I have a delightful friend!
She lives across the country, and so we talk regularly on the phone. We enjoy sharing our lives, and we help each other solve problems. Nicole often feels that she is somehow not doing as well as she should be.
Recently we were talking about exercise. We’ve been talking about it for a few months, but Nicole hasn’t been able to find a way to fit it into her busy life. She is a single mom with kids who freelances from home.
She wants to set aside a 30-minute block of time to take a brisk walk. She would ask her mom to watch her boys.
After a month or so of this plan with no result, she decided that she needed to buy the right workout clothes and shoes. She needed motivation, so she did some research and made the order. A few weeks passed and still no follow-through. Her work at home life, because of the pandemic, got busier and busier. It was all she could do to fit the boys in and stay present enough to feel like she was doing a good job.
A couple of weeks ago, she was sharing her struggle with me. Her language was negative. “I’m just so lazy.” Remember that this is a single mom who works from home 40+ hours a week, so we took a bit of time to work on her self-talk.
Then I suggested that she set a time to leave her desk and do a few laps around the back yard. No special clothes. No need to call grandma. And instead of 30 minutes, what about 15?
She gave it a try, and this was her response – “I feel oddly motivated! Walking around the yard is invigorating.” Of course, it is. She is getting that exercise in, and she is feeling much better about herself and her days.
I suggested that she let that be enough until there was something more that she could do.
My sister, Rozanne, is an empathetic and vigorous woman. She is a certified health coach. She has been teaching the elderly how to keep their bodies in shape. The comments that come from her students have been amazing. She has made a BIG difference in many of their lives. But the comments aren’t just centered on her workouts. They are about her remarks, her empathy, her caring.
After taking a class on how to market her skills, she said, “I’m just not good enough for this field. I don’t have enough certification.” She was seriously taking herself to task for not knowing more than she knows and not doing more than she has been doing. I said, “Rozanne, you have something to give right now. Let that be enough until there is more.” After a pause, she replied, “I am going to remember that. I do make a difference now!”
We would all like to do whatever it is we are doing better. We would all like to know more. We would all like to exercise more consistently, but sometimes the backyard will have to be where we begin. We have to start where we are. We don’t have to stay where we are, but we have to start there.
It’s OK not to be perfect. Of course, you need better life skills to parent better. Many of us need to manage your money more efficiently. Most of us need to exercise more. We should eat better. There is a world of things that require more information, consistency, and practice to do better. BUT it is wise to remember that you have something to give today, as imperfect as it may be. Let that be enough until there is more!