. She would periodically remove books and add in books that had been removed months earlier. This kept her children’s interest in the books because they felt new. She wasn’t constantly having to buy books or go to the library. This also got her kids to engage with books that they ordinarily wouldn’t have read. It helped make their family reading time more exciting.

Sometimes you’ll have an activity that you think is special, but your kids don’t, and it isn’t as successful as you hoped. That is OK. Get your ego out of the way. Try another activity next week or new items in the car for the next long drive. Be willing to experiment.

I did some work for a woman who taught me a profound lesson. Her closet was so neat, and I asked her how she managed it. She replied that if she bought something, then she had to give something away. This simple ‘rule’ that she had for herself kept her whole home in far better order. She had learned to keep it simple.

We can expand this idea to many areas of our lives. Take a vacation, for example. Don’t overload it. A few activities, well thought out and engaged in, beat a schedule that wears everyone out and leads to misbehaving, irritation, and contention.

When we add a new commitment to our calendar, we should remove something else. One of the great tragedies for families is that we are so “booked” that we do not have time for one another; we cannot enjoy one another. Running from one thing to the next until we are totally worn out is a good way to miss our family life, which is really the life we want. When we keep things simple and consistent, our results skyrocket.

We want to have a real connection in our family. We want peace and calm as often as we can manage it. We want activities that bond us together.

This all happens best as we make things special in simple and sustainable ways.

Learning Play – Creating a Rain Stick

The Spark

I was watching Jack, almost 3, and Mary, who was 10 months old. It was getting crazy. I was trying to write an article and keep the Christmas Tree from tipping over for the third time that day. I began asking myself, “What can I get Jack interested in?” We have a large rain stick in the living room, so I got it out.

Jack was fascinated. He tipped it upside down many times to hear it “rain”. I asked him if he knew how the rain stick worked. He didn’t. So, I used my fingers to explain how there were crossed spines inside and small seeds. When the seeds hit the spines, they made the sound. I could see he was a bit confused.

Figuring It Out

“Jack, do you know what a cactus is?” “No?” “I’ll bet we can find one on the computer.” (I didn’t have any books on cacti in my library.) We went to the computer and pulled up some pictures of cacti. I explained that when the cactus dies, the arms can be made into rain sticks before they dry. I showed him some cacti with long spines and explained that the spines are pushed into the dead cactus. We got our rain stick, and I was able to let him feel the ends of the spines in the stick.

With Jack on one knee and Mary on the other, we googled making a rain stick. The first thing up was a video series showing how to make a rain stick from a cardboard tube. We watched the video on how to choose a tube. We watched how to insert the spines, which were made of nails, pins, or toothpicks. We watched the first part on covering the tube ends, and finished off with the video on what to put inside.

Jack was fascinated and watched all the videos. He didn’t get bored or wiggly. I helped him stay tuned in by having mini-conversations. “Look, Jack, there are three lengths of tubes. Which size would you choose?” “Hey, look, she is using nails and a hammer. You would like to hammer nails, I bet.” “See those toothpicks, they would make a really different sound.” It went on and on, and he was fully engaged with how it was done. (The hardest part so far was keeping Mary’s hands busy and off the keyboard!)

Creating Our Rainstick

“You know what, Jack, I’ll bet we can make a rain stick.” “Yeahhhhh”, he said. We pulled out our really great junk box and found a long tube that we thought might work. I handed it to Jack, he put it up to his eye and said, “Hey, it’s my looker looker”; so much for the rain stick. LOL

We took our tube, some straight pins, and duct tape to the kitchen. Jack was content to watch me make the rain stick. He tried pushing in a pin, but decided it hurt his thumb. We talked about dead cacti, thorny spines, and rain sticks while I pushed in pins and taped on an end. Jack chose red lentils and rice to put inside.

He was interested in how the spines looked from the inside of the tube. He understood now what I had been showing him with my fingers, and he showed it back to me. Then I taped the other end and covered the whole thing with duct tape. A rain stick is normally covered with paper or cloth and then painted or decorated, but I wanted to be sure those pesky pins didn’t come out.

Jack excitedly turned it over. It didn’t “rain”. There was just a spattering thunk. Hmmmmm. He tried it a few times. Then he looked at me and, with a serious face, said, “It’s too little,” (meaning short). He had figured out that there was no rain sound because the tube was too short. Amazing! Aren’t children smart?

I told him that we could construct a rain stick out of three toilet paper tubes taped together. He was all for that and rummaged in the junk box for the tubes. Then his enthusiasm waned. He and Mary busied themselves with trucks on the living room carpet while I taped the tubes together. Then I called Jack in and told him I was going to use toothpicks this time and showed him how it would work. Then he was off again to Mary and the trucks. I finished the tube and called Jack in to put the rice inside. I finished taping the ends and covered them with duct tape. Then I called Jack, and he gave it a try. His face beamed when it “rained.”

