Tag: working with kids

A Children’s Christmas Play – Enjoying Kids Being Kids

Maggie’s stander.

A fun Christmas season activity is watching children perform Christmas plays. When Maggie was five and Jack was three, they had the opportunity to be in a play depicting the First Christmas. All the actors were under eleven, and many were under five years old. Maggie has severe cerebral palsy, which posed challenges; fortunately for her, Cindie Walker, her best friend, was the director. Maggie needed to be placed in a stander to participate in an upright position, without her wheelchair. Cindy had spent a great deal of time with Maggie and wasn’t put off by what was required to work with her. In fact, the beauty of this director was that she wasn’t put off by working with any of the children, no matter how young. She had a vision that I loved. It wasn’t about the outcome, but about how everyone would feel when it was over.

I know you’ll get a kick out of how this play went, what it took to bring it about, the outcome of everyone’s efforts, and the blessing it was for those who performed and watched. I know you’ll love the photos. I also know that it will prompt you to reflect on how you interact with children when things get messy. Enjoy every delightful minute of my long-ago experience. Merry Christmas! As always, there will be a lesson at the end. : )

The First Practice

One of the angels wanted to look like a pirate. He was desperate to look like a pirate and was insistent! All the angels were taking off their halos because they itched. The angel who was supposed to say, “Follow the star”, felt it was more important to say, “Point to the star.” That was his plan come play night.

The Roman soldier kept pulling on his robe and saying, “I look silly.” Mary kept losing her headpiece. Maggie, my granddaughter with cerebral palsy, was supposed to wear a headpiece. That was not going to work at all. She was supposed to say, “We are afraid”. She said it the best she could, as her ability to speak was minimal, and she said it with a huge smile. She couldn’t find it in herself to look afraid. Many small shepherds were wandering about, trying to figure out where they were supposed to be.

This is what it’s like working with children, especially young or special needs children. You can pull out your hair or feel joy at the experience you’re giving them.

These children were in luck. Cindy Walker smiled through the chaos. She gently called the small children back into place. She helped with lines that would never be memorized. She replaced halos, headpieces, and robes, and kept smiling. She didn’t laugh out loud at the silly things the children said and did, even though she wanted to.

She told me it didn’t matter how the play went. No matter what, she wanted parents to smile, children to feel good, and hearts to be touched. For her, perfection wasn’t what mattered. Even reasonably well run wasn’t at the top of her list. She wasn’t worried about what others would think about the result. She wanted every child to have a wonderful time, to feel proud and happy about their efforts, and for the spirit of the season to be abundant and warm.

The Second Practice/Dress Rehearsal

None of the angels, all 3 and under, would wear their costumes. This did not bode well! Joseph and Mary weren’t sure they liked their parts, especially saying, “I’m going to have a baby!” The soldier still felt silly. Headpieces were still falling off, belts were missing, halos still itched, no one remembered where they were supposed to stand, many parts were not memorized, and the little shepherd still smiled when saying, “We are afraid.”

Cindy, bless her heart, was still smiling. She replaced headpieces, reminded children of their lines, and gently called small angels and shepherds into place. Her concern for the children and how they felt was still her top priority. She reminded herself and other adults that this play was about having an experience, learning to do something new, feeling good, and having fun. It wasn’t about perfection.

The Performance

Behind the scenes, chaos reigned; there was noise, lots of it. There were many moms and even more children moving around. Cindy was running madly from one crisis to another, hoping everything would fall reasonably into place.

BEGIN!!!

All the angels wore their costumes. WOW!! All the headpieces stayed on, except for our happy little shepherd, who still smiled broadly as she said, “We are afraid!” Joseph and Mary were still not thrilled.

The little angel who wanted to say “Point to the star” wouldn’t leave his dad’s side and come on stage until all the other angels left the stage, and the shepherds were on their way in. Then he went and sat by the baby Jesus and made happy boy sounds with his plastic cup! (This was my grandson, Jack, age 3.) As the shepherds, wise men, and angels gathered around the baby Jesus, it was a mob, juggling each other for a space, mostly with their backs to the audience.

The audience sang loudly as each carol was introduced. Parents smiled, children felt good, and hearts were touched. Eyes were wet. The play was reasonably well run. Cindie was happy, despite being tired. What mattered had gone perfectly. Every child had a wonderful time. They each experienced something new. They felt proud and happy. The spirit of the season was abundant. Ah, success!

When we work with children, whether in a play, doing a craft, or baking, etc., we need to be prepared for childlike behavior. The more open we are to letting kids be kids and working gently and joyfully with them, the better the outcome will be. We will walk away happy and fulfilled, rather than drained. We won’t mind the mess, the silliness, or what doesn’t go as planned. That was the brilliance of Cindie’s vision. This is what being present with kids looks like.

This is what success looks like.

You Can Improve Your Parent-Child Relationships

What Is Really Important?

Here’s a true story. A father was painting the outside of his home. His five-year-old son wanted to help. So this good father gave his son an old shirt with the sleeves rolled up several times. They both went to work on the door, dad painting the top and son painting the bottom. It just happened to be the door to the main entrance.

Now because of his age and size, the young boy wasn’t able to spread the paint evenly and consequently, the paint was beading up. That certainly wasn’t how the father envisioned his front door. So each time the five-year-old bent down to get more paint the father would hastily smooth out the paint on the bottom panel. It couldn’t do any harm, the boy didn’t know what was happening and the door sure would look better.

