Author: Mary Ann Johnson

Five Principles of Power – Principles 1 and 2

I love the Five Principles of Power (formerly the Five Rules of Engagement). I didn’t have them fully formed in my mind when I began working with parents and helping them connect with their children. I just knew what children needed: to learn well, connect, and thrive.

In the beginning, I connected the principles with education, as I worked with families who homeschooled. As I have transitioned to working with all families, regardless of how they educate, I have witnessed the power these principles have in not only learning, but in family systems, relationships, communities, etc. They are powerful when planning and executing activities, cooking together, sharing new ideas, adjusting family systems, doing chores, yard work, gardening, etc. When you utilize these principles, children will engage better in whatever you are doing.

The Five Principles of Power

1. Structure time and be consistent
2. Be present
3. Make it special
4. Keep it simple
5. Plan ahead

Last week, I shared how principles 1 and 2 helped me commit to and become successful in learning to meditate. Today, we will dive deeper. Then, in the next few weeks, we will learn more about the other principles. As you internalize these principles, you will see greater success in all parts of your life. This is a promise I can make based on my own experience. 

Principle 1

Structure time and be consistent. In other words, show up regularly. For anything to happen in life,  we must carve out time for it and then make a commitment to that time; we have to be consistent. It’s also helpful to understand that although we structure time so that the things that matter happen, we need to be flexible with what happens during that time.

  • If you homeschool, you structure a time for learning.
  • You might structure how Sundays are spent in your home.
  • It could be family time on a given day or evening.
  • You might structure what you want to see happen in the car while on a long trip.
  • It might be a plan for the days of a vacation.
  • It’s important to structure time and be consistent anytime your family comes together for a specific purpose.

Be Flexible With Content

On a vacation, you may all be doing the same thing, but there’s still flexibility. One child may choose to record the family trip in a journal, another may choose to take photographs, and another may not record anything at all. On a long car trip, parents may have audiobooks for the family to choose from. The family may sing songs together, but not chide the one who just listens. The point is the trip was planned, and then happened. The time was honored, but the content was flexible.

What If Something Goes Wrong

I received an email from a mom who took one of my classes, where I introduced the five principles. She returned home and structured time for family activities, but everyone came down with colds. She shelved the family time for a week, hoping all would soon be well and they could start again.

I raised seven children, and I know what it’s like when everyone feels poorly. However, when creating a truly magical and amazing family culture, structured time and consistency matter. So how do we keep to that structure when things aren’t going well, as in the case of a family with a cold?

My suggestion is to hold true to the time. If you have a once-a-week family evening activity, do it, but modify it. Gather your children around you. Have pillows and blankets, and people resting on the carpet. Give everyone a glass of juice or hot chocolate. Smile while drinking. Have a few moments of small talk or a prayer. Then call it good. The point is to be consistent, to honor the time. It allows your children to depend on it, to understand that family activities matter.

Illness isn’t the only thing that will challenge you as you work to honor time set aside for family. There will be days when you have made more commitments than you can manage. We all do it occasionally. When that happens, gather your children together, have everyone share a joke, eat a treat, and call it good. The kids may not like ending early, as they tend to come to love and depend on family time, but something is better than nothing, and they know it. Consistency counts.

Whatever you do as a family, honor it. Consider it sacred time with your children, so they know you can be counted on to follow through.

Principle 2

Be present. Being present means you’re engaged with your children; you’re in the same space with them physically, mentally, and emotionally. It doesn’t mean getting them settled and then going off to do your own thing. It means being together. You learn together, play together, work together, and have fun together. When you’re present, it helps with management and order. It does not, however, mean micromanaging everyone’s activity or efforts.

Being present is a gift to whomever we give it to. It’s listening without texting, answering the phone, checking email, or watching the TV out of the corner of our eye. Being present is being all ears and eyes for what’s happening now. Children and teens feel more secure and happy when parents are present.

Who Will This Work For

These principles apply whether you have toddlers, young children, teens, older adults, or even if your family consists of three older people. : ) Each day at lunch, we have a family activity – we listen to something that will enlighten and lift us. It’s easy to become distracted and miss most of the audio. It’s also easy to forget to do it. However, when we allow this to happen, after a day or two, one of us will say, “Hey, shouldn’t we listen to something?” Doing this as a family matters, and understanding the power of consistency helps it happen more regularly.

We also have an activity we do every Tuesday. It isn’t always easy to get up, dressed, and into the car, but we have been very consistent for over three years.

Then hip surgeries happened. We stopped doing the activity because we physically couldn’t get in the car or drive. Now we have healed enough to resume this activity, but it’s been hard to get back on the wagon. This is another reason that structuring time and then honoring that time, consistently, matters; picking it up again can be hard, and often you won’t.

When we set aside time to be with our family, whether it’s daily, weekly, or even monthly, and then make it happen consistently, it builds a sense of trust that blesses us far beyond the activity itself. When children can trust that we care and they matter, they are freer to come to us when they’re in need.

So, structure time and then show up consistently. It will bless your family.

From the Archive – Two Principles of Power: Show Up & Stay Present

Two Principles of Power

A mother who attended one of my classes in the early days of my teaching career mentioned that because what I taught was based on principles, she could go home and put it right to work. A principle is a fundamental truth that we can build on. There are five principles I have focused on in my life and career that determine success, or mediocrity, and failure in our efforts. In the beginning, I called them the Five Rules of Engagement. Today, I call them the Five Principles of Power. These five principles help us achieve greater success in our family interactions, relationships, communities, personal learning, and growth. I will share all five next week, but today I am focusing on the first two because I have a story I want to share: 1. Structure time & be consistent, or in other words, show up, and then 2. Remain Present.

