Category: manage your story

A Children’s Christmas Play – Enjoying Kids Being Kids

Maggie’s stander.

A fun Christmas season activity is watching children perform Christmas plays. When Maggie was five and Jack was three, they had the opportunity to be in a play depicting the First Christmas. All the actors were under eleven, and many were under five years old. Maggie has severe cerebral palsy, which posed challenges; fortunately for her, Cindie Walker, her best friend, was the director. Maggie needed to be placed in a stander to participate in an upright position, without her wheelchair. Cindy had spent a great deal of time with Maggie and wasn’t put off by what was required to work with her. In fact, the beauty of this director was that she wasn’t put off by working with any of the children, no matter how young. She had a vision that I loved. It wasn’t about the outcome, but about how everyone would feel when it was over.

I know you’ll get a kick out of how this play went, what it took to bring it about, the outcome of everyone’s efforts, and the blessing it was for those who performed and watched. I know you’ll love the photos. I also know that it will prompt you to reflect on how you interact with children when things get messy. Enjoy every delightful minute of my long-ago experience. Merry Christmas! As always, there will be a lesson at the end. : )

The First Practice

One of the angels wanted to look like a pirate. He was desperate to look like a pirate and was insistent! All the angels were taking off their halos because they itched. The angel who was supposed to say, “Follow the star”, felt it was more important to say, “Point to the star.” That was his plan come play night.

The Roman soldier kept pulling on his robe and saying, “I look silly.” Mary kept losing her headpiece. Maggie, my granddaughter with cerebral palsy, was supposed to wear a headpiece. That was not going to work at all. She was supposed to say, “We are afraid”. She said it the best she could, as her ability to speak was minimal, and she said it with a huge smile. She couldn’t find it in herself to look afraid. Many small shepherds were wandering about, trying to figure out where they were supposed to be.

This is what it’s like working with children, especially young or special needs children. You can pull out your hair or feel joy at the experience you’re giving them.

These children were in luck. Cindy Walker smiled through the chaos. She gently called the small children back into place. She helped with lines that would never be memorized. She replaced halos, headpieces, and robes, and kept smiling. She didn’t laugh out loud at the silly things the children said and did, even though she wanted to.

She told me it didn’t matter how the play went. No matter what, she wanted parents to smile, children to feel good, and hearts to be touched. For her, perfection wasn’t what mattered. Even reasonably well run wasn’t at the top of her list. She wasn’t worried about what others would think about the result. She wanted every child to have a wonderful time, to feel proud and happy about their efforts, and for the spirit of the season to be abundant and warm.

The Second Practice/Dress Rehearsal

None of the angels, all 3 and under, would wear their costumes. This did not bode well! Joseph and Mary weren’t sure they liked their parts, especially saying, “I’m going to have a baby!” The soldier still felt silly. Headpieces were still falling off, belts were missing, halos still itched, no one remembered where they were supposed to stand, many parts were not memorized, and the little shepherd still smiled when saying, “We are afraid.”

Cindy, bless her heart, was still smiling. She replaced headpieces, reminded children of their lines, and gently called small angels and shepherds into place. Her concern for the children and how they felt was still her top priority. She reminded herself and other adults that this play was about having an experience, learning to do something new, feeling good, and having fun. It wasn’t about perfection.

The Performance

Behind the scenes, chaos reigned; there was noise, lots of it. There were many moms and even more children moving around. Cindy was running madly from one crisis to another, hoping everything would fall reasonably into place.

BEGIN!!!

All the angels wore their costumes. WOW!! All the headpieces stayed on, except for our happy little shepherd, who still smiled broadly as she said, “We are afraid!” Joseph and Mary were still not thrilled.

The little angel who wanted to say “Point to the star” wouldn’t leave his dad’s side and come on stage until all the other angels left the stage, and the shepherds were on their way in. Then he went and sat by the baby Jesus and made happy boy sounds with his plastic cup! (This was my grandson, Jack, age 3.) As the shepherds, wise men, and angels gathered around the baby Jesus, it was a mob, juggling each other for a space, mostly with their backs to the audience.

The audience sang loudly as each carol was introduced. Parents smiled, children felt good, and hearts were touched. Eyes were wet. The play was reasonably well run. Cindie was happy, despite being tired. What mattered had gone perfectly. Every child had a wonderful time. They each experienced something new. They felt proud and happy. The spirit of the season was abundant. Ah, success!

When we work with children, whether in a play, doing a craft, or baking, etc., we need to be prepared for childlike behavior. The more open we are to letting kids be kids and working gently and joyfully with them, the better the outcome will be. We will walk away happy and fulfilled, rather than drained. We won’t mind the mess, the silliness, or what doesn’t go as planned. That was the brilliance of Cindie’s vision. This is what being present with kids looks like.

This is what success looks like.

