Category: Five Principles

Five Principles of Power Series – A Marvelous Example of Being Present

When my youngest daughter, Kate, was a senior in high school, she was in an advanced writing class. One of her assignments was to write a poem using iambic pentameter. She was overwhelmed by the assignment and wasn’t clear as to what iambic pentameter meant. They had talked about it in class, but most of you will relate to how clear it was by the time she got home. LOL

I want you to know I’m not a fan of poetry, unless it comes from Mother Goose. I’m a bit ashamed to admit it, and I know that I owe it to myself to read some poetry before I die. : ) My daughter, however, liked it a lot. She really enjoyed Shakespeare. She had read all of his works and all of his sonnets, watched many plays, and acted the part of Hero from “Much Ado about Nothing” in 8th grade. Here is another confession- I have read Romeo and Juliet and seen The Taming of the Shrew. That’s it.

So, it wasn’t a happy circumstance when she came to me and asked for help. I had no idea what iambic pentameter was. But how could I say no to my daughter who needed my support? So, we sat at the computer together and began. We looked up iambic pentameter. We read it. We gave each other a blank stare and then read it again. Now I may not love poetry, but I’m pretty good at figuring out what I read. I began to understand and was able to explain it to her. Then she was off and running.

We talked over possible topics for her poem. Then she chose one, which happened to be her own idea. Way to go, Kate. She told me the story she envisioned her poem telling. It was good, really good. Then she wrote the first line. I can see us pounding out the syllables into our hands and changing words until there were exactly ten syllables per line. We would come up with ordinary words and then check the Thesaurus to find words that were more descriptive, elegant, or fitting for the time period and topic. It was fun. We laughed a lot.

She wrote and rewrote for over 3 hours. I was there the whole time. I made suggestions whenever she was stuck on a word or a thought and asked for help. She seldom used the word I suggested, but it would spark her mind, and then she would come up with the perfect word by herself. She would look at me with an excited smile, raise her hand, and say, “Gimmie five.” I would, at regular intervals, say, “This is good; it’s really good. You’re amazing!”

Be With Me While I Write

When Kate was in her first year of college, she took a creative writing class. One assignment was to create an imaginary author and describe his/her life. She was to present a piece of the imaginary person’s writing and then analyze it. She decided to rewrite the poem she wrote in high school about a sailor’s widow. She was adjusting it to tell the story of a Civil War soldier’s widow.

One day, I peeked in her room to say hi and see what she was doing. “Mom, come in and let me read this to you.” I went in, and she read it to me. Then she asked me to sit down and help her out.

We reminisced about the time we worked on the original poem together; all those great feelings came back. We laughed about the experience and how fun it had been.

I sat on the side of her bed and watched her use the Thesaurus and the dictionary to find words she needed. I saw her look up Civil War information and get a feel for the time period. I didn’t say much. Her poem was coming along great. Eventually, I stood up, patted her back, and left her to her work. She didn’t really need me. She had learned through experience what to do.

This is a marvelous example of being present. What Kate had needed in high school, she wanted to feel again while creating her imaginary author and what they would have written. She wanted me to be present, to feel my support, have some of my focused time, and sense my enthusiasm for what she was doing. These are the things all kids need from time to time.

Kate wrote her poem in high school by herself. She thought she was asking me to help her do it. What she really asked was, be with me, care about me, and learn with me. This is Principle Two from The Five Principles of Power – Be Present.

 Kate is raising three children of her own, and she understands not only how to write a poem in iambic pentameter, but she also knows how to be PRESENT.  Enjoy Kate’s work from her high school days.

It’s now a few decades old, but still wonderful.

The Widow’s Walk

By Kate Johnson

Upon the widows’ walk forlorn, she stands.
Face gray, indistinct in the morning mist.
Iron railing, cold portent in her hands.
Heartache knocks, upon her cheeks he kissed.
Annals of mariner’s wives keeping pace,
Back and forth, eyes on the horizon.
Lives lost forty leagues below without trace.
Possibility, worry like poison.
Bells peal out, mournfully telling of loss,
Belaying her breath, they tacitly mock.
Mind shrouded, forever bearing the cross,
Endlessly trudging the high widow’s walk.
Hope springs eternal; they shall meet anon
Sighs a chantey to a roseate dawn.

