Tag: how to change

I Don’t Run, or Do I?

In August 2010 I wrote an article that I posted on my original blog, Home School Coach. It was titled I Don’t Run. In the article, I shared why I had begun running and why it wasn’t working out well. I also shared that I didn’t intend to quit running despite the difficulty.

It’s funny, but the reasons that I was having such a hard time running have been resolved over the last thirteen years. I have gotten a handle on sleep. I go to sleep early and rise early.  I get enough sleep and I sleep at the correct times of the day.

I don’t eat junk or drink soda and my food is healthy. In the article, I said that having to think about food and cook differently is such a bother. It makes me laugh because that hasn’t changed, but I am doing it consistently anyway.

I now drink enough water and I exercise five days a week, most weeks, so I’m far fitter at 73 than I was at sixty. I also weigh 30 pounds less than when I was sixty. I have made many changes in my lifestyle and my thinking since 2010.

However, I did quit running. I didn’t have a strong enough reason to continue and walking is easier.

Here is why I am sharing this with you:

When you have a strong enough purpose, belief, or why, you can do and change anything. I have lived this truth and I want to share some real-life examples with you.

Example 1

In my 73 years, I have learned that I can make myself do anything I need to do. I have learned that if I can’t make myself do something then there is a problem with my why or my belief in myself. I know that anyone reading this article will relate.

Back to the running. Recently I had to run for about half a block. I was pressed for time and being on time mattered a great deal! So, I ran. There was no grace in it, no flow; a bit more like lumbering, but I did it. When I reached my destination, I had to stand and work on breathing for a while, but I was smiling because I had just run a little over half a block.

As I said, I walk. Every day I walk with my weights. They are only 3 pounds, but they are weights, and I am walking with them. It counts! : ) As I walk I raise one arm into the air until I can’t hold it any longer and then I raise the other arm. I usually do 2 rotations of this and then I speed walk the rest of the way.

After my running experience, I wondered if I could run regularly. So, I gave it a shot. I ran half a block and then tried to breathe the rest of my walk. LOL The next day I wanted to see if I could do better. I ran a whole block in both directions, with some breathing time in between. That made me feel as if I could really run, like daily. In my mind came a goal – by Fall I will be able to run my whole route. To be sure, it is a short route of only five blocks but imagine me doing it at 73.

Why would I run if a brisk walk with my weights, at seventy-three is sufficient? Remember when I said you need a strong enough why. Well, my ability to remember details has lessened in the last two years. I care for my mom who has dementia and my grandmother on the other side died of Alzheimer’s. This creates a BIG why for me. I need and want a healthy brain. Walking is a great exercise, as is lifting weights, even if they are only 3 pounds. But it seems I need something more. Running is what I am determined to experiment with.

I have done a lot of study on the issue of brain health in the last five years. I have taken classes and read many books. I know what I need to do to have a healthy brain; this is my why and it is a BIG one!

Example 2

Let me share another real-life example. I have always hated the cold. When I was a kid, coats weren’t cool, sorta like now, but I wore mine. I would rather be warm than cold. The same went for boots and gloves. I wasn’t cool looking, but I was warm.

I never enjoyed swimming because I don’t like the cold. Give me the beach over the water. I love the sun and warmth. I take showers hot enough to boil lobster, even in the summer. LOL I go out of my way to avoid being cold.

As I studied, I learned that when your skin temperature drops it helps manage insulin spikes, hence body and brain health. I read this in Why We Get Sick: The Hidden Epidemic at the Root of Most Chronic Disease–and How to Fight It. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has any type of health issue!

This information impressed me as a simple and effective way to fight insulin resistance, lose weight, and maintain better body/brain health. Now when I feed the chickens, I go coatless or in a light sweater. As I struggle with the cold, I remind myself that this is going to help me remain healthier longer. Over time, the chilliness of my skin has begun to feel good. This adjustment in my thinking has shocked me. As I said, I have always HATED being cold!

Then in the series Limitless, starring Chris Hemsworth, which my husband was watching,  I learned that if you use cold water after a hot shower, it helps your brain. That was the whole premise for the series, to discover ways to have a healthier brain. I knew this was something I should try. I couldn’t imagine doing it, but I wanted to. Remember I have a very STRONG why.

For a couple of weeks, after my hot shower, I would turn down the hot water until I couldn’t feel warmth, but the water wasn’t icy. Then a few weeks ago I began making the water colder, much colder. I know that in time the water will be icy, like a frozen lake. It doesn’t feel foreign anymore and is almost pleasant. I only do it for a couple of minutes but that is a significant start.

If you had asked me even six months ago if I would run or stand in cold water on purpose, I would have emphatically said NO!! But here I am doing both because I have a strong enough why.

And that’s what it takes to make big changes. A reason that helps you overcome your resistance to doing what you aren’t even sure you can do.

I Have Made Major Changes and So Can You

I have made major changes in my life. Each change had a different why. They each required me to believe in myself, that if I was committed, consistent and had the right resources I could do it.

•I stopped raging and yelling.
•I overcame my fear of heights. I climbed a tall pole and walked across a 20-foot cable
without holding on to anything. I did it twice.
•I learned to manage my fear of speed and went on a short zip line. I may never do it again,
but I did it once.
•I gave up sugar, changed how I eat, and lost over 30 pounds.
•I began exercising regularly.
•I have made significant progress in giving up complaining, which was a family tradition in
my childhood home and extended family.
•I have learned to manage my penchant for annoyance and frustration with others ‘stuff’. I
will probably be working on this for the rest of my life, but I am making progress.
•I have rewritten some damaging money stories from my childhood and have gotten a grip on
money management.
•I overcame the effects of child sexual abuse.
•I have gone from having no boundaries to being able to say no and keep myself safe. Continue reading →

Want Lasting Change?