When his mom returned home, he showed her the rain stick, and I explained about the dead cactus. She said, “Jack knows about cacti. Remember the story about the boy and his bottom.” A wide grin spread over Jack’s face as he recalled the Dr. Seuss story about a boy who sat on a cactus. Now it all came together in his mind.

It was a great time and took only about forty minutes from start to finish; just a mere 40 minutes, and Jack learned so much and had a lot of fun. Then I went back to my article, and Jack and Mary played with the trucks till their mom got home.

Helping children LOVE learning is about catching a spark from a child (in this case, seeing Jack’s interest in the rain stick), then responding.

Learning play doesn’t require a great amount of time, expensive supplies, or a perfect result to be worth it. So, play and learn!

Smarter Moves: Budget-Friendly Home Buying Tips for Families of Children with Special Needs

Image: Pexels

My friend, Laura Pearson, is helping me out this week. I am still in recovery from my surgery. I am doing well, but sitting at the computer can be challenging. : ) We were discussing Special Needs Parenting, and Laura wrote an article that she is letting me share with you.

Most of you know that I live in a four-generation home. What caused that to happen almost fifteen years ago was my granddaughter, Maggie. She was born with severe cerebral palsy, which requires a lot of one-on-one care. It finally made sense to live together rather than having our daughter, Jodie, call for help and us driving to give it.

We began by sharing a regular home. We lived in the basement apartment, and all the kids, except Maggie, could come and go as they pleased. We put in a ramp to make getting Maggie’s wheelchair in and out of the home possible. But as Maggie grew, our ability to move her by carrying her diminished; she needed a wheelchair that she could drive. That would require a far different home than we had. The hunt began.

Finding a home when you have a special needs child can be daunting, as we found out. We experienced some of the pitfalls Laura mentions – a very costly overhaul for one. The bathroom, with a special needs shower and ceiling track, cost $10,000. Buying a home for special needs is like buying a radius. Almost ten years after moving here, we now have a 40-minute round-trip drive to get Maggie to school each day, or put her on the bus for a 1 hr. and 15-minute drive at 7 am. Making sure that the foundational issues are managed, rather than the cosmetic, is vital. One year into our lives here, we discovered some serious electrical issues and could have lost our home and lives in a fire.

I know that the information Laura presents is useful. You may not have a special needs child, but you may know someone who does. It may not be cerebral palsy, but could be autism, a mental illness, ADHD, or any number of other issues. The family might not be moving now, but may in the future, as we did. Share this with them to prepare for what may come. They will thank you. : )

Smarter Moves: Budget-Friendly Home Buying Tips for Families of Children with Special Needs

Buying a home while raising a child with special needs isn’t just a financial transaction—it’s an emotional recalibration. There’s the pressure to get it right the first time, the looming costs, and the logistical minefield of changing environments while preserving your child’s stability. Every square foot starts to carry extra weight: Can your child move safely here? Will routines hold up? And will the next crisis be mechanical—or medical? If it already feels like your brain’s buffering, you’re not alone. But affordable doesn’t have to mean reckless, and thoughtful doesn’t have to mean out-of-budget. These tips aim to keep your wallet and your family steady through the move.

Define What “Needs” Actually Means in Your World

Not every “must-have” is universal—especially when your child’s well-being drives the list. Safety rails, one-story layouts, low-noise neighborhoods, or predictable lighting might matter more than modern finishes or a bigger yard. Take the time to think about what’s non-negotiable for your family’s stability, then ruthlessly prioritize. Don’t assume everything can be fixed later; some changes are more costly or disruptive than they seem. Accessibility decisions made now can prevent stressful overhauls down the road. Treat this step like an insurance policy against misalignment and future regret.

Map Your Location Around Daily Life, Not Just Price

Yes, the sticker price matters—but what will commuting to therapy twice a week really cost you? Or access to specialists, schools with IEP support, or even a local grocery store that doesn’t involve a meltdown-inducing drive? Price should be filtered through proximity. A “cheaper” house an hour away from services may end up being more expensive in time, gas, and stress. You’re not just buying a house—you’re buying a radius. So think of your budget as something that includes emotional energy, not just dollars.

Buy When the Market’s Not Buzzing

If you have any control over your move timing, lean into the lulls. Spring and summer are when demand peaks—meaning higher prices, tighter timelines, and fiercer bidding wars. In contrast, slower seasons tend to shift negotiating power to the buyer. Sellers are often more flexible during the fall and winter, especially if they’re trying to close before year’s end. That flexibility can translate into closing cost credits, lower asking prices, or extra time to move in. Patience during the quiet months can buy you more than just square footage.