Over the years, I’ve had many opportunities to practice these principles and prove their efficacy. A decade and a half ago, I decided to learn to meditate. Because of my penchant for movement, meditation was not easy for me to master. At times, I was challenged to keep my commitment to the practice of meditation. I had a friend helping me remain accountable, and I sometimes didn’t want to keep my commitments to her. This was partly because I didn’t feel I was making much progress.

She Hit the Nail On the Head

During this learning time, my friend sent me an email (I have adjusted it slightly for this article) that I want to share. It wasn’t easy to read. When we know something well and teach others, we want to believe we have it down. But that isn’t always the truth. Knowing and doing are two sides of a coin. She said, “Sticking with meditating daily is your commitment to a peaceful heart and life. You tell families that structured time is vital. You tell them they must show up and be present during that structured time. The same principle works here. If you show up as you said you would, the blessings come. Meditation is your personal structured time commitment. And you know that the magic cannot be preplanned, it happens when you show up.”

She hit the nail on the head. It is about showing up and staying present. It didn’t matter if I thought my daily meditation was successful or not. If I showed up and remained present, it was successful! That was a tall order for me, as I have said. At the time, I had a busy life. I was working full-time and building a teaching/mentoring career on the side. When I woke up I didn’t have a cup of herbal tea, and let my body adjust to its new state of awakeness. I didn’t stop to fix my hair unless I knew I was going somewhere that day. I would run a brush through it and say, “That’ll do.” My husband has often said that I am like a firefighter; the bell rings and I am up, dressed, and on the move in 30 seconds flat. So, sitting quietly for eight full minutes was a KILLER. And then to stay present with the meditating, to mentally nod at the thoughts that were pounding in my brain to be heard and gently usher them out without focusing on them, WOW, that was a tall order. Some days I wanted to say, “NO!”

She was also correct about the magic that comes when you show up and stay present. It cannot be planned, it just happens. Years ago, I shared the experience of a mom who let her kids make a snow swamp, which morphed into a volcano creation, which wound itself into the color wheel and creating colors, which led to colored toast art, and then flung itself into a soda fountain and counting change? That was a magical day for her and her kids. This magical family moment happened because the mom showed up and remained present.

The Results of Committing to Showing Up and Remaining Present

Back in May of 2010, I finally fully committed myself to show up and remain Present for 8 minutes of quiet meditation a day. I sat on a stool in my kitchen every morning, sometimes as early as 5am, to make it happen. I was reading the book Eight Minute Meditation by Victor Davich. With the book’s help, every week I practiced a new meditation. I finally found the one that worked the best for me, and as I said, I continued my kitchen meditation for several years. Then I made a change. I stopped meditating during the day and did it at bedtime. I have now used this tool every night for thirteen years. It’s made a difference in my level of peace. I go to sleep in less than 15 minutes, no matter how jumbled or troubled the day. I sleep better. I wake more refreshed. I have shown up and remained present, and I have reaped the rewards of doing so for over a decade and a half.

Remember that 90% of success is just showing up and remaining present. These principles always apply. They applied to my meditation, regardless of how I chose to do it. They apply to magical family moments, healthy relationships, successful home management, personal learning, and growth, etc.

So, choose to show up and remain present. It’s a choice.

Learning Play – Creating a Rain Stick

The Spark

I was watching Jack, almost 3, and Mary, who was 10 months old. It was getting crazy. I was trying to write an article and keep the Christmas Tree from tipping over for the third time that day. I began asking myself, “What can I get Jack interested in?” We have a large rain stick in the living room, so I got it out.

Jack was fascinated. He tipped it upside down many times to hear it “rain”. I asked him if he knew how the rain stick worked. He didn’t. So, I used my fingers to explain how there were crossed spines inside and small seeds. When the seeds hit the spines, they made the sound. I could see he was a bit confused.

Figuring It Out

“Jack, do you know what a cactus is?” “No?” “I’ll bet we can find one on the computer.” (I didn’t have any books on cacti in my library.) We went to the computer and pulled up some pictures of cacti. I explained that when the cactus dies, the arms can be made into rain sticks before they dry. I showed him some cacti with long spines and explained that the spines are pushed into the dead cactus. We got our rain stick, and I was able to let him feel the ends of the spines in the stick.

With Jack on one knee and Mary on the other, we googled making a rain stick. The first thing up was a video series showing how to make a rain stick from a cardboard tube. We watched the video on how to choose a tube. We watched how to insert the spines, which were made of nails, pins, or toothpicks. We watched the first part on covering the tube ends, and finished off with the video on what to put inside.

Jack was fascinated and watched all the videos. He didn’t get bored or wiggly. I helped him stay tuned in by having mini-conversations. “Look, Jack, there are three lengths of tubes. Which size would you choose?” “Hey, look, she is using nails and a hammer. You would like to hammer nails, I bet.” “See those toothpicks, they would make a really different sound.” It went on and on, and he was fully engaged with how it was done. (The hardest part so far was keeping Mary’s hands busy and off the keyboard!)

Creating Our Rainstick

“You know what, Jack, I’ll bet we can make a rain stick.” “Yeahhhhh”, he said. We pulled out our really great junk box and found a long tube that we thought might work. I handed it to Jack, he put it up to his eye and said, “Hey, it’s my looker looker”; so much for the rain stick. LOL

We took our tube, some straight pins, and duct tape to the kitchen. Jack was content to watch me make the rain stick. He tried pushing in a pin, but decided it hurt his thumb. We talked about dead cacti, thorny spines, and rain sticks while I pushed in pins and taped on an end. Jack chose red lentils and rice to put inside.