Over the years mentoring parents I have found that there’s one challenge that comes up over and over again. I call it the

100% Devil

 

This is the troublemaker who sits on your shoulder and tells you all your problems have to be fixed now; there’s not enough time to make the necessary changes; you have to do it perfectly, or not at all; there’s so much to do you’ll never get it done or you don’t have what it takes to make a lasting change. His purpose is to make it difficult for you to begin, let alone stick with it long enough to effect change. And he’s excellent at his job.

BUT there is a cure for the 100% Devil. It’s called the

1% Principle

 

This principle states that if you focus on the best 1% of whatever it is you feel needs to be changed, corrected, fixed, etc. then success in that 1% will affect in positive ways, all of the other things you aren’t focusing on now. The 100% devil is the enemy of this principle: small and simple things, done consistently over time bring big results.

The 1% principle works because the results of focusing on the 1 thing that will make the most difference right now is exponential change.

When you work on the best 1%, other issues which you aren’t even looking at miraculously resolve themselves. If you splinter your focus the best you can do is to maintain mediocrity and at the worst move backward. Real growth comes from building on a solid, consistent, best 1% improvement.

When I was a young mother, I was a yeller. It kept my family walking on eggshells because they never knew when I would explode. It took a neighbor walking across my street and handing me a brochure on anger management to get me to look at what I was doing. It was a painful place to come to, and for a few months, I wouldn’t even accept I was there.

But as I observed myself it became evident it was true. I needed to do the obvious and simple thing and stop losing my temper. In our struggling family of seven children, five of whom were teens, there were many things I could have worked on. But my heart told me this was the best 1% at the time.

It took over ten years for me to conquer that demon. So what kept me going? How was I able to persevere long enough to make it happen? How did I dash the 100% devil to the ground so I wasn’t tempted to quit after a few months, two years, or even nine years?

I learned a lot during the time I worked to conquer my temper. Here are the steps that worked for me. There may be other possible steps, but this list is more than enough to get you going and keep you going.

1. CONCENTRATE on the one thing you need to do right now
Do you need to take a look at your current family culture and build a vision? Do you need to give up using technology when you’re working with your kids? Do you need to listen more, yell less, play with your kids, have more mini-conversations, eat dinner together, or go to bed earlier, control your money habits? What is it for you?

2. COMMIT to being consistent for as long as it takes
Some of our family goals will take many years to come to fruition. So will many of our personal goals.

3. REMEMBER being consistent is not the same as being perfect.
Never let the 100% devil remain on your shoulder for long. Dash him to the ground. Don’t believe his lies. Change takes time. Growth takes time. Perfect is not the goal; progress is!

4. BREAK what you want into smaller steps
If the goal is to stop yelling, how would that look?
• Accept that it’s about you and not the behavior of others.
• Commit to your family you’ll use a respectful voice—ask for support.
• Decide what you will do instead of yelling when times get tough.
• Get counseling if you need it.
• Practice, fail, practice, fail, practice . . . for as long as it takes

5. CREATE space
When I was working on controlling my temper, I had to create space for reflection, for getting help from others who had accomplished what I wanted to accomplish, and for nurturing myself as I did the work. Make a commitment to the change you want to see and then make space for the work that it will require.

6. KEEP your word
Do what you’ve decided to do. Be as consistent as possible. Track your efforts. I had to keep taking the steps to control my temper for ten years. Don’t quit.

7. MAKE CERTAIN the steps you take are in your control
When I was overcoming yelling, I was careful my goals were in my control. I couldn’t attach my success to someone else’s behavior.

For example, if a mother wants to have the kids’ chores done by nine, her actual goal might be to stay Present at chore time and move from child to child encouraging and helping them.

If she works with her children each day, supporting them, then she’s successful and reaches the goal even if they’re not completely finished with chores by nine. If success hinges on having it all done by nine, she has less chance of success because she doesn’t have total control over what each child does.

8. FOCUS on today—it’s all you have to work with.
Ten years is a long time to work on one thing. But as I focused on one day at a time, I was able to persevere. Do your best today. If you don’t do well today, then when tomorrow is today, begin again. Once today is yesterday, let it go! Don’t quit!

9. BELIEVE the end result will be exponential growth.
Believe that 1%+1% will not equal 2%, it will equal exponentially more. While I was working on overcoming my yelling what else happened.
• I learned to be more forgiving
• I learned to be more charitable
• I became more grateful
• I strengthened my relationship with my husband and
children
• I got control of my responses

I could list quite a few more but this will suffice as an example that when you focus on the best 1% you get exponential results.

Real growth and change come from learning to move toward your goals and desires one step at a time, consistently, for as long as it takes.

It takes time and practice to make lasting change and to grow as a person or as a family. We must commit to it. We need to consistently do the work. We have to believe we can accomplish our heart’s desire. In fact, it has to be our heart’s desire.

Doing small and simple things, consistently over time, is what will ultimately give us the success we seek as individuals and as families.

Have you waged war with the 100% Devil? What have you done to win your personal war? Let’s share and help each other out.

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