Don’t Fear Dated Wallpaper—Fear a Bad Foundation

A stained carpet or faded paint might make a place feel uninviting, but those are the easy fixes. What you don’t want is a home that hides plumbing nightmares, electrical time bombs, or structural mysteries. You’ll save money—often thousands—by looking past aesthetics and identifying homes that are sound but need surface-level updates. Cosmetic updates are low-lift and low-risk. By contrast, bad bones drain your energy, time, and finances. Remember: minor flaws rarely interfere with livability.

Protect Your Investment with a Home Warranty

The first year in a new house is always full of surprises—some more expensive than others. Investing in a home warranty can provide peace of mind, especially when your budget is stretched and your mental bandwidth is low. A home warranty is a customizable annual plan that covers repair or replacement of essential home systems and appliances, helping you manage breakdowns caused by normal wear and tear. This might help families already juggling complex needs, as having coverage in place reduces the pressure of unexpected repairs. Because the last thing you need during a transition is a broken furnace and a four-figure repair bill.

Look Into Financial Aid That’s Just for You

If you haven’t searched for assistance programs in your area, it’s time to start digging. There are grants and funds specifically designed for families caring for children with disabilities—many of which go underused. Depending on your state or locality, you might qualify for down payment help, home modification grants, or even relocation stipends. These aren’t gimmicks—they’re real supports built for situations like yours. These programs can offset homeownership costs, even if your income doesn’t fall into traditional aid brackets. Don’t assume you’re not eligible until you check.

Streamline the Move with Services that Cater to Special Needs

Moving day isn’t just boxes and trucks—it’s a sensory overload waiting to happen. For families with special needs, even minor disruptions can cascade into meltdowns or missed medications. That’s why hiring movers or organizers who understand accessibility, communication styles, and emotional safety can make a huge difference. These pros know how to pack critical items last, label everything clearly, and recreate essential routines as quickly as possible. It’s not about pampering—it’s about preventing breakdowns that cost time, money, and emotional recovery. Think of it as paying for continuity, not just convenience.

Home buying for families of children with special needs comes with its own equation—one that balances cost, chaos, and care. Every decision can feel weighted, but that pressure can lead to sharper choices rather than hasty ones. By focusing on livability instead of luxury, support instead of space, and rhythm instead of rush, you can keep the process grounded. Affordability isn’t just about the price tag—it’s about how a home functions in the life you’re building.

With the right safeguards in place, your move doesn’t have to derail your stability. It can reinforce it.

Ready to transform your relationships and embrace more connection with your family? Subscribe now to receive insights from Mary Ann Johnson and take the first step toward becoming a more present parent.

Nurturing Leadership Skills in Children: Parent-Led Approaches

Image by Freepic

Today, I’m sharing an article written by my friend, Laura Pearson. I’ve watched my daughter, Jodie, do much of what Laura has shared in this well-written article, so I can appreciate the value of the counsel. I know this information will be helpful to both you and your children. Enjoy. : )

Leadership isn’t reserved for boardrooms or political arenas—it’s a skill set that can begin forming in the sandbox, the classroom, and the kitchen table. Parents hold a unique position to influence this growth, helping their children learn how to inspire others, take responsibility, and navigate challenges with confidence. By embedding leadership opportunities into everyday life, you can set your child on a path toward self-assured, compassionate decision-making. Below are a handful of approaches that blend warmth, guidance, and practical skill-building.

Encourage Initiative and Exploration

Kids often need permission to take the first step toward independence. That could be proposing a new family game night, organizing their school supplies in a way that works for them, or even trying a recipe without help. Letting kids make decisions safely builds their sense of agency while allowing you to provide a safety net. The goal isn’t to shield them from every challenge, but to create opportunities where their choices have visible outcomes—good or bad—so they can learn to weigh options, predict consequences, and adapt. These low-risk leadership opportunities help them grow more confident.

Demonstrating Leadership Through Continued Education

One of the most impactful ways to teach leadership is to demonstrate that growth is a continuous process. Enrolling in various nursing bachelor’s degree options not only opens doors for your own career but also sends a clear message to children about the importance of dedication and self-improvement. Balancing coursework with family and professional responsibilities models perseverance, strategic planning, and the ability to prioritize effectively. It shows that leaders are willing to challenge themselves, adapt, and commit to long-term goals. When kids watch a parent work hard to achieve something meaningful, they learn that leadership is as much about action as it is about aspiration.

Embrace imperfection and accountability

Many children equate leadership with being flawless. In reality, good leaders are willing to acknowledge mistakes and learn from them. If your child forgets to bring their homework home or mishandles a group project, resist the urge to rescue them immediately. Instead, focus on talking openly about mistakes with empathy—yours and theirs. Sharing a time you made an error, how you fixed it, and what you learned reinforces the idea that accountability is a strength, not a weakness. This approach normalizes imperfection, helping them see that growth often happens in the recovery process.