He was interested in how the spines looked from the inside of the tube. He understood now what I had been showing him with my fingers, and he showed it back to me. Then I taped the other end and covered the whole thing with duct tape. A rain stick is normally covered with paper or cloth and then painted or decorated, but I wanted to be sure those pesky pins didn’t come out.

Jack excitedly turned it over. It didn’t “rain”. There was just a spattering thunk. Hmmmmm. He tried it a few times. Then he looked at me and, with a serious face, said, “It’s too little,” (meaning short). He had figured out that there was no rain sound because the tube was too short. Amazing! Aren’t children smart?

I told him that we could construct a rain stick out of three toilet paper tubes taped together. He was all for that and rummaged in the junk box for the tubes. Then his enthusiasm waned. He and Mary busied themselves with trucks on the living room carpet while I taped the tubes together. Then I called Jack in and told him I was going to use toothpicks this time and showed him how it would work. Then he was off again to Mary and the trucks. I finished the tube and called Jack in to put the rice inside. I finished taping the ends and covered them with duct tape. Then I called Jack, and he gave it a try. His face beamed when it “rained.”

When his mom returned home, he showed her the rain stick, and I explained about the dead cactus. She said, “Jack knows about cacti. Remember the story about the boy and his bottom.” A wide grin spread over Jack’s face as he recalled the Dr. Seuss story about a boy who sat on a cactus. Now it all came together in his mind.

It was a great time and took only about forty minutes from start to finish; just a mere 40 minutes, and Jack learned so much and had a lot of fun. Then I went back to my article, and Jack and Mary played with the trucks till their mom got home.

Helping children LOVE learning is about catching a spark from a child (in this case, seeing Jack’s interest in the rain stick), then responding.

Learning play doesn’t require a great amount of time, expensive supplies, or a perfect result to be worth it. So, play and learn!

Smarter Moves: Budget-Friendly Home Buying Tips for Families of Children with Special Needs

Image: Pexels

My friend, Laura Pearson, is helping me out this week. I am still in recovery from my surgery. I am doing well, but sitting at the computer can be challenging. : ) We were discussing Special Needs Parenting, and Laura wrote an article that she is letting me share with you.

Most of you know that I live in a four-generation home. What caused that to happen almost fifteen years ago was my granddaughter, Maggie. She was born with severe cerebral palsy, which requires a lot of one-on-one care. It finally made sense to live together rather than having our daughter, Jodie, call for help and us driving to give it.

We began by sharing a regular home. We lived in the basement apartment, and all the kids, except Maggie, could come and go as they pleased. We put in a ramp to make getting Maggie’s wheelchair in and out of the home possible. But as Maggie grew, our ability to move her by carrying her diminished; she needed a wheelchair that she could drive. That would require a far different home than we had. The hunt began.

Finding a home when you have a special needs child can be daunting, as we found out. We experienced some of the pitfalls Laura mentions – a very costly overhaul for one. The bathroom, with a special needs shower and ceiling track, cost $10,000. Buying a home for special needs is like buying a radius. Almost ten years after moving here, we now have a 40-minute round-trip drive to get Maggie to school each day, or put her on the bus for a 1 hr. and 15-minute drive at 7 am. Making sure that the foundational issues are managed, rather than the cosmetic, is vital. One year into our lives here, we discovered some serious electrical issues and could have lost our home and lives in a fire.

I know that the information Laura presents is useful. You may not have a special needs child, but you may know someone who does. It may not be cerebral palsy, but could be autism, a mental illness, ADHD, or any number of other issues. The family might not be moving now, but may in the future, as we did. Share this with them to prepare for what may come. They will thank you. : )

Smarter Moves: Budget-Friendly Home Buying Tips for Families of Children with Special Needs

Buying a home while raising a child with special needs isn’t just a financial transaction—it’s an emotional recalibration. There’s the pressure to get it right the first time, the looming costs, and the logistical minefield of changing environments while preserving your child’s stability. Every square foot starts to carry extra weight: Can your child move safely here? Will routines hold up? And will the next crisis be mechanical—or medical? If it already feels like your brain’s buffering, you’re not alone. But affordable doesn’t have to mean reckless, and thoughtful doesn’t have to mean out-of-budget. These tips aim to keep your wallet and your family steady through the move.

Define What “Needs” Actually Means in Your World

Not every “must-have” is universal—especially when your child’s well-being drives the list. Safety rails, one-story layouts, low-noise neighborhoods, or predictable lighting might matter more than modern finishes or a bigger yard. Take the time to think about what’s non-negotiable for your family’s stability, then ruthlessly prioritize. Don’t assume everything can be fixed later; some changes are more costly or disruptive than they seem. Accessibility decisions made now can prevent stressful overhauls down the road. Treat this step like an insurance policy against misalignment and future regret.

Map Your Location Around Daily Life, Not Just Price

Yes, the sticker price matters—but what will commuting to therapy twice a week really cost you? Or access to specialists, schools with IEP support, or even a local grocery store that doesn’t involve a meltdown-inducing drive? Price should be filtered through proximity. A “cheaper” house an hour away from services may end up being more expensive in time, gas, and stress. You’re not just buying a house—you’re buying a radius. So think of your budget as something that includes emotional energy, not just dollars.

Buy When the Market’s Not Buzzing

If you have any control over your move timing, lean into the lulls. Spring and summer are when demand peaks—meaning higher prices, tighter timelines, and fiercer bidding wars. In contrast, slower seasons tend to shift negotiating power to the buyer. Sellers are often more flexible during the fall and winter, especially if they’re trying to close before year’s end. That flexibility can translate into closing cost credits, lower asking prices, or extra time to move in. Patience during the quiet months can buy you more than just square footage.

