An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard one day. From his collar and well-fed belly, I could tell he had a home and was well cared for. He calmly came over, I gave him a few pats, and he followed me inside, walked down the hall, curled up in the corner, and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day, he was back. This continued for several weeks.
I pinned a note to his collar: “I would like to find out who owns this wonderful dog and ask if you know that almost every afternoon he comes to my house for a nap.” The next day, he arrived with a new note: “He lives in a home with six children, two under the age of three. He’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?”
Raising children is a 24/7 occupation and can be very tiring. With the right outlook, it can also be the most wonderful thing we ever do.
Seeing Differently
When I developed the Spark Station, I thought I was helping parents learn to use a useful tool for connection, learning, and fun. What I spent most of my time doing was helping parents see their children differently — helping them stop seeing their children as burdens, responsibilities, or problems to be solved.
My mission became helping parents adjust their sight and hearts, to see their children with new eyes. When we see differently, we behave differently. When we behave differently, we get new results. Willpower isn’t what makes a home a heaven. Seeing our children as people we genuinely like and want to be with does.
The Spark Station is a tool to help you accomplish that. When you observe the Five Principles of Power, you begin to connect with your children as people. The trick is to make time consistently, and then let go of the world and be present.
I love this passage from James: “Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet they turned about with a very small helm.” You are the pilot of a great ship — your family. By implementing small changes for good, just a one percent improvement, you can turn your ship around. Have faith in yourself to learn, grow, and change, and that your children can weather the storm of your growth and theirs. By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.
My Accidental Spark Station
When I had five of our seven children at home, I accidentally created a large Spark Station. We had a basement room with shelves containing toys and items of interest, everything in a labeled bag or box, so you could always find what you were looking for. There was also a cupboard stocked with paper, scissors, glue, and tape, just like my grandmother Ann had kept. As my daughter Jodie later told me, “It was magical.” Except that it wasn’t — not consistently. Looking back, I can see why.
The room was available at any time. My children would play happily for a few days, and then it would lose its appeal because it had become a mess. They wouldn’t go back down no matter what, preferring instead to follow me around or park in front of the TV. I had given them a wonderful place filled with amazing things, and I couldn’t figure out why no one wanted to use it.
The second problem was cleanup. Because I wasn’t present — either physically or mentally — no one was guiding the experience. When the children tired of the room, they would pull everything out looking for something new until the place was chaos, then abandon it until I got tired of the mess and put it to rights myself.
The fix, I now know, was simply the five rules. A set time for the playroom each day would have preserved the anticipation that makes any Spark Station sing. Being present would have changed everything — I could have helped them clean up one mess before creating another, monitored the glue and scissors, read to a younger child, or helped an older one fix a slide for the microscope, all while building stronger bonds. Keeping fewer things out at a time, rotated every few weeks, would have kept the fascination alive and prevented the chaos that came when the children ran out of ideas. And a little planning would have saved me a weekly disaster to clean.
I didn’t know these principles then. I know them now, and that basement room is a big part of why I teach them so persistently.
One Child or 140 — the Principles Work
In 2011, I had the privilege of creating a Spark Station for an educational event — an entire room with 140 children. I wondered how it would work. Because of the Five Principles, it was a huge success.
We had a set space and a set time, and both parents and children could count on my team and the fun. Rule 1.
I remember holding a very young child who had been crying. She had stopped but was unwilling to let go of me, so I sat with her as 139 small bodies moved around me, knowing I was needed in many places. It was the end of a long day. Then another small child came up with teary eyes and put her hand on my knee. She wanted her mom. I felt a twinge of irritation — and then I made myself look into her eyes and saw a person in need. I hugged her, gave her a drink of water, and she hugged back. The tears dried up, and we three waited quietly for their mothers. When we focus on the child rather than the problem they are creating for us, we send a message of reassurance and caring that soothes hearts. We can only do that when we are present. Rule 2.
My team and I had worked hard to make that room something special. Rule 3.
That first morning, there were many options for children to choose from, and it took everything we had to keep up. For the afternoon session, we boxed many of the options and left out a streamlined selection. The calmer energy from that one adjustment was remarkable. Keeping it simple leads to peace. Rule 4.
And we planned — visualizing the outcome without putting our expectations in stone, with one goal: to keep the children happy and keep our good natures. Rule 5.
A Final Word
A mom wrote to me after working with the Spark Station for several months: “Introducing it into our family did just what you said — it made my kids want to be together, which encouraged me to be consistent. It took patience, planning, and practice, but we have improved. It even works when we have my two-year-old grandbaby over. Your information has been so useful. Thanks a million.”
That’s what this is all about. Not a perfect system or a perfectly stocked Spark Station — just a reliable, workable way to show up for your children and make being together a joyful part of family life.
Next, I will share how the Spark Station travels, what Spark Station Letters look like, and