Five Principles of Power Series – The Importance of Anticipation

Christmas at our house was as if the windows of heaven had opened.

There were piles of shiny, colorful goods scattered all through the living room. As the oldest of nine children, I had the privilege of seeing every one of those childhood Christmases. What made it so wonderful wasn’t what was in each pile, but the abundance of goods scattered neatly about. Walking into that living room in the dimness of early morning, the red, green, and orange of the Christmas tree giving a soft glow, was magic.

My parents weren’t wealthy; in fact, I would say that we were in the lower half of the middle class most of the time and slipped even lower on occasion during my growing-up years. Their secret to such extravagance at this one time of year was the Five and Dime, the Dollar store of the past. There might be one long-sought-after item, while the rest was a world of possibilities, of hours of fun that we hadn’t even thought of.

The truth was that the contents of the piles didn’t radically change from year to year, that is, until we entered our teens; but until then, the same things, with a few changes, would be found year after year. We never grew tired of it because it was always about possibilities; it was freshly new. There would be color books, crayons, colored pencils, markers, scissors, glue, glitter, colored paper, pipe cleaners, sequins, paint, and chalk. We would find marbles, gyroscopes, pick-up sticks, etch-a-sketch, magic erase boards, silly putty, paddle balls, board games, and clay, which eventually gave way to playdough. There would be card games, flash cards of every variety, and paper dolls. There were small doll houses with furniture, people, cars, and animals. There were toy soldiers, cowboys and Indians, plastic farm animals with fences and barns, sewing cards, and an occasional kit. And don’t forget the books, lots and lots of delightful books. Things rarely squeaked, talked, boomed, crashed, or moved by themselves. All that had to be provided by us and our infinite imaginations. Those abundant and homely Christmases were a wonderful gift that our parents gave us. We knew what was coming for the most part, but my parents had a way of making it all seem so special.

What made them even more wonderful was the sense of anticipation.

If we want our children to engage with family work, family meals, and family activities, it’s helpful to create a sense of wonder and possibility, to increase the sense of anticipation. This can happen more often when you remember and use the 5 Principles of Power: Structure time and be consistent, remain present, make it special, keep it simple, and plan ahead.

When things you do as a family, even things kids don’t look forward to, such as family work, have a sense of anticipation, they go better. The content of the activity doesn’t have to be amazing or new to have the success my parents had at Christmas. When there is a sense of anticipation, your family will work together better, enjoy each other more, and even do homework with less fussing. : )

Let’s look at family work because I know you are all saying, “No way will this be successful.” : )

Structure time and be Consistent – Let’s say you’ve set Thursday evening for your family to work together and get the basic chores done. Notice I didn’t choose Friday or Saturday. If you have teens, they will be busy. : )

You remain present with your kids. You check on each one over the time you have committed to this family activity. An hour is good. Look in a bedroom door, “Hey, how’s it going?” “Need any help?” “Wow, you’re doing a good job!” “Here, let me help you with that.” Stop by the child doing dishes and rinse a few, while smiling. Check on the one doing the bathroom and wink as you make a funny comment.

Make it special – When you finish the work, serve ice cream cones. Maybe watch a TV show together. Possibly, you sit at the table and tell jokes or play a game. Every family’s different. What does your family love?

Keep it simple – Have chores assigned and rotate them. Everyone knows what they need to do each Thursday.

Plan ahead – Know if there are any school or community activities coming up that could interfere and adjust. Remind everyone the day before, “Remember tomorrow night is Family Work Night. We’re going to have Oreos and milk.”

When you create a feeling of anticipation and are consistent, then even family work can be successful. Remember, nothing is perfect. Some weeks, family work may not be as successful as others, but your consistency, over time, will make a difference.

When you want to engage with a child or your family, ask yourself the question: “How can I create a sense of anticipation by using the five principles of power in this situation?”

Success is possible for any family that learns and uses the five rules.