Don’t Fear Dated Wallpaper—Fear a Bad Foundation

A stained carpet or faded paint might make a place feel uninviting, but those are the easy fixes. What you don’t want is a home that hides plumbing nightmares, electrical time bombs, or structural mysteries. You’ll save money—often thousands—by looking past aesthetics and identifying homes that are sound but need surface-level updates. Cosmetic updates are low-lift and low-risk. By contrast, bad bones drain your energy, time, and finances. Remember: minor flaws rarely interfere with livability.

Protect Your Investment with a Home Warranty

The first year in a new house is always full of surprises—some more expensive than others. Investing in a home warranty can provide peace of mind, especially when your budget is stretched and your mental bandwidth is low. A home warranty is a customizable annual plan that covers repair or replacement of essential home systems and appliances, helping you manage breakdowns caused by normal wear and tear. This might help families already juggling complex needs, as having coverage in place reduces the pressure of unexpected repairs. Because the last thing you need during a transition is a broken furnace and a four-figure repair bill.

Look Into Financial Aid That’s Just for You

If you haven’t searched for assistance programs in your area, it’s time to start digging. There are grants and funds specifically designed for families caring for children with disabilities—many of which go underused. Depending on your state or locality, you might qualify for down payment help, home modification grants, or even relocation stipends. These aren’t gimmicks—they’re real supports built for situations like yours. These programs can offset homeownership costs, even if your income doesn’t fall into traditional aid brackets. Don’t assume you’re not eligible until you check.

Streamline the Move with Services that Cater to Special Needs

Moving day isn’t just boxes and trucks—it’s a sensory overload waiting to happen. For families with special needs, even minor disruptions can cascade into meltdowns or missed medications. That’s why hiring movers or organizers who understand accessibility, communication styles, and emotional safety can make a huge difference. These pros know how to pack critical items last, label everything clearly, and recreate essential routines as quickly as possible. It’s not about pampering—it’s about preventing breakdowns that cost time, money, and emotional recovery. Think of it as paying for continuity, not just convenience.

Home buying for families of children with special needs comes with its own equation—one that balances cost, chaos, and care. Every decision can feel weighted, but that pressure can lead to sharper choices rather than hasty ones. By focusing on livability instead of luxury, support instead of space, and rhythm instead of rush, you can keep the process grounded. Affordability isn’t just about the price tag—it’s about how a home functions in the life you’re building.

With the right safeguards in place, your move doesn’t have to derail your stability. It can reinforce it.

Ready to transform your relationships and embrace more connection with your family? Subscribe now to receive insights from Mary Ann Johnson and take the first step toward becoming a more present parent.

Nurturing Leadership Skills in Children: Parent-Led Approaches

Image by Freepic

Today, I’m sharing an article written by my friend, Laura Pearson. I’ve watched my daughter, Jodie, do much of what Laura has shared in this well-written article, so I can appreciate the value of the counsel. I know this information will be helpful to both you and your children. Enjoy. : )

Leadership isn’t reserved for boardrooms or political arenas—it’s a skill set that can begin forming in the sandbox, the classroom, and the kitchen table. Parents hold a unique position to influence this growth, helping their children learn how to inspire others, take responsibility, and navigate challenges with confidence. By embedding leadership opportunities into everyday life, you can set your child on a path toward self-assured, compassionate decision-making. Below are a handful of approaches that blend warmth, guidance, and practical skill-building.

Encourage Initiative and Exploration

Kids often need permission to take the first step toward independence. That could be proposing a new family game night, organizing their school supplies in a way that works for them, or even trying a recipe without help. Letting kids make decisions safely builds their sense of agency while allowing you to provide a safety net. The goal isn’t to shield them from every challenge, but to create opportunities where their choices have visible outcomes—good or bad—so they can learn to weigh options, predict consequences, and adapt. These low-risk leadership opportunities help them grow more confident.

Demonstrating Leadership Through Continued Education

One of the most impactful ways to teach leadership is to demonstrate that growth is a continuous process. Enrolling in various nursing bachelor’s degree options not only opens doors for your own career but also sends a clear message to children about the importance of dedication and self-improvement. Balancing coursework with family and professional responsibilities models perseverance, strategic planning, and the ability to prioritize effectively. It shows that leaders are willing to challenge themselves, adapt, and commit to long-term goals. When kids watch a parent work hard to achieve something meaningful, they learn that leadership is as much about action as it is about aspiration.

Embrace imperfection and accountability

Many children equate leadership with being flawless. In reality, good leaders are willing to acknowledge mistakes and learn from them. If your child forgets to bring their homework home or mishandles a group project, resist the urge to rescue them immediately. Instead, focus on talking openly about mistakes with empathy—yours and theirs. Sharing a time you made an error, how you fixed it, and what you learned reinforces the idea that accountability is a strength, not a weakness. This approach normalizes imperfection, helping them see that growth often happens in the recovery process.

Foster Resilience Through Real Ventures

Nothing builds resilience quite like pursuing a challenging goal in the real world. Encourage your child to test their skills outside of home and school, whether through a bake sale, a neighborhood dog-walking service, or a charity fundraiser. When you support young entrepreneurs’ real ventures, you help them develop persistence, creativity, and the ability to troubleshoot under pressure. Even small projects can teach budgeting, customer service, and time management—all vital leadership skills.

Build Communication, Teamwork, and Critical Thinking

Leadership isn’t just about making decisions; it’s also about working well with others and thinking clearly under pressure. Sports teams, school clubs, and volunteer projects all offer ways in which teamwork strengthens communication skills.  These experiences train them to lead by collaboration, fostering an environment where everyone feels heard and valued.