Foster Resilience Through Real Ventures

Nothing builds resilience quite like pursuing a challenging goal in the real world. Encourage your child to test their skills outside of home and school, whether through a bake sale, a neighborhood dog-walking service, or a charity fundraiser. When you support young entrepreneurs’ real ventures, you help them develop persistence, creativity, and the ability to troubleshoot under pressure. Even small projects can teach budgeting, customer service, and time management—all vital leadership skills.

Build Communication, Teamwork, and Critical Thinking

Leadership isn’t just about making decisions; it’s also about working well with others and thinking clearly under pressure. Sports teams, school clubs, and volunteer projects all offer ways in which teamwork strengthens communication skills.  These experiences train them to lead by collaboration, fostering an environment where everyone feels heard and valued.

Allow Choice and Agency Without Fear of Failure

One of the hardest but most valuable lessons for young leaders is that failure isn’t final—it’s feedback. Whether picking a science fair topic or organizing a small group activity, let them own the process. Letting children learn from failure builds resilience and encourages them to take thoughtful risks. Your role is to guide reflection afterward, helping them identify what worked, what didn’t, and what they’d try differently.

Nurturing leadership in children doesn’t require grand gestures or specialized programs. It’s about weaving responsibility, agency, and empathy into the fabric of everyday life. By modeling strong values, encouraging initiative, embracing mistakes, supporting real-world challenges, fostering teamwork, and allowing room for failure, you equip your child with skills they’ll carry into every stage of life.

Leadership, after all, begins at home—one choice, one conversation, and one opportunity at a time.

Discover transformative insights and practical tips for busy parents at Mary Ann Johnson Coach, where meaningful conversations and learning experiences await!

If you like this post and think it would bring joy to a friend, please share it.

Learning Play – Sewing

In 2012, the week after Christmas, Don and I traveled to Colorado to visit our grandkids. We loved and missed our daughter and her husband, but we went to see the grands! I’m always grateful for the time we took, in those early days, to spend time with them. Ashley, the grand in this story, is now in her mid-twenties and a wonderful hairdresser. They grow so fast, and you can’t reclaim their childhood. Hence, the perilous drive in the winter. : )

Grandma, can you help me make this?

Ashley was nine and needed a bag to carry her scriptures to church. She and her mom searched but couldn’t find one they liked. So, they bought a kit. I hadn’t been in the house 30 minutes when I was shown the kit and asked, “Grandma, can you help me make this?” I was all over that. I did a lot of sewing while raising our seven children, and although it was a lot of work, I enjoyed it. I taught the youngest two to sew in the days we homeschooled.

It was interesting that my daughter came in during the project and said, “I’m so glad you are helping her with this.” Here is an aside that doesn’t have anything to do with sewing but has everything to do with enjoying sewing with children. This type of activity can be challenging, as Marie’s comment showed, because we usually don’t structure time and then remain present while we assist and teach. When you decide to help a child with a project, honor that time, free your mind of everything but the child and the project. When you learn to do this, you will enjoy it more.

Children are fun to work with when that is the goal. They’re easy to please. They just need you to focus for whatever amount of time you have determined to give them. This project could have been completed in three 30-minute sessions. That might work better for a busy mom. I was on vacation, so we could take all day if we wanted to. Lucky us!

Learning to Read Directions Is Important

We began by looking at the box. We talked about the picture of the bag. We got everything out and compared the contents with the contents on the direction sheet. I helped Ashley read the directions, and we took it one step at a time. However, despite this wise start, at one point we moved ahead without reading the directions. Opps, mistake. We didn’t hem the top when the pieces were separate, so I had the opportunity to show Ashley how to sew a circular piece of material. : ) Reading directions is a very good thing to learn, and we talked about that.

Gosh, I’m Learning A Lot!

As we worked, we discussed many new words. I would ask Ashley what a word meant, she would take a guess, and then I would give a more complete definition. We had words like fray, embellishment, yoyo (not the toy), wrong side, right side, flair, feed dog (I love that term! So cool), pressure foot, bobbin, straight pin vs. safety pin, etc. About halfway through, Ashley said in a very excited voice, “Gosh, I’m learning a lot!” Kids always learn more when they are engaged. 

As we worked, Ashley commented, “This is sorta like when we learned about crystals.” It sorta was. We began with one thing and learned many other things. That’s the cool part about being present with a child. Learning flows because conversation happens.

Here’s a Tip:

When I sew with a young child who has never used a sewing machine, I stand behind them, tell them their job is to push the material forward into the feed dog, and keep a straight line. Then I worry about the pedal. That way, they learn to do one thing before trying to do two.

 

 

We got to practice some hand sewing because this cute bag had an embellishment called a yoyo, a small material circle used to make a yoyo quilt. She also learned to sew on a button. All in all, we had a great afternoon, learned a lot, and Ashley thought I was the best grandma in the world; and in fact, I was!!! Even now, I think Ashley feels the same.