A Series of Conversations – The Dissolution of a Story

As I’ve mentioned before, there’s a story that has caused me grief. I’ve worked on rewriting it, but it continues to morph as I move into my 9th year of caregiving. Despite the work I’ve done and the changes I’ve made, it still rears its ugly head and causes negative emotions. When it does, I take immediate control and look at how the story has changed. It’s annoying and sometimes exhausting to rework an old story, but this one has been particularly tough. I suspect that’s because, as a caregiver, I live a life that makes it easy for the story to creep in.

Originally, it was, “There’s no room in my life for me.” Then it morphed to, “I’m constantly interrupted, and I never get my own stuff done.” There have been other iterations. As I said, a toughie.

The Most Recent Version

Here it is: “Everything, even if good and for my benefit, is just one more thing on my plate.” Can you see how it has jumped from one thought to another, but is basically the same? This version of that old story isn’t any healthier and makes caring for my family harder on some days. I continued to pray for help. The goal was to explode it into pieces so it wouldn’t keep morphing itself. : )

Disengaging 

Four years ago, I began feeling a push from God to develop a community outside of the one I enjoyed once a week at church. I wasn’t happy with that thought. I mean, the story was there. Even if it was good for me, it would just be one more thing to manage in my packed life. Sigh!

However, I listened to God and myself, and I knew it was wise. It took a couple of years for me to move, but move I eventually did. I called my friend, Linda. We had been friends and spoke on the phone almost every day for over twenty years while I lived in Laurel, Montana. We decided to make it a consistent call and set a date for every three months. After each call, we would schedule another appointment three months out. We both knew from experience that if we didn’t set aside time and honor it, it wouldn’t happen. We had only spoken every two or three years for the twenty-five-plus years I had been in Utah. This principle of setting a time and honoring it is true everywhere, including connecting with our children.

After that first step, other names came to mind, and I would make a call and set up a three-month appointment. I now have seven friends I connect with regularly. One of those friends, Anne, after a couple of calls, asked me if we could meet for lunch every three months and visit face-to-face. Oh, my word, I don’t do lunch, and we would each need to drive 30 minutes to meet. But we set it up and have managed for several years now. One of those seven friends and I talk every month. I’m getting better, right? : )

A year ago, I began walking with two friends several times a week. We’ve been darn consistent considering they are both still parenting and I’m caregiving. I truly enjoy these walks.

However, here’s the thing. Despite following wise counsel from God and myself, before each call, meeting, lunch, or walk, I would have this thought, “Why are you doing this. You don’t have time. This is nuts!”

At the end of each connection, whether on the phone, a walk, or lunch, I felt rested. Freer somehow. I had laughed, smiled, joked, and sometimes cried. It was liberating. It was stress-relieving. It made me feel bad that I had negative thoughts before each event, even though I experienced good results and felt better afterwards.

My RED-LETTER Day

July 25th was a red-letter day for me. What’s a red-letter day? A day that is pleasantly noteworthy or memorable. I had my scheduled walk with Alysia and Livia. That morning, I felt tired, and staying in bed another fifteen minutes would have felt good. But I realized I was looking forward to this walk. I didn’t think. “Augh, if I didn’t have this walk scheduled, I could rest another fifteen minutes. Why do I do this stuff?” No, what I thought was, “I’m glad to have a reason to get up. I want to hear about Livia’s event and how Alysia’s kids are doing.” What an amazing turnaround.

On the walk, I mentioned that I had a call coming up later that day with Joy, someone we all know. Alysia asked if I was looking forward to it. (She knows the struggle I’ve had with the story because we’re honest and have real conversations.) I stopped walking for a moment to check in with myself and realized I was anticipating the call with gladness. I was happy my walking buddy asked the question because it helped me take notice of the shift.

In my afternoon conversation with Joy, my morning experience came up. We were talking about the value and importance of having a community. Joy had mentioned that community is what increases our prosperity – not with money, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and in services rendered. We are more prosperous when we have friends who care, and whom we care for.

In that moment, I realized fully what I had begun to sense earlier that morning. There had been a shift! I began feeling anticipation before a call, a walk, or a lunch for several weeks. I wanted to be present with that person. It no longer felt like just another thing on my very full plate. The story, at least for now, has retreated. It may rear its ugly head in the future, but now I have evidence it’s false! It will be easier to send the story packing!

The New Story

Here is the new story: “God knows my needs. He knew the truth, that I would flourish in a community of friends, even though I didn’t know it. Now I do, and I am moving forward. Engaging in my community makes space for all that matters.  Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” I am still working on it, but it is coming along. I repeat it daily.

It can take time to rewrite an unhealthy or unhelpful story, but when we recognise a story that is damaging or harmful, we can change it. It’s happening for me, and it’s wonderfully freeing. It can happen for you. When you recognise that you’re telling yourself something that isn’t helpful or is untrue, don’t berate yourself. Celebrate. When you can see it, you can change it, even if it takes time.

I’ve worked on this story for eight years,
and I am succeeding! : )