Allow Choice and Agency Without Fear of Failure

One of the hardest but most valuable lessons for young leaders is that failure isn’t final—it’s feedback. Whether picking a science fair topic or organizing a small group activity, let them own the process. Letting children learn from failure builds resilience and encourages them to take thoughtful risks. Your role is to guide reflection afterward, helping them identify what worked, what didn’t, and what they’d try differently.

Nurturing leadership in children doesn’t require grand gestures or specialized programs. It’s about weaving responsibility, agency, and empathy into the fabric of everyday life. By modeling strong values, encouraging initiative, embracing mistakes, supporting real-world challenges, fostering teamwork, and allowing room for failure, you equip your child with skills they’ll carry into every stage of life.

Leadership, after all, begins at home—one choice, one conversation, and one opportunity at a time.

Discover transformative insights and practical tips for busy parents at Mary Ann Johnson Coach, where meaningful conversations and learning experiences await!

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A Series of Conversations – The Dissolution of a Story

As I’ve mentioned before, there’s a story that has caused me grief. I’ve worked on rewriting it, but it continues to morph as I move into my 9th year of caregiving. Despite the work I’ve done and the changes I’ve made, it still rears its ugly head and causes negative emotions. When it does, I take immediate control and look at how the story has changed. It’s annoying and sometimes exhausting to rework an old story, but this one has been particularly tough. I suspect that’s because, as a caregiver, I live a life that makes it easy for the story to creep in.

Originally, it was, “There’s no room in my life for me.” Then it morphed to, “I’m constantly interrupted, and I never get my own stuff done.” There have been other iterations. As I said, a toughie.

The Most Recent Version

Here it is: “Everything, even if good and for my benefit, is just one more thing on my plate.” Can you see how it has jumped from one thought to another, but is basically the same? This version of that old story isn’t any healthier and makes caring for my family harder on some days. I continued to pray for help. The goal was to explode it into pieces so it wouldn’t keep morphing itself. : )

Disengaging 

Four years ago, I began feeling a push from God to develop a community outside of the one I enjoyed once a week at church. I wasn’t happy with that thought. I mean, the story was there. Even if it was good for me, it would just be one more thing to manage in my packed life. Sigh!

However, I listened to God and myself, and I knew it was wise. It took a couple of years for me to move, but move I eventually did. I called my friend, Linda. We had been friends and spoke on the phone almost every day for over twenty years while I lived in Laurel, Montana. We decided to make it a consistent call and set a date for every three months. After each call, we would schedule another appointment three months out. We both knew from experience that if we didn’t set aside time and honor it, it wouldn’t happen. We had only spoken every two or three years for the twenty-five-plus years I had been in Utah. This principle of setting a time and honoring it is true everywhere, including connecting with our children.

After that first step, other names came to mind, and I would make a call and set up a three-month appointment. I now have seven friends I connect with regularly. One of those friends, Anne, after a couple of calls, asked me if we could meet for lunch every three months and visit face-to-face. Oh, my word, I don’t do lunch, and we would each need to drive 30 minutes to meet. But we set it up and have managed for several years now. One of those seven friends and I talk every month. I’m getting better, right? : )

A year ago, I began walking with two friends several times a week. We’ve been darn consistent considering they are both still parenting and I’m caregiving. I truly enjoy these walks.

However, here’s the thing. Despite following wise counsel from God and myself, before each call, meeting, lunch, or walk, I would have this thought, “Why are you doing this. You don’t have time. This is nuts!”

At the end of each connection, whether on the phone, a walk, or lunch, I felt rested. Freer somehow. I had laughed, smiled, joked, and sometimes cried. It was liberating. It was stress-relieving. It made me feel bad that I had negative thoughts before each event, even though I experienced good results and felt better afterwards.

My RED-LETTER Day

July 25th was a red-letter day for me. What’s a red-letter day? A day that is pleasantly noteworthy or memorable. I had my scheduled walk with Alysia and Livia. That morning, I felt tired, and staying in bed another fifteen minutes would have felt good. But I realized I was looking forward to this walk. I didn’t think. “Augh, if I didn’t have this walk scheduled, I could rest another fifteen minutes. Why do I do this stuff?” No, what I thought was, “I’m glad to have a reason to get up. I want to hear about Livia’s event and how Alysia’s kids are doing.” What an amazing turnaround.

On the walk, I mentioned that I had a call coming up later that day with Joy, someone we all know. Alysia asked if I was looking forward to it. (She knows the struggle I’ve had with the story because we’re honest and have real conversations.) I stopped walking for a moment to check in with myself and realized I was anticipating the call with gladness. I was happy my walking buddy asked the question because it helped me take notice of the shift.

In my afternoon conversation with Joy, my morning experience came up. We were talking about the value and importance of having a community. Joy had mentioned that community is what increases our prosperity – not with money, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and in services rendered. We are more prosperous when we have friends who care, and whom we care for.

In that moment, I realized fully what I had begun to sense earlier that morning. There had been a shift! I began feeling anticipation before a call, a walk, or a lunch for several weeks. I wanted to be present with that person. It no longer felt like just another thing on my very full plate. The story, at least for now, has retreated. It may rear its ugly head in the future, but now I have evidence it’s false! It will be easier to send the story packing!

The New Story

Here is the new story: “God knows my needs. He knew the truth, that I would flourish in a community of friends, even though I didn’t know it. Now I do, and I am moving forward. Engaging in my community makes space for all that matters.  Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” I am still working on it, but it is coming along. I repeat it daily.

It can take time to rewrite an unhealthy or unhelpful story, but when we recognise a story that is damaging or harmful, we can change it. It’s happening for me, and it’s wonderfully freeing. It can happen for you. When you recognise that you’re telling yourself something that isn’t helpful or is untrue, don’t berate yourself. Celebrate. When you can see it, you can change it, even if it takes time.