Anyway, I’m holding on to the story that she does. : )

A Series of Conversations – Step Out of the Trench and See the Sunset

A few days before my 54th anniversary, May 28th, I spoke to my good friend, Joy. I had been down with bronchitis for three weeks. I was challenged to keep up with caregiving and was feeling down, not at all like myself.

The 100 Wants List

At the time, I was reading the book Master Your Mindpower. I haven’t finished it yet because it gives you assignments. It isn’t a fast read, but very interesting. One exercise was to make a list of 100 things you would like to see happen in your life. I didn’t know if that was possible. Caregiving requires a lot of time and emotional and mental energy. I had given up my former life as a speaker and writer to care for my family. I felt like I didn’t have any current goals or dreams. What few there were were hazy and far in the future. And I would be older, and then what could I really do? I was also challenged because I am at a place in my life where I am paring down, I don’t want more things.

Joy and I are alike, and so she understands how crossing things off my daily list is satisfying to me, but neither of us wants to spend the rest of our lives just crossing the mundane off a list. We both want goals and dreams. Joy knows what hers are and is bringing them to fruition with a house full of teens and young adults, but I was stumped. I know I’m a powerful and positive force for good, but after this long illness, I felt like quitting. I had this thought rolling around in my weary brain, “Who cares what you say anyway?” See, no matter how much you know, you can still visit the cellar. How long you stay there is what matters.:) Talking with Joy helped me climb the stairs to the light!

She reminded me that I am in the Impact phase of my life, and that’s why I feel some dissatisfaction. I have a beautiful mission statement, and I know that caring for my family matters. But it gets old. You know what I am talking about. This dilemma doesn’t go away just because your kids grow up.

A Beautiful Statement!

Joy listened to my concerns about the list and then thoughtfully said, “Being in the trenches can be gray, bland, and boring. It matters and is important, but we need something to light our light. We need to get out of the trench for a moment and see the sunset.” That was an amazing statement. My daughter Jodie, who has four teens, one with severe cerebral palsy, and works full time, stops each evening, goes outside, sits in a chair, and watches the sunset.

I took Joy’s beautiful statement to heart. It helped me work out a stinky story I was working on. I knew it was an untrue story and that I needed to rewrite it, but I wasn’t sure how. Here was the story – “I’m caregiving. I don’t know how long I’ll be doing that. Therefore, I can’t make plans. I do not have any current dreams or goals.” As I said, stinky! But Joy’s comment moved me forward. I began my list.

I wanted to see if I could do it. I haven’t reached 100 things, but I am up to 66. This isn’t bad for a 75-year-old who didn’t think she had any dreams or goals. I was amazed and happy with myself.

Want or Desire?

Not long after talking with Joy, I had a call with my friend Mary Black. The list came up again. She shared an interesting thought with me, which she read in the book A Happy Pocket Full of Money by David Cameron Gikandi. Gikandi begins his book with quantum physics and then teaches about infinite wealth and abundance through giving and fulfilling our purpose in life.

One chapter is titled Want Not. Desire, But Never Want. He defined the word want from the dictionary– “to be without. To lack, to be destitute or needy. A defect of character, of fault, to be absent, to be deficient or lacking.” He said if you’re in a state of wanting, you never get what you want. He suggested removing this word from our vocabulary and instead inserting desire or intend, depending on the situation. I changed my 100 Wants list to 100 Desires.

According to the book Master Your Mindpower, the next step is to narrow the list down to the top 10 you want to achieve in the next 12 months, and then the top 3 to do in 30 days. Because many items on my list are about changing my way of being, and I’ve been working on some of them for years, you can’t set a timeline, like 30 days or a year. Others, such as travel, are on hold while I care for those who can’t travel. But some I can move on now, and I will contemplate what to do. I don’t know how this is going to play out for me yet.

Here is what I do know – making the list was eye-opening and freeing. I am alive. I have desires and goals. They were there all the time; I just needed to let them out. This list has buoyed me up. I look at it and add to it. It makes me happy.

This exercise may help you, too if you’re surrounded by littles or teens, have a demanding, all-consuming job, a debilitating illness, etc. Sometimes it can feel like we have no life. Making this list showed me that I do, and can help you see the same, no matter your current circumstances.

Here are 25 things from my list:

• Lose the TONE and speak lovingly and kindly.
• Have extra and to spare so I can share.
• Remain calm, even when triggered.
• Care for Don, Mom, and help with Maggie as long as needed.
• Think of others even when it isn’t convenient.
• Find moments of happiness every day.
• Get my right hip replaced.
• Get better every day, in every way.
• Study something every day and incorporate the good I learn.
• Have $10,000 in savings.
• Feel good about and work well with money.
• End each day satisfied that I did my best, even if it didn’t match my daily worksheet.
• Continue to increase/nurture relationships with other women for a coming day of need.
• Speak Spanish.
• Take painting lessons.
• Dance, any kind my hip can manage.
• Write a second book.
• Visit Maine.
• Go to Missouri and see Jenny and her homestead.
• Finish my study of all 2200 scriptures about Christ in the scriptures.
• Feel happiness, the kind that isn’t about satisfaction because of work well done.
• Go to California and spend a week with Andrew’s family.
• Go to Washington and spend a week with Kate and her family.
• Attend a church service at Gracewoods, in Missouri
• Take a trip to see Marie and her family soon.