Well, father and son painted in silence for a time, the boy doing his best and the father smoothing it out. As the father thought about the situation and his redoing of his son’s work he decided that working with his son trumped a first-class paint job. He realized that his son was doing a mighty fine job for a five-year-old. The relationship that was being forged over the painting of a door was more significant than the appearance of the door. He stopped smoothing out his son’s work.

Ever after that when the father approached the front door and saw its distinctive style of decoration he was reminded of what is really important.

The father of this five-year-old boy spoke about his experience, with his own father. His father had a workshop in which he made wonderful things. His son said, “I would wander into this workshop and watch him. Just to be in his presence was a thrill for me. He invited me to help him by passing a hammer, a screwdriver, or some other tool. I was convinced that my help was necessary and that without me he would not be able to complete his task.

As I look back and reflect upon those wonderful memories, I realize that my contribution was not necessary for my father to complete the work he was engaged in. I was the beneficiary, as through these experiences I came to know him and to love him. I came to know about a Fathers Role In Parenting .”  We All Have a Father in Whom We Can Trust, Ensign, May 1994, p. 30

Sometimes parents can care too much about the outcome and too little about the relationship. When we take time to be present with our children we give them the opportunity to know and love us. We give them a gift. And they, in turn, return that gift by loving us back. It is the best use of our time because the relationship that develops is the thing of greatest significance.

Making it through the Last Month of Summer!

The Summer Dilemma –

Mary and Jack learning to water the garden.

 

As much as we love summer and our kids, both can challenge our patience and our energy as the season winds down. We want to enjoy fully the last weeks of this magical and free-feeling season but there is also the thought that it is coming to an end. School isn’t far away. Clothes need to be purchased. If you homeschool there’s curriculum and a schedule to plan. Add to this the feeling that there is still a multitude of things that need to be done before the cooler days of fall set it. We all go into the summer with so many plans for organizing, cleaning out, etc. It can feel a bit manic in our minds. Possibly you, as I have done in the past, have begun pushing your family to get things done – yard work, organizing, cleaning, one last outing, etc.

None of this internal and sometimes outward chaos is going to go away until the slow days of fall actually arrive but we can do something during these waning summer days to relieve the pressure a bit. We can turn a family activity that is usually a point of contention into a point of connection. If we adjust our thinking we can make chores and family work a point of connection. This will help you savor being with your children, ease the sense that there are things that must get done, as well as help you actually get things done.

Chores and Family Work

Thinking about the word WORK can make a parent groan inside because work is often a point of contention in a family. But work can be a place where we create a touchpoint, a place of connection, rather than a point of contention if building relationships is our ultimate goal.

CHORES
Maggie doing her chores.

Often we get so involved in the management portion of family life that it’s difficult to address the relationship portion. Everyone wants support when facing a tough job. No one wants to be isolated in a mess. We sometimes forget our kids feel the same way we do.

Moms have had the experience of walking into a disaster of a kitchen after a long day. Your family’s watching TV, and here you are, in this messy kitchen. Where do you even start?

How does it feel when your husband abandons his show, comes in and begins helping you pick up? And how does it feel when he also asks you how your day went? It’s amazing!

This happens to dads in garages and backyards. How does it feel when your seventeen-year-old volunteers to help get the backyard in order?How about when your thirteen-year-old offers to spend time helping you organize the garage? It feels better, doesn’t it?

When a child is faced with what seems like a daunting task, cleaning their room, for example, check on them. Put your hand on their back or rub a shoulder and say, “Let me give you a hand.” Help them for 2-3 minutes while having a mini-conversation. Then say, “I’ll be back to check on you”. Now head off to the next child or to your own work. It makes all the difference in how chores feel and in how well they get done. It solidifies relationships. It allows you to be Present with your child for a few minutes. Chores can be a touchpoint, a place of connection!

FAMILY WORK

Family work is another time when you can create connection rather than have a point of contention. When working as a family we need to keep in mind the objective isn’t just to get another item off the to-do list – we’re creating relationships and bonding our family.

I love gardening alone. I love the quiet and feeling the dirt in my fingers. But I understand it’s an opportunity for me to teach and connect with my grandchildren. Gardening can be transformed into an enduring memory for all of us when I remember the garden isn’t what’s important, the relationship is.

My daughter knows how to add fun to family work!

Add fun to any work you do as a family – sing, dance as you clean, play great music, tell jokes, laugh, have mini-conversations and lots of random touches.

Things aren’t going to work out all of the time. You’ll have family work that turns into chaos or contention. We’re all imperfect, we get tired, and we have grouchy moments. It’s inevitable. But what if you could make family work more pleasant even one-quarter of the time?

If you can be Present as you work together, check on each other and add a bit of fun even one-quarter of the time, your family members will feel supported and relationships will be built. You’ll experience GREAT results in the happiness level of your family.

Enjoy the waning days of summer,
Mary Ann

P.S. You can learn more about family touchpoints in my new book Becoming a Present Parent, Connecting With Your Children in Five Minutes or Less. There is an entire chapter on this one topic. In fact, you can access this chapter on Utilizing Touchpoints FREE by visiting becomingapresentparent.com  It can be life changing for your family. I promise!

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