I’ve worked on this story for eight years,
and I am succeeding! : )

Learning Play – Sewing

In 2012, the week after Christmas, Don and I traveled to Colorado to visit our grandkids. We loved and missed our daughter and her husband, but we went to see the grands! I’m always grateful for the time we took, in those early days, to spend time with them. Ashley, the grand in this story, is now in her mid-twenties and a wonderful hairdresser. They grow so fast, and you can’t reclaim their childhood. Hence, the perilous drive in the winter. : )

Grandma, can you help me make this?

Ashley was nine and needed a bag to carry her scriptures to church. She and her mom searched but couldn’t find one they liked. So, they bought a kit. I hadn’t been in the house 30 minutes when I was shown the kit and asked, “Grandma, can you help me make this?” I was all over that. I did a lot of sewing while raising our seven children, and although it was a lot of work, I enjoyed it. I taught the youngest two to sew in the days we homeschooled.

It was interesting that my daughter came in during the project and said, “I’m so glad you are helping her with this.” Here is an aside that doesn’t have anything to do with sewing but has everything to do with enjoying sewing with children. This type of activity can be challenging, as Marie’s comment showed, because we usually don’t structure time and then remain present while we assist and teach. When you decide to help a child with a project, honor that time, free your mind of everything but the child and the project. When you learn to do this, you will enjoy it more.

Children are fun to work with when that is the goal. They’re easy to please. They just need you to focus for whatever amount of time you have determined to give them. This project could have been completed in three 30-minute sessions. That might work better for a busy mom. I was on vacation, so we could take all day if we wanted to. Lucky us!

Learning to Read Directions Is Important

We began by looking at the box. We talked about the picture of the bag. We got everything out and compared the contents with the contents on the direction sheet. I helped Ashley read the directions, and we took it one step at a time. However, despite this wise start, at one point we moved ahead without reading the directions. Opps, mistake. We didn’t hem the top when the pieces were separate, so I had the opportunity to show Ashley how to sew a circular piece of material. : ) Reading directions is a very good thing to learn, and we talked about that.

Gosh, I’m Learning A Lot!

As we worked, we discussed many new words. I would ask Ashley what a word meant, she would take a guess, and then I would give a more complete definition. We had words like fray, embellishment, yoyo (not the toy), wrong side, right side, flair, feed dog (I love that term! So cool), pressure foot, bobbin, straight pin vs. safety pin, etc. About halfway through, Ashley said in a very excited voice, “Gosh, I’m learning a lot!” Kids always learn more when they are engaged. 

As we worked, Ashley commented, “This is sorta like when we learned about crystals.” It sorta was. We began with one thing and learned many other things. That’s the cool part about being present with a child. Learning flows because conversation happens.

Here’s a Tip:

When I sew with a young child who has never used a sewing machine, I stand behind them, tell them their job is to push the material forward into the feed dog, and keep a straight line. Then I worry about the pedal. That way, they learn to do one thing before trying to do two.

 

 

We got to practice some hand sewing because this cute bag had an embellishment called a yoyo, a small material circle used to make a yoyo quilt. She also learned to sew on a button. All in all, we had a great afternoon, learned a lot, and Ashley thought I was the best grandma in the world; and in fact, I was!!! Even now, I think Ashley feels the same.

Anyway, I’m holding on to the story that she does. : )

A Series of Conversations – Step Out of the Trench and See the Sunset

A few days before my 54th anniversary, May 28th, I spoke to my good friend, Joy. I had been down with bronchitis for three weeks. I was challenged to keep up with caregiving and was feeling down, not at all like myself.

The 100 Wants List

At the time, I was reading the book Master Your Mindpower. I haven’t finished it yet because it gives you assignments. It isn’t a fast read, but very interesting. One exercise was to make a list of 100 things you would like to see happen in your life. I didn’t know if that was possible. Caregiving requires a lot of time and emotional and mental energy. I had given up my former life as a speaker and writer to care for my family. I felt like I didn’t have any current goals or dreams. What few there were were hazy and far in the future. And I would be older, and then what could I really do? I was also challenged because I am at a place in my life where I am paring down, I don’t want more things.

Joy and I are alike, and so she understands how crossing things off my daily list is satisfying to me, but neither of us wants to spend the rest of our lives just crossing the mundane off a list. We both want goals and dreams. Joy knows what hers are and is bringing them to fruition with a house full of teens and young adults, but I was stumped. I know I’m a powerful and positive force for good, but after this long illness, I felt like quitting. I had this thought rolling around in my weary brain, “Who cares what you say anyway?” See, no matter how much you know, you can still visit the cellar. How long you stay there is what matters.:) Talking with Joy helped me climb the stairs to the light!

She reminded me that I am in the Impact phase of my life, and that’s why I feel some dissatisfaction. I have a beautiful mission statement, and I know that caring for my family matters. But it gets old. You know what I am talking about. This dilemma doesn’t go away just because your kids grow up.

A Beautiful Statement!

Joy listened to my concerns about the list and then thoughtfully said, “Being in the trenches can be gray, bland, and boring. It matters and is important, but we need something to light our light. We need to get out of the trench for a moment and see the sunset.” That was an amazing statement. My daughter Jodie, who has four teens, one with severe cerebral palsy, and works full time, stops each evening, goes outside, sits in a chair, and watches the sunset.

I took Joy’s beautiful statement to heart. It helped me work out a stinky story I was working on. I knew it was an untrue story and that I needed to rewrite it, but I wasn’t sure how. Here was the story – “I’m caregiving. I don’t know how long I’ll be doing that. Therefore, I can’t make plans. I do not have any current dreams or goals.” As I said, stinky! But Joy’s comment moved me forward. I began my list.