As you can see, there aren’t many ‘things’ on the list, and many are changes in my way of being. At this juncture in my life, that’s where my desires lie: becoming better every day, in every way. This is a truth statement I repeat out loud daily.

The things on my list of desires matter to me, and I have time to accomplish them in my life. Some are restricted for now, like going to Maine, but many have nothing to do with time; more to do with intention and choice.

I’m interested to see how many I cross off before I die. Knowing me and how much I love crossing things off my list, I suspect it will be all of them. : )

Making this list of desires and looking at it every day helps me step out of the trench for a moment and see the sunset. It has made a difference.

Ahh, working on the list – Find moments of happiness every day!

A Series of Conversations – Do You Need a Reminder to SMILE

How Can You Remind Yourself to Care for Self?

On my daily worksheet, I have ‘smile’ in the section titled Care for Self. Yup, I must remind myself to check in and see if I have made the effort to smile during some of my busy and often chaotic days. Sorta sounds like your days, doesn’t it, as you wrangle littles or manage teens? : ) Recently, I had a conversation with my friend, Livia. She has an alarm set on her phone that reminds her to smile. Whew, I am not so weird.

The truth is, we need prompts to remind us to do the things that often get left behind in the business of the day. These are like mini systems. I use a daily worksheet, and Livia uses an alarm. It doesn’t matter how you set up your mini system, as long as it works for you.

I do have a few alarms set on my phone to remind me about important things. You know, the things that trump laundry, shopping, cleaning, cooking, and so forth. Here are a few of mine: phone a family member, care for the dog, make sure Don took his meds, etc. I also have things on my daily worksheet I want to remember: read, be alone, even if it’s only for five minutes, sing, take a walk, pray, read my truth statements aloud, study, and so forth. I don’t get everything crossed off every day, but the goal is to cross off enough so that I have fed my soul, as I have cared for others.

I use my daily worksheet, Livia uses alarms on her phone, and some people put notes on the bathroom mirror or over the kitchen sink. All these mini systems help us remember to care for ourselves in simple ways. These mini systems help us be more consistent, and consistency yields better results. As you can see from my worksheet and phone alarms, there isn’t anything big on the list. They’re all simple. Small in their scope, but big in accumulated results.

During the coming week, think about the simple, daily things that would bring you inner peace and outer joy. Then find a way to prompt yourself to get them done.

It will help you be healthy, remain more positive, feel less resentment, have greater energy, and feel successful at the end of the day.

A series of Conversations – Get Lost, Herkimer!

I have had this recurring thought in the last five years – “Why are you writing? You aren’t raising kids anymore. You aren’t homeschooling. You’re getting older. Are you even relevant?” Then I get an email from a young mom thanking me for helping her see what she couldn’t see, or from an older mother or grandmother thanking me for reminding her of what she already knew.

A Conversation That Mattered

Once a month, I talk with my friend Joy Petty. I LOVE these calls. They are interesting and resource-filled. Sometimes I share something that helps her, and she does the same for me. We both go away elevated. On one of our recent calls, the subject of how I have been feeling about writing came up. The reason it happened was that Joy said a recent article was just what she needed. She was going to be teaching a class on forms, the old word for systems. Some of what I wrote about systems was helpful to her. I was blown away.

This was the second time in two days I had received a reminder that I am relevant and that my writing blesses others. (One of the truth statements I repeat daily is about how my writing benefits others. Always working on my story.) The night before my call with Joy, I received an email from an old and dear friend, Heidi Totten. We had worked together for a few years, but our paths diverged, and we hadn’t connected for some time. In the email were three words. “I Love This!!” I didn’t even know she still read what I wrote, after all these years.

Joy and Heidi’s words filled my soul with joy. We all want to matter. We all want to make a difference. We all want our mission, whatever it is now, to be of value to someone.

Joy reminded me to write for those who can hear what I have to say, even if the world has changed and many of the younger generation are not yet ready to hear. Joy admonished me, saying, “Our learning, what we have experienced and now understand, matters even if only to one person.” I know this. I am reminded each time someone reaches out to tell me how much what I said has impacted them for the better. Christ always worked with the one. Each person mattered, not just the audience of 5000.

We all have seasons or phases. Right now, mine is loving my family and attending to their needs and writing when I can. Joy reminded me of something I know and have taught. I am in the impact stage of my life, or as it is sometimes called, the grandparent stage. Joy reminded me not to worry, but to put something of value into the world. In time, the younger generations will be ready to hear as they enter a new phase or season of their own. She said, “There is great meaning and purpose to what you are doing. What you’re doing is huge!”