I wanted to see if I could do it. I haven’t reached 100 things, but I am up to 66. This isn’t bad for a 75-year-old who didn’t think she had any dreams or goals. I was amazed and happy with myself.

Want or Desire?

Not long after talking with Joy, I had a call with my friend Mary Black. The list came up again. She shared an interesting thought with me, which she read in the book A Happy Pocket Full of Money by David Cameron Gikandi. Gikandi begins his book with quantum physics and then teaches about infinite wealth and abundance through giving and fulfilling our purpose in life.

One chapter is titled Want Not. Desire, But Never Want. He defined the word want from the dictionary– “to be without. To lack, to be destitute or needy. A defect of character, of fault, to be absent, to be deficient or lacking.” He said if you’re in a state of wanting, you never get what you want. He suggested removing this word from our vocabulary and instead inserting desire or intend, depending on the situation. I changed my 100 Wants list to 100 Desires.

According to the book Master Your Mindpower, the next step is to narrow the list down to the top 10 you want to achieve in the next 12 months, and then the top 3 to do in 30 days. Because many items on my list are about changing my way of being, and I’ve been working on some of them for years, you can’t set a timeline, like 30 days or a year. Others, such as travel, are on hold while I care for those who can’t travel. But some I can move on now, and I will contemplate what to do. I don’t know how this is going to play out for me yet.

Here is what I do know – making the list was eye-opening and freeing. I am alive. I have desires and goals. They were there all the time; I just needed to let them out. This list has buoyed me up. I look at it and add to it. It makes me happy.

This exercise may help you, too if you’re surrounded by littles or teens, have a demanding, all-consuming job, a debilitating illness, etc. Sometimes it can feel like we have no life. Making this list showed me that I do, and can help you see the same, no matter your current circumstances.

Here are 25 things from my list:

• Lose the TONE and speak lovingly and kindly.
• Have extra and to spare so I can share.
• Remain calm, even when triggered.
• Care for Don, Mom, and help with Maggie as long as needed.
• Think of others even when it isn’t convenient.
• Find moments of happiness every day.
• Get my right hip replaced.
• Get better every day, in every way.
• Study something every day and incorporate the good I learn.
• Have $10,000 in savings.
• Feel good about and work well with money.
• End each day satisfied that I did my best, even if it didn’t match my daily worksheet.
• Continue to increase/nurture relationships with other women for a coming day of need.
• Speak Spanish.
• Take painting lessons.
• Dance, any kind my hip can manage.
• Write a second book.
• Visit Maine.
• Go to Missouri and see Jenny and her homestead.
• Finish my study of all 2200 scriptures about Christ in the scriptures.
• Feel happiness, the kind that isn’t about satisfaction because of work well done.
• Go to California and spend a week with Andrew’s family.
• Go to Washington and spend a week with Kate and her family.
• Attend a church service at Gracewoods, in Missouri
• Take a trip to see Marie and her family soon.

As you can see, there aren’t many ‘things’ on the list, and many are changes in my way of being. At this juncture in my life, that’s where my desires lie: becoming better every day, in every way. This is a truth statement I repeat out loud daily.

The things on my list of desires matter to me, and I have time to accomplish them in my life. Some are restricted for now, like going to Maine, but many have nothing to do with time; more to do with intention and choice.

I’m interested to see how many I cross off before I die. Knowing me and how much I love crossing things off my list, I suspect it will be all of them. : )

Making this list of desires and looking at it every day helps me step out of the trench for a moment and see the sunset. It has made a difference.

Ahh, working on the list – Find moments of happiness every day!

Learning Play – Chemistry Via a Child’s Spark – Part 2

Eating ‘glass candy’

Part 2

of the wonderful experience I had with my Colorado grands in the summer of 2012, as we embarked on our chemistry adventure.

The adult books we got from the library had hundreds of pictures of crystals with very long names. Ashley worked on sounding out dozens of them. We found an amazing picture that showed crystals that were transparent, translucent, and opaque. Wow, a follow-up to the ‘mini conversation’ we had had earlier. We spent a few minutes selecting items from the library that fit each description. Windows were transparent, colored glass was translucent, and the door frames were opaque (sorta).

We collect rocks, we wear rocks, and we eat rocks!

We saw a picture of a rock collection in an egg carton. Right away, they began discussing where we could go to find good rocks to make our own rock collection. The girls thought it would be fun to find the rocks and then figure out if they were igneous or sedimentary.

There was a chart in both the adult books and the kids’ book showing the softest rock, talc, and the hardest rock, diamond. They couldn’t believe there were ground-up rocks in body power and that wedding rings contained rocks. We read a book on the history of salt, which is a crystal. Ashley and Lizzy thought it was funny that we eat a rock, of sorts, on our food.

We were at the library poring over the books for about an hour and a half. When it was time to go, Lizzy said, “Grandma, shouldn’t we take some of these books home so we can look at them some more?” It was Saturday afternoon, a beautiful day. They were on vacation at Grandma’s. The neighbor girl they loved to play with was home. Yet here were a six-year-old and an eight-year-old diligently learning about rocks and crystals. They were absorbed in the information. It was fun. They LOVED it.

On the walk home from the library, the girls were busy searching the ground for specimens to add to the rock collection they planned on making. When we got home, our sugar crystals had already begun to form. It was exciting. We scooped a few out and sampled them. Yummmmm.

While I was making dinner, which was peanut butter and honey sandwiches, we noticed that the honey had formed some sugar crystals. The girls compared them to the crystals forming in their “sugar jars”. We discussed the fact that you can melt sugar and honey crystals by heating them, but that it would take a much higher temperature to melt quartz crystals.

Books over scooters. What!!

Later, I found Lizzy and Ashley sitting at the bottom of the stairs, looking at the books they brought home from the library. They had originally gone out to ride their scooters, but the books were so compelling that they never made it to the driveway. They were comparing the crystals in each other’s books, chatting away about the shapes, sizes, and colors.

When I went to check on them next, they had finally made it to the driveway and were buzzing around the parking lot on their scooters. Ashley hollered to me and said, “Grandma, we are finding crystals.” Lizzy asked me, “What are those people called who dig and look for rocks?” “Miners”, I replied. Then Lizzy said, “We could become miners, Grandma, and find crystals.” Ashley said, “I told her we could be scientists and study crystals.” Then she thought a moment, “Yeah, we could be partners finding and studying crystals.” I realized that their imaginative play that evening had centered on what we had learned during the day. When that happens, you know learning has been impactful.

Before bed, we read another children’s book about rocks, which reminded us of all the new words and facts we had learned. They were excited for the coming day. We planned to use the hardness scale and scratch chalk with a penny. Chalk is a 1 on the hardness scale, and a penny is a three. We had decided to collect 10 rocks for their new collection and determine if they are igneous, sedimentary, or metamorphic. The activities we accomplished on this special visit weekend could be spread out over several weeks for your children. It doesn’t need to take up an entire weekend. 🙂

The Result

This is the result you want when you see a Spark and respond. You want to see enthusiasm for the topic and excitement in the learning process. You want the learning to carry over into play and life. Recognizing a Spark and then responding are skills that any adult can learn. They facilitate a parent’s ability to inspire their children and help them feel excitement when learning new things. We had a wonderful adventure. It was fun.

They don’t know everything about volcanoes and how rocks and crystals are made, but what they do know, they will remember.

They LOVED learning some chemistry while making crystals!

Learning Play – Chemistry Via a Child’s Spark – Part 1

Our homemade crystals on chenille stems.

The wonderful experience I had with my Colorado grands in the summer of 2012 is too long for one article, so I am breaking it into two parts. They are still longish, but this was such a fun experience, I know you will enjoy reading about it and possibly doing something similar with your children or grands.

A Chemistry Lesson on the Fly

When we had this adventure, Ashley was eight, Lizzy was six, and their little brother, Parker, was three. I asked Lizzy and Ashley if they wanted to help me put some family mementoes into my hutch. It was fun work and led the girls on our chemistry adventure because of something this job sparked in them.

As we filled the hutch, I told them the stories behind each item. Some of the last items they put into the hutch were crystals that my daughter Jenny had sent to me from Southern Utah. Ashley asked me what these cool rocks were, and I told her they were crystals from the desert. She then asked how they were made. I replied that I didn’t know, but that we could find out. I told her I knew how to grow crystals from sugar, and we would begin there.

We went to the computer and googled “how crystals grow”. We found an instructional video on growing sugar crystals. The girls watched it three times. Then they gave me blow-by-blow directions on what we needed to do. We mixed one cup of sugar and three cups of water in a pan and brought it to a boil. We added a few drops of food coloring. Then we poured it into two jars. We wrapped chenille stems (pipe cleaners) onto butter knives and lowered them into the liquid, and put the jars on the windowsill in the kitchen. Ashley wanted to know why we were using chenille stems instead of string. Wouldn’t our candy be fuzzy? I replied that I thought the chenille gave the crystals many small spaces to grow in, so they would grow faster.

While we waited for the sugar and water to boil, I realized this is also how you make suckers. We added some corn syrup to the leftover mixture (no recipe, just poured a little in) and set it to boil again. Then I taught my granddaughters what soft ball, hard ball, and hard crack were when you make candy. We tested the candy often so they could see and taste all the stages. When it reached the hard crack stage, we poured it into a buttered pie pan and let it cool. I told the girls this was called Glass Candy. When it was cool, we broke it into pieces with a small hammer. Lizzy said it did look like glass. I asked her what made it look like glass. Both she and Ashley mentioned that it had sharp edges, you could see through it, and it broke like glass. I asked them if they knew what it was called when you could see through something like glass. They didn’t know. We talked about the words transparent, translucent, and opaque. This part of responding to the spark of interest they had shown in crystals took about 35 minutes. Eating the glass candy was the best!

Ashley and Lizzy were keen to know more, so we headed to the library. As we walked, the girls looked at the large rocks people had in their yards and driveways as decorations. Many had small shiny bits in them. They asked if they were crystals. I shared the term mica, which is what they were talking about. As we walked, they created a game with each deciding if a large rock had shiny bits because it held crystals or mica.

Books Can Rock an Adventure (no pun intended LOL)

At the library, we picked out books on rocks and crystals. I read them a children’s book on how rocks are made. It talked about volcanoes and igneous rocks. It had information about sand and the shells of tiny sea animals, and how sedimentary rocks are made. It showed in very simple terms how metamorphic rocks are made. This information really caught their attention. They asked questions about everything and practically had their noses on the page to get a really good look at all the pictures.

They were fascinated with the fact that there was hot, melted rock inside the Earth called magma, and that sometimes it erupts from the Earth. Lizzy wanted to know what erupt meant. They were interested in information about what happens when lava cools. They were intrigued by the fact that when it cools, it becomes igneous rock, and sometimes, if there were people nearby, it left mummies. They squealed at the pictures of the mummies.

At home, we created some volcanoes with leftover play-dough I had. They turned out great, and we were able to get them to erupt using baking soda. They were proud to show their parents and younger sibling what they had learned.

Tune in next week for Part 2 of this awesome chemistry adventure.
It gets even better!