Why am I sharing this conversation with you?

Why would I let you in on one of my weaknesses, occasionally doubting my value in the world? Aren’t I supposed to be the teacher, to have it all together? Well, I am your teacher, and I’m teaching you something important by sharing a real-life example. I know each of you struggles in this same way because we’re all human, imperfect, and prone to doubt ourselves.

I want to help you remember what Joy reminded me. Your imperfect offering is valuable. Possibly, you parent and don’t work outside the home. There are negative vibes about that. Maybe you parent and work outside the home. Hmmm, still negative vibes. Some of your children may have left the path you taught them to walk, whether it’s values, spirituality, work ethic, family traditions, etc. The feeling of failure and being judged is there, causing us to ask ourselves, “Is what I am doing making any difference at all?”

This is a common place to find ourselves. What can we do to step out of this feeling that somehow what we’re doing isn’t valuable, good enough, pertinent, or heard? As Joy and I talked about this, she came up with a most hilarious solution. It is a simple system. LOL She said, “Why don’t you give this thought that reoccurs a name? What about Herkimer? Then, when you have the thought, you can tell Herkimer to get lost.” I LOVED that idea, and I know how to implement it because it’s similar to what I have done for many years, when I have a negative thought about myself.

I decided those thoughts weren’t mine, but from a source that wanted to defeat me. So, whenever a negative thought came into my mind, I would look to the right and say something like this, out loud: “Get Lost. Is that the best you can do? That is a big lie, I am so not that, and so forth. Yes, I would say it out loud, even in the grocery store or wherever I was. People sometimes looked at me funny. I would smile, and the thought would be gone. It worked so well. I LOVED doing it. However, as research has shown, when we have a pattern or system that is working, we sometimes begin using it less. That has happened to me, and this conversation with Joy has gotten me back on track.

This article is about our story, our perception of what we’re bringing to the world. The more we can confirm to ourselves the value of our current mission, the better we will manage it. This is important and matters. When we continually reaffirm that we have a place and a mission that matters, regardless of how imperfect the results may look at the time, we hang on and do better. My current mission isn’t what I planned or thought I would be doing, but it matters, both the caregiving and the writing, even at my age and in my phase of life.

I have decided to return to regularly using what I know works, but now it has a name. : ) I am again taking control of my story about my mission, my purpose, and my value to the world, and how writing fits into that. I hope you will ponder this. Are you embracing an unhelpful story about your mission?

If so, give it a name, and then regularly tell it to GET LOST.

Learning Play – The Nothing Special Day

Back in the day, when my grands were small, I did many learning activities with them. I enjoyed it and so did they. As I mentioned earlier this spring, I’m sharing some of those past learning activities with you because you can have as much enjoyment and fun with your children or grands as I did. Sometimes all we need is an idea, and then we can run with it. So here goes!

I don’t want you to get the idea that Learning Play always requires a lot of thought or special activities. Sometimes you just get together, play, and learn. It doesn’t always require fabulous, well-researched information. There are times when we want to kick back and rest while remaining consistent in our efforts to bond, enjoy, and learn. Then, there are times when an intervening circumstance requires that we do something that takes less planning time.

This activity was motivated by intervening circumstances, and I was tired. : ) I wasn’t going to stress out, but rather, have fun, join in a family activity, and be together. I didn’t do any big planning. I didn’t go to the library for fabulous books. I didn’t research the internet for crafts or projects. I didn’t have a wonderful topic in mind that I wanted to introduce to my grandchildren.

First, We Cook and Then We Paint

On my way to my grandchildren’s home, I picked up a package of biscuits. I thought it would be fun to make cinnamon snakes. When I got there, I announced that we were going to paint and cook. Jack replied, “OK, Grandma. First, we cook and then we paint.” So that is where we began.

There was no reason to make cinnamon snakes. I didn’t have a book on snakes or any intention of learning about snakes. I just knew that the children enjoyed cooking. So, we began our day with cinnamon snakes. I didn’t realize that rolling dough into a snake would take more dexterity than they had. It required practice, and an occasional snake hit the floor. When working with children, be prepared for a bit of dirt in the finished project! LOL

At that time, Don, my husband, was creating an air gun shooting range for himself. He had cut out several small wooden animals for targets. That was our painting project, painting Grandpa’s animals so he could put them in his range.

I gave each child a brush, a large piece of paper, and a wooden animal. We poured the paint right on the paper. When they were done and wanted another animal and a different color, we traded papers. Grandpa was very satisfied with the result. This particular range wouldn’t have his usual perfection, but it had memories and was fun to use.

I had discovered an old book, Where Everyday Things Come From, by Aldren Watson, in my home library. (Available on Amazon) It had no cover and had been read many times by children over the years. The explanations weren’t scientific, and the pictures weren’t precise, just fun. It told, in simple language, that the things we use every day, such as plastic, coal, glass, rubber, and electricity, can come from unexpected sources. The kids enjoyed the book.

I had a coloring page of a darling ladybug. I thought we would review what we had learned earlier when we studied ladybugs. No dice! No one wanted to color or talk about ladybugs. Not even Maggie, who loves coloring pages!

That was it. We had a fun time and enjoyed being together. We helped Grandpa out.

It was a peaceful Learning Play Day.

A Series of conversations – Start Where You Are, Use What You Have, Do What You Can

A few Sundays ago, my husband tuned in to a show my mom likes to watch, Music and the Spoken Word. The episode he pulled up for her was from Jan. 12, 2025.

It was an interesting and thought-provoking 30 minutes, and Don and I had a conversation about it. We had experienced what was shared. Our experiences weren’t as dramatic as the one shared in the program, but they were powerful for us, nonetheless.

Lloyd D. Newell, who was the moderator at the time, began by saying, “Every great thing has a beginning. A business begins with an idea. A piece of art develops from a moment of inspiration. A skill set or talent blossoms from a desire to try something new. Anything great or grand first comes from something small and simple.” I knew what he said was true. I’ve heard this in many seminars and classes and have read it in books. Even more than this, I have lived it.

However, I have also experienced that beginning, taking that first step, can be intimidating. The program and my conversation with Don got me thinking about what I have learned and experienced, both successfully and at times, less successfully. Beginning is a practice. Like riding a bike, you must begin, and then keep going, even if you fall a few times.

Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.

Arthur Ashe, the first African American winner of the Men’s US Open Championship, shared his thoughts on how to take that first step, how to begin. He said, “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”

It doesn’t seem like that would be enough, but it is. That has been my experience. I have written about the importance and magnificence of small and simple things, done consistently, and the amazing results that come.

Newell shared the story of Sarah Gilbert, whose life exemplified what Arthur Ash shared and what I have lived. Her first step towards a grand goal seemed impossible. In 1851, Sarah wanted to immigrate to America with her family. Her family was large, and their funds were small. There was no way for them to accomplish such a high goal, or so it appeared. Sarah thought about her options, came up with an idea, and then began right where she was, with what she had. She did what she could.

She bought a blind horse and an old wagon. Her husband repaired the wagon and added eight seats to the wagon bed. Each week, Sarah would take paying customers to town to do their shopping. While in town, Sarah would buy simple things she could resell in her small village. Each week, she saved a few pennies. I’m sure when she looked at the jar of savings, it was discouraging, at times. I mean, a few pennies a week. How could this ever get her family to America?

Sarah did eventually get her family to America! It took 27 years. She stuck with her simple system week after week, no matter how discouraging it felt, and, in the end, by small and simple steps, done consistently, she accomplished the impossible. She started where she was. She used what she had, and she did what she could. The result was amazing.

The ideas and dreams we each have require action. We must begin somewhere, even if we aren’t sure how we can make it happen. We must take the first step, where we are, with what we have, and then keep taking steps.

Becoming a successful speaker, teacher, and coach for over a decade began with one small step

When I was five, I decided I wanted to be a speaker. When I was eight, I knew I would write and publish a book. Then I married and raised seven children in Montana. I couldn’t see how any of this could come to pass for me. When I was in my early fifties, we moved to Utah, and I was asked to speak at a homeschool meeting. I didn’t feel competent at that time, even though I had homeschooled my last two children. But I took that step, and ten years later, I was speaking and teaching all over the United States, and I had a published book. All because I was willing to step out and take that first small, scary step.

You Must Start Somewhere

Newell ended the program by sharing this thought – “A simple idea inspires action and action is repeated and improved upon over time, eventually turning into something grand. No great thing can ever be accomplished if you don’t start somewhere.”

This success formula led me to become a speaker and published author. However, even before then, I was using this formula. I wasn’t even aware I was utilizing a success principle. : ) To help raise our seven children in Montana with small means, I taught myself to decorate cakes. I reached out to a woman who was a professional, and she graciously helped me. Then, for over 21 years, I created amazing cakes so my children could have shoes, a new sweater, go on a camping trip, and for one daughter, a trip to Europe in high school. She and I made cakes together and sold them in our neighborhood and church to help fund her trip.

Like Sarah, if you looked at our means, you would have thought it was impossible to do what we did. But we lived the formula, even when we didn’t know we were doing anything important. I began where I was. I had taken a cake class in high school, and that gave me the courage to try. : ) I used what I had, a friend whom I bravely asked for help. I did what I could. I kept learning, practicing, and selling cakes to help care for our family.

Do you have a dream? Is there something you want to accomplish that seems too lofty? Start where you are, use what you have, and do what you can.

You will be successful.